Film Critics United

  Christmas Under The Lights (2024) - Hallmark This movie, Christmas Under The Lights , largely takes place on an alpaca farm, yet another glorious titling opportunity thrown away. An Alpaca Christmas ? Christmas Under the Alpacas ? Christmas Under the Lights is rather generic and boring, whereas An Alpaca Christmas Frenzy would grab some attention. Hallmark, Lifetime, Ion, UPTv, TVOne, BET… we're here to help—just a phone call away. (Sorry, GAF fans we don't do ya'lls movies.) Heather Hemmings, with her cute little scrunchy nose (reminiscent of Samantha from Bewitched ), stars as Emily, a hardworking Los Angeles event planner. We meet her after she's just planned an event and is now settling down in her apartment for a night of chosen loneliness and a Christmas holiday of the same. Emily has a family farm and a younger brother who genuinely loves her back in Seattle, but she treats the farm and her brother like they have cooties. Her brother Nick (Antonio Cayonne...

  The Christmas Quest (2024) - Hallmark Reviewed by L. Sue While watching the trailer for this movie, the hook for me was "Indiana Jones meets Hallmark Christmas movies." And how can we say no to that? Enter our intrepid archaeologist Stefanie Baxter, whose mother was also an explorer/adventurer. We see in flashback that Mom was obsessed with Icelandic Christmas folklore, specifically finding the Yule Lad Treasure. Mom missed many holidays, celebrations, and, we assume, family dinners with Stef in pursuit of this elusive prize. But in true Hallmark fashion, where we inevitably become our mothers or, at the very least, become what we hate the most, Stef too is a work-obsessed adventurer. At Christmas, she is offered the opportunity by the rich mogul Victor Grimes to finish what her mom had started and find the Yule Lad Treasure. Victor is willing to bankroll the entire expedition, but what really gets Stef on board is that he has the first clue: a manuscript that decodes eve...

  Make or Break Christmas (2024) - Lifetime The "Wrong" Crew is back! This time, matriarch Vivica A. Fox, her director of choice David DeCouteau, and a couple of the usual suspects, Gina Hirauizumi and Meredith Thomas, are at it again. If they could have gotten Jessica Morris and Jason Shane Scott on board, the whole team would be back together for this movie that SHOULD'VE been called "The Wrong Christmas Baker," but instead, it's named "Make or Bake Christmas." We'll take what we can get. Emma (Jasmine Avaliotis) is a charming kid working for this universe's version of Martha Stewart, Leslie Lake (Vivica A. Fox). That is if Martha Stewart were an overbearing, slave-driving, extremely demanding boss who might end up in federal prison somewhere. Oh... yeah.  Leslie has had her eye on the SugarBaker bakery for a while, but the owner Denise Sugarbaker (Jackée) refuses to sell. No problem, Leslie decides to send her assistant Emma undercover t...

Christmas On Call (2024) - Hallmark Reviewed by L. Sue Well, dear readers, it happens to the best of us. Based solely on the picture above (and no trailer), I assumed this movie would be about an Emergency Room Doctor and an EMT-and it is. However, the IMDB photo doesn’t prepare one for the fact that this is an ensemble cast, which means there is a lot of plot to get through in 90 minutes, tons of characters, and multiple couples to follow. I wasn’t prepared and that’s on me for not doing my homework and watching the trailer. Now, for the main couple: ER doc Hannah is new to Philly, working long hours. She has to work on Christmas, which she was somewhat okay with to keep herself busy and not think about being back home in Seattle with her dad. While I'm not sure, I think her mom is out of the picture. Into the ER comes EMT extraordinaire Wes, who is not only mentoring his new trainee Julia Sanchez but is also a veteran, a community advocate, and a qualified firefighter. Wes, being...

  Christmas in the Spotlight (2024) - Lifetime Oh, I see what they're doing here. Famous pop star dating a professional football player? You gotta get up pretty early in the morning to pull one over my eyes, brother. Though I must admit, someone making a movie about that Ciara/Russell Wilson romance took me by surprise. Say hello to Bowyn Sykes (Jessica Lord), the world's biggest pop star, on the set of her latest music video, which she is also directing. Dressed like a slutty elf, she sings a song about how she doesn't need a man or some nonsense along those lines. I must give Jessica Lord some credit here because this young lady has truly mastered the art of moving her body in interesting ways through the space allotted. Her manager, Mira (Jeannie Mai Jenkins), implores her to stop making songs about not needing a man because she's in a movie where the only reason for its existence is getting a man! Across the country somewhere, I really can't remember the cit...

