Christmas CEO
The last time we saw actor Marisol Nichols she was dying of cancer, in a Hallmarky Christmas movie no less, that we saw a couple of days ago. Apparently my Excel Randomizer likes her some Marisol Nichols because here she is again, and she gets to live! Is that a good thing? Would dying halfway through this movie be better for her character? Maybe. We'll talk about it.
Meet Christmas (Nichols), yes Christmas. Her parents named her Christmas because she was born on Christmas. Is that something parents do? I've never met any Easters or Labor Days, though naming your kid born on February 29th Leap Year would be an awesome name. Christmas, who goes by only Chris now, is a hardworking CEO of a small toy company in St. Louis. I wouldn't mention the city of St. Louis because I'm fairly confident they shot this movie nowhere near St. Louis but they kept showing cutaway shots of the Gateway Arch so they're in St. Louis. As a former resident of St. Louis there is nothing remotely St. Louisy about this movie. And good business move changing your name from Christmas to Chris because who would buy toys, at Christmas, from a store run by somebody named Christmas? I know I wouldn't.
Today is a great day for Chris and her smoking hot assistant Alice (Daniela Dela Pena). There's no real reason to mention the assistant since she only does inconsequential assistant stuff in this movie like deliver messages and get coffee, but I feel this woman needs to be acknowledged. Anyway, apparently this universe's version of Hasbro wants to merge with Chris's smaller company and make Chris the CEO of this new company! How about that! One small snag, she's got to get the guy she founded the company with, Joe (Paul Greene), to sign off. Joe stomped out of the door years ago due to creative differences and never came back. Chris probably should've had legal remove his name from the company that same day, but here we are.
So Chris has to track down Joe, who now works at his father's little curio shop making 'real' toys and asks him to sign off so this merger can go through and Chris can realize her lifelong dream. Thing is... Joe is an asshole. Completely. Without a doubt. First he says no, then he agrees only if she volunteers to help with the Christmas festival or whatever. I should also mention that Chris has been saddled with her teenage niece Emma (Veronica Marin-Estrada) who actually likes Joe for some reason and will be blessing us with a song later on.
As you might imagine, Chris and Joe spend a lot of time together getting the festival together, reminisce, talk about the old days, try to avoid talking about their split, with Joe's ultimate plan being to remind Chris what made their company work in the first place. Toy magic. Whereas Chris was concerned with stupid stuff like budgeting, scheduling, marketing and cost overruns. I mean seriously Chris? An example of what Chris had to put up with this guy, while measuring booth space for the festival, Chris and her tape measure pointed out there's not enough room, the numbers don't add up. Joe's reply was 'numbers aren't everything'. Who could work with someone who says something like that? Numbers ARE everything Joe!
Joe further cements his assholery at the toy drive when Ms. Keller (Rebecca Eve Harris), the retiring CEO of the larger company makes a special trip to show support for the cause and deliver some toys, to which Joe proceeds to attack her toys to her face. They weren't 'real' toys. Again with the real toy nonsense. The actual words you were looking for Joe were 'Thank you ma'am'. I think I kinda hate Joe right now. Joe apologizes for his assholery and Chris forgives him, even though I don't, and they do more fun stuff together. Like Roller skate and slow dance to Emma's festival Christmas song, even though nobody else in the crowd was slow dancing to that song. And both led to near miss kisses.
But at the festival Ms. Keller shows up again to let Chris know that the merger is approved, and all she needs to do is get Joe to sign off and sign the paperwork in the morning to complete her lifelong dream. Joe professes his love, Chris sorta feels the same way but this is more important, a shattered Joe signs the papers and Chris shows up at Ms. Keller's office the next morning to close the deal. But before she does, she sees the light... of bankruptcy and insolvency I guess. Instead of being the CEO of Hasbro, she's going to reunite with Joe and make 'real' toys. Whatever the f@#k those are. Chris tells Joe of her decision, Joe is overjoyed and they make out. At Christmas. There's also a postscript a year later where we see them at the company Christmas party. I thought it was too show us Chris being pregnant or something, but no, just to show us how great the company is doing, which I'm sure isn't true, and Chris and Joe make out again. At Christmas.
So Christmas CEO was actually pretty ok, with my problems with it being more personal and practical. Like Joe being an asshole. Maybe it was Paul Greene's fault as I didn't find his assholery remotely charming. Were Ryan Peavey and Mark Taylor busy that week? Luke McFarlane and Michael Xavier's agents weren't answering the phone? Was Corey Sevier preoccupied? Actually he was. Very much so. But in Mr. Greene's defense he can only go with what was written for him. Also I had an issue Chris having to repeatedly apologize about looking at the bottom line in a business she was running. Forgive me for being pro big business on this one but the merger sounds like a win-win all the way around. More loot, more resources and when Joe was complaining about Chris nixing one of his toys that she couldn't sell because the costs were greater than the return, you can do that at Hasbro son. By giving this toy low quality, required accessories at sky high prices. That's business son. Work with me here Joe.
Anyway, the vomit quality was pretty high as we had Christmas tree shopping, Christmas tree trimming, caroling, hot cocoa drinking, acoustic guitar Christmas song playing, near miss kisses, a cute kid, no ice skating but we did get roller skating which I guess has to count, lots of old people dispensing sage advice and some strange cat who may or may not have been magical Santa. We were missing out on snowman making, snowball fights and cookie baking however. no cookie baking is a killer. And no orphan kids. Love me some orphan kids. Wait, I remember seeing kids playing in the park with 'real' toys after the festival. I'm going to assume their parents are dead, so scratch that one.
We are pleased Marisol didn't die in this one, and Joe is still the worst, but other than that this one was tolerable.
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