A Diva's Christmas Carol
Last year I decided to try to watch every Royal Christmas TV movie I could find in succession, so this year I made the preliminary decision to watch every Christmas Carol TV movie I could find in succession. After watching VH1's entry into the Christmas movie fray, from almost 20 years ago, I've decided that's a bad idea. This isn't to say that 'A Diva's Christmas Carol' is a terrible movie, because it's not. In fact, of the other two Scrooge knock-offs I've seen, those being 'It's Christmas, Carol' and 'Ms. Scrooge', this one would be the better of the three. It's a bad idea, as I've learned after trying to watch another scrooge knock-off after this one, is that watching basically the exact same movie, over and over again, is excruciating. Sure, all of these Hallmark type Christmas movies are kind of the same, but they aren't exactly the same. Dealing with some mean person named Scrooge, abusing a Cratchit, who will have to deal with three ghosts before swearing to live the spirit of Christmas forever, no matter what setting or lead actor they change, is the same movie. We'll call that experiment a bust.
Today we're dealing with Ebony Scrooge (Vanessa Williams), not to be confused with Ebonita Scrooge as played by Cicely Tyson in Ms. Scrooge. I dig how Ebenezer can be slightly adjusted to sound like the name of a Black woman. I wonder did Dickens realize this when he wrote this thing 175 years ago. My sincerest apologies for any white women out there named Ebony.
Anyway, Ebony is a big time pop star who is mean to everybody, like her band, her niece, her road manager Bob with the sick child named Tim... you know the routine. It's Christmas Eve and Ebony has a big concert and needs her beauty rest but alas that's not gonna happen because Marli (Rozanda Thomas) has to give her the 411 about her lost soul and her future visitors. The Ghost of Christmas Past (Kathy Griffin) shows her what a crap childhood she had, the Ghost of Christmas Present (John Taylor) shows how much everybody hates her, but still kind of loves her, and the Ghost of Christmas Future just shows her an episode of Behind the Music as VH1 showed no shame in pumping up their brand in this movie. And after seeing that and being dragged to hell, Ebony will wake up the next morning and live the spirit of Christmas for ever. By not treating people like shit. Merry Christmas!
So it's a Christmas Carol, but what's different about this one? Well, for one it stars Vanessa Williams who... newsflash... is very pretty. Best looking Scrooge ever. Also, this one takes a pop music slant, which is cool, but the downside is we have to listen to Vanessa sing a lot of songs. Now Vanessa has a great voice, but it's just that 'Heartquake', as sung by Ebony's original girl group, the fictional Desire, which we had to listen to in it's entirety just wasn't a great song. Then she closed out with a couple of other numbers which we probably could've done without. Also a little different I guess is that we have actual pop stars in this movie, such as Chili from TLC as Marli, who is considered the 'pretty one' is a trio in which every single one of them is pretty darned good looking. And also we have Duran Duran bassist John Taylor, who is also considered the 'pretty one' in a group where all the dudes are pretty darned good looking. Mr. Taylor can also slap a Bass like few pop bassists before or since. And that's about it. Oh, let's forget about famed producer Nile Rogers who shows up in that Behind the Music segment as almost a Super Villain. His six lines like stole the movie and he was straight killing it. One more thing. Ebony and Crachit used to date and while Ebony was leaving him Bob was pathetically begging her to stay, saying she needs to be loved, to which Ebony replied, 'I only need success'. Really Ebony? Did you NOT watch Mahogany? As Lando Calrissian himself told Diana Ross... 'Success is nothing without someone you love to share it with'. Everybody knows this Ebony! Everybody knows this.
Otherwise, it's a Christmas Carol. The tale has been made and remade a hundred times over. The only thing slightly different is that it looked like it took Ebony a little longer than most Scrooges to come around. Usually, after the last vision from the Ghost of Christmas Present, Scrooge kind of gets the message that he has to change, with the Ghost of Christmas Future just closing the deal. Ebony on the other hand was a petulant asshole until she was literally dragged to hell by the Ghost of Christmas Present, as played by a Sony Trinitron. He was brilliant in the role, by the way.
All the things that we use to judge these movies as Hallmark worthy are going to be in their already for the most part, since it's a Christmas Carol. Snow, Christmas Trees, a cute kid with the added bonus that he's dying, and lots of Christmas songs even though they are popped up for a 'modern'... i.e, 1999 audience. Ebony wasn't baking any cookies or shopping for trees though, but she did cater. Not quite the same.
It's a Christmas Carol as told through the eyes of VH1. Completely tolerable. We call that a positive review where we come from.
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