tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-71902932606897342782024-03-13T00:01:50.663-07:00Film Critics UnitedThis is the blog supplement for the website Film Critics United and the television show Totally Twisted Flix.christopherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07250000770547692795noreply@blogger.comBlogger305125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7190293260689734278.post-56521257901198226922023-12-19T12:27:00.000-08:002023-12-19T12:27:07.728-08:00Hot Girl Winter<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn5ir9s_UNKnu8IOBnrA3Y-Gnj_Ia59Jw4no8iCtlQqa6QifAboao98_2yz_AzjCMWfGL6mtYdN94gl6UZ50KSfcFFNixqKLA2ZAOul89rHPorGYLC6ltbLv7WdVw49oKFH4C2O8B2EmnQqiLrq8UpqUQ1VPGbyKWr6DTJnamoriBCav03Yfie1PYOfkSA/s1920/hot%20girl%20winter.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1920" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn5ir9s_UNKnu8IOBnrA3Y-Gnj_Ia59Jw4no8iCtlQqa6QifAboao98_2yz_AzjCMWfGL6mtYdN94gl6UZ50KSfcFFNixqKLA2ZAOul89rHPorGYLC6ltbLv7WdVw49oKFH4C2O8B2EmnQqiLrq8UpqUQ1VPGbyKWr6DTJnamoriBCav03Yfie1PYOfkSA/s320/hot%20girl%20winter.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><b>Hot Girl Winter (2023) - Tubi</b><p></p><p>As 'Hot Girl Winter' opens, the Tubi splash screen greets with a TV-14 rating with the warning of 'Sexual Situations' and 'Sexual Suggestions'. Gotta say I'm not used to those kinds of warnings from my Hallmarky Romantic Holiday Movies, but these are warnings one should definitely be aware of before taking this challenge. Our film opens with Jess (Golden Brooks), or Mrs. Claus as it were traipsing down the stairs in her skimpy nightie because she needs Nick (Jason Mimms), or Santa Claus as it were, to scratch a certain itch. Unfortunately Nick is nowhere to be found as he is back in the warehouse making toys or whatever Santa has to do around the holidays, thus Jess has to go to bed frustrated yet again.</p><p>No worries because the next morning is the day Jess and Nick are supposed to be off to fun in the sun for their 30th wedding anniversary, but again it will not happen. Their teenage son Kris (D'Varijay Harris) has informed Nick that all of the elves are sick thus Nick has to stay behind to get the toys made and answer the Christmas Letters. Young Kris thinks he can handle it, being as how he is Santa in Waiting but Nick doesn't think he's ready and the Vacay is called off. Jess is PISSED! I could point out that it is a week before Christmas, Jess's husband is Santa Claus, and thus I imagine this is the busy season so who schedules vacations during this time, but that's Jess for you, and she is not in the least bit sympathetic. Having had enough of this blatant neglect, Jess calls her college bestie Tamira (Sarah Purcell) grabs her stuff and jumps on a plane to Miami without Nick to let the man think about where his priorities should be. Dammit.</p><p>Just so you know Jess has super powers being Mrs. Claus and stuff. She makes trees light up and turn into Christmas Trees just by walking by them. Mind you this doesn't really play in the narrative in anyway, just something that happens and I feel the need to tell you about it. So Jess arrives in Miami, immediately gets her luggage stolen, takes a Lyft to her besties house, gets roasted about her crappy clothes and now it's time for some middle-aged hotties to go shopping and go to parties.</p><p>At one of these parties Jess meets D'Vante (Thony Meta) who puts on his best full frontal assault but Jess does tell the young man that she is married, not that D'Vante gives a rats ass about her husband. This party is a little bit too much for Jess so she steps outside for some air, with D'Vante close behind only for to be insulted by some Young Thugs who Jess promptly dressed down because she has Naughty Book information on everybody, and then they all break into a dance number. That happened.</p><p>Another night, time for another party and in this party bestie Tamira meets and old boyfriend who ferries her into a bathroom and proceeds to go down on her. I think that may qualify for a 'sexual situation'. Also, that is a first for my Hallmarky Romantic Movie watching. While her friend is in the bathroom doing all of that, Jess is feeling flustered from a drink and takes a seat where she meets the dashing Andy (Danny Pardo) with the two striking up a fast friendship, with Jess failing to inform Andy about her marital situation.</p><p>Back at the North Pole, Nick is visibly upset about his wife not being around but has decided to give her some space, despite the his son thinks that's a terrible idea because he knows his mom is a F'N WHORE!!! No, no just joking. Jess is not a whore. However she is going out to romantic dinners with Andy, volunteers to do sexy salsa dancing with Andy and performs on the pole for D'Vante while going to D'Vante's place of employment, that being a strip club, and stuffing dollar bills in his shorts. This behavior may lead one to THINK that Jess is an unfaithful wife, but no, just... I don't know... whatever. </p><p>Eventually, after seeing pictures of his wife's shenanigans on the socials, as shown to him by his son, Nick decides it's time to go to Miami to go get his woman, but he may be too late. When he gets there he sees his wife having romantic dinners with other men and whatnot, and he feels all is lost but NOT SO FAST! Somehow Jess has realized that she's not ready for her marriage to end, this revelation coming at a fund raiser for the unhoused featuring men stripping while being bid on by lustful housewives. As it so happens, Nick was mistakenly thought to be one of the dancers and thus has to get on stage to strip, much to the surprise of his wife who is in the audience. I think is the first Santa I've seen in any movie who has a legit six pack and two ass dimples. Is the knowledge I should know about Santa Claus? Probably not. Just to let you know that Nick was able to get pretty much get all of clothes off before his wife jumped on stage to stop him. </p><p>Jess let's Nick know she cannot stand by and continue to be neglected, Nick says he will not neglect her any further and asks if she still likes licking his candy cane. I think this qualifies as 'sexual language'. And they kiss and all is well. For everybody. That guy that went down on Tamira in the bathroom? He has decided he wants more from her than public restroom sex and wants a real relationship. Andy felt betrayed once he found out Jess was married, but Jess found a way to get Andy and his ex-wife back together, even though I had no idea that was something either of them wanted. Something to do with a letter to Santa from his daughter, a daughter I think that is in her thirties. And Jess and Nick head back home so Nick can do his freaking Santa job and Jess can... I guess... lick his candy cane? At Christmas. I don't write this stuff people, I just report on it.</p><p>To say that 'Hot Girl Winter' is a different type of Romantic Christmas Movie would be a bit of an understatement, as it is a warm weather Christmas movie which we automatically disapprove of, I don't think I saw anyone drink hot cocoa though people did drink a lot of hard alcohol. I can guarantee you that Jess didn't make any cookies, I didn't see any near miss kisses and public bathroom oral sex does not count. Santa did wear his fair share of ugly Christmas sweaters it's just that on this particular Santa nothing he wore looked ugly. And I don't think I heard a single Christmas carol. </p><p>What I did get was Mrs. Claus on swinging on the pole, kind of, because Golden Brooks clearly doesn't know how to pole dance so she just kind of walked around the pole, and Santa stripping down to his undies while talking dirty. So if you ever get weary of cookie factories and bakeries that need saving, and orphan kids that need rescuing and require your mistletoe to lead to more... uh... things beyond a simple kiss, then I may have the movie for you and that movie is Hot Girl Winter.</p>christopherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07250000770547692795noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7190293260689734278.post-273695143182777632023-12-05T12:28:00.000-08:002023-12-05T12:28:06.304-08:00Mystery on Mistletoe Lane<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhO5xRTK7Ot3bhCyMYZ5VsZNXnPXwjwW85_Fn-nX8zQRHdOfqHfOTnjcuxVuXwogi5-AaS9c4v-RclHpHW7udo5JbukpY3ZR7NaMrfHwpWJeTeZJwX6F9jf3OA49f1m_N5V2M6uVCk-0No-zW9eYpHDE3SSagTyHuCtXDA3AROIY6APjqRLiswKv_axjghX/s772/mistletoe%20Lane.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="570" data-original-width="772" height="236" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhO5xRTK7Ot3bhCyMYZ5VsZNXnPXwjwW85_Fn-nX8zQRHdOfqHfOTnjcuxVuXwogi5-AaS9c4v-RclHpHW7udo5JbukpY3ZR7NaMrfHwpWJeTeZJwX6F9jf3OA49f1m_N5V2M6uVCk-0No-zW9eYpHDE3SSagTyHuCtXDA3AROIY6APjqRLiswKv_axjghX/s320/mistletoe%20Lane.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><b><br /> Mystery on Mistletoe Lane (2023) - Hallmark</b><p></p><p><b>Reviewed by Lisa Sue</b></p><p></p><p class="MsoNormal">So…confession. I watch the Hallmark Mysteries, like ALL the
Hallmark Mysteries, not because I have to but because I like to. I’m talking
bakers, hair dressers, caterers, matchmakers, and lounge singers who in their
spare time assist helpless detectives in solving murders, thefts, and other
various crimes. So when there’s a Christmas movie mystery? Sign me up! Sadly,
we know what happens when we have expectations. We are let down. And so it was
with this movie, as there is a secret to reveal but mystery? That’s a bit of an
exaggeration, as no major heist, violent assault, or the like went down. There
wasn’t even a detective or police officer around, so how big exactly was this
mystery, really? Enough with my whinging, on with the show! Enter Heidi, a
recently divorced single mom who just accepted a job as director of The New
Hollow Historical Society. She’s nervous about this big change, which means
uprooting her kids from their home not to mention I think she’s been out of the
work game for a minute. One perk of the job is that she gets to live in this
slightly creepy, drafty, but mostly furnished old house. Her first day goal is
to kill it at work, and then unpack a house full of boxes to make it cozy for
when the kids arrive. The moving van arrives blocking her car in, and in a not
really safe or smart move, she gives the movers the key to the house; tells them
to put the boxes where they think they belong, and then walks to the Historical
Society. Doesn’t one usually stay, to help the movers, at the very least be
there to answer their questions and concerns and generally supervise the
demanding task of unloading boxes? <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Heidi arrives at work, without a care to what’s going on
with her stuff in her new home. She’s greeted by Linda, who I surmise is like a
secretary/assistant? But really Linda serves to make Christmas coffee, bake
cookies, and be a love interest for old dude (more on that later) Then comes in
David, who I know from Matchmaker Mysteries and really deserved a better puzzle
to solve than what is presented in the movie. Turns out David used to be the
former Director of the Historical Society and is so passionate about history he
stayed on, as a volunteer. Although as former Director, what David didn’t do
apparently was keep an organized archive, to which Heidi’s first order of
business is going through some old microfiche; once David got the reader working.
Heidi’s big epiphany for the historical society is to look at Christmas past in
New Hollow, see how they celebrated in days of yore. She wants to deck the
Historical Society halls with all the bells, garland, and tinsel they can get.
Turns out David wasn’t big on Christmas decorating either, so they will have to
do shopping for the bows, trees, and lights. In the midst of investigating the
archives, she gets a call. Those same movers last seen totally alone with her
stuff, shockingly had an accident. A trip over some exposed floorboard; which
lead the movers to just put the boxes in the front room and then leave as
quickly as possible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And while David
didn’t archive nor did he decorate for Christmas, what is in his wheelhouse is home
repairs. Which is his paying job, but aside from pro bono work he does from
Heidi we don’t see much of this renovation business. So off Heidi goes to check
on her home and stuff, with David showing up later to make sure the place is
safe for her kids. The offending floorboard was quickly repaired, leaving David
time to help Heidi unpack so that by the time her children arrive, viola
everything is unpacked. Which is a lot of worked crammed into just a couple of
hours, I wish I had had their magic when unpacking or even cleaning. In their
spending time together, we learn that really David and Heidi are two sides of
the came coin. They both love history, David preferring the history of things
like houses and buildings. And Heidi making the connection that what makes
things interesting are the people, not the things themselves. Do we detect a
match made in heaven people, or what? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">We presume the mover was ok, but what was damaged by the
trip and fall was a painting that fell off the wall, leaving a hole. But
surprise there is something in the wall- a hand carved reindeer with D3 on it!
That combined with a riddle on the back of the painting (some corny mistletoe joke)
and the fact the painting looks exactly like one that David remembered from his
own childhood and we have the beginnings of a mystery forming people.
Coincidentally while unpacking Heidi found a recipe, Clara’s Cranberry
Christmas Cookies, which later on will save the day. The kids arrive with their
dad, who attempt to give Heidi a break knowing the house still needs wifi and
says he’ll take the kids one extra night. This naturally upsets Heidi, who
really did work hard all day to make the house homey. What her ungrateful
daughter sees is an old house in a strange city, frankly there isn’t much Heidi
could have done to win her over.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Luckily
Heidi does get some rest that night, I would be way too tired after half that
unpacking. The kids arrive back early the next day. Turns out generous dad got
an emergency work call, so time to drop the kids back off at mom’s! And Heidi
presents her son with the hand carved reindeer, and the kids are slightly
intrigued. David calls his dad to ask about the painting, and if their copy was
still around. Dad is cagey, which only makes David more interested, and he
finds their copy of the painting tucked away in his basement. Turns out his
painting has a different corny Christmas joke on the back, what does this mean?
Dad gets more evasive when David asks why they never decorated for Christmas as
a family, having a Christmas fern instead of a tree. David clearly starting to
poke into something that Dad would prefer he drop. Also I should mention that
as Director, David didn’t live in the house because Dad told him to stay away
from the place, and David whether he asked more questions or not never did get
any explanation from dad. The mystery deepens…..<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The lack of Christmas decorations means a trip to pick out a
Christmas tree, which has David asking “How do you know which tree to pick?”
Instead of helpful hints like other movies have provided about pulling on the
needles to check on the health and strength of the tree, we get a hippy dippy response
of the “Tree for you will feel like family” Way to take the family theme to the
next level people. I’ll remember that for those dilapidated Charlie Brown Christmas
trees being sold at the corner gas station, “look for the tree that feels like
family.” Anyways, tree obtained for the Historical Center, of which Heidi plans
for people to come in and bring ornaments. Heidi’s big aha history-Christmas
moment is to make this a Tribute Tree, people bring in pictures of their departed
loved ones and can hang them on the tree, which honestly way to engage the
community! After a hansom cab ride, which really doesn’t impact the story but
should get the movie some extra bingo card points as well as bring in some
Victorian Christmas History Vibes, we’re at the big night of the Tribute Tree,
and …..the<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>crowd is thin. The deputy
mayor comes to check out what taxpayer money is funding and is elated that no
one is coming to the Historical Society or participating in the Tribute Tree.
He goes on a truly grinchy rant, telling Heidi he wants her to come before the
council and explain herself and that no more frivolous Christmas parties. I
mean seriously, this dude doesn’t get the Christmas movie vibe at all. There is
almost always some gala, festival, or party that is literally the lynch pin of
these things! And so it is with this movie. While the family is gathered at the
Tribute Tree opening, the kids help set up, the daughter starts #tributetree
and then time for some confessing. The kids have been secretly on a treasure
hunt finding more of those hidden reindeer throughout the old house. I got a
little lax people, I think they were on the hunt for 8 reindeer, I think sadly
Rudolph was left out? But who can keep up, one reindeer is the same as the
other (except for ones with red noses) Each time they find a reindeer, they
also find a clue that keeps them rummaging more through the house (apparently
no one has Marie Kando-ed this place after years of abandonment) <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>so off the children find hidden rooms that
unlock the history of the house. Which drumroll please….it could come as little
surprise that the house was known as Mistletoe Manor! <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">David has been asking his dad Wallace questions, which
eventually prompt the old man to come back to New Hollow in person. Turns out
the house isn’t the only history that’s been hidden. The treasure hunt for the
Reindeer was meant for Wallace, it was something his dad had done for him. And
that folks is the actual mystery revealed by this movie, the sad story of
Wallace and his family. Wallace’s sister had died of pneumonia, and that left
their dad a shell of the man he was. The joy of decorating the house for
Christmas was gone, not only did the house go dark but so did the father. He
told his wife to take their son and leave him. The mom remarried and Wallace
was raised by his stepdad, even taking his last name. Left to believe that his
dad had rejected him. Wallace helping Heidi’s kids complete the treasure hunt
made him realize that his dad hadn’t really meant to push him away, he really
thought them leaving was for the best. But that he still loved his son, and
this elaborate treasure hunt was his way of connecting one last time with his
son and showing his love. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Heidi has one last pitch to the commission, bring back
Mistletoe Manor on Christmas Eve. She’s willing to open her home (boxes by now
long gone) and bring back the joy the community got from this annual tradition.
Naturally the grinchy Deputy Mayor rejects this, but the Mayor who’s out with a
broken leg (how the injury stops one from being Mayor isn’t explained, it’s not
like she’s a QB on IR) supports Heidi and tells Deputy Mayor enough with his
power trip, so Mistletoe Manor is coming back! Heidi has learned from the
Tribute Tree debacle, and they advertise at the most popular place- the skating
rink. Which allows David and Heidi to have a couple’s skate, along with Wallce
and Linda. Told you Linda didn’t just make coffee and bake. To further ensure
turnout for Mistletoe Manor they whole gang bake and then bribe the town with
Clara’s Cranberry Christmas Cookies, which is how the cookies saved the day.
There was also some talk of a Candy Cane Streusel, which I dunno about. I have
a huge, sweet tooth and am ok with candy canes and love streusel, but combined?
Not doing it for me. The town rallies around Heidi and come to paint, hang
lights, etc to make this this best Mistletoe Manor yet. Even the Deputy Mayor’s
heart grew 3 sizes, and he brought an ornament for Tribute Tree, which while
initially slow to catch on is now brining people to the Historical Society
thanks to the hashtag. And Wallace got to fulfill his father’s last wish- to read
‘Twas the Night Before Christmas in full Santa gear as part of the Mistletoe
Manor festivities, bringing joy to all the kids and himself. Heidi’s kids found
all the reindeer, discovered New Hollow isn’t so bad, and even started making
new friends. And of course, Heidi and David now have each other. I mean what
Christmas trope wasn’t used in this movie? I think all that was lacking was a
Miracle on 34<sup>th</sup> Street reference, but Wallace did dress up as Santa
and the kids were kinda old and or too busy to be arguing if this was the real
Santa. Also no Frosty the Snowman, but the rest? All here, jammed into this
movie that has no breaks be it big or small and really isn’t a mystery, but
ultimately we know the ending. HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!<o:p></o:p></p><br /><p></p>christopherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07250000770547692795noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7190293260689734278.post-77381058240249014522023-11-30T09:25:00.000-08:002023-11-30T09:25:13.346-08:00All Saints Christmas<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhC5HFMS-uBfyRCan-Ugg3esrzdvDJJwIMMjBhrgHhH8zucDQ-zKlkF-LeojpXRIqgdiClvIBJ0vyfhlk5cj52l9See-LCjzVhccn3jAL8PUN1N2FLsKq8Okn-RBedt3MamOJ2dPplRHSyupF9MvHrjG0PPyRC9ZZUeRwdITnSsS3PY50qxwndcmiUPhK89/s772/all%20saints%20christas.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="570" data-original-width="772" height="236" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhC5HFMS-uBfyRCan-Ugg3esrzdvDJJwIMMjBhrgHhH8zucDQ-zKlkF-LeojpXRIqgdiClvIBJ0vyfhlk5cj52l9See-LCjzVhccn3jAL8PUN1N2FLsKq8Okn-RBedt3MamOJ2dPplRHSyupF9MvHrjG0PPyRC9ZZUeRwdITnSsS3PY50qxwndcmiUPhK89/s320/all%20saints%20christas.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><b>All Saints Christmas (2022) - Hallmark</b><p></p><p>Our film opens with Lisette, played by real life Grammy Award winning artist Ledesi, giving a concert while the folks in the audience are having literal convulsions listening to her song. It's not really that good people, but she does have a nice voice. After the concert, Lisette gets some bad news from her distractingly handsome manager Zack (Darien Martin) that her label is on the verge of dropping her for the a younger, shinier though far less talented new model. But back to Zack, if actor Darien Martin can halfway remember his lines he should have a pretty decent Hallmark / Lifetime career in front of him for the next few years. Or until he stops being good looking.</p><p>Across town, this town being Los Angeles I think, we meet Matthew as played by the legendary Roger Cross who is some kind of music producer, but a music purist. You know, listens to vinyl and stuff. Doesn't believe in Autotune. Worships at the alter of Coltrane. One of those dudes. At a local Christmas bizarre, Matthew runs into Lisette, and it turns out these two were a couple for two years not too long ago, but sadly it didn't end well. Ah but circumstance, and Matthew's bad back leads to him being forced on bended to knee to hand Lisette a ring she had dropped, somebody snapped a pic of this and now the word is out on the socials that Lisette is engaged. About Matthew's bad back, in the Canadian TV show I watch, Coroner, the character Roger Cross plays has a bad back in that too, which has me thinking Roger Cross has a bad back in real life and they just write it in the script so they don't have to reshoot anything anytime his back goes out.</p><p>The simple solution to this is to tell everyone it was a mistake, but now Lisette's social numbers are blowing up so she convinces Matthew to go along with the ruse, which is further complicated by the fact Lisette has to head back down to her home of New Orleans, to celebrate the closing of the family jazz club, which requires her to lie to them about her and Matthew's fake engagement. Hijinks shall ensue.</p><p>Well not really. What's actually going to happen is that Lisette is going to show Matthew around what I guess could be New Orleans? I don't know because I've never been there, but I've seen enough Canadian TV shows to recognize the entire cast is Canadian, except for Ledisi who is actually from New Orleans so maybe my Canadian brothers and sisters actually loaded up the van and shot a few scenes in Louisiana? I can't tell you one way or the other.</p><p>Regardless of all of that, the typical things happen, Matthew and Lisette spend a lot of time with each other, the love is being adequately rekindled, everybody loves Matthew including Lisette's doubting father (Peter Bryant) and the fake love is quickly turning to real love. Back in the day, when Matthew and Lisette were together, Lisette never bothered to introduce the man to her family which bothered Matthew to no end, so he just ended it since she clearly wasn't taking this relationship seriously. Two years is an awful long time to hide your boyfriend from your family so we can't really blame him for this, but Lisette, who is really kind of the worst, doesn't see it that way. Apparently some boyfriend Lisette had back in the 60's or whenever broker her heart and thus to minimize future heartbreak she doesn't introduce current romantic liaisons to the family. If that makes any sense.</p><p>But just when things were looking great for Matthew and Lisette, including a near miss kiss, which again seems unnecessary considering these these two rather mature individuals dated for two years so I assume they've kissed before, and so much more, but the love is derailed. The reasons behind this are too silly to get into but just know that Lisette is mad, the ruse is up, and love is derailed. Until someone tells Lisette that she doesn't need to be all mad all the time and now love is back on track, with Matthew getting on bended knee yet again, because I assume Roger Cross's back went out so they just left it in the script, and proposing. And then it magically snows. In New Orleans. At Christmas.</p><p>So while 'All Saints Christmas' might not the best movie around, it is a Christmas movie that understands what kind of movie it is supposed to be. It is a warm weather Christmas movie, which I am completely opposed to in my Romantic Hallmarky holiday movies, but they found a way to make it snow in New Orleans and you can't beat that. Where's my Cookie baking! Oh, Lisette's sister got up at midnight to bake Christmas cookies because she had a craving because she's pregnant and wasn't quite ready to reveal it to the family. Way to weave that bit of melodrama into some cookie baking team. Did we go Christmas Tree shopping, no we did not, because Lisette's dad grabbed an axe and started chopping down Christmas trees like goddamn boss. Hell yeah. Caroling of course, cocoa drinking, near miss kissing, third act breakups, they found a way to squeeze all that in. The only things missing were snowball fights and making a snowman, which you really can't do in New Orleans and random Orphan children because you know I love me some orphan kids.</p><p>So if you want to watch a virtual who's who of Black Canadian actors pretending to be from New Orleans Louisiana, thank goodness no one tried to pull off an accent, All Saints Christmas was a fairly high vomit worthy experience.