  Hot Frosty (2024) - Netflix I must admit that this movie "Hot Frosty" wasn't on my list of movies to watch this year, despite the fact it stars the queen of these movies.  And make no mistake, the queen isn't Candace or Alicia or Tatiana or Danica or Tia nor Tamera—it's Lacey Chabert. Those other ladies are certainly in the queen's court, but they all must pay homage to the true queen. But then I started reading some things about this movie, kind of taking the internet by storm, this little holiday romance film. I mean, Ryan did a Pitch Meeting on this movie, and I even saw a post calling "Hot Frosty" the dumbest holiday movie ever! Well, those are some strong words, my friend, and now I have to watch this film for myself to see if it is, indeed, the dumbest holiday movie ever made. TLDR: It is not. Kathy (Chabert) wakes up one morning to a freezing cold house, steps over a broken stair, empties a bucket catching the drips from the ceiling, and hea...

The Christmas Charade (2024) - Hallmark Reviewed by L. Sue The trailer for this movie is Christmas meets the FBI, and if you know me, you know I love me some spycraft mixed in with Jingle Bells. Whitney, a school librarian who always plays it safe, is looking for a little adventure. She starts her day by watching a spy show before heading to work. Kudos to her for waking up early enough to enjoy some TV—making me feel a bit better about choosing sleep over morning exercise or watching movies. Whitney’s best friend convinces her to go on a blind date with "mark_loves_cats_1922," even personally vouching for him IRL. Despite some initial hesitation and even tossing the address into the trash, Whitney realizes she needs some excitement in her life and decides this date could be the perfect opportunity. She agrees to meet Mark at a restaurant—he’ll be the one wearing a green sweater. Plus, she’s slightly guilted into this as her parents want to set her up with some ophthalmolog...

Catfish Christmas (2022) - TUBI As most of you probably know, the great Tony Todd passed away in November 2024. In honor of Mr. Todd, I paid homage to his Candyman action figure on my YouTube channel, where I talk about toys. However, while perusing his IMDB page, I saw that Mr. Todd appeared in another one of my passions—silly holiday romantic movies. So obviously, we had to stop what we were doing, track down this movie "Catfish Christmas" (which is playing for free on Tubi at the moment), and further pay homage to the late, great Tony Todd. While the man might not want this particular film to be his everlasting legacy, I'll tell you what I know about Tony Todd: this brother never half-assed any role, including this one. It is a great day for the lovely Leslie (Leigh Ann Rose) as her fiancé Xavier has just proposed to her. Hate to get sidetracked again, but I KNOW the actor playing Xavier! That would be my main man, my homeboy from Detroit, Yancy Fuqua. Without gettin...

Christmas With The Singhs (2024) - Hallmark Asha (Anuja Joshi) is a hardworking Chicago-based nurse practitioner helping children with disabilities hang ornaments on Christmas Eve at her hospital. Jake (Ben Hollingsworth) is a dedicated sports reporter for the Chicago Newspaper. While interviewing some local personalities—dang, I can't name a single current Chicago Bulls player. Does DeMar DeRozan still play for them? Anyway, Jake slips and falls on some ice while helping an old lady and ends up in the emergency room, being treated by none other than Asha. It turns out these two attended the same high school back in the day. She remembers him immediately. He remembers her eventually. But the girl is a cutie, so Jake wastes no time asking her out after he gets patched up. Asha accepts. Quick. C'mon baby, you want to at least pretend to think about it for a moment. Anyway, it's a glorious night for these two, ending with a kiss on Asha's doorstep. No near-miss kiss here, ...

A Biltmore Christmas (2023) - Hallmark So Lucy (Bethany Joy Lenz) is a hard working Hollywood screenwriter tasked with re-writing this world's version of 'It's A Wonderful Life', 'His Merry Wife'.  Which, 'It's A Wonderful Life, to my knowledge has amazingly not been remade yet.  80+ years have passed and the powers that be haven't had the stones to remake that classic.  I'm not complaining, but it just seems strange.  Anyway, the problem with Lucy's script is that her ending isn't a happy one.  Mr. Balaban (Tommy Cresswell) the studio head, finds this unacceptable and instead of firing Lucy and hiring someone else, he decides to send Lucy to the famous Biltmore hotel in snowy North Carolina (I think), where the original 'His Merry Wife' was filmed so she can get some happy ending inspiration.   As it turns out, we would learn the reason Lucy doesn't give the movie a happy ending is because happy endings just aren't real. ...

Holiday Crashers (2024) - Hallmark Reviewed by L. Sue Admittedly, in the year 2024, who isn’t looking for a little fun and distraction? I know I am, hence we subject ourselves to these Christmas movies ostensibly for the benefit of you, the reader, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t get anything out of temporarily residing in an alternate reality. Picture this: two adrift millennials are working dead-end jobs at a print shop. They see all these fabulous invitations being printed for all kinds of glamorous holiday parties, and spunky Bri has a thought. Why not swipe one of the invitations from the shred pile for themselves and live the life of the rich and famous? Prim and proper Toni is a little more skeptical. Isn’t this wrong? Isn’t this lying to people and possibly themselves? Bri, ever the dreamer, thinks this is just some fun, food, dancing, and distraction. Carpe Diem! Party crashing is harmless, and she will most definitely shred the invitation… right after they use it. So, off...