Film Critics United

Holiday Crashers (2024) - Hallmark Reviewed by L. Sue Admittedly, in the year 2024, who isn’t looking for a little fun and distraction? I know I am, hence we subject ourselves to these Christmas movies ostensibly for the benefit of you, the reader, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t get anything out of temporarily residing in an alternate reality. Picture this: two adrift millennials are working dead-end jobs at a print shop. They see all these fabulous invitations being printed for all kinds of glamorous holiday parties, and spunky Bri has a thought. Why not swipe one of the invitations from the shred pile for themselves and live the life of the rich and famous? Prim and proper Toni is a little more skeptical. Isn’t this wrong? Isn’t this lying to people and possibly themselves? Bri, ever the dreamer, thinks this is just some fun, food, dancing, and distraction. Carpe Diem! Party crashing is harmless, and she will most definitely shred the invitation… right after they use it. So, off

Christmas With A Kiss (2023) - Hallmark So Big City Social Media Influencer Mona (Mishael Morgan) is out on a date with what I guess is her boyfriend and she's ready to commit to this dude by inviting him to spend Christmas with her, and her family, in her tiny home town.  But this cat also has something to say, mainly that being with Mona has made him realize how much he loves his ex-wife.  Damn.  I mean Mona seems pleasant enough, she's very good looking, has a nice figure, a great job and a killer NYC apartment but clearly there's something else there I'm not seeing because that's harsh.  Fortunately Mona's bestie Shay (Samantha Gracie) is there to comfort her in her time of need to let her know that while it is true, she is almost valueless without a man, but that a high quality man is just around the corner!  Thanks Shay! Now it's off to Tiny Town where Mona has to help the family with the annual Sinclair Christmas Festival, and that's when she sees

Scouting for Christmas (2024) - Hallmark My apologies my friends for last year, as an unpaid Hallmarky Christmas Movie Consultant, I was derelict in my duties.  Usually me and my Consulting Partner Lisa spit out between 20 to 40 of these hard hitting essays each year but last year I only did a couple.  There were extenuating circumstances of course, but as an old ball coach used to tell us, excuses are like nostrils (he didn't say nostrils), everybody has one.  This year however we are back on it, no longer shirking my duties as an unpaid Holiday movie consultant. Angela (Tamera Mowry-Housley) is a hard working real-estate agent and somewhat neglectful mom to the spunky 10-year old Brooklyn (Audrey Wise Alvarez).  Meaning she's always late picking up Brooklyn up from school to take her to her girl scout meetings, leaving Brooklyn to trek on down to the local bakery to avoid freezing to death, and beg for food.  In the real world, perhaps protective services should get involved,

Hot Girl Winter (2023) - Tubi As 'Hot Girl Winter' opens, the Tubi splash screen greets with a TV-14 rating with the warning of 'Sexual Situations' and 'Sexual Suggestions'.  Gotta say I'm not used to those kinds of warnings from my Hallmarky Romantic Holiday Movies, but these are warnings one should definitely be aware of before taking this challenge.  Our film opens with Jess (Golden Brooks), or Mrs. Claus as it were traipsing down the stairs in her skimpy nightie because she needs Nick  (Jason Mimms), or Santa Claus as it were,  to scratch a certain itch.  Unfortunately Nick is nowhere to be found as he is back in the warehouse making toys or whatever Santa has to do around the holidays, thus Jess has to go to bed frustrated yet again. No worries because the next morning is the day Jess and Nick are supposed to be off to fun in the sun for their 30th wedding anniversary, but again it will not happen.  Their teenage son Kris (D'Varijay Harris) has info

 Mystery on Mistletoe Lane (2023) - Hallmark Reviewed by Lisa Sue So…confession. I watch the Hallmark Mysteries, like ALL the Hallmark Mysteries, not because I have to but because I like to. I’m talking bakers, hair dressers, caterers, matchmakers, and lounge singers who in their spare time assist helpless detectives in solving murders, thefts, and other various crimes. So when there’s a Christmas movie mystery? Sign me up! Sadly, we know what happens when we have expectations. We are let down. And so it was with this movie, as there is a secret to reveal but mystery? That’s a bit of an exaggeration, as no major heist, violent assault, or the like went down. There wasn’t even a detective or police officer around, so how big exactly was this mystery, really? Enough with my whinging, on with the show! Enter Heidi, a recently divorced single mom who just accepted a job as director of The New Hollow Historical Society. She’s nervous about this big change, which means uprooting her kids fro

  All Saints Christmas (2022) - Hallmark Our film opens with Lisette, played by real life Grammy Award winning artist Ledesi, giving a concert while the folks in the audience are having literal convulsions listening to her song.  It's not really that good people, but she does have a nice voice.  After the concert, Lisette gets some bad news from her distractingly handsome manager Zack (Darien Martin) that her label is on the verge of dropping her for the a younger, shinier though far less talented new model.  But back to Zack, if actor Darien Martin can halfway remember his lines he should have a pretty decent Hallmark / Lifetime career in front of him for the next few years.  Or until he stops being good looking. Across town, this town being Los Angeles I think, we meet Matthew as played by the legendary Roger Cross who is some kind of music producer, but a music purist.  You know, listens to vinyl and stuff.  Doesn't believe in Autotune.  Worships at the alter of Coltrane.  O