</p><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: initial; background-image: none; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: initial; clear: left; color: #2196f3; display: inline-block; font-family: roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center; text-decoration-line: none;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="border: 0px none; height: inherit; max-width: 100%;" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: initial; background-image: none; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: initial; clear: left; color: #2196f3; display: inline-block; font-family: roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center; text-decoration-line: none;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="border: 0px none; height: inherit; max-width: 100%;" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: initial; background-image: none; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: initial; clear: left; color: #2196f3; display: inline-block; font-family: roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center; text-decoration-line: none;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="border: 0px none; height: inherit; max-width: 100%;" /></a></p><p><br /></p>christopherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07250000770547692795noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7190293260689734278.post-84091836589753431932023-11-23T08:24:00.000-08:002023-11-23T08:24:52.074-08:00Christmas Casanova<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5mOtuNN_C6SXW1G9FDRGIORpyW3gklsj2eCmXi-hTODcqFGNhUieSa_P9MgNG-XZHP4MIRzy8QxTIm0at1X-kf3I03TOCoZ3ugMoaLoIF-oyLrFjEGjhlYnzW2K_ImNYeIhRrUE0eQLpLIEfUjWCFOe0JD4X78LIDN2dQQhKesglyPtJf-lqQF-sIAeoI/s1920/christmas%20casanova.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1920" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5mOtuNN_C6SXW1G9FDRGIORpyW3gklsj2eCmXi-hTODcqFGNhUieSa_P9MgNG-XZHP4MIRzy8QxTIm0at1X-kf3I03TOCoZ3ugMoaLoIF-oyLrFjEGjhlYnzW2K_ImNYeIhRrUE0eQLpLIEfUjWCFOe0JD4X78LIDN2dQQhKesglyPtJf-lqQF-sIAeoI/s320/christmas%20casanova.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><b>Christmas Casanova (2023) - Stan</b><p></p><p><b><i>Reviewed by Lisa Sue</i></b></p><p>Unlike Chris who has the Universe picking his next Christmas movies, I look out to the great beyond, that is the massive list of Christmas Movies growing by the day and just pick the one that speaks to me. Now, Christmas Casanova spoke to me partially because of alliteration, which I know is totally judging a book by its cover. And also because when you think Casanova, is Christmas even the on the list of top 5 things you would associate with him? Probably not, which is why I was intrigued by the set up. Spoiler- After watching all 89 mins, the main guy Daniyal is many things, but a Cassanova he is not. A little background to Daniyal, he’s a work obsessed ad exec who’s having issues landing his new client. He is somewhat pre occupied as he was supposed to be spending Christmas in Vermont with his bestie Tanya, but due to a tree accident Tanya’s parents are coming to NYC for Christmas and spending time with Tanya and her new boyfriend Cliff. It is when he sees his fairytale Christmas slipping away that Daniyal realizes that he’s in love with Tanya. </p><p>Now stay with me people as we try and break down the set up, which has to be one of the more convoluted ones I’ve encountered. So our heroine is Elise, a podcaster who is currently hiding from her boss because she thinks her long form story telling podcast doesn’t have a place with new management who want more instant gratification. Her bestie is fellow podcaster Bonnie, who’s hosting a live streaming event and ropes Elise into helping. First call is Daniyal, who says that he’s in love with his best friend, and how can he win her back from Cliff. Going against her MO, Elise calls out Daniyal and says he only thinks he’s in love with his best friend now that she isn’t available, and that he will get over it. And truly, this is where the movie should have ended, but it doesn’t. Podcast Boss Lady hears this “sassy” (her words, not mine) version of Elise and is like she wants more of that Elise! And the idea springs into boss lady’s head- how about doing a podcast on Daniyal with the premise to him of Elise helping him get the girl, winning Tanya over by showing her that he has more Christmas spirit than new boy friend Cliff. To get Tanya and her family to agree to the podcast, the podcast company would host them in a luxury NYC apartment and Elise would be their personal guide to the most fabulous Christmas in NYC! Everyone has a price, and an all expense paid trip to NYC at Christmas was apparently enough for Tanya and her family to agree to this scheme. Daniyal, showing some dignity and pride, was like no he wouldn’t want to exploit his friend and her family like that on a podcast! But jealousy will make you do strange things, and with very little manipulating by Elise, Daniyal is on board. Let the Christmas Spirit competition, Daniyal vs Cliff, taking in all the best NYC has to offer; commence! But really according to Boss Lady the podcast will be about the tension- Boss Lady doesn’t care if Daniyal wins or loses Tanya, either way she sees a podcast gold mine! </p><p>Are you still with me? Cause if you aren’t, I totally understand. And know that I watch these movies dear reader, so you don’t have to. And I too would have dropped out after the podcast premise was outlined to me. But like a marathoner, I pushed passed the wall and kept on watching. I’m sure the same nausea, dizziness, and pain that I got post the wall is just like what runners experience, minus the runner high. First up is some pre work before Tanya’s family arrives. Elise and Daniyal personalize stockings to hang up, so even though this Christmas is on the company dime it is meant to feel homey. Along with Elise’s Christmas twist on Manhattan drinks- drum roll please, add in nutmeg! Daniyal calls out Elise for this, thinking this is small time, that they have to step it up! And frankly he doesn’t like making a stocking for rival Cliff, which I totally am with Daniyal on these things. And let me say it is this ability of the characters to call out each other on their BS that kinda ruins any Christmas magic that was here, just saying. I mean the characters are saying and commenting the things I’m thinking, which isn’t right!</p><p> Anyway, the first big adventure is seeing the Christmas window displays on Fifth Avenue, which Elise and Daniyal enjoy but Tanya…is busy on her phone. So not a winner, but then again what did Elise expect? I don’t know how long she’s lived in NYC, but she is a homebody who’s winging it, scared Boss Lady and/or Daniyal realize the fraud she’s perpetuating. From the early screenings Boss Lady’s notes are the podcast needs more tension, it is too nice, too “mushy” (again, her words not mine) To which ever direct Daniyal is like why doesn’t he just tell Tanya how he feels? Silly man, cause the movie would end there, so of course…the direct path is forgone, and we proceed again to Adventure #2- snow shoeing. Apparently that is Tanya’s family’s favorite Christmas tradition, and they were pleased to find a place in the city where they could get their snow shoe on, along with some hot chocolate. It is at among the snow, the grove of Christmas trees, basking in post snow ball fight glee that Tanya confesses to Elise that she’s starting to wonder, that ever so slight twinge; has she been blind to what’s been in front of her all along? This was a different side to Daniyal that Tanya wasn’t expecting….and what does Elise do? First she lies to Tanya that she isn’t taping, second she agrees that she won’t use this confession, and then three? Three will blow your mind, Elise tells Tanya to get Cliff to come early! We can only imagine the devil Boss Lady was on Elise’s shoulders making her do it. The movie makes great strides to emphasize that Elise doesn’t insert herself into her podcast, she lets her subjects shine, she excels at finding the extraordinary in the ordinary. Again, we can only imagine jealousy, mixed with desperation that if this podcast doesn’t go well she will be out of job is what motivated Elise to act so out of character. </p><p>While Tanya is being bombarded with lets say luke warm twinges, the team of Elise and Daniyal continue to spend time together. They go for ice cream, which as pointed out in the movie is kinda of silly for Christmas as it is already so cold outside…but it is countered that you can enjoy ice cream at Christmas time without fear of it melting. Which while a true statement, doesn’t persuade me but I did find the ice cream inclusion noteworthy. They were eating the ice cream with gloves on, which seems like a hot mess, but no one is uber concerned with doing laundry in these movies. Turns out Daniyal wasn’t fooled by Elise’s claims to be expert on Christmas in the city, but he doesn’t mind. They are a team, and despite his initial skepticism with the Manhattans he’s liked the game plan that Elise has deployed so far. In return, he does ask her for one real hard truth, they’ve been so focused on winning Tanya over, but what is Elise’s favorite Christmas tradition? That would be getting some Christmas cookies from Helene’s bakery, and sitting on a park bench, missing her dead mom (Mom was totally murdered, that Lifetime movie coming soon) In exchange Daniyal admits that all he wants for Christmas, is his family to come and visit. </p><p>So bonding, just not the way Elise intended. Cue adventure three, seeing that a more intimate and cozy setting was required Elise opts for game night. Tanya’s parents are there, I don’t even recall what game is played but this adventure is notable in that Tanya’s dad snaps a very nice pic of Daniyal and Elise…and Cliff arrives! Dum dum dum! All this does is force Elise to question, what is the ending of this story? Is Tanya right for Daniyal? Elise needs to get some distance, to get some perspective to allow room in her mind for a solution (ending) to present itself. I’m not sure I completely get Elise’s thought process here, but just repeating in her own words what she’s planning. Doesn’t help that in reviewing the recordings Elise has so far, Boss Lady is like, she loves the love triangle between Daniyal, Tanya, and Elise. Which Elise can’t deny there is something there. But for the sake of Daniyal and the podcast, she’s just gonna ignore. And then are we ready for the big grand finale adventure? That would be a carriage ride through Central Park- with the initial plan being Daniyal and Tanya have a carriage to themselves while Tanya’s parents and Elise ride in the other. Fate/Destiny intervenes, and the carriages set out with Cliff, Tanya, and Daniyal together. What drama would ensue? Turns out, while initially not a fan Daniyal is slowing starting to realize…he is not really upset that Tanya is with Cliff. Turns out, maybe Elise had it right on the call in show, that Daniyal would get over Tanya. He comes to Elise’s house to tell her that, in coded terms like maybe plot b (the Daniyal Elise Train) should overtake the main plot a- the Daniyal Tanya train. It is then when Daniyal is reviewing some of the recordings (completely getting on Elise’s computer without permission) that he hears the conversation Elise and Tanya had about having Cliff come down early and that my friends is the break. I mean based on the set up we knew it would end ugly- the whole thing is based on lies, deception, and betrayal vibes likes crazy…and we’re sitting here for like 70 mins waiting for the bubble to burst, but ultimately it isn’t all those untruths that upset Daniyal, just the one where Elise gets Tanya to invite Cliff down earlier than expected. And boom, that’s the end of Daniyal’s involvement with the podcast. He knows he can’t stop Elise from using what’s recorded, but he can’t let Tanya and her family be embarrassed like that, and he hopes that Elise does the right thing.</p><p>Which gets Elise thinking, what is the right thing? Daniyal apologizes to Tanya and her family, who were quite forgiving as they brunched in their luxury apartment rental. Tanya and Daniyal admit that over the course of this sham podcast there were feelings but ultimately, they are better off as friends. No ghosting, no name calling…no face slapping, which we were disappointed at. And then Daniyal even apologies to Cliff, who I guess in the end won the Christmas spirit contest? Not only does Daniyal get off easy with Tanya and her crew, turns out the pictures Tanya’s dad snapped with him and Elise were enough to win over his hard to please client, so Daniyal killing in on the work front as well. And then he got his real Christmas wish, his own family will come visit him for Christmas next year, no need to keep using Tanya’s family to fill that void. </p><p>Regarding Elise and the podcast, well Elise broke her cardinal rule and inserted herself into the narrative, there was something of an apology in there to Daniyal as well as an admission of her feelings. Which has the double effect of getting the podcast Boss Lady wanted, who now admits that the long form story telling Elise excels at does have a place at the company as well as getting Daniyal to forgive her and they all lived happily ever after. After all this, Daniyal is a little more attuned to people and feelings, a little more confident in his own hunches, not just what a focus group is telling him. And Elise….well, she found the missing ingredient to the cider recipe, it was rosemary. She got out of her comfort zone, made some mistakes, and learned to live with what she’s done. Life after all is what happens when we’re planning to live…those in between moments. Well, I got to say, for having stuck around past the truly absurd premise and the running commentary that was looking to derail this very tenuous plan at any moment Elise and Daniyal deserve each other. I can’t say I was rooting for them from the start, but with such a rough beginning their characters could only improve by the end. </p><div><br /></div>christopherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07250000770547692795noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7190293260689734278.post-29750765746108710972023-11-21T08:35:00.000-08:002023-11-21T08:35:03.646-08:00Under the Christmas Sky<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzHdTLbYZzrqaf_BJxHRnjkHfeQer00MNJjhCmK9YmTt-4je5S44fJZzLZo92cv7_itk8VfaTVe3CqvUDPEuJVfhIWJwCHH6mqpjxAmpYginLygheE3IUj3V5PVOjrXkduwog6XqrumNt0fAiKuihpakwYQ8TkTkbjS9bDadGjliS99nZXEkBE8MSWkNEN/s772/digi23-underthechristmassky-landscape-772x570.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="570" data-original-width="772" height="236" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzHdTLbYZzrqaf_BJxHRnjkHfeQer00MNJjhCmK9YmTt-4je5S44fJZzLZo92cv7_itk8VfaTVe3CqvUDPEuJVfhIWJwCHH6mqpjxAmpYginLygheE3IUj3V5PVOjrXkduwog6XqrumNt0fAiKuihpakwYQ8TkTkbjS9bDadGjliS99nZXEkBE8MSWkNEN/s320/digi23-underthechristmassky-landscape-772x570.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><b>Under the Christmas Sky (2023) - Hallmark</b><p></p><p><b><i>Reviewed by Lisa Sue</i></b></p><p></p><p style="line-height: 108%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">
Ok dear reader, after the dozens (are we into the hundreds yet?) of
these movies I’ve consumed , I must admit I was feeling the first
2/3 of this movie. There were some things this movie did really well,
and that struck a chord. Our heroine Kat (Jessica Parker Kennedy) is
a rocket scientist at the National Space Program (apparently NASA
didn’t give the green light to let them use their name) She
recently had a pretty nasty car accident that left her vision
impaired (seeing blind spots) but most depressing to Kat is that her
planned trip to the space station, fulfilling a life long goal of
being an astronaut who flew in space, is kiboshed by this disability.
Sure there’s the fact that Kat has balance issues, the loss of
independence as she has moved back home and can’t drive but what
really has Kat depressed is watching her dream slip through her
fingers. It’s not that the small town paper/bakery/toy store that’s
about to be closed down due to some big corporation doesn’t get to
me, but Kat’s situation somehow resonated more with me than those
other Christmas movie set ups. I guess it is the lack of winter
festivals, pj balls, or out right royal balls that I’ve encountered
but life giving you lemons? How do you turn such a situation into
lemonade? That I do get.
</p>
<p style="line-height: 108%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">Enter a few
people that are there to support Kat. One is her brother, Andy
(Andrew Bushell, a staple of these Christmas movies) who serves as
her chauffeur, even drops off lunch for her and turns out has a
pretty interesting story arc himself. He is currently in between
jobs, hence he too is back at the family home. He is taking the month
of December off to really think things through. He seems to have had
many jobs over the years but things like event planning just aren’t
as exciting as he expected. To which the wise Kat replied, well, it’s
a job. It isn’t meant to be exciting. Oh Kat, spoken like a
corporate stooge. I too don’t think work is meant to be exciting,
otherwise I’d be watching Christmas movies year round as a “job”
rather than an end of year hobby but I know I’ve been brainwashed
and conditioned to toe the company line. Kat on the other hand seems
to really enjoy her job, she seems to be good at her job and has been
rewarded with some big projects like designing the probe that
explored the sun. Her bestie is a fellow astrophysicist Jenna, but
she works on comets. Jenna nudges Kat to get out of her funk, instead
of focusing on what she can’t do, get her focusing on what Kat can
do. Like be a consultant at the planetarium for their Christmas
exhibit. That brings in the exhibit curator David into the fold,
Christmas movie stalwart Ryan Paevey. And instead of subterfuge,
miscommunication, or hidden agendas David let his feelings be known
at the very first meeting. Why suddenly is a consultant being brought
in? Does his supervisor have an issue with his work? He’s been
curating exhibits at the planetarium for years without issue or
complaint. All totally valid and a perfectly normal reaction to being
forced to team up with an astrophysicist, without being asked first.
In the words of his supervisor Renee, she just wants something with a
little more pizzazz, something that Kat brings to the table.
</p>
<p style="line-height: 108%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">So off Kat and
David are to work on an exhibit tying the sun to Christmas. It’s a
bit of a rocky start, David not really being receptive to Kat’s
ideas but not because of any personal issues, he just thinks the
scientific facts should speak for themselves. But Kat knows you need
more than that to hook people, and David eventually comes around to
incorporating the history of celebrating the sun and winter solstice
into this Christmas exhibit. There’s even a café with egg nog
latte, and even the café gets worked into the story. Turns out the
barista is setting up a toy drive (let’s remember this holiday is
for the children) and for each toy brought in the kids will get to
decorate a Christmas ornament. But because this is the planetarium
the ornament has to be space themed, which is a nice twist on
trimming the Christmas tree, while also being educational for the
children. Not only is the café woven into the plot but so is the
barista Celeste, who’s the love interest for the brother Andy. Andy
isn’t just dropping Kat off at the planetarium, he is donating toys
to the drive, helping Celeste get the materials ready for the
ornament making. All for free, as I didn’t see him fill out a W2
form….I mean a grown man doesn’t want to make a space themed
Christmas ornament that badly, does he? And this highlights what I
really liked about this movie, that it sticks to the formula, but
with some appealing twists The changes are incorporated well into the
story and well executed, in my humble opinion. The winter sport they
choose to highlight is of all things curling (celebrate the
Canadian-ness of the movie) which I think this is the first Christmas
movie I’ve seen with curling. But curling isn’t just some montage
or jammed in to meet the bingo card. The curling was suggested by
David to help improve Kat’s eye hand coordination, by doing
something other than just her boring doctor prescribed exercises.
Plus Celeste and Andy came along as well, so they too could spend
some quality time building up that relationship. Cookie baking was
prominent in this movie, and kudos to this family for acknowledging
the real time that it takes to make and frost cookies. Those movies
that make it seem that dozens of cookies are done in a matter of
hours don’t appreciate the finer details…like cookie thieves who
sneak down in the middle of the night and eat unfrosted cookies,
cause even unfrosted they too taste good. All things I liked about
the movie.</p>
<p style="line-height: 108%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">Now we break down
the last act, where the movie peters out to exactly like every other
Christmas movie. I probably should state that David has a daughter,
Lila, who’s wheelchair bound. Lila looks up to Kat, thinking that
being a rocket scientist at NSP is the coolest thing ever. Kat and
Lila get along great, and Kat is helping Lila at the ornament making.
Lila is making the same sun probe that Kat designed as her ornament,
and things are going great until someone accidentally steps on and
destroys the ornament. Rather than run and get David, Kat calms Lila
down, tells her its ok they will go back in and make an even better
ornament! When David catches up with them and sees Lila in tears, he
goes into over protective Dad mode and is upset that Kat didn’t
immediately come get him. Kat is slightly miffed that David doesn’t
trust her enough to handle this (which she clearly did have under
control) but they manage to get past this by Kat bringing Lila to NSP
where they meet one of Kat’s astrophysicist co workers, who also
happens to be in a wheelchair. And here is where we will go all snow
flakey on you and make a comment about inclusivity. It isn’t about
meeting some quota or some leftist agenda, it is about showing a kid
like Lila that working at NSP, being a rocket scientist isn’t
impossible despite her difference. That’s the power of seeing
someone like yourself out there succeeding; it lets you know you
aren’t in this alone and that you too can be all that you can be.
</p>
<p style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">Now onto the second
break, picture it. It’s the big Christmas Eve Santa Tracker Party
at the planetarium, which was totally David’s idea; he is more
creative than his micro manger gives him credit for, he just needs
the right person to bring out that spark. David and Kat are the hosts
with the mosts, including candy canes and everyone is enjoying
themselves. Jenna got a rival corporation to come scout the exhibit
on Kat’s behalf, and of course he was blown away and offers Kat a
job right then and there. Naturally David hears this; thinks Kat is
going to leave NSP, him, and Lila and gets all huffy. To which kudos
to Jenna for really working to get Kat literally out of the house…and
providing her with options other than NSP. Turns out the planetarium
exhibit was all that Kat needed to realize that even though she can’t
go into space, she can still contribute at NSP, and that she really
does miss her job. Which is kinda of a let down, if there was more
time I’m sure the movie would go more into the ins/out of weighing
when to change jobs, how to pursue new dreams when your old ones are
out of reach…but these existential questions aren’t why we watch
Christmas movies. So in the mean time we get Andy going back for
design classes as his designs promoting the ornament party as well as
the ornament pattens he created were the excitement and joy he had
been missing. Along with Celeste. And of course because Kat is
staying at NSP and has a new found outlook on life, she’ll have
David by her side, to keep her grounded. And thus the movie that
started on such a high, finishes like every other Christmas movie.
All you need is love, even though themes like dreams, self
fulfillment, etc were all there and ripe for the taking no dice. But
we applaud the attempt!
