The Royal Nanny
Reviewed by Lisa Sue
The title doesn’t do the movie justice. What brought this movie to the must see list isn’t that commoner and royalty meet cute at Christmas (been there, done that see Chris’s prior write ups) BUT that this royal nanny is…drumroll please…really an MI5 Agent! It’s like if a low budget James Bond meets cute at Christmas, and frankly I’m here for it. What it really ends up being is a Hallmark Mystery that happens at Christmas, which honestly I think I have seen that? A quick IMDB search confirms that at least the Murder She Baked series did a Christmas themed episode. I mean surely Royal Nanny can’t be the only time an interrogation room and kidnapping mixes with nutcrackers, tree trimming, and hot cocoa?
Anyways, the opening is a chase scene, we see our intrepid agents running through the decked halls of London following someone, but oh no; they got away! The accomplice however was a little slower, and was totally caught. But he’s no snitch, and he isn’t telling our agents anything. So an imminent threat to the royal family is discovered, and now the only option now is that the agents must go undercover. Only 2 positions are open in the family, one in security and the other is the nanny. Does no one else in MI5 question that there’s an open security position, or did they already know the circumstances of the vacancy? Not that they explain the nanny opening, they appear to have went with the usual rambunctious children drove well trained professionals away, but still it is the security opening that is a bit of a red flag.
Claire would much rather have the security position, as she explains to her partner Wallace, she was an orphan who was never adopted so what does she know about little kids? She has no siblings, and barely had a childhood herself. It would appear that while chasing bad guys doesn’t scare Claire, little children just might. But never fear Scary Poppins is here to train Claire, as played by Greta Scacchi, who too is looking to get paid in this land of endless Christmas movies. And I will add that Claire is like a made for TV version of Emily Blunt, who did play Mary Poppins. Except Rachel Skarsten is totally from Toronto, so I leave it up to Canadians and Brits to determine how good the accents were. In the coming 24 hours where Scary Poppins has to train Claire in the wonders and joys of caring for young miscreants, she passes along some sage advice. Always be prepared and to be yourself. At least that’s what I recall, and naturally there were a lot of words and I may have missed some key items. And we appreciate that while in the end we know love must prevail, there are other life nuggets of wisdom that are not romance based passed along.
So Claire soon finds herself if not liked by the kids, at least garnering their begrudging respect because the usual pranks they pull don’t work on a highly trained MI5 agent. She manages to spot the masking tape over the spout and the fake snake with barely an effort. This then forces the children (I believe they’re called Elle and Robert) to bring in the big guns, their man child Uncle Colin to try and pull one over on the Nanny. But Claire spots the bucket of spaghetti and Uncle Colin is the one left wearing wet noodles.
So we have the couple; the prim and proper Nanny/Agent Claire, and the fun loving Uncle Colin. But what about the mystery? It’s vaguely phrased as an imminent threat to the Princess Rose (we assume Crown Princess) and her children, and they know some of the perps but can’t pinpoint the where and when. Further investigations conclude someone inside the family must have tipped off the criminals, since only the family knew about the schedule and the changes in security detail. The big wigs at the Security Service actually suspect Colin, since it was through his charity that the initial threat materialized. But would Colin stoop that low? Certainly British history is filled with uncles who would do worse than kidnap children to get to the throne, but Claire in her gut feels they are missing something. Her instincts tell her Colin wouldn’t hurt the children, as she’s gotten to know him, and sure he may be childish, but he loves his niece and nephew like they were his own. He certainly wouldn’t be plotting some Richard III tower situation would he? In the 21st century, haven’t we moved passed putting Princes in the Tower?
Any who, despite any suspicions that fall on Colin, he and the children and their Nanny continue to have a grand time leading up to Christmas. They wrap presents for the charity, play reindeer games, and even do Christmas Charades. That apparently is a thing. So is Colin the bad guy or as Claire suggests he’s a potential target? The mystery aspect of this Christmas spectacle is important yet it is tertiary to the Christmas and romance aspects. Perhaps I’m in the minority looking for a good whodunit, and we know the mystery isn’t why this movie exists. We see the other agents continue to diligently investigate and it is all about red herrings. The assistant to Princess Rose doesn’t warm to the Nanny, we immediately infer from her if looks could kill that she’s hiding something…..and Claire discovers she is! But it isn’t kidnapping related, she was simply selling royal family secrets to the tabloids.
Back to the Christmas parts of the movie. The children and Uncle Colin go with Princess Rose and Nanny Claire to some wishing bridge where they all wish for the children’s dad to be home with them for Christmas. He’s on deployment with the Royal Navy, and looks to be missing all this fun. Princess Rose feels torn in serving her country and spending time with her children, and she feels that by doing her duty she is putting her children second. She tries to make up for it by packing them school lunches, and like all working moms doing the best she can, knowing there is a lot not in her control. We don’t know what Nanny wishes for; Claire tells us that if she says it out loud, then the wish won’t come true but its ok we hear out loud the rest of the wishes. No concern there apparently.
Colin and the children are doing something Chirstmassy when the much anticipated kidnapping takes place as the perps strike and attempt to take the children. Nanny Claire (by this point, I think she was fired for disobeying the big wigs…) swoops in and saves the children, but Colin is taken. Claire and Wallace (and 2 other supporting agents) go after Colin, who upon seeing Claire is asked if he trusts her. For the briefest of moments he reflects; and Claire tries to help him in his thinking “I lied about what I do, I didn’t lie about who I am” which apparently was enough for Colin. Any hints of betrayal at learning that Claire isn’t really a nanny, is removed. Claire saves Colin, all with the help of Scary Poppins who cracked the case on who is really behind this plot against the royals. It’s the big wig director himself who when faced with budget cuts concocts this kidnap scheme to make the security services vital. To which the person replacing the director wisely points out that one “can’t do right by doing wrong”. The director does the usual claims that the job changes you, but his successor counters “It makes you more of who you are”.
So with the moralizing complete, we can see the happy couple off. Due to the breach in security, Dad’s deployment ended thus he’s able to spend Christmas with his wife and kids. Colin’s charity has put smiles on lots of orphaned kids faces by handing out Christmas gifts…and most importantly Claire got her wish, which was to spend Christmas with Colin and his family. After the past exciting few days the whole family will be spending Christmas with the King, in what I presume is a decked out palace. Needless to say montages about cutting down Christmas trees and decking the halls was forgone in this movie, when you have a palace and hundreds on the payroll, the decorations sort themselves out. So there you have it- the Royal Nanny; the kids and Colin are safe thanks to Claire, and she gets a man PLUS her Christmas wish came true.
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