Christmas Dilemma
So you're sitting down to watch your Romantic Christmas movie and think you want a few things to be in it. You're thinking... I want it to be sexy. I want super hot actors who are super hot for each other all the time. And strip clubs. I need a scene that takes place in a strip club because that just screams Christmas! And a fist fight! Two characters should fight each other for absolutely no reason other than I like to see fist fights. And alcoholism. I need a character in my movie who is undoubtedly an alcoholic and and at no time gets help for her problem. And toss in a lecherous minister, because they are always funny. But most Importantly I need Jesus! He is the reason for season y'all. Guess what? That movie is right here and it is called Christmas Dilemma! And while it may sound like I'm dragging this movie a bit, slow it down, because this could very well be the most entertaining Romantic Holiday movie I've seen this year.
Jay (B.J. Britt) and Monica (Brittany S. Hall) are celebrating their first Christmas together as husband and wife, with their first dilemma being whose family to spend the holiday with. Jay would like to spend it with his family in Chicago and attempts to bribe his wife with a holiday viewing of Hamilton in Chicago, which in this reality stars Beyonce, Method Man and Adelle. I'd pay good money to go see that. Monica attempts to bribe her husband to go Nashville to visit her parents with sex, via a slutty Santa's helper costume. Neither approach works as the couple decides to spend their first Christmas together, just among themselves. Jay did float the idea of having both sets of parents over for the holidays at their ridiculously large Atlanta home, but considering the in-laws despise each other, they both got a big laugh out of that. I'm not sure what Jay does for a living to afford this amazing lifestyle he and his lady lives, but his best friend and partner Trevor (Hakim Callender - who was great in this by the way and needs his own holiday movie next year) did mention 'they made a lot of money last quarter'. Whatever that meant.
The next dilemma is that both sets of parents decide to surprise their children and show up at their doorstep, and they waste zero time in hating on one another. Jay's parents are the original HOTEP's straight from the motherland of Kwanzaa. Monica's parents are elitist snobs, and while Monica's mom may be elite, she does keep it real with her flask which is permanently attached to her right hand. Also joining the party, completely uninvited by the homeowners, will be Monica's cousin Eddie and his girlfriend, and Jay's perpetually dying sexually charged granny and her caretaker Genesis. Genesis is a problem because she's Jay's ex-girlfriend and her presence is making Monica a tad bit insecure. Looking at Monica for a while one would think this woman has to be insecure-proof, but then if there's anybody that could crack that wall, it would be Genesis. Who can also cook. Which Monica cannot do.
This dilemma will lead to shenanigans. And more shenanigans, leading to more shenanigans on top of shenanigans. The problem with all of these shenanigans is that it is literally tearing our young couple apart to the point where we don't even know if their marriage will survive the holidays. But while Jay loves his parents and respects his in-laws, he'll be damned if he allows their foolishness to let that good thing get away, and all will be right at Christmas. Because everybody's gonna leave that house and it looks like that slutty Santa suit is about to get put to use.
This glorious exercise of complete and total nonsense is bought to us via Essence Atkins, actor turned director who was in charge of this three ring circus of a movie. And while this movie might be nonsense, gosh darn, to director Atkins credit, it is funny and entertaining. Almost relentlessly so. Shamelessly so because I'm not sure there isn't anything that was off limits, in a TV-PG kind of way, that the minds behind this movie wouldn't do to get a laugh.
Clearly this 'Christmas Dilemma' is not one of our traditional holiday movies we usually watch this time of year as there were a lot things missing that would qualify it to be that. Again, it takes place in the south so there's no snow nor activities normally associated with snow, there's no cookie baking because our main character can't cook but Genesis did bake a pie. There's no cocoa drinking, replaced largely with alcohol drinking, there's no caroling though Monica and Genesis did go for a competitive jog which could be translated as music for the eyes. There are no cute kids or children of any kind in this movie, nor any wise old people with possible exception of Grammy who did occasionally state questionable statistical sex facts. Since our couple was already married there was no near miss kiss, but we did have a near miss dick sighting, which we're not going to get into. We did some tree decorating but that eventually just led to more shenanigans. Nope, none of that stuff that we are used to seeing was in this movie.
Thus in the absence of ALL of those Christamssy things we expect to see in our Holiday movies, this one just substituted in a lot of crazy inappropriate fun. I've never been on a movie set before but I think I would've liked to have been on this one because it felt like the good times kept going even when the cameras stopped rolling.
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