</p><br /><p></p>christopherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07250000770547692795noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7190293260689734278.post-39539279469974090242023-11-14T13:43:00.000-08:002023-11-14T13:43:41.619-08:00Holiday Hearts<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_1RNi4WRfG4_IqnQfFy8utbn2j9slu24lz3gfuo1F_U4hEpX7Kbx6_FkCeOcLblXqikuwuJqnYgI07pa6g4SAxUfU8DY0MpJ4YgGQi9n_aXURWFbD_217QgNEkohaLjeb7-tRgNTIYZ_imSa9CucMJz8FB24BSI7LTXMjGpKI5zW6ESIRgzdj5pKFeL76/s772/holiday%20hearts.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="570" data-original-width="772" height="236" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_1RNi4WRfG4_IqnQfFy8utbn2j9slu24lz3gfuo1F_U4hEpX7Kbx6_FkCeOcLblXqikuwuJqnYgI07pa6g4SAxUfU8DY0MpJ4YgGQi9n_aXURWFbD_217QgNEkohaLjeb7-tRgNTIYZ_imSa9CucMJz8FB24BSI7LTXMjGpKI5zW6ESIRgzdj5pKFeL76/s320/holiday%20hearts.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><b>Holiday Hearts (2019) - Hallmark</b><p></p><p>So my Excel Christmas movie randomizer algorithm fell a little short with it's first two choices this year, not that those were bad movies, in fact, as far as this genre goes, they were pretty ok moves, but they were missing some of the key elements we've come to expect from our Hallmarky Holiday Christmas movies. So the Randomizer conjured up some Ashley Williams and some Paul Campbell. You think these two old vets of the Holiday Romance game are going to show up in a Christmas movie with no cookie baking or no snowball fighting? I don't think so baby.</p><p>Peyton (Williams) is a hard working accountant for her parents little resort in this little town, but this is the year she fulfills her true dream as an event planner. Which sounds a like surgeon telling me her true dream is to be a street corner musician, but we're going to roll with it. The issue is there is an awful lot of planning Peyton has to do to prepare for the families annual Christmas party blowout, in addition to her accounting duties, compounded by the fact that she's totally drawn a blank for a theme for the towns biggest party of the year.</p><p>Across town we have Ben (Campbell), a hardworking family physician at his dad's hospital who is heading to Honduras for the holidays, but not for fun in the sun but to do some Doctors Without Borders type stuff, because he's a good guy. Thing is, back in the day Peyton told her long time friend Ben about her true feeling for him, but apparently he couldn't handle that and scooted out of town the next day. I mean he was leaving anyway, be he didn't tell Peyton bye or acknowledge those feelings or nothing! Dude has been back in town for a year, after being away for over a decade and hasn't even stopped by to say hello to Peyton. This town has no stop lights so I thinks at some point they would've bumped into each other, but whatever.</p><p>But on this fateful day, Ben was heading to the airport for his Honduras interview while Peyton was heading to parts unknown when a magical reindeer runs in front of their respective cars causing them to swerve and run into snow, and now they have to acknowledge each other, and because Ben's car won't start Peyton agrees to drive him to the airport. BUT NOT SO FAST!!! Ben gets a call that another old friend has fallen off a ladder and he is needed back at the hospital. Not sure what homeboy would've done for medical care had Ben gotten on that plane, but whatever. So Peyton drives Ben back to the hospital so he can tend to his old friend Ford (Matt Hamilton). Ford's going to be laid up for a while as we wait for the surgeon to repair his severely f'd up knee, but thing is Ford has this cute as a button daughter, Lily (Peyton Lepinski) and needs Ben to look after her, considering his wife, her mother, was brutally murdered a couple years back. We assume.</p><p>Ben doesn't want to look after the little cutie, but with Peyton's help, they are going to make this the best Christmas ever for little Lilly. Which is not going to be easy because it looks like Lily's dead mom only lived for Christmas before she was killed. That's cool though because that means that Peyton and Ben can spend lots and lots of time together, baking cookies, drinking cocoa, making snowmen, having snowball fights, doing whatever needs to be done to help Lily enjoy the season. Plus they help Peyton think of a theme for the party... Winter Wonderland! So Peyton needed help to think of THIS? Jeez Peyton, maybe just stick to accounting. </p><p>So this is where I tell you everything is great between these two until it's not, but that doesn't happen here. Sure, the fires of love have been adequately stoked, they've reconciled the previous situation from back in the day, mainly Ben's fear of commitment, but since he's going to Honduras, love simply cannot be. but what if Ben realizes he simply can't live without her, what if she comes to Honduras with him! And leave this sweet Event Planning gig she just got? Not happening. Besides, men don't get what they want in these movies, they acquiesce. Ben realizes that home is where Peyton is. Screw those poor people in Honduras who desperately need medical care. They be aight. The party goes off like a charm, event planning is Peyton's true calling, Lily misses her dead mom just a little bit less and Ben and Peyton are making out in the snow. At Christmas. </p><p>So with long time vets Williams and Campbell on board, not to mention the highly recognizable Canadians playing Peyton's parents and sister, and also not to mention the director, because I'm fairly certain this movie had to have had one, it's no surprise that 'Holiday Hearts' manages to be a very watchable Hallmarky Romantic Holiday movie. Oh, and shout out to the kid actor too, about as good as kid actors get that one. Plus her mom was dead which made her half orphan, and considering her dad was laid up in a hospital bed for the entirety of this movie, I was halfway expecting him not to survive his knee surgery so that Peyton and Ben could get her, but they let him live. Not a decision I would've made.</p><p>The vomit worthiness was solid, much better than the last couple of these movies I've seen but still not as good as you would expect from a movie starring Paul Campbell and Ashley Williams. Cookie baking, snowball fight, snowman construction, lots of hot cocoa drinking, Christmas tree decorating, a blow out Christmas party to close the show... not too bad. But we were missing that near miss kiss, no mistletoe, no ugly Christmas Sweaters, and while we did decorate the Christmas tree, you kind have to shop for said Christmas tree to truly set off the effect, and we also didn't have any caroling. As you can plainly see, we still came up a little short on this one.</p><p>Still, the algorithm did better this time. I think for the next couple of movies we're going to skip the algorithm and watch a couple of movies released this year, just stay slightly relevant in this Holiday movie game.</p><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: initial; background-image: none; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: initial; clear: left; color: #2196f3; display: inline-block; font-family: roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center; text-decoration-line: none;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="border: 0px none; height: inherit; max-width: 100%;" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: initial; background-image: none; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: initial; clear: left; color: #2196f3; display: inline-block; font-family: roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center; text-decoration-line: none;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="border: 0px none; height: inherit; max-width: 100%;" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: initial; background-image: none; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: initial; clear: left; color: #2196f3; display: inline-block; font-family: roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center; text-decoration-line: none;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="border: 0px none; height: inherit; max-width: 100%;" /></a><br /> </p>christopherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07250000770547692795noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7190293260689734278.post-7229854015742552322023-11-06T11:51:00.000-08:002023-11-06T11:51:31.131-08:00Writing Around the Christmas Tree<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfE2gfwBxcnW70t_PHMjhgG3Q9GzTVzKtfnuoSX3TK2Rm9Q61hRzuIbqkO5fg6vusa03I7TNVD9SnIfNH9-iQhZ_RU7NbZMZRBzUGfts7k6XWFscLpW93DUKUQSgOAmqgnHGufNeagh9bhadkoCW9Q5Gufwf4A2gmOCXdlxsKn3jD_xz0e8jIMaSK2-FLt/s474/writing%20around.jpeg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="420" data-original-width="474" height="253" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfE2gfwBxcnW70t_PHMjhgG3Q9GzTVzKtfnuoSX3TK2Rm9Q61hRzuIbqkO5fg6vusa03I7TNVD9SnIfNH9-iQhZ_RU7NbZMZRBzUGfts7k6XWFscLpW93DUKUQSgOAmqgnHGufNeagh9bhadkoCW9Q5Gufwf4A2gmOCXdlxsKn3jD_xz0e8jIMaSK2-FLt/w285-h253/writing%20around.jpeg" width="285" /></a></div><b>Writing Around the Christmas Tree (2021) - Lifetime</b><p></p><p>When we first meet Mikaela (Krystal Joy Brown), the world renown romance author is holding a writing seminar about whatever they talk about in writing seminars, but she keeps getting interrupted by the annoying Levi (Curtis Hamilton) who keeps asking questions about Mikaela's famous late mom, because of course her mom is dead, which annoys Mikaela to no end. He annoys me too, Mikaela, but we know that's not gonna stop you two cute kids from locking lips in about 90 minutes. He also mentions that Mikaela should revive her famous dead mothers annual holiday writing retreat.</p><p>As it turns out that's not the worst idea. You see Mikaela is suffering from a severe case of writers block, keeping her from finishing the final chapters in the last volume of her blockbuster romance novels. I mean if she doesn't turn in something to her publisher soon, they are going to drop her, which I don't think any publisher has ever done to any revenue generating author.</p><p>So with her loyal assistant Keifer the gay guy (Gavyn Michaels) by her side, and we only mention Keifer's gayness because it pretty much defines his entire personality in this movie, she heads up to the Bed and Breakfast of her father Irv the Cooking Guy (James Black), as that pretty much defines HIS entire personality, to restart her mothers old retreat symposium and hopefully simmer up her own writing juices. She makes it point NOT to invite Levi the Annoying Guy, even though it was his idea in the first place to do this, but Levi is nothing if not persistent and annoys the ever living f@#k out Mikaela until she relents. But Levi has an ulterior motive, because of course he does, and that is that he REALLY wants to do a respectful retrospective piece paying homage Mikaela's dead mom. Asshole.</p><p>So with Broadway director Olive the horny chick (Meg Steedle) and Creole chef Sharon the motherly type (Dawn Lewis), who gives Dad somebody to Old Love after, rounding out the retreat, now we are ready for some fun and games. Oh, we cant forget Dad's assistant Mitchell (Max Emerson) , the other gay guy who is hanging out so Keifer has somebody to gay after. </p><p>So Mikaela is dishing out the fun activities, Dad is cooking up the great food, Levi the Annoying and Mikaela the Hot are spending more and more time together, getting closer and closer, with Mikaela only slightly concerned with Levi's seeming obsession with her dead mom. Even more fortuitous, Mikaela's writers block has been lifted, mainly thanks to Levi and his great ideas... and all is well... until it is not.</p><p>Levi calls his publisher to let her know he's not comfortable doing the story on Mikaela's dead mom, at least under these circumstances and he's out, but he leaves his note journal out in the open which Olive the Horny sneaks around and reads. You see, Olive was totally horny for Levi and once she saw that Levi was only horny for Mikaela, she decided to blow that shit up. So despite all the good times they had up to this point, Mikaela feels betrayed that Levi wasn't honest with her up front about wanting to pay respects to her dead mom and shows him the door. Now Olive the Horny feels real bad about what she's done, sneaks around some more and finds Levi's manuscript about Mikaela's dead mom, gives it to Mikaela and after reading it, she now knows, with the help of Irv the Cooking guy, that her dead mom belongs to the world and not just to her. Levi comes back, apologizes for the subterfuge as it were, is forgiven, and they make out. At Christmas. While Olive fake plays piano and lip syncs a fake ass Christmas song.</p><p>So Writing Around the Christmas Tree... which didn't actually happen in this movie... is a perfectly acceptable Romantic TV movie, made so by the stunning Kyrstal Joy Brown, and under normal circumstances it would also be a perfectly acceptable Romantic Christmas movie, in that it takes place around Christmas, people seem cold, and there are lots of Christmas decorations adorned pretty much everywhere, but we know that's not what this exercise is about, don't we? There are critical elements missing from this film which unfortunately makes this movie somewhat incomplete. True enough, Irv was a baking fool, and folks were sipping all kinds of warm Christmassy drinks, But would it hurt somebody to go Christmas tree shopping? Maybe decorate a Christmas Tree or put on an ugly Christmas sweater? Maybe build a snowman or have a snowball fight or do anything involving some snow in my Christmas Movie? How about some caroling, and a lip-synced Christmas song at the end does not count I am afraid. At least both of Levi's parents died tragically in a car accident which does make him orphan, at least we got that. I don't even think Levi and Mikaela near miss kissed. I think the gay dudes might've near missed kissed, but again, that does not count. </p><p>So if you want to watch a perfectly fine Romantic movie, starring a crazy beautiful woman, that takes place around the holidays... here you go. But if you want to watch a legit Holiday Romantic Christmas movie, Writing around the Christmas Tree... which didn't actually happen in this movie... does not have the vomits to qualify.</p><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: initial; background-image: none; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: initial; clear: left; color: #2196f3; display: inline-block; font-family: roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center; text-decoration-line: none;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="border: 0px none; height: inherit; max-width: 100%;" /></a></p><p><br /></p>christopherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07250000770547692795noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7190293260689734278.post-77385862284301969452023-11-02T07:45:00.000-07:002023-11-02T07:45:03.142-07:00A Christmas Dance Reunion<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjTKDbe5-U5dO5nMPsrush7MYTxpUsROw5VCwZRZx-YsMRc4UIunJj9Q6deyC6hFMBmA5kt6CLuDHNZyCHL8Rickj_PmbNd1p2MODRnYTv1Wq8yLXquI-9NrOFKqX7zLqSRUXO6CvQmAIcnIqX8V8e3-9FyyZHtX5c1spMxMboiNIluyRWYLSHROP9kbcZ/s1430/a-christmas-dance-reunion-2048x1152-primary-16x9-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1152" data-original-width="1430" height="258" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjTKDbe5-U5dO5nMPsrush7MYTxpUsROw5VCwZRZx-YsMRc4UIunJj9Q6deyC6hFMBmA5kt6CLuDHNZyCHL8Rickj_PmbNd1p2MODRnYTv1Wq8yLXquI-9NrOFKqX7zLqSRUXO6CvQmAIcnIqX8V8e3-9FyyZHtX5c1spMxMboiNIluyRWYLSHROP9kbcZ/s320/a-christmas-dance-reunion-2048x1152-primary-16x9-1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><b>A Christmas Dance Reunion (2021) - Lifetime</b><p></p><p>And so it has begun in the year of our Lord of 2023. We want to thank Lisa for starting us off properly this year a few days ago with 'Take me Back for Christmas' which began year EIGHT of us randomly picking Romantic Holiday movies and having deep, socially moving discussions about them and their overall effect on society as a whole. Such as asking if there's enough cocoa or mistletoe. Things that are important.</p><p>This year, I'm doing what I did last year and that is use my spreadsheet randomizer which has well over a thousand Christmas movies in it, and allow the universe to choose which movies I will watch on any given day. I thought it may be difficult to honor my Christmas movie responsibilities this year as I now have this YouTube channel which focuses on another of my passions, that being a grown ass man playing with toys, so go check out the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/@thediscountactionfiguredude" target="_blank">Discount Action Figure Dude</a> and like and subscribe and get yourself entered to get free stuff in process! But then I realized that I owe it to the people! This is important work we do here. That nonsense aside, now on with the show!</p><p>Lucy (Monique Coleman), is a high flying big city lawyer, city unknown, who is back home to spend Christmas with her mom Virginia (Kim Roberts) who is shockingly alive! No worries though, her dad is totally dead. They didn't say how he died so we are going to go with murder, as we always do. As an aside, for those who care about this kind of thing, Lucy does things to a pant suit which literally has those pair of pants crying for mercy.</p><p>Anyway, Lucy has gotten a post card that her old childhood Christmas hangout, the Winterly Hotel, is shutting down after this year so she and her mom decide to pack up and spend one last Christmas in that wonderful place they used spend every Christmas at with her murdered dad. </p><p>Lucy is at the Weatherly for all of 30 seconds when she sees him, him being her old dance partner from back in the day, Barrett (Corbin Bleu). Apparently they were teenagers when they last saw each other, but these two were staring at each other with an hunger and a longing usually reserved for a soldier returning home after being away at war for a decade. The Weatherly has been home for Barrett, who is now a Broadway dancer, and he's here to help his uncle Hank (Roy Lewis) close down for the old hotel for good. But before we say goodbye to the Weatherly, Lucy suggests that they send it off properly, with a Christmas celebration just like they used to do in the old days, complete with the Christmas dance. </p><p>Well I hope you like dance because there's a LOT of it in this particular movie. First Barrett does a little solo Gene Kelley style tap number, then in front of his young students he and Lucy do a semi-erotic modern Ailey / Ballet mix for the children to enjoy, then there's a totally choreographed number that Barrett has been working on with some of the guests. Like an old kung fu movie in which everybody in town knows basic kung fu, everybody in this movie, and I mean everybody knows how to dance.</p><p>What Barret really wants is to dance with his old dance partner who is reluctant to get back on the floor due to her being away from the dance game for a while and her bad knee or whatever, but with all the planning and coordinating and erotic dancing, the attraction between the two is growing stronger and stronger. But we know something has to happen to put the brakes on the love, or in this case, just slow it down a bit.</p><p>So Marlee (Sasha Clements), a childhood friend of both who is in town with her ultra adorable daughter Posie (Vanessa Lauren Fox) is a TV reporter / spectacular dancer, who Lucy asks if she could do a story on the Weatherly to help bring in some customers. Barrett doesn't think that's a good idea because it might not work and then it would only disappoint his sad uncle even more. Lucy does it anyway, Barrett gets mad and stomps away like five year old and love is derailed. For like 45 seconds. Later that night he apologizes for his behavior, takes her back to his cabin where they make out and watch the sun rise. He tells us he's been waiting his whole life to make out with her. That's a long time brother. Love is back on track.</p><p>Now it's time for the big Christmas celebration, which is jam packed with folks because that news story about the Weatherly has caught fire, and includes our final blow out dance number featuring all kinds of dance sets, but closing out with Lucy and Barrett taking the erotic dance to the level of ten. Just like Jesus would have wanted. Then they bring the audience on stage to dance with them, with every last one of them being familiar the choreography. Then we find out that due to the celebration that bookings for Weatherly are jammed up, the hotel is saved, Barrett quits his Broadway dancing gigs because now he has a home, Lucy quits her lucrative lawyer practice so that now the two them can now run a failing hotel together. While in love. And they make out some more. At Christmas.</p><p>Oh how I missed thee, romantic Christmas movie. Turns out this is a bit of a High School Musical reunion as both Corbin Bleu and Monique Coleman were featured players on those movies. I guess Efron and Hudgens were too busy to stop by for an appearance. No worries, Bleu and Coleman did a fine job as they both can clearly dance and they had more than enough chemistry to carry our simple story. The vomit worthiness of this one was a little on the low side though, probably sacrificed due to the need for more dancing. We had cookie baking and cookie decorating, I saw what I assume was hot cocoa drinking, plenty of dead parents because Barrett didn't mention his folks a single time so we assume they were murdered too, and we did have big Christmas party blow out. There were some kids in this movie, including one in a wheelchair whom I'm going assume was an orphan, because we are pro-orphan kid here on this blog. </p><p>But there is a lot missing. No Christmas tree shopping or decorating, no caroling, no mistletoe, no near miss kiss, just right on target kissing, no snowball fights or snowman making, no ugly sweaters no magic... I mean we really came up short on this one. Remember, just because a Christmas movie is low on vomits doesn't mean it's a bad movie, just that it didn't stick to formula all that well.</p><p>But if you like watching folks dance, then I think you might just like this movie anyway, despite it's inability to properly stick to the formula. It's good to be back for another year.</p><p><br /></p><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: initial; background-image: none; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: initial; clear: left; color: #2196f3; display: inline-block; font-family: roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center; text-decoration-line: none;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="border: 0px none; height: inherit; max-width: 100%;" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: initial; background-image: none; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: initial; clear: left; color: #2196f3; display: inline-block; font-family: roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center; text-decoration-line: none;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="border: 0px none; height: inherit; max-width: 100%;" /></a></p>christopherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07250000770547692795noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7190293260689734278.post-41471252445986338272023-10-27T10:07:00.000-07:002023-10-27T10:07:27.914-07:00Take Me Back for Christmas<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiyWEpvTLwlvZQuTvzPGiitC5jHJcvYkBxIoSvDOR3YMBGQi6Zt42-vPmeN-DCqVsz9aU2-bmYHerwqvRKAq1Ae8AlZ26NzDpHZ2ndSumURPBDZorD2I2de4v_gLTkpgNBJA0HoEZD3bVTxILiK_M-AR45gr3UiAWaplY10hY1pMmq6-SqTY-Zl4-DLwMUg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="422" data-original-width="650" height="208" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiyWEpvTLwlvZQuTvzPGiitC5jHJcvYkBxIoSvDOR3YMBGQi6Zt42-vPmeN-DCqVsz9aU2-bmYHerwqvRKAq1Ae8AlZ26NzDpHZ2ndSumURPBDZorD2I2de4v_gLTkpgNBJA0HoEZD3bVTxILiK_M-AR45gr3UiAWaplY10hY1pMmq6-SqTY-Zl4-DLwMUg" width="320" /></a></div><b>Take Me Back for Christmas (2023) - Hallmark</b><p></p><p><b>Reviewed by L. Sue</b></p><p></p><p class="MsoNormal">The first Christmas write up of 2023- are we ready for
another season? Is one ever really ready for the holiday season, honestly?
Technically Take Me Back for Christmas came out in July, as part of Hallmark’s Christmas
in July campaign. But what with the writers and actors strike limiting content,
a topsy turvy world driving me crazy, I could use the comfort and figured why
not watch one. You know, ease my way into the Christmas Movie season, that starts
in just a few weeks anyways. Pause as it sinks in, another year almost over. I
have it on good authority that time and tide wait for no man. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">So let’s break it down people- the set up. Renee, played by Vanessa
Lengies who we loved in the short lived Turner and Hooch tv show and her
husband Aaron (the much in demand Cory Sevier who also directed this, he’s an
old pro at these things) live in some suburb, living their safe, boring, if
sometimes a struggle-bus life working dead end jobs that bring them no joy.
Renee appears to work in a Christmas store, not sure if it is open year-round
and/or adjusts for the different holidays throughout the year, but she puts up
with a boss who won’t retire because she is promised the manager job if/when
the old man retires. Renee’s bestie is Tasha, who works with her at this store,
but is more ok with her situation because she likes living in the suburbs in a
menial job, because work doesn’t define her. She’s also pregnant, so maybe
enough life changes going on to really question her career choices. During a lull
in the Santa pictures line, the Elf asks Renee and Tasha to come and let Santa
know their Christmas wish. Tasha wants a healthy birth, can’t argue with that. Renee
declines, she isn’t a believer. But never underestimate the power of Christmas
Magic! The Magic Elf gives Renee a bell, tells her to make her wish when she’s
ready. That time apparently is at the end of her work shift, as she’s alone to
close up the store, and her beat up clunker car won’t start. It is at this
point that doubting Renee, in an act of desperation rings the magic bell and
wishes…for a different life. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Because this movie is 84 mins, we are limited to snapshots of
what Renee and Aaron’s life was before they moved back to her hometown. We
learn that they had lived in the city for 3 months, but Renee gave up the
excitement of the city to take care of her sick mom before she passed. They
still live in her childhood home, something about Renee’s mom not wanting to
sell the house. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>An asset which could
help pay off the mountain of medical bills mom left behind. Renee wakes up
after making her wish in a swanky NYC office, a million miles away from the
Christmas Store. Apparently she runs a frozen meal company, comfort food with a
twist. She’s totally confused about what’s going on, someone at the swanky
office called Jerry (of Swallows and Chase fame from Pretty Hard Cases…yeah I watch
way too much tv) is pushing her to get the numbers turned around…or the Europe
expansion won’t happen and the threat of layoffs. A rather well dressed, if overwhelmed
and confused Renee asks for more time (reasonable request under these
circumstances) and goes to what appears to be an upscale place in the city,
which looking at it questions what job did she have in past life, and wow those
medical bills really took a financial toll man…Turns out NOT her place, it is
however Aaron’s place. In this magic world, they broke up several years ago,
only further adding to Renee’s awkwardness. But she’s nothing if not
resourceful, she leans into Aaron’s assumption that she’s there for an old
DVD…which she takes and she leaves. But wait…Magic Elf isn’t done messing with
Renee just yet. While rewinding the craziness she’s seen (I like how the basis
that she’s in a different city than she started seems to be overlooked, or
maybe I just missed that basic issue but that’s not what this movie is here
for) who should stop by the office but her mother. Yes, that mother who had
passed away leaving pile of medical bills. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Renee tries to ask the Magic Elf questions, like why did she
and Aaron break up? But apparently this magic doesn’t work that way, she’s
gotta ask the questions of the people in question. Renee attempts to circumvent
this by asking her Mom why Aaron and her broke up, learning that it was her
decision to go on a break, because so much was happening with the then start up
frozen food company and she needed to focus her attention on that. I think she
also wants to ask her mom how and why she’s here, but that was deemed too strange
…and this version of mom isn’t even sick. With the encouragement of her bestie
Tasha, who in this universe is working at a diner making some mean hot
chocolate and her Mom, Renee concocts a plan to win Aaron back. Turns out Renne
hadn’t ever really considered a life without Aaron<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>despite whatever hardships existed in Earth
Prime. How hard could it be to get back with Aaron?<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Mind you, at no point is Aaron asked about his thoughts on
this, but we know enough to know his opinion is meaningless. Turns out there is
no third party, there is no new man for Renee to get rid of or girlfriend to
break up with Aaron, just them getting over their past. Step one of Renee’s
plan is spending time with Aaron, as he’s agreed to be the chef to help come up
with a Christmas dinner menu that will be delivered fresh, not frozen. And for
every box sold, another will be donated to a family in need, which is the
company pitch that will get Renee the European Expansion. I’m no business major,
and while I appreciate the sentiment and the ethics behind what the company is
doing…it doesn’t make money sense as it will be costing the company more…but
again, not the point. There is montage of them skating and playing hockey,
something that this world Aaron has given up spending more time as co-owner and
chef of his own restaurant. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">To my and Renee’s amazement, her plan seems to be working.
They are spending time together, the business plan despite my lack of
understanding seems to please Jerry and the rest of the higher ups in the
frozen food company. Renee even gets to help out Aaron who turns out had to
temporarily close his restaurant because of a lost supplier. What’s ruining the
economy? Say it with me people- supply chain issues. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Aaron is told working with Renee is just a
temporary arrangement, it’s only for the Christmas box and only until Christmas
Eve. When all the Christmas boxes shipped, his part is done. Which gets him
thinking about his future, and his decision is to sell his shares in his restaurant,
go back to his home in Pennsylvania, and reset. Apparently being chef and co-owner
wasn’t exactly the dream he thought it was, and aside from cooking the
Christmas box dinner for Renee, cooking hasn’t been very fun for him lately. To
which, in what seems a spur of the moment addendum to Renee’s plan she offers
him a permanent job as Chef at the food company. Which now that the European
Expansion is on, surely, they have the budget to hire a new chef? <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">But that is where the soft break occurs, this universe Aaron
waited for Renee before when she was building up the business, and she didn’t
come back then and he doesn’t want to be the same fool waiting for her now. At which
point, Renee has learned her<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i>It’s a
Wonderful Life/ A Christmas Carol</i> lesson and what really matters. The Magic
Elf tells her it’s time, this temporary glimpse of the fabulous life she
dreamed of is over, she’s going home. That means back to Aaron, but that also
means no Mom. But Mom does have some last parting words, that home isn’t a
place but the people. Turns out Mom if Mom lived, she was going to sell the
house and travel the world. This gives Renee the blessing she needs, to sell Mom’s
house and pay off the medical bills and send Aaron to cooking school. Renee is
done hiding, and letting life pass her by. Sure some things will be hard, her
and Aaron may stumble in their future endeavors, but she’s done being scared.
She quits the job at the Christmas store…and lives happily ever after with
Aaron, because that is really what the Christmas movie season is all about-
love. Family. Togetherness.<o:p></o:p></p><br /><p></p>christopherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07250000770547692795noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7190293260689734278.post-13447499118053694062023-01-19T10:51:00.003-08:002023-01-19T10:51:46.037-08:00A Christmas Proposal<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvQtQ3BpKyUvOUwGxGJ3KEK3khG_Xc1_VfCZuI76WYDQJOXx65AHPtRt7ffDfAmugsKs591tcFlnwHScta2q9zGUbQtw3Tp2n3Z9JV7hAJaxaQ0LEB5SRn4iuBQOcj2IC5SgzNOJTBoSkb7R5ZZu94jg-H73zYt6uh0pssOigSs0h06h3RvkLcgjnYng/s780/Christmas%20Proposal.webp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="437" data-original-width="780" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvQtQ3BpKyUvOUwGxGJ3KEK3khG_Xc1_VfCZuI76WYDQJOXx65AHPtRt7ffDfAmugsKs591tcFlnwHScta2q9zGUbQtw3Tp2n3Z9JV7hAJaxaQ0LEB5SRn4iuBQOcj2IC5SgzNOJTBoSkb7R5ZZu94jg-H73zYt6uh0pssOigSs0h06h3RvkLcgjnYng/s320/Christmas%20Proposal.webp" width="320" /></a></div><b>A Christmas Proposal (2021) - CBS</b><p></p><p>All right CBS, I see you. You guys want to get in on some of this Hallmarky Holiday Romance movie action while putting in as little effort as humanly possible, I see you. You checked the studio lot to see who was hanging around and might have a week or two to blow and you found Jessica Camacho from All Rise in craft services and Adam Rodriguez from Criminal Minds getting his midday workout in and they both agreed to lend their talents to the project. Not to mention the added bonus of the both of them being of Puerto Rican decent so you guys instantly have a Christmas movie with a bit of cultural diversity. Did you take advantage of this ripe cultural gold mine? No, of course you didn't other than the one time somebody said 'Buen Provecho!' at dinner. Just used some generic-ass random script floating around, and I'm not mad at you for this. I see you even packed up Adam and Jessica and shipped them to Vancouver in July just so this movie could have that authentic Hallmarky generic feel, with other actors in peripheral support who we are familiar with, solely from watching these Canadian produced movies. I see you CBS. Well done. Not the movie per se, but the effort or lack thereof, well done.</p><p>Maria (Camacho) is hard a working pretty much everything. She's a professional chef by trade but homegirl will do whatever to make those ends, with the ultimate goal of owning her own international food truck. On this cold snowy Seattle day, she's a rideshare driver who has just picked up Julian the prickly lawyer (Rodriguez). It's a long drive to Julian's family home, but Maria doesn't mind because she's going get a nice surge charge, even though they will largely ride in silence because Julian just wants review lawyer stuff and not speak to the bubbly Maria.</p><p>Thing is Julian doesn't really want to go home for the holidays, but his old man is naming a successor to take over the family law firm, and he has to make an appearance to let his father know he's a better choice for the job than his jerk off brother Bennett (Andres Soto). Unfortunately Julian's lawyer bestie Manny (Jamie M. Callica) gives him the unfortunate news that his father is leaning towards Bennett to take over, which Julian obviously does not take well. He texts his family that he has a big surprise for them this holiday, and lets Maria know that this surprise is that he's leaving the firm and plans to take his clients with him. Maria tells Julian he should sleep on that before making any rash decisions, but he tells Maria to mind her own f'n business, which she does, and drives off after dropping off her fare.</p><p>But Julian left his phone in the car, so Maria circles back to return it, the family sees Maria and assumes she's the Big Surprise Julian has for them. She tries to tell them such is not the case, but once Julian sees how his family is taking to Maria he decides to roll with it. He pulls Maria to the side, makes the offer that if she pretends to be his girl for the weekend, he will fund her food truck dream. He's doing this because his dad is big on family and Bennett is married with children where Julian is not. Maria says she's not going to lie to these people but Julian, ever the lawyer, has creative language ready already that isn't quite lies. Just call them liberal interpretations of the truth. Alternative facts.</p><p>Once Maria agrees to this nonsense, it's time for our fake couple to do fake couple stuff to fortify their fake love. Go out on fake dates, have real dinners, get know one another to solidify their stories, drink real hot cocoa, and just have a great time together. Not only that, the Diaz family just LOVES Maria. She makes them a gourmet dinner, has deep conversation with Julian's smoking hot sister Daphne (Bianca Caroca) about how she should approach her family about her life plans and her chosen sexuality, she helps mom cook for a benefit, she helps Julian close a big deal, and she and Julian almost kiss after watching the Nutcracker. The cool thing about this near miss kiss is that they were like in the middle of the street and almost got run over by a car causing them to near miss to avoid dying. Don't think I've ever seen that before.</p><p>I mean things are going so great, what could possibly go wrong? I mean these 'I have a fake girlfriend / boyfriend' tales never ever get exposed, do they? That is if by 'never' you mean 'all the freaking time'. We have a glorious gala to attend, our beautiful star is at the top of the stairs in her beautiful gown taking everybody's breath away, though as a caveat the air in the room was already pretty darned thin because the hot gay sister was already in that room in an equally beautiful gown. Probably should've cast a slightly less hot actor in my humble opinion. Anyway, the gala goes gloriously, Julian and Maria have serious sparks flying, dad makes the announcement that Julian is his man to run the company but then Julian has to ruin everything by giving Maria a blank check. Admittedly, that was the deal and it all happened just like they both had hoped, but dang Julian, it's not about money any more, it's about love bro! Worst still, the jerkoff brother sees the blank check and puts it on blast exposing the whole thing. Ashamed and broken hearted by the guy she's know for three days, Maria flees the ball like Cinderella and heads back home with her bestie Brooklyn (Luisa D'Oliviera).</p><p>The next day, Christmas Day, despite the unfortunate shenanigans of the previous night, Maria tells Brooklyn she's not going to let it get in the way of pursuing her dreams. Then she's interrupted by the sound of that Nutcracker song from her window, I know it's called 'Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies', but the Nutcracker Song takes fewer words. Anyway, she looks out her window to see a brand new food truck with a big red bow on it. Julian obviously still doesn't get it, and she walks out to let him know this. But he does get it! The food truck is just a little bauble, think of it as just as big ass necklace, what he's there for is to give her what she really deserves, and that is true love. The family she bamboozled is also there in support and Julian and Maria start making out. At Christmas. Buen Provecho! I guess I could ask how Julian, late on Christmas Eve, found a food truck, bought the food truck, found somebody to airbrush the logo on the food truck and transport the food truck, but we're not going to ask such silly questions.</p><p>So if you're a fan of the Hallmarky Romantic Holiday movie genre and you want your movie to travel down a familiar path, then there's no reason you shouldn't like this one as it plays out all of the required beats like a broken record. A holiday loving heroine meets a holiday indifferent curmudgeon who is eventually won over by the heroine's charm, until love is lost, until love is bought back again. The vomit worthy checklist is pretty solid as we had hot cocoa sipping, no cookie baking but Gingerbread Christmas tree making which was certainly fresh and unique, and come to think of it, I think we did bake cookies. Our heroine had not one, but two dead parents, we had a near miss kiss, some caroling in the background and a snowfall. I think in one of the scenes that fake snow fell in Jessica Camacho's mouth and while the woman is certainly a pro, I could see the fear in her eyes as she couldn't wait to spit that crap out. There was a screen shot online of them shopping for Christmas Trees, but that scene never made it into the final cut for some reason. Time I guess. This also means they didn't decorate a tree since we didn't see them buy a tree. </p><p>I would think an entertainment behemoth like the Central Broadcasting System could maybe do a little better? Maybe step it up a little bit from the standard Hallmarky Holiday Romance movie, but that's what I get for thinking. I'll make sure not to do that again.</p>christopherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07250000770547692795noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7190293260689734278.post-20076852459095560462023-01-13T11:35:00.006-08:002023-03-03T06:05:26.266-08:00The Wrong Cheer Captain<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgny67zNRIOkvMoPZ8oH5HDRHE-Fcovta_uBAC3Z8JYVyxA1WPe3W2qvtIVhLCzhpNw-eXauIGEcJaBcA5jaMVyVJFVxXmIBVkS0t6RU4lL8qilY2KN11GF49mi2AaxtqyH80aGRYlyzl8SEbike9nGmcQ9EvmTP-j6V-leWN0E-TJ0y5uO3sJAvE3fvg/s1280/cheer%20captain.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="1280" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgny67zNRIOkvMoPZ8oH5HDRHE-Fcovta_uBAC3Z8JYVyxA1WPe3W2qvtIVhLCzhpNw-eXauIGEcJaBcA5jaMVyVJFVxXmIBVkS0t6RU4lL8qilY2KN11GF49mi2AaxtqyH80aGRYlyzl8SEbike9nGmcQ9EvmTP-j6V-leWN0E-TJ0y5uO3sJAvE3fvg/s320/cheer%20captain.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>It has been a while but I must admit that it does feel right to get Wrong again. My hope was, after watching 20+ Wrong movies and of course our controversial, yet historic Wrong Awards Ceremony that Ms. Vivica A. Fox would contact me about my earth shattering tale of The Wrong Barista, which would've been a sequel to the tragic story of The Wrong Dry Wall Guy, but my inbox has remained empty. Oh well. With dreams of joining the Wrong team destroyed, we visited the most dangerous of Lifetime Movie occupations... high school cheerleader. Man, I'd rather be one of those dudes that has to detonate bombs in Iraq than a high school cheerleader in a Lifetime movie because my chances of surviving that bomb are way higher. Welcome to the The Wrong Cheer Captain.<p></p><p></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjTk40u90lWBxp2WheUxQy2zJbyQ2afb-JnkbYgn7Vz62ei2VhNdOA2KH_Sqodt6PJPh_nBKuRSHCZrwPPZz7LIf5AKTAuQr4UYFNCqr385z_9HWA6MEfBWlcG0KIZ8L_EkJDrbb9Q3vBWca6-zfFvxFqv-bmoGdeDFdTFZmsG97l5ZPom-pj-ds3fpPw" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="" data-original-height="753" data-original-width="1350" height="178" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjTk40u90lWBxp2WheUxQy2zJbyQ2afb-JnkbYgn7Vz62ei2VhNdOA2KH_Sqodt6PJPh_nBKuRSHCZrwPPZz7LIf5AKTAuQr4UYFNCqr385z_9HWA6MEfBWlcG0KIZ8L_EkJDrbb9Q3vBWca6-zfFvxFqv-bmoGdeDFdTFZmsG97l5ZPom-pj-ds3fpPw" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>One of these chicks is nuts. Hint: It's the one in focus.</b></td></tr></tbody></table><br />Welcome to Pine Hills High which specializes in grown-ass women pretending to be high school cheerleaders. Emma (Claire Tablizo) is a little concerned, and by 'little' I mean her life depends on it concerned, that she won't be named this years cheer captain, but her bestie Kate (Alexis Samone) assures her that it's a lock. Emma does point out that the new girl, Anna (Sofia Masson) is a much better cheerleader, but she's only been at the school a few weeks, and coach Johnson (Chelsea Gilson) let the girls know that being cheer captain isn't just talent based, you also cannot be a murderous psycho, which pretty much disqualifies Anna. Though they don't know this yet.<p></p><p>Kate then heads home to have dinner with her super busy paralegal mom Vivica A. Fox. </p><p></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjhJr6dI8p9BeC09jT59zPZCwEpjyNoDNJhqaCXgOdw3wGxilhhvYwFvb66ON_U8J1H0ItaEtDAy3TTMXH_53GoAvnnQK9_-p2d8J5Iq7sbhCR363GPcYOG49mspaTOy5R6AbiHQEdFEaG2sQkp3XKaJ3E_Dnti_lLKCnZUzQgXm2Z7Ruf5Z4xU6f2EOw" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="" data-original-height="757" data-original-width="1349" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjhJr6dI8p9BeC09jT59zPZCwEpjyNoDNJhqaCXgOdw3wGxilhhvYwFvb66ON_U8J1H0ItaEtDAy3TTMXH_53GoAvnnQK9_-p2d8J5Iq7sbhCR363GPcYOG49mspaTOy5R6AbiHQEdFEaG2sQkp3XKaJ3E_Dnti_lLKCnZUzQgXm2Z7Ruf5Z4xU6f2EOw" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>If we pray hard enough, food just might<br />magically appear in the bowl.</b></td></tr></tbody></table><br /><p></p><p>Kate's mom is a study in contradiction. She first mentions what a great wife she will make for some man after the amazing dinner Kate just made, then in the next sentence begged her daughter not to be like her and get caught up with some man who will invariably walk out on her, just like Kate's dad walked out on them. Which one is it gonna be Vivica? Also, in these movies where Vivica plays a single mom, her missing husband is rarely dead, just a dead beat who abandoned her and the family. What is Vivica A. Fox trying tell us here?</p><p>Later that evening, Kate is denied sleep by her bothersome bestie still stressing over the cheer captain gig.</p><p></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEj1UTpJiSxJ3OfCUKKm3Pc6oTMwXxeceRo-lC2SuwV_HErRgojvZvq9qut7mvxuZ5oXN2qVXCO0KyxwNgvLWRwq4aSPhY_3SHNLfrfIHOxm9h8vZ9Ju8FriK1K2zVWGSe8IYDgFtG2dl5uVK5c-cbEy_N1imW2CRDzmQg0JHXw2Q-FSkqwFKcugTWIdNw" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="" data-original-height="755" data-original-width="1343" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEj1UTpJiSxJ3OfCUKKm3Pc6oTMwXxeceRo-lC2SuwV_HErRgojvZvq9qut7mvxuZ5oXN2qVXCO0KyxwNgvLWRwq4aSPhY_3SHNLfrfIHOxm9h8vZ9Ju8FriK1K2zVWGSe8IYDgFtG2dl5uVK5c-cbEy_N1imW2CRDzmQg0JHXw2Q-FSkqwFKcugTWIdNw" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>She sees I'm in bed, I'm in PJ's and the lights are off,<br />but she still won't let me go to sleep. All I want to do is sleep.</b></td></tr></tbody></table><br />The next day at school Anna the psycho is called into the office of Principal Jackee to discuss a few things.<p></p><p></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiaIA77p4Q5b-9tI-qR8SsHYPfdRijvycXE8u3ZvJPHEym1sf60qxujNxzYQOK6EgXVOkBfcNmXjYFXHmlo5K_ZT4YqchyY-LCk3tUl1bXNd7RAZ4QAxNeELSD5y0SnErQKjr_WALzsRZ0gcWDGHUQsy81n9LS1bH9Phhf8eRyu7Y6DKm77IPUD4dBS_w" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="" data-original-height="754" data-original-width="1341" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiaIA77p4Q5b-9tI-qR8SsHYPfdRijvycXE8u3ZvJPHEym1sf60qxujNxzYQOK6EgXVOkBfcNmXjYFXHmlo5K_ZT4YqchyY-LCk3tUl1bXNd7RAZ4QAxNeELSD5y0SnErQKjr_WALzsRZ0gcWDGHUQsy81n9LS1bH9Phhf8eRyu7Y6DKm77IPUD4dBS_w" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>Jackee could only wonder why neither Tia nor Tamera<br />have reached out to put her in one of their Christmas movies.<br /></b></td></tr></tbody></table><br />At first Principal Jackee just wanted to make sure Anna was adjusting well to the new school, but her main objective was to make sure there would be no trouble from Anna, similar to the trouble from her last school. At this moment we don't know what that is, but we will learn that it will be the sudden and unexplained death of her best friend which most think was murder, and Anna's subsequent stay in an asylum. So basically Principle Jackee is asking Anna not to murder anybody and then go crazy. Anna didn't not heed any of those warnings. <p></p><p>After that tense meeting with Principle Jackee, Anna had to destress a bit.</p><p></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgtARTpkScTSsKDNX8EPTi4IckcIJoqB5w9hYsNSIkGknvYqU5-1-7EZkSclWbfcnlgbrvS4Hd0efTZQAvDlXLHYuXQKZaBTcxAWekl_Xf0B8y4zy-DhA2bD_1X6Ze0ETPeEV20Ykd9miJ2ME_d69Fm6si-ki6MEM_vOzOlRYohHxUzp8alGG21ES0brg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="" data-original-height="752" data-original-width="1346" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgtARTpkScTSsKDNX8EPTi4IckcIJoqB5w9hYsNSIkGknvYqU5-1-7EZkSclWbfcnlgbrvS4Hd0efTZQAvDlXLHYuXQKZaBTcxAWekl_Xf0B8y4zy-DhA2bD_1X6Ze0ETPeEV20Ykd9miJ2ME_d69Fm6si-ki6MEM_vOzOlRYohHxUzp8alGG21ES0brg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>Blowing a 1.8 before lunch does indicate a problem.</b></td></tr></tbody></table><br />Unfortunately this school has a strict no vaping policy and Anna was caught vaping, pretty much in plain sight for everybody to see, by Mr. Olsen the hunky math teacher (Marc Hermann). He first told Anna that she's stupid at math and that her crap grades are going to keep off the cheerleader team, and then told her her he's probably going to totally narc on her for vaping. On Monday. Because it's Friday and he doesn't do his job on Friday. Giving Anna a whole weekend to find a way out of this mess was not a good move Mr. Olsen.<p></p><p>So Coach Johnson gathers her cheerleaders and names Emma the Cheer Captain as expected. All the girls were happy. Except one of course. In fact, Anna went to the coach to express her displeasure with her choice. Coach Johnson told Anna that Emma was more qualified to be the captain, but if it wasn't for Emma's high standards, Anna might've been named captain. Anna heard this. In fact she asked the coach THREE TIMES, 'So if Emma weren't captain, I'd be captain?' She needed clarification on this. </p><p>But with Emma named captain it's time for of one my favorite Wrong Movie events, the High School Pool Party.</p><p></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiNnKvxN0a1Iw0I5wNTSSN2DZ_ihjRp9ygfhvvtSfb6dlG7uTE2695JlPhcihBmaridlbtSyIfotdnBBD4bFpBF16r2jicwdiSM1WxYGZHgoPyw71AmyOdPzGXLc9xTIRnd_RhK1yEwweIUllEA0hj-RtQg2MvdAjxarm7vfxTDojyLHPJ2Er_-IqSjTg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="" data-original-height="797" data-original-width="1417" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiNnKvxN0a1Iw0I5wNTSSN2DZ_ihjRp9ygfhvvtSfb6dlG7uTE2695JlPhcihBmaridlbtSyIfotdnBBD4bFpBF16r2jicwdiSM1WxYGZHgoPyw71AmyOdPzGXLc9xTIRnd_RhK1yEwweIUllEA0hj-RtQg2MvdAjxarm7vfxTDojyLHPJ2Er_-IqSjTg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>Ain't no party like a Wrong High School Party!</b></td></tr></tbody></table><br />Dude, these high school parties are LIT! Tons of liquor, drugs, rampant sex, and nearly naked people all over the place. I've never been to a party like this ever, much less in high school. The one person who isn't having any fun at this off the chain party is Anna, who has tracked down Emma to try convince her, to convince coach, to allow them to be co-cheer captains. Naturally Emma tells Anna to kick rocks, but this conversation isn't lost on Emma's boyfriend Shane (Noah Fearnley).<p></p><p></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhdsBewxN3rqNjrepJd-XauMKqej1gYwWd7BhJMjS-3MtJe0r5hoSdDMptqatf2b8iMVfvVK8kSOxKaocnmj1FzH3qkgE6OThxy1ft4NBACD0u9HH26xaiR4smkh7oxkccJdqYaq8kA6nou4SwTMzL2q_YXofsRhljqZOksBXXEUceMsR1bdPydtVqVHA" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="" data-original-height="755" data-original-width="1344" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhdsBewxN3rqNjrepJd-XauMKqej1gYwWd7BhJMjS-3MtJe0r5hoSdDMptqatf2b8iMVfvVK8kSOxKaocnmj1FzH3qkgE6OThxy1ft4NBACD0u9HH26xaiR4smkh7oxkccJdqYaq8kA6nou4SwTMzL2q_YXofsRhljqZOksBXXEUceMsR1bdPydtVqVHA" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>Wait, you seriously don't like my leopard print speedos?</b></td></tr></tbody></table><br />Sadly Shane should've been paying much closer attention to his girl, as opposed to all the time he spends with his girlfriends best friend, who are tighter than any boyfriend and girlfriends best friend ever, because he would've noticed Anna spiking Emma's drink with something, and then he wouldn't be leaning over an unconscious Emma screaming like a big musclebound shirtless sissy.<p></p><p></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjiIh_63kNWvlE6F10JCX3kC5gbzwlYCNEsixKm7lpEgq1IUkOgz6Ttbtq0oizflLTKLRDkEksRnNfRC1k_xsUk3hk-Ryj7v3SxIM4LTyLEbl5g00lK6RojgBKFdmigT-PguIUjS4H7L5pWBkGkGm-r6P3y1TF9JmwHfs_MrNCMtK6eRSe09lGFJbME0A" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="" data-original-height="751" data-original-width="1344" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjiIh_63kNWvlE6F10JCX3kC5gbzwlYCNEsixKm7lpEgq1IUkOgz6Ttbtq0oizflLTKLRDkEksRnNfRC1k_xsUk3hk-Ryj7v3SxIM4LTyLEbl5g00lK6RojgBKFdmigT-PguIUjS4H7L5pWBkGkGm-r6P3y1TF9JmwHfs_MrNCMtK6eRSe09lGFJbME0A" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>I don't know bruh, try Love's One True Kiss?<br />Maybe that'll work?</b></td></tr></tbody></table><br />Now I was thinking that poor Emma would simply be disabled, laid up in a coma or something until her eventual revival at the end of the movie, but nope, Emma be DEAD yo! Donezo. Pushing up freaking daisies. Tox screens show Emma died of an overdose of some drug called 'Honey' which is a steroid of some sort. The rumor floating around, unfortunately, is that her boyfriend gave it to her as a roofie of some kind, a rumor which has reached the ears of Vivica A. Fox who has now forbade her daughter from hanging out with Shane. Kate had to assure her mother that Shane needed no drugs to get his girlfriend between the sheets. Not an issue. According to Kate, Emma had to have it early and often from whomever. No drugs needed. I'm just repeating what Kate inferred is all. <div><br /></div><div>Well with one murder taken care of, Anna's weekend is just getting started.</div><div><br /></div><div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEi3h0DjPe1Uqzz5x_ht7VGq4HAZiiIqmYleurRFU_LMsbzYfNQFSP9deGHEErt-cOfYCAk5MI7Q9I53Xp-3a0HolgSrM3_8ZnKbjrJae3POiVmAfmS6HewDq68K_A1VzhHQIXaELwp93IBMUQAmoYbLen8-1Z6OnyC9WgiosO4Hw7q_BEbziDADvJ7r4w" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="" data-original-height="751" data-original-width="1346" height="113" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEi3h0DjPe1Uqzz5x_ht7VGq4HAZiiIqmYleurRFU_LMsbzYfNQFSP9deGHEErt-cOfYCAk5MI7Q9I53Xp-3a0HolgSrM3_8ZnKbjrJae3POiVmAfmS6HewDq68K_A1VzhHQIXaELwp93IBMUQAmoYbLen8-1Z6OnyC9WgiosO4Hw7q_BEbziDADvJ7r4w=w202-h113" width="202" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>Love the fake Picasso!</b></td></tr></tbody></table><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiQqPCvNZcvIsFdTIUoKzPvqBxnmkgynIL-_-bDU-9RB25uMgyO-gdu6WdNeTsD7Oui31c5NLmbBZ3GctQ0T-xkL6rnkAn3qPADNDR1nxCaN_mLfsEWNCRtAUkdtOAe1zn7aAaeDITB2Q2KpeF4UY1ndfP6E-6FcDsHfWmR8BgR0wWzf7gLG8iG_KjcGA" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="" data-original-height="752" data-original-width="1338" height="112" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiQqPCvNZcvIsFdTIUoKzPvqBxnmkgynIL-_-bDU-9RB25uMgyO-gdu6WdNeTsD7Oui31c5NLmbBZ3GctQ0T-xkL6rnkAn3qPADNDR1nxCaN_mLfsEWNCRtAUkdtOAe1zn7aAaeDITB2Q2KpeF4UY1ndfP6E-6FcDsHfWmR8BgR0wWzf7gLG8iG_KjcGA=w199-h112" width="199" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>But I think I like this even more!</b></td></tr></tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><br />Here she is creeping around Mr. Olsen's rather spacious home, who we must say does very well for himself as a single High School Math teacher. At first I though she was going to murder him too, but nope, she just wants to watch him shower and put some photos on his laptop. Note that she's already put these same photos on his work laptop as well. Don't these people have passwords on their computers?</div><div><br /></div><div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhU8UZ0JdXK5213g2u3wwBC3bF968_Pueqs7EHapXDZhtGAPBEfV_ANzt2FF30lpdXngGVNJ398GfIcEcoMaSKib6gzCcCW2siD6b8z67lDdNyshma83aWZcvK8NdvIWfU73Ct_EBT4ak-pWxt0hRM1BPDTbP3gtbj9VStHysoJTk5V1sRP8b4irg6NYA" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="" data-original-height="747" data-original-width="1344" height="178" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhU8UZ0JdXK5213g2u3wwBC3bF968_Pueqs7EHapXDZhtGAPBEfV_ANzt2FF30lpdXngGVNJ398GfIcEcoMaSKib6gzCcCW2siD6b8z67lDdNyshma83aWZcvK8NdvIWfU73Ct_EBT4ak-pWxt0hRM1BPDTbP3gtbj9VStHysoJTk5V1sRP8b4irg6NYA" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>Showering without soap just feels so much better.</b></td></tr></tbody></table><br />Meanwhile, Kate and Shane are comforting each other on Emma's death. By being in bed together. I assume they are not having sex, but I can't confirm they aren't having sex either.</div><div><br /></div><div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhFUrlBkPz4V33rgInWmhPh44oKcj_B4gWyXES1Zul9SqSiBEzl1Rn1ZDKIoRclqtO1rXPkh9PQpQsZufpOUpaNakw1BEoK0ajf-lEa-K_pgaBkJT7qFCQAAIB7yHJ1jOcF53OSJzNMIsENeqpe6edGfSUi-zlVc6vg6qfBIcb6047CaGB58jtb2agMkg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="" data-original-height="793" data-original-width="1419" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhFUrlBkPz4V33rgInWmhPh44oKcj_B4gWyXES1Zul9SqSiBEzl1Rn1ZDKIoRclqtO1rXPkh9PQpQsZufpOUpaNakw1BEoK0ajf-lEa-K_pgaBkJT7qFCQAAIB7yHJ1jOcF53OSJzNMIsENeqpe6edGfSUi-zlVc6vg6qfBIcb6047CaGB58jtb2agMkg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>All I'm saying is this is what Emma would've wanted baby.</b></td></tr></tbody></table><br />They are also cooking up a plan to trap Anna because Kate is convinced that she caused her besties death in some kind of way. They better think of something quick because Anna's plan is already taking root. The next day at school Mr. Olsen gets a visit from my favorite character in all of cinema, the Lifetime Movie Cop.</div><div><br /></div><div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhjAReIxkpQRG9meUZ-oqrF4jgk1lbXWqUf628K-7j1WkzTwSBezYGXcBIEWdCMmDSVZE5LGXogyTu8wTU-T2ukaRn7thfbAs5dZNbxVUVud-9ZeMPLaXOseHby_MiRqSrdSWu_36XBte6D1I-ozyAvVsyMJGsNapTvtfb06QNFGg_BxRZjGwasLa1PLQ" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="" data-original-height="969" data-original-width="1741" height="178" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhjAReIxkpQRG9meUZ-oqrF4jgk1lbXWqUf628K-7j1WkzTwSBezYGXcBIEWdCMmDSVZE5LGXogyTu8wTU-T2ukaRn7thfbAs5dZNbxVUVud-9ZeMPLaXOseHby_MiRqSrdSWu_36XBte6D1I-ozyAvVsyMJGsNapTvtfb06QNFGg_BxRZjGwasLa1PLQ" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>Despite the gun, badge and notepad, I can assure you<br />I am not here to do any quality police work. Relax.</b><br /></td></tr></tbody></table><br />Detective Page over here (Shellie Sterling) has gotten an anonymous tip that Mr. Olsen has pictures of girls on his work computer, but not just pictures of any old girls, but pictures of CHEERLEADERS!!! I mean for real, right? Mr. Olsen denies this of course, asks the logical question of why would he keep pictures of cheerleaders on his work computer, but this doesn't stop Detective Page from arresting him. Now I admit I am not sure what the charge is here. I understand that keeping pictures of girls in bikinis on one's work computer is highly inappropriate, but is it against the law? Even if they're underage, which I know these rather mature teenagers are not, but even then is it against the law? Hell if I know.</div><div><br /></div><div>Regardless, the plan worked. With Mr. Olsen ushered out in cuffs, Anna is named Cheer Captain and all is well in Anna Land. The only problem for Anna at the moment is that pesky best friend. The problem as they see it is that they don't know anything about Anna, and she has no social media presence which is almost unheard of for a teenage girl so Kate convinces Shane to semi-seduce Anna to get some critical info about her.</div><div><br /></div><div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEi7YmiCpJEAHxJALP4CB1lhDdtXEsh788yi6MLp9h-58s1w3G2iYGwWIG-QaMzXCE2Ii0hoXGmFbSSLoC6hFa1UPUgYzCcXz1yf_h1FR5AhvWQhQ0cpsMxs8kVSiRVQLTCIVWECMkrhrwttXOKkSJ9mUf9eMxzTdEAD3hlqbO0jQFI4Jyf4QLGEVB3Frg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="" data-original-height="908" data-original-width="1616" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEi7YmiCpJEAHxJALP4CB1lhDdtXEsh788yi6MLp9h-58s1w3G2iYGwWIG-QaMzXCE2Ii0hoXGmFbSSLoC6hFa1UPUgYzCcXz1yf_h1FR5AhvWQhQ0cpsMxs8kVSiRVQLTCIVWECMkrhrwttXOKkSJ9mUf9eMxzTdEAD3hlqbO0jQFI4Jyf4QLGEVB3Frg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>That water drinking technique was almost too much<br />for a poor girl to resist.</b><br /></td></tr></tbody></table><br /></div><div>Well that worked. The seduction part at least not really the information part, because Anna was ready go. Shane barely made it out of there. The only thing Shane did manage to find was some random high T-shirt that Anna keeps on top of all her clothes in her dresser. I guess the spirit still burns bright for 'ol Lombard High. Armed with this information, this is the point where high schoolers in a wrong movie start doing The Research, since the cops don't believe in investigating jack. Kate and Shane bum rush a couple of Lombard High school chicks who start pooping diamonds at the mere mention of Anna's name and get the hell away from them, then they bum rush the mother of some dead girl, played by Wrong legend Meredith Thomas, and ask her a bunch of leading and incriminating questions. Before they walked in, she was pretty sure her daughter had committed suicide, but after an earful of Kate's conspiracy theories, she was on the murder train with Kate. Up to this point absolutely nobody believes Kate's murder theories, and she's told basically everybody. Her mom doesn't believe her, her coach thinks she needs mental help and even Shane doesn't think Anna's a murderer.</div><div><br /></div><div>Anna is on to Kate and her shenanigans and breaks into her house later that night. To do what? I'm not sure, I guess murder, but Kate did call the police forcing Anna to scurry away.</div><div><br /></div><div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjvr42XWASVzR1d1Er1JSccoRXAxgz9PzOruHbw4ps4-kCtiSZMEK9z_Tdo9w59C24SRmmC4r4AYS8fIlzKc_GW4cTyY1vBDSlaBg2Cb-uIphCT6GK4j_A_0k3QIAPU3co8M1vH7nlbiRh9nR--vtiMH38LmfCOtcab6kjwCLRCm7sv03H2IZRaBC_ZAQ" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="" data-original-height="915" data-original-width="1608" height="182" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjvr42XWASVzR1d1Er1JSccoRXAxgz9PzOruHbw4ps4-kCtiSZMEK9z_Tdo9w59C24SRmmC4r4AYS8fIlzKc_GW4cTyY1vBDSlaBg2Cb-uIphCT6GK4j_A_0k3QIAPU3co8M1vH7nlbiRh9nR--vtiMH38LmfCOtcab6kjwCLRCm7sv03H2IZRaBC_ZAQ" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>My notepad is out, but no worries, I'm not writing<br />anything in it. It's just my grocery list.</b></td></tr></tbody></table><br />Kate tries to tell them that Anna broke into her house, but our erstwhile detective doesn't believe this to be true. Frustrated beyond all reasonable belief, Kate decides to just kick Anna's ass.<br /><br /></div><div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEj4bzzELQTlq0Z5GqT01X0172MD7dp6BNgM6wRSlFokaVZeTfk_yS9LPxqCm_dNLm6ygUiCAFYqgWTLmfc_Jkk5UIyUbGFhA9kbXBDAW9QtEy2V1WHp-2CjWLgtVL8j_wSJuMaRu3kko-pGmhAKwNRmNyipvOnwnlHCsv4rJ0RxfFlG6zbM_uB2-BxPcw" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="" data-original-height="904" data-original-width="1606" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEj4bzzELQTlq0Z5GqT01X0172MD7dp6BNgM6wRSlFokaVZeTfk_yS9LPxqCm_dNLm6ygUiCAFYqgWTLmfc_Jkk5UIyUbGFhA9kbXBDAW9QtEy2V1WHp-2CjWLgtVL8j_wSJuMaRu3kko-pGmhAKwNRmNyipvOnwnlHCsv4rJ0RxfFlG6zbM_uB2-BxPcw" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>When coach said 'kiss and make up', she did not<br />mean this literally.</b></td></tr></tbody></table><br />That just gets another stern talking to from coach as Kate is not honoring her murdered friends memory properly.</div><div><br /></div><div>Coach finally starts to come around when she gets a visit from the hot math teacher who should be plenty clean by now after that shower. Mind you, she's always been suspicious of circumstances surrounding Mr. Olsen's arrest, even bringing these concerns to Principal Jackee, reminding the principal that they've both doing their jobs for pretty much the same number of years, which can't be remotely true, unless Coach Johnson started her coaching career invitro.</div><div><br /></div><div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEg8ZvbdNc_UB0w5ktnSwrcBpnJ5IPSJVjjnAnVpu-C79cpUebXI53NVMtm5UMsvcTxAXnVZ4MV-JPKn03vfagfc-k2bWTdtp8uL17mlPxkBxVIycVZ_cOcms32ol9_7LmXgQsUVsJhLR_OeFUEEVlipUnjnm0-kC2U5LWq9B27DytZ5RaDflFjnc1BYVA" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="" data-original-height="914" data-original-width="1592" height="184" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEg8ZvbdNc_UB0w5ktnSwrcBpnJ5IPSJVjjnAnVpu-C79cpUebXI53NVMtm5UMsvcTxAXnVZ4MV-JPKn03vfagfc-k2bWTdtp8uL17mlPxkBxVIycVZ_cOcms32ol9_7LmXgQsUVsJhLR_OeFUEEVlipUnjnm0-kC2U5LWq9B27DytZ5RaDflFjnc1BYVA" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>Why yes, it is a Members Only Jacket. Circa 1986. Good eye</b>!</td></tr></tbody></table><br />NOW Coach Johnson does her own research, basically rummaging through Anna's book bag, which I'm sure is some kind of privacy violation, and finding her murder drugs.</div><div><br /></div><div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEg2X7HZb-BpRBlP4khg7YvJeK4unhMYqKBzWuNM1hgcah7zdjrt8IYOh6ZelvHw5CRMsj1E8H7NPFaAIQaJUoit1ygoWeFIPUej0WU1jn0flb40Og2Xced4LwrjnfmjO8EyS7lp5mzL-uxLgLUwgqkB5AKH3yxRan3ESfPQ6PztLQ0Yr_NOP-x4iY4DVA" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="" data-original-height="912" data-original-width="1608" height="181" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEg2X7HZb-BpRBlP4khg7YvJeK4unhMYqKBzWuNM1hgcah7zdjrt8IYOh6ZelvHw5CRMsj1E8H7NPFaAIQaJUoit1ygoWeFIPUej0WU1jn0flb40Og2Xced4LwrjnfmjO8EyS7lp5mzL-uxLgLUwgqkB5AKH3yxRan3ESfPQ6PztLQ0Yr_NOP-x4iY4DVA" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>Anna feels it's better to have murder drugs and not need them,<br />than to need murder drugs and not have them.</b></td></tr></tbody></table><br />Why does Anna keeps murder drugs in her book bag? Who knows? We do know that Anna doesn't like people who snoop and find her murder drugs.</div><div><br /></div><div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgjLfqEtzjafZKytSy_s-aHl_mYkneQsEyXJm15sPKJgXR2lLQ78FLbcjQM66bD5-gnCh1SaV6o1-L5wkUxG_D5VtzBpfZ1YEpsGIZ84Mmycf3PbEq_A8rdRsxkC08wD1u14ShRUTiej8MFOReBAvmfIHY3A7NtjX9Qebo8S8w_CyYTVOnxL5gGLCYb6Q" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="" data-original-height="909" data-original-width="1603" height="181" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgjLfqEtzjafZKytSy_s-aHl_mYkneQsEyXJm15sPKJgXR2lLQ78FLbcjQM66bD5-gnCh1SaV6o1-L5wkUxG_D5VtzBpfZ1YEpsGIZ84Mmycf3PbEq_A8rdRsxkC08wD1u14ShRUTiej8MFOReBAvmfIHY3A7NtjX9Qebo8S8w_CyYTVOnxL5gGLCYb6Q" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>You can call me Bat Girl. </b> <br /></td></tr></tbody></table><br />So a clearly deranged person walks into your office with a bat, you decide to try to reason with this person, tell this person you're going get them the help they need, that they obviously do not want. Then you move from the safety behind your desk to face this deranged person with a bat and ask them did they murder somebody. So I don't know why one would be surprised when the person with the bat proceeds to beat you senseless with this bat.</div><div><br /></div><div>Fortunately for coach, as Anna was loading her next murder syringe, Kate stopped by. Anna announced to Kate she's going to kill her too, but Kate isn't having it.</div><div><br /></div><div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjOOmWTG0yfZiKS8mWdFfzHiwIq3y83jcT2GMTP_xi-__8lCt1x5K60G2LErkFFfwutlDsQnhuM1UlCWzR-MO1m8iahI-8DzSaYHNnaXqPsq05uaZrQQeEzlM88fXk-Jk0w5wpaaEQJkgWe22hER1dDpP6R5fub8HiVSXMhrPMsXGER3gX0WU3jECV4zg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="" data-original-height="915" data-original-width="1602" height="183" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjOOmWTG0yfZiKS8mWdFfzHiwIq3y83jcT2GMTP_xi-__8lCt1x5K60G2LErkFFfwutlDsQnhuM1UlCWzR-MO1m8iahI-8DzSaYHNnaXqPsq05uaZrQQeEzlM88fXk-Jk0w5wpaaEQJkgWe22hER1dDpP6R5fub8HiVSXMhrPMsXGER3gX0WU3jECV4zg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>Shouldn't have bought a syringe to a fist fight.</b></td></tr></tbody></table><br /></div><div>I didn't like Anna's chances in this fight since Kate has like four inches and forty pounds on her. Crazy can only get you so far.</div><div><br /></div><div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhv0tyV2xq7R5sn4iipY-7sW-RYjOA0i3P_QduP7593WUYc04cu7MLWvanPGFrYchQol__W2KrtSN0iyWYqbpnbWBvYqNCsPmQn4YyFgt2UXrWMB7z242crLunKkcq-MfRf_9-Xq8WAX_WkK0d-tjmXBpycpBihlwO_VSHT8KQx-OXi_f9_AoTRr6PTyA" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="" data-original-height="906" data-original-width="1602" height="181" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhv0tyV2xq7R5sn4iipY-7sW-RYjOA0i3P_QduP7593WUYc04cu7MLWvanPGFrYchQol__W2KrtSN0iyWYqbpnbWBvYqNCsPmQn4YyFgt2UXrWMB7z242crLunKkcq-MfRf_9-Xq8WAX_WkK0d-tjmXBpycpBihlwO_VSHT8KQx-OXi_f9_AoTRr6PTyA" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>You are so lucky I had Taco Bell for lunch today!</b></td></tr></tbody></table><br />Anna ends up stabbing herself with the syringe, which you'd think would kill this ninety five pound woman, like it's killed everybody else she's jabbed, but she would survive.</div><div><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjhma7Fof3-w5_T7E5xf4B1LErDuH5uC1o3vsUtsGmgKK6Ieutz3IBvHiKk3WnBSDV2Akw4cl7Orthm77EEzRrbFn_ir0ruiEuTRDnJqB9pKxGt_6l43JMJ-FUFPJw-pYNesyN-nJ5oMxl15rgrF6S7bFJDMDrkMGyiw-ZVRHfd5rMiqCctoo3B4EoD1Q" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="" data-original-height="906" data-original-width="1602" height="181" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjhma7Fof3-w5_T7E5xf4B1LErDuH5uC1o3vsUtsGmgKK6Ieutz3IBvHiKk3WnBSDV2Akw4cl7Orthm77EEzRrbFn_ir0ruiEuTRDnJqB9pKxGt_6l43JMJ-FUFPJw-pYNesyN-nJ5oMxl15rgrF6S7bFJDMDrkMGyiw-ZVRHfd5rMiqCctoo3B4EoD1Q" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>Damn that's good! I need to write this down! <br />Has anybody seen my notepad? Or my gun?</b><br /></td></tr></tbody></table><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">With the terror of the Cheer Captain over, Kate and Vivica A. Fox get a visit from our detective, who apparently poorly investigates computer picture crime, breaking and entering crime, and attempted murder crime, who thanks Kate for doing her freaking job and that we all owe her a debt of gratitude. Vivica A. Fox delivers the line, which all things considered makes very little sense at the time, while our detective also informs us that Anna is out of her coma at the insane asylum and doesn't remember anything. Or does she?</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhfUuz3fczKCnZGKpJiByhjdP0lS4PHimMsghGJXaRDGhovVXNO6jetohOVSDu2YbHI6kt_Phlhv_vAEKAjGACFA7I05MtKULK2wjfiRb8agmMYcg8cA9ZPGoPZ7q2yQGXKBiaizEuw8EJbrjPYusG3fZvQxRCSi0pu_2j3kaEjWKoL2zvkH0WNK0BWCg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="" data-original-height="907" data-original-width="1599" height="182" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhfUuz3fczKCnZGKpJiByhjdP0lS4PHimMsghGJXaRDGhovVXNO6jetohOVSDu2YbHI6kt_Phlhv_vAEKAjGACFA7I05MtKULK2wjfiRb8agmMYcg8cA9ZPGoPZ7q2yQGXKBiaizEuw8EJbrjPYusG3fZvQxRCSi0pu_2j3kaEjWKoL2zvkH0WNK0BWCg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>As far as straitjackets go, I must say this is one of<br />the more fashionable entries.</b><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div></td></tr></tbody></table></div><br /></div><div>I must admit, I missed these relatively terrible movies. And by terrible I mean terribly awesome if Vivica A. Fox is reading this and wants to rethink giving me a job. It's feels like eons since I've seen a bunch of grown ass women pretending to be high school chicks, where I think the coach and the math teacher are literally younger than the kids they are supposed to be teaching. I don't know how long it's been since I've seen this many shirtless dudes take random showers for no reason or spontaneously start doing curls. Thanks director David DeCoteau! I mostly got what I expected from this one including a fractured narrative that's beyond repair, a bad girl running on pure crazy with our hero girl not being all that more sane, and the fact she killed the cheer captain so she could put being cheer captain on her college application. I don't know how admission officers look at the absence of being Cheer Captain on applications, but mass murder is probably a big turn off too, Anna. Just a guess. It's been a while since I filled one of those things out, so what do I know?</div><div><br /></div><div>Three Wrongs!</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigVoD2LjwK4y2HkoAzeA8ubEujwntErtEoDUlwfNWsfQqFa-8jP8_oRStc082syCMC74gjnMuCGQExSAs8eUlBBUE5bMZL91RVvWzpHoGS-wBuIPP1SgjXOfHV25YjP7RcfEQBguA-AJzG/s120/wrong.jpg" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="72" data-original-width="120" height="39" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigVoD2LjwK4y2HkoAzeA8ubEujwntErtEoDUlwfNWsfQqFa-8jP8_oRStc082syCMC74gjnMuCGQExSAs8eUlBBUE5bMZL91RVvWzpHoGS-wBuIPP1SgjXOfHV25YjP7RcfEQBguA-AJzG/w65-h39/wrong.jpg" width="65" /></a><img border="0" data-original-height="72" data-original-width="120" height="39" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigVoD2LjwK4y2HkoAzeA8ubEujwntErtEoDUlwfNWsfQqFa-8jP8_oRStc082syCMC74gjnMuCGQExSAs8eUlBBUE5bMZL91RVvWzpHoGS-wBuIPP1SgjXOfHV25YjP7RcfEQBguA-AJzG/w65-h39/wrong.jpg" style="text-align: center;" width="65" /><img border="0" data-original-height="72" data-original-width="120" height="39" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigVoD2LjwK4y2HkoAzeA8ubEujwntErtEoDUlwfNWsfQqFa-8jP8_oRStc082syCMC74gjnMuCGQExSAs8eUlBBUE5bMZL91RVvWzpHoGS-wBuIPP1SgjXOfHV25YjP7RcfEQBguA-AJzG/w65-h39/wrong.jpg" style="text-align: center;" width="65" /></div><div><br /></div>christopherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07250000770547692795noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7190293260689734278.post-71148336090362610302023-01-10T11:04:00.000-08:002023-01-10T11:04:06.721-08:00Sorry Packer Fan, This is the way it had to be...<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuWeSiglYPdnNDGigZMhPP_mD2Q5_qxY8ACNhdU4X0JRDzqpg_aaiVYqgjhID1V-aZG3UkTr0NqJc0WDLNOnE0zHtpnnPYkuQtdV04j-o5pRBFlFDSLQN2blctSlUMiYLh85fSXdgea2PP_a_j3IxyDfF0gaSN1M3RYSHeRSBS9FslU1fmnt690sEi_Q/s1200/Lions.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="1200" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuWeSiglYPdnNDGigZMhPP_mD2Q5_qxY8ACNhdU4X0JRDzqpg_aaiVYqgjhID1V-aZG3UkTr0NqJc0WDLNOnE0zHtpnnPYkuQtdV04j-o5pRBFlFDSLQN2blctSlUMiYLh85fSXdgea2PP_a_j3IxyDfF0gaSN1M3RYSHeRSBS9FslU1fmnt690sEi_Q/s320/Lions.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>It's been a while since I posted about my beloved Detroit Lions, I mean last year they won all of three games and looked to be in danger of not winning any of those, and this year, despite the joy of that Hard Knocks comedy show, they started out 1-6. Thus it was pretty much a given that QB Jared Goff would be jettisoned after this year to make room their eventual no.1 draft pick Bryce Young, and maybe even the Knee Biting antics of HC Dan Campbell might've run it's course. But then something strange started to happen. In week eight they beat the Packers, despite the fact the Packers pretty much dominated that game. Somebody convince me Aaron Rogers didn't throw that game. Then the next week they beat the Bears, despite the fact the Bears had that game all but won. And from there, it was on.<p></p><p>From there the Lions started to win games in impressive fashion. Even that game against the presumptive Super Champion Buffalo Bills on Thanksgiving Day, they probably should've won that game as well if it weren't for Josh Allen doing Josh Allen things. Sure, they got road-grated by the Panthers which was odd, but they picked it up the next week and somehow managed to play themselves back into playoff contention.</p><p>As you probably know a lot of things had to happen on this past Sunday for the Lions to backdoor into the playoffs, mainly the Rams beating the Seahawks... sure wish Baker Mayfield had a stronger arm... but it didn't happen. So with nothing to play for except pride, a winning record, and keeping that terrible Human Being known as Aaron Rogers out of the playoffs, they had to go to what has been a Lions house of horrors for the entirety of my adult life, Lambeau field, in the dead of winter, against a guy who has victimized my team for decades, just like his soulless, grifting, stealing, dick pic taking predecessor used to do, and is a man, in my opinion, who is the best to ever throw a football. At least for the moment. At some point that guy is going to be Patrick Mahomes, but let's give the kid a couple more years. Brady is the GOAT, but he can't do the things that Aaron Rogers can do. </p><p>Whatever. The Detroit Lions beat that ass. 20-16 doesn't sound like an ass whoopin', but it was. Season sweep complete, Manifestation Destination or whatever that overly verbose, faux intellectual psycho was talking about is derailed, and my man can consult his shaman and magic mushrooms to figure out his next move. I think Rogers is slated to make 58 million next year? I know what I would do, but then I'm not a prickly, self-important, ayahuaska smoking, blame-deflecting, inoculated, asshole so what would I know? Besides, if Aiden Hutchinson made Rogers life a living hell that night, imagine what Bosa and the 49ers would've put him through. Again. The Lions did him a favor. Still though, if I was starting a theoretical team, Rogers in his prime would still be my guy.</p><p>Now comes the hard part for my Lions... expectations. Most pundits are going to pick the Lions to win the division next year, with some of those pundits picking them win the conference with even a few of those picking them to win the Superb Owl. It's gonna happen. Me? I've been a Lions fan far too long to get caught up in such nonsense. After losing the NFC Championship game in the '91 season, that was going to be the start of our dynasty, but we went 4-12 the next season and haven't won a playoff game since. I have a 26-year old son who has no idea what a Lions playoff victory looks like so I will just wait and see. </p><p>However, this doesn't mean that I'm not hopeful. At some point in the timeline rooting for the Detroit Lions has got to bear some fruit the long suffering Lions fan, and now seems to be as good a time as any. They're missing a few pieces, mostly on defense, but with a ton of draft capital, a top 5 O-line, a top ten QB who might be even better than that, a rock solid receiving core with Amon-Ra looking like the rebirth of a sane Antonio Brown, the Lions can score and will score on anybody. I'm hopeful for the immediate future of my team. But we have to wait and see. And hope Jordan Love isn't the third generational QB that's going to terrorize us for the next fifteen years.</p>christopherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07250000770547692795noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7190293260689734278.post-18772592564224318432023-01-09T10:44:00.000-08:002023-01-09T10:44:52.255-08:00A Christmas Fumble<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2_03UKZWht2AjMMwsvrNT-esB7HSHqyrgLXJ496YaOeyLW4thqZ72Xpcdu1crzkuAGrl55OhpGwgu4GrGymuwB_qq_BEbK9VyLfCRcxtytS8DziDgAqOiU_Vvc6Q7YeZI9cHhdjODApjV0wohmmqAkmeUr1ZRUZ97A2xL-viWlMQ2Wj9DP7idHogQ7g/s2915/Christmas%20Fumble.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2151" data-original-width="2915" height="236" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2_03UKZWht2AjMMwsvrNT-esB7HSHqyrgLXJ496YaOeyLW4thqZ72Xpcdu1crzkuAGrl55OhpGwgu4GrGymuwB_qq_BEbK9VyLfCRcxtytS8DziDgAqOiU_Vvc6Q7YeZI9cHhdjODApjV0wohmmqAkmeUr1ZRUZ97A2xL-viWlMQ2Wj9DP7idHogQ7g/s320/Christmas%20Fumble.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><b>A Christmas Fumble (2022) - OWN</b><p></p><p><b>Reviewed by Lisa Sue</b></p><p class="MsoNormal">What could go together better than football and Christmas? I
mean Christmas is deep into the NFL season. For some of us the final nail in
our fantasy football coffin is nailed Christmas week. Yea for 7<sup>th</sup> out
of 12<sup>th</sup> place! Other leagues may have one more week to play and the playoff picture for actual NFL teams are
getting more clear with only a couple of weeks left in regular season…and it is
a week out before start of the college bowl games. Let’s face it watching
football is what we do in between stuffing ourselves at Christmas. And glad to
see a Christmas movie that respects that! Well, not quite. I’ll let you in on a
secret right now; Christmas fumble has few Christmas trimmings (no tree shopping
montage, snow ball fights, or cookie baking in this movie!) and sadly even less
football. So while initially I was holding out hope that this movie would offer
us a look at Christmas the way many of us celebrate it, passed out watching
football on tv, I would be proven wrong by OWN and HARPO productions which has
2 movies this year joining the Christmas movie fray. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">Ok, now let me give you the set up. Nicole is the Queen of
Crisis management, working for a boss, Christian, who thinks he’s Idris Elba
(he’s not). Christian is dangling a partnership and running the London Office
if she will delay her Caribbean Christmas vacation and handle this one client.
Nicole holds fast, she’s really been looking forward to sun and relaxation away
from frosty Chicago and no promotion is going to make her give up Turks and Caicos
with her boyfriend Greg. We feel for Greg, cause he’ll be gone by the end of
this movie. It will be nice seeing the implosion. Her assistant Carla presses
her if a holiday is really all it is as Nicole doesn’t really turn down clients.
Turns out Carla’s intuition was right, the vacation angle is not the full
story. The client, Jordan, is an ex of hers. So to delve into what got Jordan
in trouble in the first place. Jordan is a sports anchor, who played football
back in the day for Drake University and is now accused of taking money from a
school booster. Jordan’s people turn to Nicole and her firm to set this PR
nightmare right. As career driven as Nicole is, she can’t help but outline a plan
for her old college boyfriend, but still intends to pass this off to someone
else and take that much needed Christmas vacation. Except once the ball gets
rolling, does Nicole really think Christian is just going to hand this off to
someone else? Or course not, cause no one else is better equipped than Nicole
to get Jordan’s favorables up, reduce the negative press, and get him his job
with back WITH a new big fat contract. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">Time then to delve into Jordan’s life- he’s engaged to
reality star wannabe Lacey, Lacey and Nicole obviously clash, and we couldn’t
be made to dislike Lacey more if she stole from orphans. In a “keep your
friends close keep your enemies closer” Sun Tzu move, Lacey invites Nicole to
her bridal shower where we see that Jordan’s mom isn’t a fan of Lacey either and is
still holding out that Nicole and Jordan will find their way back together. We
also meet Jordan’s brother Keith and his partner Delvin, who also seem more
partial to Nicole than Lacey. Which begs the question, why is Jordan with
Lacey? Keith lets it spill that technically Jordan didn’t propose to Lacey.
They were at a jewelry store, Lacey’s behind the scenes IG was shooting, they
had been discussing marriage and one thing led to another…and Mr. Nice guy
Jordan didn’t have to heart to tell Lacey it was a mistake. We’ll forgo that
dude was willing to marry someone, just to not upset them? Seems like there
were several fumbles going on in this movie. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">Nicole’s plan to rehabilitate Jordan’s image is working,
they did a Christmas tree giveaway (only a mention, no montage) a sport
equipment donation so Jordan could play Santa to a school in need and his favorables
are up. Lacey’s constant social media updates on their wedding planning is diminishing
the good vibes as the lavish over the top celebrity lifestyle that Lacey is
pitching serves as ammunition for Jordan’s detractors to haters like Mark Greene
who is the one who leaked the story that Jordan took improper money from a
college booster 15 years ago. But the
Queen of Crisis, who’s defended people in way worse situations, isn’t so easily
intimidated. She has a plan to win over Mark Greene, which manifests itself in Jordan’s
whole family taking donations to Mark’s food kitchen. Fortune is shining down
on Nicole and Jordan, because it turns out Mark’s caterer just backed out of
the big holiday dinner so what is Mark to do? Nicole and Jordan to the rescue! I
suspect that if we were to ask the caterer they would say they got a phone call
telling them to back out by someone sounding suspiciously like assistant Carla….but
hey that’s just me. </p><p class="MsoNormal">So Jordan’s family is set to do the sides like collards,
macaroni cheese, yams and corn and Nicole is sent to buy out some BBQ from some place to
provide the meats..a pretty delicious sounding spread if I do say so. The whole
family works hard and Jordan impresses Mark by having the diner ready to go on
time. And this is where it kinda falls apart for poor Greg, who instead of
answering Nicole’s messages to come to the kitchen and help just sits at home
and watches football. That’s the last straw for Nicole because Greg never puts
her first. They are through. Lacey, while present at the shelter, doesn’t come off
well either as she’s literally buffing her nails instead of helping. Then to top
it off, she wasn’t too bothered when Jordan’s mom faints at the end of the
meal, but don’t worry Mom just forgot to take her meds and she’ll be alright.
In the breakup with Greg, Nicole drops a bombshell that Jordan took the booster
money FOR HER. She needed the money to pay for her last year in college, and
Jordan risked everything to help her. The reason Mark new about the money is
because the same booster had approached him first about taking the money but he
declined. Mark is now on Team Jordan having let go of his anger and seeing the
man that Jordan had become. Something about what happened before doesn’t
matter, all that matters is who Jordan is now. Which I don’t think is true in
the eyes of the criminal justice system, but Mark drops his public shaming of
Jordan, and in return Jordan has a new place to set up a sports camp and an art
camp. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">There’s a whole story line about art in this Christmas
football movie, told you this movie is basically a rom com that just happens at
Christmas about someone who used to play football. Nicole and Jordan met in an art
class back at Drake, turns out Jordan is a pretty good painter. He has kept up
painting, each year one of his originals is auctioned off help his foundation’s
fundraising. To the surprise of no one, Nicole was too busy with her job to
keep painting, although side note they name dropped Ernie Barnes as an athlete
artist, who among his many paintings is “The Sugar Shack” that was used on Good
Times as well as Marvin Gaye’s album cover, so there’s your fun fact for the
day! Well after all Nicole’s herculean efforts, Jordan got his show back, got a
new big fat contract but lost Lacey. Who got what she wanted, which is a
reality show starring her in LA! Jordan doing right inspired Nicole to come
clean that Jordan took the money for her. She got the partnership and the
London office but instead of taking her hard earned reward, resigned. Thus
freeing her up for what ultimately took 15 years (condensed into 83 movie mins)
to achieve- a second chance and a fresh start for her and Jordan. <o:p></o:p></p><p>
</p>christopherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07250000770547692795noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7190293260689734278.post-72650681145259240982022-12-31T17:44:00.000-08:002022-12-31T17:44:26.693-08:00Inventing the Christmas Prince<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgU1-ngsHGCPRnkO7jEhwZAy1GwEtVYSNhKY3wn-o_FXndIb0jQ8h_OeNW3moA_6VyCwuMWyaRd1qfm6rzPX8-JF-3elB3t_ktqvTb5GpeZQn74M62q1-cqgXu47tWkCloGTl_4MGUbl0qFhkshLLKfP--Js0MU0A_mXDGe5dq29jkZx_RYNebHtpYFtA/s3323/InventingTheChristmasPrince_0320_RT_RV1.jpg-e1668813307338.webp" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1867" data-original-width="3323" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgU1-ngsHGCPRnkO7jEhwZAy1GwEtVYSNhKY3wn-o_FXndIb0jQ8h_OeNW3moA_6VyCwuMWyaRd1qfm6rzPX8-JF-3elB3t_ktqvTb5GpeZQn74M62q1-cqgXu47tWkCloGTl_4MGUbl0qFhkshLLKfP--Js0MU0A_mXDGe5dq29jkZx_RYNebHtpYFtA/s320/InventingTheChristmasPrince_0320_RT_RV1.jpg-e1668813307338.webp" width="320" /></a></div><b>Inventing the Christmas Prince (2022) - Hallmark</b><p></p><p>Evan (Ronnie Rowe Jr.) is the cold, detached boss at this rocket science company which leads to his employees calling him 'Dr. Spock'. I assume that's supposed to be a Star Trek reference, but of course we all know that it's MISTER Spock, not DOCTOR Spock because Dr. Spock is the baby guy. Now it is possible that Mr. Spock acquired a PhD or two while on Vulcan, but he doesn't go by Doctor. Not that I'm criticizing the criminal lack of Star Trek knowledge of whomever wrote this particular Hallmarky Romantic Holiday movie, just maybe ask somebody who might know next time. Otherwise, maybe keep Mr. Spock's name out your mouth. Now on to the show!</p><p>Anyway, our group or rocket scientists just launched their latest rocket ship, which they observed from their cubicle farm, while watching the launch on 40 inch LCD on the wall. Don't think I've seen that from a rocket control center before, but you know, budget. But while everybody was happy for a bit, the happiness ended when sour Evan walked out his office and told everybody they will have to work on Christmas Eve and maybe even Christmas Day to prepare for the next rocket launch. Well Shelby (Tamera Morwy-Housey), who is the chief rocket scientist, I guess, isn't standing for this no more and quits right there. Unfortunately, Shelby's daughter Grace (Isabel Burch), saw the birthmark on Evan's hand as Shelby was packing her stuff, which Grace believes is the mark of the Christmas Prince made from the nose of a reindeer, and now she's convinced that Evan is the Christmas Prince.</p><p>Who is this Christmas Prince? Some silly story Shelby's family passed down for generations, and ONLY Shelby's family, about a Christmas Prince who grants wishes. The problem, as this relates to Evan, is that his boss has told him if another engineer quits because of his lack of social skills, he's going to have to look for another job. Armed with this info, Shelby agrees to come back to work IF Evan pretends to be the Christmas Prince her daughter thinks he is and grant her all of her reasonable wishes. This doesn't work for Evan for many reasons. He's socially awkward, doesn't do well around kids, has very little imagination, and can't think freestyle. But he needs his job and with the encouragement of his hot sister Annalise (Jaleese Greene), he goes along with this nonsense. </p><p>As expected, it was rough sledding starting out, Evan's awkwardness getting in the way, every step of the way. Things were looking really bad on a date Evan was forced to go on with Shelby, it was one of Grace's wishes, when Shelby told Evan that her daughter has had a tough life. Evan said it looks like her life was great to him, to which Shelby had to tell him that her dad, Shelby's husband, died two years ago, which he should know since he signed the bereavement papers. He didn't know. Mr. Spock would've remembered that. Just saying. Anyway, that's rock bottom right there Evan.</p><p>Ah, but then things start looking up. Evan is taking a serious interest into Grace's life and doing everything possible to make her wishes come true. Not only that, he's being a nicer, kinder boss at work and he and Shelby's relationship is developing well beyond him simply pretending to be the Christmas Prince. But the biggest wish is yet to come, and that would be the Christmas Dance where people come and dance with their dads. Sure, Grace's dad is dead AF, but she has the Christmas Prince now, and he is fired up to come through for Grace. Unless, of course, the bosses at the Rocket Science company decide to have a Christmas Eve after work meeting, requiring Evan to absolutely be there, to discuss something that could've seriously waited until after the new year.</p><p>Well, Grace is intensely sad that he won't be there, but she still has hope. Shelby goes off on Evan, but soon realizes that IS work and is sad she went off on him. The work meeting was to tell Evan how much he has improved and that he is getting a big promotion, again this could've held, but Evan lets those clowns know that he has no time for them at the moment and a he has to help make a little girl's dream to come true.</p><p>So did Evan make it in time? Did he make that little girls dream come true? Come on now. He dressed up like a real prince, hired a horse and carriage and swept away his little Christmas Queen and her mom into the night like a boss. And then started making out with Grace's mom. At Christmas.</p><p>So this is the last Hallmarky holiday romance movie of the year for me, and I've noticed something, in that the last movie always seems to be the best movie. Is it because it really is the best movie or is it because I'm finally done for the year? Who knows? What I do know in regards to this movie is that both Grace and Shelby are in desperate need of counseling because years in, neither of them have adequately dealt with their loss. Evan can't go on pretending to be this Christmas Prince forever. Regardless of all of that, this movie had some genuine emotion working for it. I mean it was a little heavy for a Hallmark Romantic Holiday movie, with all of the talk of dead husbands and whatnot, but it worked here. The couple also worked well together, Ms. Mowry-Housley obviously being a veteran of this genre and Mr. Rowe Jr. now elevating himself to one of my go to guys for these movies, and this has nothing to do with the fact that he used to be a regular on Star Trek Discovery. Make room Ryan Peavey, Michael Xavier and David Alpay, we got a new guy!</p><p>The vomit worthiness was mid-range for this one, as I don't recall anyone baking cookies and I'm sure there had to be some caroling, even if I don't remember it, and I know we didn't get a near miss kiss. I guess Evan could've tried to kiss Shelby after their heart to heart about her dead husband, but that may have been in poor taste. But we did make a snowman, we did shop for a Christmas tree and trimmed this tree, we passed out presents, drank hot cocoa and we had a cute kid, though we had no old wise person dispensing knowledge. That was handled by Evan's hot sister, while very wise but not very old.</p><p>Anyway, done for another year! See you in October of 2023 when another 200 of these gets dumped on us. Or maybe next week, depending on how I'm feeling.</p><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: initial; background-image: none; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: initial; clear: left; color: #2196f3; display: inline-block; font-family: roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center; text-decoration-line: none;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="border: 0px none; height: inherit; max-width: 100%;" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: initial; background-image: none; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: initial; clear: left; color: #2196f3; display: inline-block; font-family: roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center; text-decoration-line: none;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="border: 0px none; height: inherit; max-width: 100%;" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: initial; background-image: none; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: initial; clear: left; color: #2196f3; display: inline-block; font-family: roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center; text-decoration-line: none;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="border: 0px none; height: inherit; max-width: 100%;" /></a></p>christopherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07250000770547692795noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7190293260689734278.post-58468017330914398552022-12-30T16:45:00.002-08:002022-12-30T16:45:22.321-08:00Big Fat Family Christmas<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgthbjEBQxoIK6BHO9r91_TJRpx2EQc3unwxPG1CamGeblpKI0mR_pOxJ9uPslD5LmFiRM5Op_4xbpVeuMtssZQ8WG1XtazeKgjubEQqfFG2pz59gPfsje7zz-RNeraZiiPNH6KmCq_zpSN1SomxJlmN4Jrry0Jpbcwyu9tjdyZmYUajWk6FtmCfZwGaA/s825/big%20fat%20family%20christmas.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="558" data-original-width="825" height="216" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgthbjEBQxoIK6BHO9r91_TJRpx2EQc3unwxPG1CamGeblpKI0mR_pOxJ9uPslD5LmFiRM5Op_4xbpVeuMtssZQ8WG1XtazeKgjubEQqfFG2pz59gPfsje7zz-RNeraZiiPNH6KmCq_zpSN1SomxJlmN4Jrry0Jpbcwyu9tjdyZmYUajWk6FtmCfZwGaA/s320/big%20fat%20family%20christmas.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><b>Big Fat Family Christmas (Hallmark)</b><p></p><p><b>Reviewed by Lisa Sue</b></p><p></p><p style="line-height: 108%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">
Whelp, I came for the dragon at Christmas but stayed to make sure the
girl got her guy in the end and learned something about herself in
the process. The Chang family puts on a big outlandish Christmas
party every year, and photographer daughter Liv, while not boycotting
it, does keep herself at arm’s length from the Changtastic-ness.
They trademarked the phrase, not I. The movie goes into why Liv is
like this, at first we see the family’s over the top fusion of
Chinese and Christmas décor mixed with the fact that like most
Asians they are hoarders and don’t throw anything away, which
clashes with Liv’s minimalistic neutral tone personality. The twist
is that a new reporter, Henry, has just arrived from Bangkok at the
paper and needs to pitch to their boss a great story. He hears tell
of a crazy loud Asian Christmas party and pitches it to the big wig
Charles who assigns Liv as the photographer. Of course, in the
keeping with the theme of secrets she doesn’t tell Henry or Charles
that its her family that puts on this annual shin dig. Liv has grand
plans to do the job, to get her photo on the front page finally, all
while keeping her name out of it. We know this won’t end well for
Liv, question is just how bad will it get?
</p>
<p style="line-height: 108%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">Liv tries to
stall Henry on his way to interview her parents, they stop in a cute
café, Sleigh Café, which is Christmas themed year-round. Liv was
going to order her usual of hot chocolate but is persuaded by Henry
to try the Butterfly Pea Milk Boba (made from the butterfly pea
flower). Turns out butterfly pea milk reminds Henry of his grandma,
and he gets a little homesick for Bangkok. Pro tip from Henry,
butterfly milk tea does appear to be a summery drink, not necessarily
something to warm you up; which makes sense given it comes from
Bangkok, not exactly known for its frightful winter weather. Next
stop is the purveyor of the crazy Chang party decorations, Mrs. Lin
who not only is an original attendee of the first Changtastic
Christmas 25 years ago but is making a gingerbread house for this
year’s party. But not just any gingerbread house, but a replica of
the Chang’s house, where Christmas meets Crazy. Mrs. Lin’s
words, not mine. But Henry is no dummy and is a decent investigative
journalist and learns from Mrs. Lin that Liv is the Chang’s
daughter, he just doesn’t understand why she wants to hide this and
go by Liv Rose on social media. Liv’s reply is something about
keeping her personal and professional life separate and not getting
the story because she’s a Chang. We know there is more that Liv
isn’t saying, but that is what she tells Henry for now.
</p>
<p style="line-height: 108%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">Henry then meets
the Changs, Liv’s parents as well as brother. The dad is the Chef,
each year trying to out do himself. The family fondly remembers the
baked sweet potato dumplings and the char siu tamales, fusions like
the braised abalone with cranberry sauce thankfully didn’t make the
cut. The decorations are mom’s purview, and like the food, the
décor is a fusion of cultures. Why have just a red nosed reindeer
when you can have a fire breathing dragon? The Changs invite the
whole neighborhood as a way to build community and give back and each
year the invitees are given a red envelope. And in return the
attendees put money into the envelope that gets donated to things
like the local community center. Henry is suitably impressed by this
tight knit neighborhood, and in fact seeing the Changs makes him
homesick for what I presume is his own crazy loud Asian family. He
agrees to keep Liv’s secret from their boss Charles but tells her
to tell them. And soon because the longer she waits the worse it
will be. After a fun day capped off with an eggnog martini, Henry’s
words couldn’t be more prophetic. As Liv has collected the red
envelopes (full of money) they jump on a cable car to fulfill Henry’s
dream of riding a cable car. They get a little carried away…and
before they know it they’ve lost the bag of donated money! What
will Liv tell her parents? What about the community center, and the
orphaned children counting on the donation? <i>What about them LIV</i>?
</p>
<p style="line-height: 108%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">The break of the
dynamic duo in this movie is kinda rough. So to answer a question
posed earlier, it gets pretty bad for Liv. when Liv tells her parents
she lost the money, which as part of guilt trip they blame themselves
as they should have collected the money like they normally do. Her
parents are so upset they tell Liv she that now gets what she wants,
and if the carnival spectacle known as Changtastic Christmas is so
embarrassing to her, then maybe she shouldn’t come to the party
after all. Then to top it all off, Liv leaves Henry to try and finish
off his article on Changtastic Christmas alone, even though no one is
really feeling the holiday spirit. It is in these depths of despair
that Liv turns to the church in the neighborhood where she meets a
nice nun, who surprisingly wasn’t already on the guest list to the
Changtastic Chrristmas. The nun tells her it is important to share
our light, as we don’t know who may need it. Queue the darkness
lifting on Liv as she gets back to Henry to make sure her partner has
the article finished. Then she admits to Henry the real reason she
hides behind a camera, why she’s kept her distance from the
Changtastic Christmas. Turns out in the 7<sup>th</sup> grade some
really mean girls showed the whole school her singing and they
started to mock her with broken English, etc. But rather than stay
true to herself (as surely as the rest of the family has) she let
them break her spirit. Liv stopped singing and let her detractors
define who she is. She was never truly embarrassed by the Changtastic
Christmas, she was really embarrassed of herself, for letting those
haters change her. Well, that stops this Christmas. She comes to the
party (her parents really didn’t want her staying away) and sings
her heart out, and in so doing raised the funds to make up for the
lost donations. And in shocker, they get the front page AND Henry is
sticking around. All we need to close out this out is one more
miracle. Turns out the missing money was returned after a neighbor
(again, suspiciously not invited) saw the donation plea that Liv had
on IG, and we have our last Christmas miracle! The orphaned children
get the funding for the art program at the community center after all
so let the rejoicing begin! Side note, apparently the Liv actress is
an opera singer, and a prolific voice actor. If she doesn’t book
more of these Christmas movies gigs, which she totally should.
</p><br /><p></p>christopherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07250000770547692795noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7190293260689734278.post-41576648679624979732022-12-30T16:23:00.001-08:002023-08-30T19:05:10.884-07:00Scentsational Christmas<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhq1TjEDpWeU-PyMppZI7CKu6Yessa3Eaz4k3oF1p7qK8KbIvk1r7AWQ_iB_j2Zg6MbYBM1oQwevcPY9kmET1JEdgBwDc6dllcbR37cTsrY14FH0EiQP2r98DnBfCQivoJ5YYkJb02uShKRVkCdYfvodM46gi98IdEBQTUHbNP1v4oVdqYBSV123wOxOw/s2048/scentsational-christmas-2048x1152-primary-16x9-1.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1152" data-original-width="2048" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhq1TjEDpWeU-PyMppZI7CKu6Yessa3Eaz4k3oF1p7qK8KbIvk1r7AWQ_iB_j2Zg6MbYBM1oQwevcPY9kmET1JEdgBwDc6dllcbR37cTsrY14FH0EiQP2r98DnBfCQivoJ5YYkJb02uShKRVkCdYfvodM46gi98IdEBQTUHbNP1v4oVdqYBSV123wOxOw/s320/scentsational-christmas-2048x1152-primary-16x9-1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><b>Scentsational Christmas (2022) - Lifetime</b><p></p><p>Let's begin our discussion of this movie by talking about one it's supporting characters. Sugith Varughese is a Canadian actor of Indian descent who has been featured in some of my favorite shows, such as Transplant and The Expanse, but he seems to have found a new groove for his career, Hallmarky Romantic Holiday Movie Dad. I'm sure his agent met with Mr. Sugith and let him know he had a couple of scripts for him to consider, and then set about describing the roles. Sir, you are going to play the dad of a serious minded, ambitious woman, who left the family business for the big city to start her own life, leaving you and your wife to run this business, but then your wife dies leaving you to run the business alone, which you do very poorly, forcing your daughter to come home and save your ass. I'm sure Mr. Sugith was like 'Cool... what about the second script?'. To which his agent had to let him know that was both of them. The roles are identical. There is literally no difference between the father in A Gingerbread Christmas and a Scentsational Christmas. They could've green screened his performance and cut and pasted them into both movies, but my man is a professional so he decided to mix them up by giving his business destroying dad in this one an Eastern Indian accent. Now on to the show!</p><p>Ellie (Nanzeen Contractor) is a chemist working for the conglomerate supermodel Nastia (Samantha Helt) and her current project is designing the next great perfume. If she nails it, she gets that much desired promotion and a relocation to France, but Nastia is no hurry to make a decision so Ellie is off to spend the holidays back home in Snowy Town to check on her dad.</p><p>Upon making it home and walking into the little log cabin that the family uses to make their candles, Ellie runs into Logan (Mykee Selkin), the dashing travel reporter that her dad has rented out a room in their home as a BnB, unbeknownst to Ellie. When dad eventually stumbles in she gets all the information she needs. Dad (Varughese) is running the business into the ground because he can't really make candles, renting to Logan is helping keep some income flowing, and Logan is in town to do a story on small town Christmas's. Ellie is pleased with none of this, despite Logan amping up his charm superpower to 11. </p><p>But Logan is <i>relentlessly </i>charming and helpful. I mean this cat never stops. Anything that's going wrong in Ellie's life right now, Logan is their to fix it. From her dad's crap ordering and billing system... fixed. The mystery of the family candle holders... solved. Ellie's inability to do a Christmas bar toast... resolved. They mystery of the missing ingredient of the family's famed Christmas Candles... Logan accidently solved that one too. However the big mystery in this film is the Christmas locket Eliie's late mother was obsessed with finding and learning it's history. Logan is eventually going to solve that too, by the way.</p><p>So these two kids are getting really close, with Ellie even showing Logan how to make candles, and let me tell you, I had no idea making candles could be such an erotic experience. Who knew? This erotic candle experience resulted in our near miss kiss, which would've happened if dad didn't stumble in and ruin everything, despite the fact he's been trying <i>really </i>hard to hook these two up. So what breaks up this fledgling love affair? It's overly complicated but it has something to do with Nastia being allergic to Ellie's original fragrance submission, Ellie making a new fragrance from the missing Christmas candle ingredient, Logan blogging about it, Nastia reading the blog and accusing Ellie of betraying her trust, and Ellie getting pissed at Logan which leads to him running away.</p><p>But he didn't run away my friends, he just had to solve the locket mystery for his woman. Ellie now realizes she loves this man she's known about a week and lights candles in the snowstorm so he can find his way back to her. It's a thing in this movie. We're not going to get into it. Regardless, he finds her and they make start making out in the snow. At Christmas.</p><p>Just so you know, everything worked out for Ellie. Nastia came to her senses and decided to launch a candle line, partnering with the family biz and places Ellie in charge, so now the family business will thrive and Ellie can stay in Snowy Town as she has learned that this is home. And she got her man. Or did she? Sure they were making out, but Logan let us know early and often that he like to travel and wasn't all that interested in staying in one place... unless the situation was right. He never said this was the right situation. Just saying. He might not be there when she wakes up in the morning. </p><p> Anyway, I guess this movie was okay. I mean it was kind of talky and a little on the busy side, where it would've worked perfectly as one of those Hallmark Murders and Mysteries presentations, but this is Lifetime and they don't need a special division for murder because that happens all the time on that channel. Our leads were good though I will say that Mykee Selkin seemed way more into Nanzeen Contractor than she in to him. This could just be a Nanzeen thing because I've seen her in a few of these movies, and beautiful as she is, she does seem to have some trouble generating electricity with her male co-stars. </p><p>The vomit worthiness was rock solid as we had lots of snow, hot cocoa sipping, near miss kissing, Christmas caroling, Christmas tree shopping and trimming, and a dead mom, but we were missing out on cookie baking, though maybe erotic candle making is suitable substitute? Who am I to say?</p><p>So if you're looking for a little mystery to go with your Holiday Romance Predictability, topped with a touch of erotic candle making, this is only the show in town.</p><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: initial; background-image: none; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: initial; clear: left; color: #2196f3; display: inline-block; font-family: roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center; text-decoration-line: none;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="border: 0px none; height: inherit; max-width: 100%;" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: initial; background-image: none; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: initial; clear: left; color: #2196f3; display: inline-block; font-family: roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center; text-decoration-line: none;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="border: 0px none; height: inherit; max-width: 100%;" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: initial; background-image: none; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: initial; clear: left; color: #2196f3; display: inline-block; font-family: roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center; text-decoration-line: none;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="border: 0px none; height: inherit; max-width: 100%;" /></a></p>christopherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07250000770547692795noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7190293260689734278.post-47604167165276944542022-12-23T18:43:00.004-08:002023-01-18T17:50:25.682-08:00Window Wonderland<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYk2RlV3FggkLwVozp7byOQBFYAB0xllzhjUYCIRrdqZYpkitBmioPHJTAv3dZX_TXllWO0roq0gzcMC7MWdhk1pvR2Yo5XtXHV04qY3R-ASD6y5wPkRC4yzyklylt3Tm0V56uJvKt1E4LMv1ED58wKkVffzs0yTh_2tpgyTVbVfTUEmGBZzZC9CCchQ/s961/window%20wonderland2.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="472" data-original-width="961" height="157" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYk2RlV3FggkLwVozp7byOQBFYAB0xllzhjUYCIRrdqZYpkitBmioPHJTAv3dZX_TXllWO0roq0gzcMC7MWdhk1pvR2Yo5XtXHV04qY3R-ASD6y5wPkRC4yzyklylt3Tm0V56uJvKt1E4LMv1ED58wKkVffzs0yTh_2tpgyTVbVfTUEmGBZzZC9CCchQ/s320/window%20wonderland2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><b>Window Wonderland (2013) - Hallmark</b><p></p><p>Today the Randomizer picked Window Wonderland, and I have to be honest with you my friends, this one took me a few days to get through. Fifteen minutes one day, twenty minutes the next, until I finally finished it off. Let me be clear in letting you that there's absolutely nothing wrong with this movie, in fact it may be one of the better types of these movies that you may get the chance to see. Possibly because it's almost a regular movie and less a Hallmark Holiday Romantic movie. No, the problem is all internal. You see when I start out watching these movies early in the season, I'm gung ho, ret ta go! But after a while, day in and day out of watching these Hallmarky Holiday movies, they start to eat into your soul. Make you question your very existence. But enough about existential crises', On with the Show! </p><p>Sloan (Chyler Leigh) is a hard working, uptight NYC Window Designer in this Universe's version of Macy's and since the head designer has stepped down, Sloan has her eye on the top Window Designer gig. Her main comp is Jake (Paul Campbell), a quick witted, smart aleck of a man who takes nothing serious but does have artistic talent to burn. Their persnickity boss Mr. Fitch (Matty Finochio) has opened up the competition to the both of them with whomever has the window (two front windows) that brings in the most customers, gets the job. I don't think that's quantifiable, but whatever.</p><p>All that to the side, Sloane does have a blue blood boyfriend in Kenneth (Cameron Mathison) who does not understand why his woman has to work all the time and why she won't go to Aspen with him and participate in the other rich people things he wants to do. Not that it matters because we ALL know he ain't gonna have no woman when this movie is over. Thing is Sloane only pretends to be rich as her mom Rita (The late great Naomi Judd) is the bathroom attendant at this Macy's and while Sloane does love her mother to death, she does seem a little ashamed of her. Jake has no family in NYC, just a country boy trying to make it in the big city. His only friend is Old Man Mac the Window Washer (Terence Kelly) with whom he does the crossword puzzles with every morning.</p><p>So Jake and Sloane go about the business of Hepburning and Tracying their way through this movie, taking friendly and not so friendly jabs at each other while decorating their windows, when Sloane learns Jake's secret! Turns out homeless Jake is living at the Macy's, in the bedroom department. Unfortunately when she confronts him with her knowledge of this info, the alarm sets and they are trapped in the store until morning. This gives them some time to really get to know each other and gives exposition a chance to grow. </p><p>Ah but there's still a window competition to get through, but Jake sees how important this job is to Sloane, as his feelings for her are starting to grow, so he decides to tank his Christmas Eve window. Also blue blood Kenneth has learned about his girlfriends working class roots and he's none too happy about this. Other stuff happens like the both of them making crap windows, getting fired by Mr. Fitch, breaking into Macy's to make great windows and subsequently getting arrested, but the important thing is that Kenneth has decided to forgive Sloane for being so common, which clearly doesn't go over well and he loses his woman, as we all know he would. Also the owner of this Macy's shows up to let the cops know that Sloane and Jake are cool, and would you know that it's Mac the Window Washer! What? Who is totally kicking it with Sloane's mom! Who's the new blue blood now sir!</p><p>Anyway, Sloane and Jake's latest window is super awesome, features themselves in it, the both of them wrapped in loves embrace, they BOTH get the top Window decorating gig, not sure how that's going to work, and they start making out in the window for everybody to see. Which is wildly inappropriate. On Christmas.</p><p>So yeah, 'Window Wonderland' is a pretty okay movie, probably because it's a traditional RomCom, not a traditional Hallmarky Romance movie. You may have noticed at no point did I mention anybody baking cookies, or caroling, making snowmen or throwing snowballs, or avoiding a magical Santa, or near miss kissing, or mistletoe, or even drinking hot cocoa. Nothing! What we do have is Paul Campbell in the first of what will be many appearances in these types of movies brining the charm, and Chyler Leigh in the last of these she will do, as she will move on to other things, brining us the uptight, asymmetrical haircut beauty. Both actors do this thing they do very well. And this movie has Naomi Judd in it. She didn't sing for us, a Christmas song would've been nice, but Miss Naomi should've done more acting because she was a natural. </p><p>Admittedly, not much of a Hallmark Holiday movie, thus the low vomit rating, but not so bad for a regular movie.</p><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: initial; background-image: none; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: initial; clear: left; color: #2196f3; display: inline-block; font-family: roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="border: 0px none; height: inherit; max-width: 100%;" /></a><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><p></p>christopherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07250000770547692795noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7190293260689734278.post-43631552216724843972022-12-20T17:33:00.002-08:002022-12-20T17:33:31.807-08:00A Show-Stopping Christmas<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTcLBrBEo0BuDgGCJAPZ4unHcTNfg8uiIKQYatAgI68IRuY42WISW8Cm_kQ1oSAY0NWORy2SSsE_iZrGi7IQ787LIPVwiLOPEBa7WXCsyGsdpIrUnNTpO8ehnmWHhDD6jmBYcfKlN1f5Lm6D2Vt9RCRbZLrNFcddebVebQw6xmq4Xx7F9pb2d6qhrQIg/s1500/a-playful-romance-960083.webp" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="844" data-original-width="1500" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTcLBrBEo0BuDgGCJAPZ4unHcTNfg8uiIKQYatAgI68IRuY42WISW8Cm_kQ1oSAY0NWORy2SSsE_iZrGi7IQ787LIPVwiLOPEBa7WXCsyGsdpIrUnNTpO8ehnmWHhDD6jmBYcfKlN1f5Lm6D2Vt9RCRbZLrNFcddebVebQw6xmq4Xx7F9pb2d6qhrQIg/s320/a-playful-romance-960083.webp" width="320" /></a></div><b>A Show-Stopping Christmas (2021) - Lifetime</b><p></p><p>Today our randomizer chose a movie, we heard on the grapevine, that was finished last year, but apparently wasn't good enough until Lifetime desperately picked it up this year to fill out their schedule. Color me a little bit concerned. A holiday romance movie about a Christmas hating curmudgeon trying to shut down (insert here) while two impossibly attractive people try to stop this person, while at the same time infusing this person with the Christmas Spirit, while at the same time falling in love with each other? And somebody saw this and said that this wasn't good enough? Hmm....</p><p>Riley (Jamie Perez) is the hard working director of her small town theater working on putting on their annual production of a Christmas Carol, and she is in desperate need of a Bob Cratchit. Fortunately for Riley, Handsome Sam (Thomas McDowell) has breezed into town, a very famous Emmy award winning actor and after he and Riley meet cute at the theater late one night, he expresses an interest in being her Bob Cratchit.</p><p>But why is Handsome Sam in town in the first place? Well, he's the nephew of the sour Miss Regina (Maureen Keller), who took over ownership of the theater after her beloved husband passed seven years ago, and who has decided to sell this theater to some evil land developers to build condominiums. Looking at the location of the theater it seems like an odd place stick some random condos, but then I'm not an evil land developer so what do I know? Anyway, Sam is here to help his aunt manage this deal. </p><p>Riley doesn't take this news well at all. I mean it is this woman's building, she says it's a money pit needing constant repair and she wants to retire so she should be able to do whatever the hell she wants with it, but Riley clearly hates freedom. Regardless, there is still a play to put on, Handsome Sam gets the part of Cratchit and now we can get down to the business of rehearsals. Mind you I didn't see much of any rehearsals, but I did see Sam putting all his best moves on Riley. I mean I'm looking at the same thing he's looking at so I completely understand, but we do have a play to put on dammit! Focus!</p><p>However, Regina and Riley continue to butt heads. Riley gives a speech at a cast caroling event, don't know where they found the time to practice this considering how good they sounded, and Regina felt Riley was attacking her personally during this speech, which she probably was. Then she hits Riley with the heavy stuff, that Handsome Sam wants this sale as much as she does. Turns out Sam is half owner of this theater and he gets half of the hefty 3.5milly when the sale goes through. Sam neglected to tell us any of this. Well whatever good feelings Riley had towards Sam is dashed on the rocks! Sam tries to explain to her was going to tell her, eventually, and that since he's been in town he's changed his mind on selling, but Riley isn't hearing it.</p><p>But my man Sam believes in action, not words and he tells Regina he's not selling! Not surprisingly, this upsets Regina greatly and she basically blames Riley and she puts locks on the door ultimately putting the kibosh on rehearsals and the play itself. But Riley one ups Miss Regina by calling the local news, bringing out a couple of orphan kids who are in the play and paints Regina as an Orphan Kid Hater. Who likes a person who hates orphan kids? Nobody, that's who. I should be giving Riley a hard time for using orphan kids as props for a means to an end, but Riley was also an Orphan kid, so I guess she gets a pass.</p><p>Regina calls Riley for face to face, heart to heart. She doesn't appreciate being called out on national TV as an orphan kid hater, and the truth is she's just been really sad and lonely since her husband died and the theater is a constant reminder of his absence. Riley says she understands (she clearly doesn't) and wants to help (she really doesn't). I know Regina is supposed to be the villain in this but Riley isn't all great either. So later that evening, with the chains off the door, after a play / dress rehearsal / food drive / shelter thing... it's unnecessarily complicated and confusing... Regina gets up in front of the audience and gifts the theater to Riley. Oh happy day! Then Riley and Sam slow dance by a Christmas tree and start making out... At Christmas.</p><p>Okay, so A Show-Stopping Christmas, or A Playful Romance as it was called last year isn't the best Holiday Romantic movie you are going to see, but it certainly isn't so bad where I can justify it sitting on a shelf for a year since most of these movies aren't really that great either. But I do have some Post Movie Questions. How does Riley plan to pay for the maintenance, utilities and taxes on this massive structure she's been given? Her salary as a small town theater director isn't going to cut it. I predict she finds those evil developers and pockets that 3.5 mil for herself. And is Sam going to quit Hollywood to do... I don't know... what? Apparently he's a regular on some sitcom and while I'm sure it's soul sucking, is going to quit that sweet gig just hang to out with Riley and help with her three productions a year? Don't fall for that game Riley, homeboy is outta there.</p><p>As far as the movie itself goes, admittedly it was kind of wordy. Lots of talking. As an unpaid Holiday Christmas Movie Consultant, I would've advised the director to throw in a couple of montages to break up the dialog overload I experienced in this movie. A cookie baking montage since nobody baked cookies in this movie, a snowball fight montage since there was a snow storm we were supposed to be dealing with, they did decorate a tree but they even talked while they did that. Could've just made that a montage too. And the obvious, a rehearsal montage. Alas all we got was more talking. These two even talked while they kissed. </p><p>Again, a show-stopping wasn't great but there is worst out there. Trust me on this. And not for nothing, and this has very little to do with the actual quality of the movie but still should be noted.... Jamie Perez is smoking hot. So, you know, there you go.</p><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: initial; background-image: none; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: initial; clear: left; color: #2196f3; display: inline-block; font-family: roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="border: 0px none; height: inherit; max-width: 100%;" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: initial; background-image: none; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: initial; clear: left; color: #2196f3; display: inline-block; font-family: roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="border: 0px none; height: inherit; max-width: 100%;" /></a></p>christopherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07250000770547692795noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7190293260689734278.post-56532054467643664952022-12-19T15:20:00.000-08:002022-12-19T15:20:19.362-08:00A Christmas Spark<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlozGtpH_1-RWWKCx_I8MMBLifMacTvirBA1r7dNGX-1wfzuRpzNZfEAtKyTiI8VtysMzNVODDvmrMqHg6dK1A4sNtcwoyGptGIxv_rOfsnqpFmJfDe1t5q3siU7nXkYNCty1NhBFya3108ABKzKECpPbyHrLvzKc8dl9mCmqfxQls20A8nnKYiXMpiw/s1280/christmas%20spark.webp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="667" data-original-width="1280" height="167" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlozGtpH_1-RWWKCx_I8MMBLifMacTvirBA1r7dNGX-1wfzuRpzNZfEAtKyTiI8VtysMzNVODDvmrMqHg6dK1A4sNtcwoyGptGIxv_rOfsnqpFmJfDe1t5q3siU7nXkYNCty1NhBFya3108ABKzKECpPbyHrLvzKc8dl9mCmqfxQls20A8nnKYiXMpiw/s320/christmas%20spark.webp" width="320" /></a></div><b>A Christmas Spark (2022) - Lifetime</b><p></p><p>Today our movie Randomizer introduces us to Molly (Jane Seymour), a widowed control freak who's husband is probably overjoyed to be dead. Kidding, Molly is a wonderful person, but she is a passive aggressive control freak. Molly likes her life and the lives of those around her to be mapped out just so, so when her bestie Cass (Shawna Clark) suggests they make a girls trip to Aruba for the holidays, Molly has to refuse because she has everything planned out for her daughter and her daughter's family for the holidays just right, in that they will be doing the same thing they've been doing since forever. However when her daughter Kristin (Sarah Smyth) calls to let her know they will not be coming down for the Holidays, Molly has to alter her much revered plans and make the trip up to New Hampshire to spend Christmas with them.</p><p>Upon landing Molly complains that there's no snow. Oh Molly, that's because it doesn't snow in July in Vancouver New Hampshire. Then she has a little innuendo battle with the dashing Hank (Joe Lando) over some taffy she promised her granddaughter. Molly wins that battle, but she will be seeing that man again. Often.</p><p>Now at her daughters house Molly passively aggressively attacks daughter's messy life and sets about the process of rearranging everything in her house. Kristin is apparently used to this sort of behavior from her mother and always just smiles, kisses her mom on the forehead and then drags her out so she will stop messing around with her home. Here, she runs into Hank yet again, they engage in more innuendo, and she also meets the ladies of this town who are in a bit of pickle. It seems the director of the Christmas play is no longer available, so they ask Molly, a former Drama teacher to step in. At first Molly refuses because her daughter needs her, but upon hearing this her daughter urges, no.. begs her mother to take this job so she can have something else, other than her, to obsess over.</p><p>First thing, they need to find a Santa. The ladies would like the best looking older guy in town to take the gig, but he said no. Molly says 'leave Hank to me', and after some more innuendo, Hank says yes. Now we get to the business of Hank and Molly spending and endless amount of time together, from coffee, to riding Hank's motorbike, to dinner at Hank's place and totally making out. Probably more. I mean Molly was seriously doing a walk of shame sneaking back into her daughter's home later that evening, even apologizing for being so late but Kristin is almost giddy that her mom might have a boyfriend. I don't know if I've seen a daughter so happy to see their mom getting juiced than this daughter.</p><p>So the play is coming along, Hank and Molly are getting closer, so what's going to break them up? Well, nothing really. I thought when clumsy Hank, who was invited over for some tree trimming, tripped and broke the cherished Christmas Star that Molly's dead husband had given her so many years ago, Hank was toast. But no, I mean she was sad but stuff happens. Now Hank did make attempt to take the relationship to the next level which did make Molly shy away a bit, but Kristin was right there to let her mom know that Dad is dead and this is what Dad would want anyway, though I have my doubts about that, but we do know that Kristin seriously wants her mom to focus on anything other than Kristin.</p><p>Molly finds Hank right before the play, lets her know her true feelings, he does the same and they make out. The plays goes on, it's awful, the curtain closes and they start making out again. The next day, Christmas Day, people open presents, Hank and Molly announce they are traveling the world, Kristin does a backflip, high-fives her husband and daughter, and then Molly and Hank start making out yet again. At Christmas.</p><p>It has come my attention that this is a reunion of sorts for Jane Seymour and Joe Lando as they were on Dr. Quinn together back in the day. I have never seen a single episode of that show so I did not know this. All the leading men I'm familiar with Ms. Seymour playing opposite are no longer with us. Roger Moore in Live and Let Die, Christopher Reeves in Somewhere in Time, Michael Sarazzin in Frankenstein the True Story, Chevy Chase in Oh Heavenly Dog... all dead. (<i>edit... Chevy Chase isn't dead yet as of this writing</i>). Nonetheless, one can tell that Mr. Lando and Ms. Seymour are VERY comfortable being around one another, which is a good thing since as we have said many times, these movies usually sink or swim on the chemistry between the leads, so Joe and Jane have that part of this movie easily covered.<br /></p><p>The rest of the movie is just basic Hallmarky stuff that we have to come to expect, this time rescuing the Christmas play which in turn rescues the recreation center, but some of the vomit worthy elements of this Christmas Holiday romance were strangely absent. We got some hot cocoa drinking, a little Christmas tree trimming which ended in tragedy, a near miss kiss though they landed all the rest of them and some burnt cookie baking where poor Kristin was passively aggressively attacked by her mother again, but missing was caroling, anything involved with snow such as snow angels or snow man making, and no mistletoe though Joe and Jane didn't need it. I imagine that awful play was suppose to substitute for the missing elements since they did sing in it, terribly, and there were some kids dressed up as snowflakes so I guess we'll have to take it.</p><p>Quite honestly, it's a relief to watch one of these where the main characters are actually older than me for a change. Way older. And I'm not young. So yay for A Christmas Spark! </p><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: initial; background-image: none; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: initial; clear: left; color: #2196f3; display: inline-block; font-family: roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="border: 0px none; height: inherit; max-width: 100%;" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: initial; background-image: none; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: initial; clear: left; color: #2196f3; display: inline-block; font-family: roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="border: 0px none; height: inherit; max-width: 100%;" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: initial; background-image: none; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: initial; clear: left; color: #2196f3; display: inline-block; font-family: roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="border: 0px none; height: inherit; max-width: 100%;" /></a></p>christopherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07250000770547692795noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7190293260689734278.post-15342794063982625092022-12-17T13:17:00.001-08:002022-12-17T13:18:59.364-08:00The Santa Squad<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGv8YblWUCytulbLOqswvG2ezQiNZdfxvJBVLqziNTBolKrucdumVJ7WOGhSbbXpTcB78qUerSaOVwXYJfW1DZp_Rgv9zVl_Y09YVSQ55idbCSWYa-oUgQAW1Wrau2uqhwQoI1gXGBPl1BC2LkWAD0f8Zmj1uQO-jEk00bBBZHUcpu1el2a2vyOfjloA/s500/santa%20squad.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="299" data-original-width="500" height="191" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGv8YblWUCytulbLOqswvG2ezQiNZdfxvJBVLqziNTBolKrucdumVJ7WOGhSbbXpTcB78qUerSaOVwXYJfW1DZp_Rgv9zVl_Y09YVSQ55idbCSWYa-oUgQAW1Wrau2uqhwQoI1gXGBPl1BC2LkWAD0f8Zmj1uQO-jEk00bBBZHUcpu1el2a2vyOfjloA/s320/santa%20squad.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><b>The Santa Squad (2020) - Lifetime</b><p></p><p>Today we spun the algorithm wheel and it chose another basic one for us. You've already seen this one, even if you haven't seen this one.</p><p>Allie (Rebecca Dalton), your run of the mill 5'10", 115lb, doe eyed supermodel unemployed elementary school art teacher needs a job for the holidays. Her bestie Tony (Chris Sandiford) who runs the local old folks community center, turns on the Santa Squad, an organization that goes to folks homes at Christmas to decorate, shop and wrap Christmas presents. Allie is tailor made for this gig as she knows how to do all of these things! Just like almost all of us! </p><p>Her fist gig is the Church account. Not an actual Church as we, including Allie, were led to believe, but the uber-wealthy Church family which includes the patriarch Gordon (Aaron Ashmore) and his motherless daughters Rose (Hattie Kratgen) and Iris (Molly Lewis). Also hanging out is Gordon's Majordomo Daniel (Michael Therriault) and Gordon's girlfriend Kimmy (Paniz Zade). Oh Kimmy, you ain't gonna have no man when this movie is over girlfriend.</p><p>So while eight year old Iris and 12 year old Rose aren't want for anything, their lives are total ass. I mean they don't get to do anything except study and play the flute because their CEO father is always working and Kimmy seriously hates them. And everybody around her for that matter. But then Allie breezes in, and while Daniel laid down all the house rules, Allie don't got no time no rules and immediately begins to enrich the lives of those little girls through the power of arts and crafts. They even make homemade Christmas ornaments. Mind you, they already have a tacky ass, fake ass white Christmas tree adorned with diamond and gold crusted ornaments from Tiffany's that Kimmy already picked out, that girls aren't allowed to touch, but this is way better. And once Gordon saw his girls having fun, he wanted to join in the fun too. Poor Kimmy is already halfway out the door. Now in her defense, when Gordon first laid eyes on the unemployed supermodel art teacher he was really liking what he was seeing so sadly Kimmy was pretty much toast from jump.</p><p>After a fun day with Allie and the girls ended with them looking at Christmas lit houses, little Iris got sad while peeping through the window at a family, which is against the law, and seeing them have the kind of fun her family never has. When Gordon hears this he vows to make a change, first by getting rid of Kimmy, which made the girls happier than Burgermeister Mesiterburger dying, then by simply spending more time with them. Or actually spending more time with Allie because those girls are totally pimping her out to their father. </p><p>So everything is going great. Allie loves the girls, Gordon and Allie are falling for each other, even near miss kissing at a cozy dinner at Allie's <i>incredible </i>house, I could've sworn she was unemployed, but we know love can't last. I'm now wondering what is it going to be? Sometimes the working girl will semi-misrepresent herself, but Allie didn't do that. Or maybe Gordon will be closing down the community center? But that was never a plot point so they didn't do that. Whatever it's going to be I know Kimmy <i>has </i>to be involved because surely we haven't seen the last of her. Well, while baking cookies and with Allie and the girls outside waiting for the cookies to finish, an oven mitt was left inside the oven causing the smoke alarm to go off. Gordon goes completely apeshit over this. Accuses Allie of negligence and trying to kill his kids. Bring it down homeboy, it's just a smoky oven mitt. Regardless he orders Allie off the premises never to come back! I know that damn Kimmy had to break in and stick that mitt in the oven! Damn Kimmy! But she didn't. One of the girls accidently did it. I was pulling for you Kimmy to make comeback.</p><p>Eventually Gordon sees the error of his ways, partly because his daughters hate his guts now, and at the hospital... not going get into that side story... begs for forgiveness. He gets forgiveness, and they make out. Then the next day, Christmas Day, everybody gets awesome gifts and Gordon mentions to Allie instead of only working for the Santa Squad and helping out at Christmas, why not move in and help year round. He's know this woman like four days. And they kiss some more. At Christmas.</p><p>So there's nothing wrong with this movie as it was pretty basic Hallmarky stuff, doesn't color outside the lines even a little bit and the only kind of person that wouldn't like this movie are people who don't like Hallmarky Romantic Holiday movies. Admittedly, that's an incredibly large segment of society, but there it is. It gives us what we want when we want it and nothing more, nothing less. </p><p>The vomit worthiness was sky high as we had a dead mom, and I think Allie was an orphan since I can't remember her mentioning her parents one single time, and she's young enough that at least one of them should still be alive. We have a psycho Christmas loving heroine, a Christmas ambivalent hero, we made snowmen, we made snow angels, we drank hot cocoa, we went Christmas tree shopping, we decorated that tree with homemade Christmas ornaments, we saw some mistletoe action while peeping through those folks window, we had a near miss kiss, we had wise old people who we didn't bother mentioning, two cute kids, and cookie baking... even though it ended in tragedy. It has it all. Except maybe Caroling? I don't recall seeing that. </p><p>Is it a good movie? You know that is not what's important here. Why even ask? Maximum vomits!</p><div class="separator" style="background-color: white; clear: both; color: #757575; font-family: roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="background: none 0% 0% repeat scroll transparent; clear: left; color: #2196f3; display: inline-block; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; outline: currentcolor none 0px;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="border: 0px none; height: inherit; max-width: 100%;" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #757575; font-family: roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.4px;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="background: none 0% 0% repeat scroll transparent; clear: left; color: #2196f3; display: inline-block; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="border: 0px none; height: inherit; max-width: 100%;" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="background: none 0% 0% repeat scroll transparent; clear: left; color: #2196f3; display: inline-block; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="border: 0px none; height: inherit; max-width: 100%;" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="background: none 0% 0% repeat scroll transparent; clear: left; color: #2196f3; display: inline-block; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="border: 0px none; height: inherit; max-width: 100%;" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="background: none 0% 0% repeat scroll transparent; clear: left; color: #2196f3; display: inline-block; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="border: 0px none; height: inherit; max-width: 100%;" /></a></span></div>christopherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07250000770547692795noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7190293260689734278.post-41535028702776687222022-12-16T16:40:00.000-08:002022-12-16T16:40:37.840-08:00Undercover Holiday<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUrqzQczldIoiUrsHFOBKDR5S_I7eaoT_zmeVLlqpr_mANVReVLc_HZ3vyhFxmcjKHkn7pHY4Ziqq5k9z91VAUN7Yq3nbepLrWo9dzUDQO-p27THK0d3CDWG_9Wm3j2TH1hI4X26Mypm68W7BTnWfb2Y2kWrBrKc7KFSItNZf_vzgSSAbVJS_jIF4fOg/s261/undercover.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="193" data-original-width="261" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUrqzQczldIoiUrsHFOBKDR5S_I7eaoT_zmeVLlqpr_mANVReVLc_HZ3vyhFxmcjKHkn7pHY4Ziqq5k9z91VAUN7Yq3nbepLrWo9dzUDQO-p27THK0d3CDWG_9Wm3j2TH1hI4X26Mypm68W7BTnWfb2Y2kWrBrKc7KFSItNZf_vzgSSAbVJS_jIF4fOg/s1600/undercover.jpg" width="261" /></a></div><b>Undercover Holiday (2022) - Hallmark</b><p></p><p><b>Reviewed by Lisa Sue</b></p><p class="MsoNormal">Dedicated readers of this blog will know that I’m a sucker
for cops and Christmas uniting, I did review <i>A Christmas Witness</i> last
year thinking surely that was a one off? Well, here we are again, another
undercover at Christmas meet cute, and I’m so here for it. Also, as this year’s
blogs illustrate, I’m a sucker for a mystery, no matter how inane the crime.
This movie’s premise is Jaylen is a newly minted pop star, about to have her
first tour after winning some American Idol-like contest. Her manager Benny and
BFF Margot guide and help Jay, and as they enter the rented mansion the label
is putting her up in a couple of red flags appear. The gate is open (they
totally closed it when they left earlier) and after passing some annoying
paparazzi (which I’m just going to add is a bit unusual as Jay is just starting
out on this pop star journey and aside from winning the contest hasn’t really done
anything to warrant pap hounding her. Just sayin) they notice a rose and an
unsigned note are left at the door. What criminal mastermind breached Jay’s
security and how? Manager Benny springs into action and the label immediately sends
over some security to make sure their next cash cow is kept safe. From what I
hear it seems doubtful that labels are that protective of brand new talent? But
we go with this, as it is a Christmas Hallmark Movie and things must happen, no
matter how unbelievable, for the meet cute to occur. And we do applaud Benny
for calling the cops and not trying to handle this one himself. But as this is
a Hallmark movie, the cops show up but quickly disappear, cause we need to
bring in the real crime solver, ex Navy Seal turned personal body guard for the
music label, Matt.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">Matt is super serious about his job, much to Jay’s chagrin.
Instead of being all happy that her label is willing to shell out the big bucks
to keep her safe, she’s concerned about bringing Matt home to Squirrel Hollow
for the holidays. Jaylen is totally unconcerned that some potential creepy
stalker (or worse a murderer) is targeting her. She attempts to bake some
cookies to bring home, but Matt (and we presume the new oven) have thrown off
her baking game and one batch is “ugly” and the other is burnt. One more stop
before getting to Squirrel Hollow, a Panaderías in LA to bring home some baked
treats to replace the ruined cookies. I’m sure if some LA bakery wanted the product
placement, they could have been the treat Jay brings home but alas I guess no
calls were made. Jay tells Matt that they’re going to have to come up with a
story for her family, cause she just can’t bring home a body guard. The family
already think that LA is some crime ridden murder capital. Jay’s abuela <i>feels</i>
like she needs to come home, for her family will protect her. Apparently though
Jay’s brother wrestling in high school doesn’t rate high enough for the record
label to call that “adequate security” while Matt tries to explain to Jay that he
won’t lie to her family…cue Jay telling her family that Matt is her boyfriend
(they totally didn’t take the time during the trip to hash out some crucial
details. It is all about the small things when perpetrating a lie) Poor Matt is
being dragged along against his will, he gets too entangled in Jay’s web of intrigue
to be able to leave. But he continues to play along because he’s a
professional, and protecting Jay is the job. Jay doesn’t bother to learn where
Matt is from, and incorrectly tells the family he’s from Cleveland vs his
actual home town of Simi Valley. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">First night Jay is back home, they go out to the local hang
out Hannigan’s to see the old crew including, old high school rival Lorelai to do
some karaoke. Backstory on Lorelai is that Jay was the fork to Lorelai’s Belle;
Jay was the Von Trapp boy to Lorelai’s Maria; Jay was always second fiddle, you
get the picture. Sounds like a perfect person to be stalking Jay, a bitter
rival so consumed with jealousy that Jay was living the life that was meant for
her! Except wait, not so fast. Jay and Lorelai do Christmas Medley 8 together,
which appears to be a “12 days of Christmas” mixed with “O Christmas tree” sung
as a duet. So while there may be jealousy on Lorelai’s end, Jay isn’t that
consumed about all those missed starring roles. A dropped glass interrupts the Christmas
medley, Matt jumps up to save her (told ya, he took his job very seriously) and
they end up outside where Jay’s Ex Eddie shows up. How did he know where Jay
was? Eddie’s claim is it’s a small town, news travels fast. Could Eddie be the
one sending the threatening notes? <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">While I’m not shipping Matt and Jay, the movie goes on to do
some Mexican- American Christmas traditions to try and change my mind. The
Rodriguez family puts on a living nativity scene. Jay’s pregnant sister in law
gets to play Mary, leaving Jay to be an angel. Matt hilariously plays a
wise man, even without the proper improv skills he feels are needed to keep up
with Jay’s pretense, and despite the medical emergency of Faith going to labor,
Matt did manage to enjoy himself. Next up is some dancing in preparation for
the tour with some big shot choreographer. To get the choreographer to get her,
Jay does some salsa. Because she has to be her. Which Jay keeps telling us,
which extends to the record label that won’t agree to her singing in both
English and Spanish. We appreciate the fight to simply be seen for your
authentic self and are glad when Matt pushes Jay to be bold. Be courageous.
Never give up, plan plot and execute; semper fortis! And other nuggets of
wisdom like don’t make yourself small so others feel comfortable. Jay starts to
think Matt is the only one who sees her, like the real her! Not her manager
Benny who told her to not rock the boat as a new label signee, and to be a team
player which means shut up and do as you’re told. Not her family that just want
her back home and holding her back from achieving her dreams! Its enough to
make a viewer go crazy with all the complaints Jay has. Not to mention putting
on this charade just to have a “normal Christmas” with her family, but is this
all really normal I ask you?<o:p></o:p></p><p>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">Then there was tamaladas; which I really think is a
tradition that needs to be incorporated more into the general American population.
Who doesn’t like tamales? What could me more Chirstmasy than a group of people coming
together for a common purpose, the making of delicious tamales. With abuela as
the jefa telling everyone exactly where they are stationed and what they need to
do. Then we have luminaria; a
traditional Mexican Christmas lantern consisting of a candle set in sand inside
a paper bag. That the whole Rodriguez family gathers together, lights the
candles and share their hope and wises for the coming year. In between we get the
answer to the mystery of who’s been sending the notes- Matt (with help from Jay’s
brother Hector) sus out it was the ex Eddie. A very disappointing reveal, that
included Eddie explaining he didn’t sign the notes cause Jay would know his
handwriting. Turns out she didn’t know as well as he thought, because Jay saw
the first note and didn’t say it was Eddie. Also, did Eddie go out to LA and
trespass at Jay’s mansion, get back to Squirrel Hollow, and continue his
stalking? Alas, these questions aren’t answered by the movie. Jay takes Matt’s
advice and pushes the label to really hear her songs, and the label big wigs agree
to let her do Spanish and English songs, meaning she does Benny’s job better
than Benny (as he points out) As Jay lights the town tree as the grand
marshall, she does it with the help of Lorelei, and the two frenemies realize
that despite everything they really encourage and support one another. Sad to
see that Lorelei wasn’t given some Mean Girls treatment and run over like she
deserves, but Jay feels that without Lorelei’s encouragement she wouldn’t have
auditioned or made it to the pop star she was destined to be! And when the
Rodriguez family finds out that Matt really is just a body guard, they are
hurt. It’s the push and pull of family- Jay feels they’re holding her back,
they think they’re protecting her, in the end they are all lying to each other
(and themselves) But once its all out in the open, nothing left to do but for Matt
and Jay to make up, cause for some unknown reason they get each other. <o:p></o:p></p><p><br /></p>christopherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07250000770547692795noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7190293260689734278.post-76637838687451276452022-12-15T11:13:00.001-08:002022-12-15T11:13:53.567-08:00Ghosting: The Spirit of Christmas<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgc7Y9mP5oUrtu8TnbbbdyLrjsKEYLcHyBQ4H-V7_0cfMb7RIhN7AC66zMEiSRgGgxLHDjCrDviPc-0DU0gdNWIQIjV4VpwY-9WvWNggcN_3XPq0nGX4XMtIs3siYNBbyR5x1-zIzzkHpoUV_D2J1YUSXLv6iYNLB20PPGklLL4x-HS7_mcrP4NuQI0Vw/s720/ghosting_720.webp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="720" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgc7Y9mP5oUrtu8TnbbbdyLrjsKEYLcHyBQ4H-V7_0cfMb7RIhN7AC66zMEiSRgGgxLHDjCrDviPc-0DU0gdNWIQIjV4VpwY-9WvWNggcN_3XPq0nGX4XMtIs3siYNBbyR5x1-zIzzkHpoUV_D2J1YUSXLv6iYNLB20PPGklLL4x-HS7_mcrP4NuQI0Vw/s320/ghosting_720.webp" width="320" /></a></div><b>Ghosting: The Spirit of Christmas (2019) - Freeform</b><p></p><p>Well Excel Randomizer, mysterious entity that is picking my holiday movies this year, I don't know what to do this one. It's not a Christmas movie, but a movie that takes place in late December, it takes place in Los Angeles which further removes it from the Holidays, our main character is dead, it has profanity, it has sex, and being on Freeform, as opposed to the other Holiday movie outlets, it does not respect the Hallmarky formula. I honestly don't how this movie is going to end, and that's damned unsettling. For that reason, I must insert SPOILER ALERT, and yes, we spoil every other Holiday movie we tell you about on this little unread blog, but not really because you already know, way beforehand, how they are all going to end. Not this one though. Anything goes.</p><p>Say hello to Jess (Aisha Dee) who so cute and has cheeks so chubby you just want to pinch them until she dies! Which she's going to actually do, but she is super adorable! She's chatting with her best friend Kara (Kimiko Glenn) who is so adorable I just want to take her to my taxidermist, have her stuffed and stick her on my mantle. She's so cute! These two literally spend the whole movie trying to out adorable each other and I can't pick a winner. Anyway, these two cuties talk cute stuff, mainly about Jess's date later that night, which she isn't all that excited about.</p><p>Ah, but then she actually meets Ben (Kendrick Sampson) who is either super sexy or super sleepy, I'm not sure which one, but the look and the game is all working on Jess, and Ben also is completely smitten. So excited about this date Jess had to jump in her car and call her bestie to let her know that this was the best date she's ever been on, then she gets a funny text from Ben, and then she get's T-boned by a pickup and dies. </p><p>BUT NOT SO FAST!!! At her funeral, which judging from that accident should've been a closed casket if one were to ask me, Jess magically appears. Obviously her parents and Kara are destroyed by her sudden demise, but Kara gets a surprise when Jess shows up right in front of her while she was trying to meditate her grief away. They both freak out for about fifteen seconds and then just roll with it. Kara is the only one who can see Jess so they decide Jess should do things she didn't do in life, so they have a montage of a fun day. Across town, Ben, who has no idea Jess is dead as of yet, is whining to his sister Mae (Jazz Raycole) about being ghosted by Jess because she hasn't texted him back. Mae mentions that she might be dead. </p><p>Now that the montage of fun day is over, Jess needs to know why she hasn't moved on, so Earth girl Kara takes her to meet her Spiritual Advisor Chrissy (Missi Pyle) who says something about how she needs 'Big Love' or some nonsense. Across town, Mae, using the power of The Internet has discovered the unfortunate news that Jess is actually dead, which Ben doesn't take all that well, so they go out to get hammered. LA is a big ass city but I guess there's only a few places where hip beautiful people go and that's where Jess see's Ben nursing a beer. Surprise! Ben can see her too! Kara and Mae see each other as well and their sparks start to fly, which is not an inconsequential part of this movie. After Ben is convinced that Jess is actually dead, and after some cajoling, he agrees to 'date' Jess so she can find 'Big Love' and ascend. </p><p>So as I mentioned, I don't know what's going to happen in this movie. Is Jess going to come back to life so she and Ben can be together? Is she going to reverse time like Superman '78 and stop the accident from happening? Is Jess going posses Kara's body and live a life with Ben and Kara moving forward? I don't know man! What I didn't expect, through some advice from the spiritual advisor, was for Jess to temporarily achieve corporeal form so these two can bang it out, but that's what happened. And when Ben wakes up after a spirited night of zombie sex, Jess is gone. She has ascended. Ben tells Kara and they are all sad.</p><p>BUT NOT SO FAST!!! Jess did not ascend, she shows up at Kara's apartment where everybody is mourning her ascension at the moment, and let my man know she just left in the morning after zombie sex. She had her reasons, but the ghost ghosted him which made Ben mad at the dead woman he had sex with last night, and he stomps out. Then she gets into a big 'ol spat with Kara for reasons we won't get into and now she too is pissed at the dead woman. Why are these things happening to Jess? Well, the Spiritual Advisor was right, it was Big Love, but not Big Sex Love with Ben, but Big Homegirl Love with her bestie. She needed to release Kara so Kara could get her wings and fly free and live her best life. Hey, I'm just telling you what they told me. And now, with that resolved, Jess can ascend... which she does. Movie over.</p><p>BUT NOT SO FAST!!! A year later Jess is hanging out in what I guess is a purgatory bar? Hell if I know. When Ben shows up! Ben is dead too yo! Yay! Not going to get into all of that either, but Jess isn't nearly as happy about this as one would imagine, not that Ben did anything wrong, it's just that it's Jess's day to visit Earth and look at her bestie and her unfurled wings, so she doesn't have time for him right now. Ben and Jess have eternity to have dead people sex. I guess. At Christmas.</p><p>My friends... this movie was bonkers. Nutty as a fruitcake. I don't know what to make of the narrative as they didn't settle on one until like the last five minutes, I don't know what to make of the ending, and I think the ultimate message was Ho's over Bro's? Maybe? I don't know man! The ghost thing was odd in that I guess the filmmakers decided not to ask any ghost relevant questions for they had little time that tiny plot point. Like Jess can't touch anything, but then she can kind of touch everything. Or I imagine people in Southern California always talk themselves in public since Ben and Kara were constantly talking to Jess in movie theaters, restaurants, beaches, parks and at no time did anybody around find it odd that these two were having intense conversations and arguments with literally nobody. But while this movie may have lacked focus, cohesiveness and a solid narrative, it did have charm to burn. If you were to put these same actors in a movie that was a little more logical, not much more, just a little more, I can almost guarantee that you would have a really entertaining movie on your hands. Heck, the five of them, them being Aisha, Kendrick, Kimiko, Jazz and of course Missi Pyle almost rescued this one from itself on charm and chemistry alone. Almost.</p><p>The vomit worthiness was almost non-existent in this movie, since it's not a Hallmarky holiday type movie, and one that takes place in Los Angeles, so no snow, no mistletoe, no Christmas trees, no hot cocoa... nothing. We did get Christmas cookies, but they were female Santa cookies as Jess was battling against the patriarchy, but I must say that this completely non-Christmas Christmas-movie did have a banging Christmas soundtrack. That by itself is worth one vomit.</p><p>Freeform does it again. That being not giving me a Christmas movie at Christmas. And ghost sex. Something you are not going to see very often.</p><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: initial; background-image: none; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: initial; clear: left; color: #2196f3; display: inline-block; font-family: roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center; text-decoration-line: none;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="border: 0px none; height: inherit; max-width: 100%;" /></a></p>christopherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07250000770547692795noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7190293260689734278.post-62849210123670456962022-12-14T12:54:00.000-08:002022-12-14T12:54:19.504-08:00Christmas Incorporated<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPAVP6hZvhk8Wud07uaXSWkYo0q-7jKJbtErf5DUr-OsYYD7-Ux0Hs7UgOqGxLg0Qn7-ZUa4DftIpllMstURb4CKziZkds3Lra76rUvoDTQrdPHwxb92r6BJJjljnJ-MBNCwbtiFTdxQcLy5xWD_QPmvXqrZul1-sziFNicHz4ojG4bfEfRSo_McBXJA/s1200/Christmas%20Incorporated.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="675" data-original-width="1200" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPAVP6hZvhk8Wud07uaXSWkYo0q-7jKJbtErf5DUr-OsYYD7-Ux0Hs7UgOqGxLg0Qn7-ZUa4DftIpllMstURb4CKziZkds3Lra76rUvoDTQrdPHwxb92r6BJJjljnJ-MBNCwbtiFTdxQcLy5xWD_QPmvXqrZul1-sziFNicHz4ojG4bfEfRSo_McBXJA/s320/Christmas%20Incorporated.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><b>Christmas Incorporated (2015) - Hallmark</b><p></p><p>I'm guessing my Excel algorithm decided the last few movies she chose for me were too complicated? I guess? So to fix that she picked out the most basic-ass Hallmark Holiday movie I've ever seen. I mean this is some basic stuff right here. This shouldn't take long.</p><p>Riley (Shenae Grimes-Beech) is a small town girl in the big city trying to find her next gig, but unfortunately she either went to the wrong school, has too much experience, not enough experience, or the company refuses to hire the unemployed. That's what that B told her. Last time is a charm though as she lands at the Young Toy Company and impresses Amanda (Jane Moffat), the Administrative Assistant to the company's new Christmas Hating CEO William (Steve Lund), who is taking over the company from his freshly dead father. She hires her on the spot to be Williams personal assistant. Slight issue, she was reading off the resume of somebody with a similar name, that was not her. No big deal, she'll just let them know of their mistake later. No way that's going circle back around in this basic-ass movie.</p><p>First order of business is a trip to Tiny Town to shut down the under performing Toy Factory! Riley flies in early to get things ready for William, meets the glorious people of Tiny Town, in particular Piper (Hanna Spear). This movie may be basic, but Piper is spectacular. This lady put the H in Hustle. We meet her as she is manning the front desk at the hotel, Riley hires her to be their driver and tour guide, though I think you can walk everywhere in this town, she is also the Maître D' at the town restaurant, I believe she works a couple shifts at the toy factory and she is also your go to gal for meth and oxy. Man, I love this girl!</p><p>The town wants to put their best foot forward for William, who they welcome by throwing him in jail for speeding on his motorcycle with no license, which is what exactly should happen. Good thing for William All Lives Matter. Then he sees the Christmas decorations Riley put up in the rented house... did we mention William the Toy CEO hates Christmas? Then he has to deal with the Christmas loving yokels of this town, which includes his factory workers who all dress up as freaking elves, so things aren't great for William right now. Fortunately for him not everybody is trying to impress him, such as Katie the local reporter (Rebecca Neston) who plans on using William's destruction as a launching point for a job at the Times. That's her plan.</p><p>How are we going to melt Williams, cold, cold heart? Two things... Riley's incessant joyfulness and Santa Claus. Yep, magical Santa is floating around, appearing out of thin air and scaring the shit out of people to give them sage advice. Riley is coming up with the good ideas, she's funny, cute, and Williams is smitten. He even made dinner for Riley one night, which Piper the hustler, at her psychiatry stand pop-up informs us that this means he loves her. I mean everything is going great between these two kids who even had a Christmas tree decorating battle. But alas, that evil reporter has done her research! She knows Riley isn't who she says she is and drops the bomb! I don't know if blowing the cover of a personal assistant to a CEO of a flailing toy company is going to get her that Times gig, but good luck with that.</p><p>Well William feels betrayed. Riley knows she done wrong and just leaves with her head hung low. Thing is everybody around William can see how he feels about her. I can't, but everyone else can. Her identity might've been false, but her heart was true. Well William follows his heart, and totally disregards common sense and asks that Identity stealing scalawag to please come back to work for him, but not as an assistant, but as a partner in the business, because that makes sense. Next thing you know these two are saving the factory, delivering toys to dying orphan kids, and then they start making out. At Christmas.</p><p>So there's nothing wrong with a basic-ass Christmas movie, but that's what this is. Maybe way back in the olden days of 2015, Hallmark was just perfecting the formula and not trying to rock the boat too much. Mind you they aren't rocking the boat in 2022 either, but they do tend color slightly outside the lines a little more than this movie was willing to. Cute enthusiastic small town girl, Blandsome Christmas hating guy, ebullient town folk fighting to keep the (insert here) factory open, love blooms, love dies, love resurfaces and all is good. The only thing missing was a bestie of color, but I guess that was a staple a few years away.</p><p>Naturally, since this movie was basic Hallmark there plenty of vomit worthy elements to choose from as we had caroling, tree decorating, lots of cocoa drinking... or was it mocha espresso drinking? Either way, they were sipping Christmassy drinks. We had lots of snow, lots of sage old people including mystical Santa, dying orphan kids, cookie baking in the form of Riley's mom who was baking cookies every time she called home, though I don't know who is going to eat all those cookies, William had not two but THREE dead parents since his real mom died in childbirth and his granny who served as defacto mom died on him as well. But despite all the snow we didn't get any snowball fights or snowman making, and I don't think we got a near miss kiss either. They looked at each other a lot, but this does not count so we have to ding it a couple of vomits for these oversights. </p><p>So yeah, this movie shouldn't disappoint fans of the genre, I mean how could it? It's basic. Hallmarky 101. </p><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: initial; background-image: none; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: initial; clear: left; color: #2196f3; display: inline-block; font-family: roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center; text-decoration-line: none;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="border: 0px none; height: inherit; max-width: 100%;" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: initial; background-image: none; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: initial; clear: left; color: #2196f3; display: inline-block; font-family: roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center; text-decoration-line: none;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="border: 0px none; height: inherit; max-width: 100%;" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: initial; background-image: none; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: initial; clear: left; color: #2196f3; display: inline-block; font-family: roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center; text-decoration-line: none;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="border: 0px none; height: inherit; max-width: 100%;" /></a></p>christopherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07250000770547692795noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7190293260689734278.post-25007810182548997442022-12-13T13:01:00.000-08:002022-12-13T13:01:16.876-08:00A Christmas Cookie Catastrophe<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-dxVyCJiMO9uEepusvhUcPlSW31oUALmTy_qbfe-aI1VbynODUHke1gr-AzA0PkwwscRQkhqT9Wfhl-4ls8nd9jWLAv1hrDFm1y64CkgYXkorzselQ5APZ-8joHO39GfeZhVx86i0O5wHSmUjS9Oj4sH8gxlemvdo0YlSmGjw8gKIwYQUqEdbuUTVww/s2878/AChristmasCookieCatastrophe_1024_RT.jpg-e1669186789189.webp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><b><img border="0" data-original-height="1624" data-original-width="2878" height="181" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-dxVyCJiMO9uEepusvhUcPlSW31oUALmTy_qbfe-aI1VbynODUHke1gr-AzA0PkwwscRQkhqT9Wfhl-4ls8nd9jWLAv1hrDFm1y64CkgYXkorzselQ5APZ-8joHO39GfeZhVx86i0O5wHSmUjS9Oj4sH8gxlemvdo0YlSmGjw8gKIwYQUqEdbuUTVww/s320/AChristmasCookieCatastrophe_1024_RT.jpg-e1669186789189.webp" width="320" /></b></a></div><b>A Christmas Cookie Catastrophe (2022) - Hallmark</b><p></p><p><b>Reviewed by Lisa Sue</b></p><p></p><p class="MsoNormal">So the opening 10 minutes of this movie are promising. I
came because of the word catastrophe in the title, but I stayed to learn who
stole Grandma’s cookie recipe. I mean what Grinch of a person would do such a
thing? Let me give you the set up. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anne
is a career focused MBA grad from the big city who’s just been handed the CEO
role of her grandma’s cookie company, Cooper’s. Things aren’t great at Cooper’s,
and Anne has been making the hard decisions like canceling the annual Cooper Christmas
Light Up because they just don’t have the money, and Anne isn’t going to let Cooper’s
go bankrupt, not on her watch. The day after the company holiday shin dig
(which apparently wasn’t cut for budgetary reasons), Anne notices that
Grandma’s cookie recipe, which had been prominently displayed without security,
had been taken! The quick thinking assistant Jillian suggests they call the
cops to investigate, but Anne puts the kibosh on that because if the board
knows that the recipe is missing, she’ll be fired for sure! Due to circumstances
(I think something like the manufacturing plant is on holiday until Christmas
or something) Anne thinks she has several days to find and recover the recipe
without the board noticing, so what could possibly go wrong? <span style="background: yellow; mso-highlight: yellow;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal">Besides Anne and Jillian, they rope in the IT guy Calvin to
help solve this mystery, after clearing Calvin of the actual theft, naturally.
The paper copy of the recipe may have been unguarded, but the recipe on the
servers that is uploaded to the machines making the cookies did have some protection,
but the thief managed to breach Calvin’s impenetrable security fire walls.
Calvin is super psyched to be part of this crime solving team, having enjoyed
the Mistletoe Mysteries as a kid. But enthusiasm we soon find doesn’t make up
for actual detecting skills, or really help in finding leads. The first clue
they have is a punch card for Bella’s Bakery left at the scene of the crime, so
off Anne goes to accuse her first innocent person of being the thief, the
proprietor of Bella’s, Sam. Based on the fact that Sam doesn’t like that Anne
has been cutting Cooper’s community funding and that he is in need of money
himself, Anne immediately makes the accusation that Sam stole the recipe for
his own nefarious purposes. Sam of course is offended at such an accusation,
leaving Anne to sheepishly leave the store, but not before Bella, Sam’s
daughter, gives her one of their famous sugar plum cookies. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Anne doesn’t drive, she has an old wise chauffer in Arthur
to bring her from place to place. We learn that her not driving was due to her
losing her parents to a car accident when she was 18. Arthur tells Anne, well,
the ingredients to the cookie are listed on the box. It would take a very
talented baker to be able to find the right ratio of ingredients, but it could be
done. With this seed planted, Anne shows back up the next day at Bella’s to
both apologize as well as ask for help. The sugar plum cookie was a great
cookie, and if anyone could, Sam could reverse engineer Grandma’s recipe. That
is if he accepts Anne’s apology, which he doesn’t. But Anne isn’t some big city
hot shot for nothing, so what’s Sam’s price? Turns out that price is a new oven
for the bakery. So for a new oven, Sam winds up having Calvin, Jillian, and
Anne invade his bakery to find the thief as well as recreate Grandma’s secret
recipe. According to Anne, they need to set up shop away from Cooper’s and
prying eyes. Hence they invade Sam’s sterile baking (sacred) space. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Next these Nancy Drew’s investigate disgruntled ex-employees,
‘cause you know they have great motive. After some light stalking, queue the
second innocent person to be accused. Leaving oddly enough Calvin the worse for
wear as the disgruntled employee threw hot chestnuts at him. Turns out that
really hurts, in particular the salt from the roasted chestnuts that got into
Calvin’s eyes. While Sam admonishes Anne for accusing innocent people, he adds
to the list when he overhears his friend Frank say something fishy about his work
at Cooper’s. Jumping to conclusions, Sam accuses Frank of stealing the recipe.
Frank is innocent, and the issue he was discussing over the phone was his
nimrod cousin he hired. Nothing more. Still short on clues, and not any closer
to cracking the recipe; Anne gets desperate. The wanna be Hardy Boys Club
points out that it’s been nearly a week since the recipe was stolen, and
there’s been no ransom demand or other threats. So why did the thief take the
recipe? Doesn’t look like they want to profit off the stolen recipe after all,
but simply to hurt Anne.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">This leads the Mistletoe Detectives to their next potential thief,
the mean board member Miriam. Miriam didn’t think that Anne was ready to be the
company CEO and certainly there is no love lost between them. And Miriam wasn’t
at the party the night the recipe was stolen, giving her both opportunity and
motive. Now I would have sworn the thief was Miriam, but turns out she too is
innocent. Except by accusing Miriam, the board now knows the recipe is gone,
the police are involved, and Anne is about to lose her job as CEO. In between
accusing all these innocent people of stealing the recipe, our crack crime
solvers were also tasting batch after batch of cookies that Sam is making. And
while all the batches are good, none are exactly like Grandma’s recipe. There’s
even a montage with Sam and Anne baking, so that he can understand how Grandma
baked. Cause he doesn’t make cookies just from the recipe, what makes his
cookies good is that he makes cookies for others. And while it is left unsaid,
I think we can all guess that Grandma’s secret ingredient was love. <o:p></o:p></p><p></p><p class="MsoNormal">
</p><p class="MsoNormal">So with no recipe and the board having fired her, Anne goes
to Grandma’s grave to have a heart to heart. She has learned in the past weeks
that there is more to Cooper’s cookies than profit and losses; it is about the
community and the town of Maplewood. Like Sam, Grandma Cooper didn’t make
cookies for herself; she made cookies for everyone else, and with our heroine
in dire straits, the true perpetuator of the theft steps forward, the wise old
chauffeur Arthur! Now Arthur was acting on Grandma’s wishes, ever the prankster
she had wanted to make sure that Anne learned how important Cooper’s was to the
town and that while they sold cookies it was so much more than that. Anne in the end did learn her lesson, the
board re-instated her as CEO, the recipe was returned safe and sound…and Sam
has a brand new oven for all his troubles. A dash of Nutcracker ballet, a
Nutcracker themed Christmas party at Sam’s, and the miracle of Christmas is
upon us. Sam and Anne find their happily ever after together. <o:p></o:p></p><p><br /></p>christopherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07250000770547692795noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7190293260689734278.post-56029734262866345512022-12-10T18:21:00.000-08:002022-12-10T18:21:14.803-08:00Christmas CEO<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5g5lIbtWqqrTf_9gvXSheWuc5gPPPn8rbXB7E6Mz_zdFSHLBzNWLzpVc5Naz6GnEyuXDuaus11nnha7RxOHgxM-F208kua8g10XaUdXPKdi3_HAax5KaWGwPddR1dsIZCskgJfgAKN3EN9K-xJZ05m5ZudRC9PcBE5M-QCW-CY7PbB0zPRN884UhCig/s772/christmasceo-landscape-772x570.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="570" data-original-width="772" height="236" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5g5lIbtWqqrTf_9gvXSheWuc5gPPPn8rbXB7E6Mz_zdFSHLBzNWLzpVc5Naz6GnEyuXDuaus11nnha7RxOHgxM-F208kua8g10XaUdXPKdi3_HAax5KaWGwPddR1dsIZCskgJfgAKN3EN9K-xJZ05m5ZudRC9PcBE5M-QCW-CY7PbB0zPRN884UhCig/s320/christmasceo-landscape-772x570.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><b>Christmas CEO (2021) - Hallmark</b><p></p><p>The last time we saw actor Marisol Nichols she was dying of cancer, in a Hallmarky Christmas movie no less, that we saw a couple of days ago. Apparently my Excel Randomizer likes her some Marisol Nichols because here she is again, and she gets to live! Is that a good thing? Would dying halfway through this movie be better for her character? Maybe. We'll talk about it.</p><p>Meet Christmas (Nichols), yes Christmas. Her parents named her Christmas because she was born on Christmas. Is that something parents do? I've never met any Easters or Labor Days, though naming your kid born on February 29th Leap Year would be an awesome name. Christmas, who goes by only Chris now, is a hardworking CEO of a small toy company in St. Louis. I wouldn't mention the city of St. Louis because I'm fairly confident they shot this movie nowhere near St. Louis but they kept showing cutaway shots of the Gateway Arch so they're in St. Louis. As a former resident of St. Louis there is nothing remotely St. Louisy about this movie. And good business move changing your name from Christmas to Chris because who would buy toys, at Christmas, from a store run by somebody named Christmas? I know I wouldn't.</p><p>Today is a great day for Chris and her smoking hot assistant Alice (Daniela Dela Pena). There's no real reason to mention the assistant since she only does inconsequential assistant stuff in this movie like deliver messages and get coffee, but I feel this woman needs to be acknowledged. Anyway, apparently this universe's version of Hasbro wants to merge with Chris's smaller company and make Chris the CEO of this new company! How about that! One small snag, she's got to get the guy she founded the company with, Joe (Paul Greene), to sign off. Joe stomped out of the door years ago due to creative differences and never came back. Chris probably should've had legal remove his name from the company that same day, but here we are.</p><p>So Chris has to track down Joe, who now works at his father's little curio shop making 'real' toys and asks him to sign off so this merger can go through and Chris can realize her lifelong dream. Thing is... Joe is an asshole. Completely. Without a doubt. First he says no, then he agrees only if she volunteers to help with the Christmas festival or whatever. I should also mention that Chris has been saddled with her teenage niece Emma (Veronica Marin-Estrada) who actually likes Joe for some reason and will be blessing us with a song later on.</p><p>As you might imagine, Chris and Joe spend a lot of time together getting the festival together, reminisce, talk about the old days, try to avoid talking about their split, with Joe's ultimate plan being to remind Chris what made their company work in the first place. Toy magic. Whereas Chris was concerned with stupid stuff like budgeting, scheduling, marketing and cost overruns. I mean seriously Chris? An example of what Chris had to put up with this guy, while measuring booth space for the festival, Chris and her tape measure pointed out there's not enough room, the numbers don't add up. Joe's reply was 'numbers aren't everything'. Who could work with someone who says something like that? Numbers ARE everything Joe!</p><p>Joe further cements his assholery at the toy drive when Ms. Keller (Rebecca Eve Harris), the retiring CEO of the larger company makes a special trip to show support for the cause and deliver some toys, to which Joe proceeds to attack her toys to her face. They weren't 'real' toys. Again with the real toy nonsense. The actual words you were looking for Joe were 'Thank you ma'am'. I think I kinda hate Joe right now. Joe apologizes for his assholery and Chris forgives him, even though I don't, and they do more fun stuff together. Like Roller skate and slow dance to Emma's festival Christmas song, even though nobody else in the crowd was slow dancing to that song. And both led to near miss kisses. </p><p>But at the festival Ms. Keller shows up again to let Chris know that the merger is approved, and all she needs to do is get Joe to sign off and sign the paperwork in the morning to complete her lifelong dream. Joe professes his love, Chris sorta feels the same way but this is more important, a shattered Joe signs the papers and Chris shows up at Ms. Keller's office the next morning to close the deal. But before she does, she sees the light... of bankruptcy and insolvency I guess. Instead of being the CEO of Hasbro, she's going to reunite with Joe and make 'real' toys. Whatever the f@#k those are. Chris tells Joe of her decision, Joe is overjoyed and they make out. At Christmas. There's also a postscript a year later where we see them at the company Christmas party. I thought it was too show us Chris being pregnant or something, but no, just to show us how great the company is doing, which I'm sure isn't true, and Chris and Joe make out again. At Christmas.</p><p>So Christmas CEO was actually pretty ok, with my problems with it being more personal and practical. Like Joe being an asshole. Maybe it was Paul Greene's fault as I didn't find his assholery remotely charming. Were Ryan Peavey and Mark Taylor busy that week? Luke McFarlane and Michael Xavier's agents weren't answering the phone? Was Corey Sevier preoccupied? Actually he was. Very much so. But in Mr. Greene's defense he can only go with what was written for him. Also I had an issue Chris having to repeatedly apologize about looking at the bottom line in a business she was running. Forgive me for being pro big business on this one but the merger sounds like a win-win all the way around. More loot, more resources and when Joe was complaining about Chris nixing one of his toys that she couldn't sell because the costs were greater than the return, you can do that at Hasbro son. By giving this toy low quality, required accessories at sky high prices. That's business son. Work with me here Joe.</p><p>Anyway, the vomit quality was pretty high as we had Christmas tree shopping, Christmas tree trimming, caroling, hot cocoa drinking, acoustic guitar Christmas song playing, near miss kisses, a cute kid, no ice skating but we did get roller skating which I guess has to count, lots of old people dispensing sage advice and some strange cat who may or may not have been magical Santa. We were missing out on snowman making, snowball fights and cookie baking however. no cookie baking is a killer. And no orphan kids. Love me some orphan kids. Wait, I remember seeing kids playing in the park with 'real' toys after the festival. I'm going to assume their parents are dead, so scratch that one.</p><p>We are pleased Marisol didn't die in this one, and Joe is still the worst, but other than that this one was tolerable.</p><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: initial; background-image: none; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: initial; clear: left; color: #2196f3; display: inline-block; font-family: roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center; text-decoration-line: none;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="border: 0px none; height: inherit; max-width: 100%;" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: initial; background-image: none; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: initial; clear: left; color: #2196f3; display: inline-block; font-family: roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center; text-decoration-line: none;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="border: 0px none; height: inherit; max-width: 100%;" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: initial; background-image: none; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: initial; clear: left; color: #2196f3; display: inline-block; font-family: roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center; text-decoration-line: none;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikLjHlCr8U1ZVxk5vBS3BBkynwhOMRee0cdp9zR-XpeQ8euMol0a3cigDhkplls_yu2-eXvQDJez82arnxMZwm-imIINFxK4HlIvfYBhWyChXDNmysSJbAioo4lnTUXM1sTyY5UdngbbxO/s1600/vomit-1.png" style="border: 0px none; height: inherit; max-width: 100%;" /></a></p><p><br /></p>christopherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07250000770547692795noreply@blogger.com0