Snowbound for Christmas
It's a big day at Generic Corp as they are about to pitch something really big to Foreign Company. To sweeten the pot a little, Generic Corp CEO Adrian (Henderson Wade) is having this pitch at a posh five star hotel his company redesigned. To close this deal Adrian is taking his two best corporate assassins with him to this posh hotel in Rachel the Marketing Chick (Zarrin Darnell-Martin) and Diane the Design Chick (Josephine Buettner). Note that Diane, who's a bit of a B, and Adrian used to kick it back in the day which is a fire Diane is completely trying to rekindle.
When the three arrive at Hotel Posh, they are greeted by Jean Luc the Concierge (Scott Thompson) who gives them the fabulous news that the grand opening is three days away and as such they have the hotel all to themselves. To make this situation even better, for Adrian at least, bossman sends Diane away on some architectural goose chase so he can have Rachel all to himself. I think. Or maybe he just wanted to get rid of Diane because she's annoying. Then there's a snowstorm which traps Diane off in a remote cabin, which was part of her goose chase, with the strappingly handsome Fred (Franco Lo Presti) though there will be no love because Diane is terrible. This snow storm also traps Adrian and Rachel, but in far more agreeable surroundings.
So along with this five star treatment they are getting at this hotel, that they are the only guests at, they are getting the five star introductory course to love where these two spend lots and lots of time together doing things. As you might imagine, things are getting a little heated between bossman and his employee, with Adrian going in for that kiss, but it's a near miss, interrupted by the busy concierge, followed by Rachel voicing her concerns about making out with her boss which completely kills the mood. Rachel seems surprised by this and vows next time he makes his move she's gonna keep her f'n mouth shut. Which she does! No near miss this time, but this is not the end of the movie, sir or madam.
Eventually the snow thaws, Diane is freed, and they all head back home with Adrian and Rachel unable to finalize things. Followed by Adrian and Diane heading out to Vail, sans Rachel this time, in another attempt to close the deal with Foreign Corp, which they do, with Adrian and Diane showing up to the company Christmas party arm in arm. Diane even takes time out of the evening to let Rachel know that her prospects of a love connection were over. Diane was lying. Adrian only has eyes for Rachel and was very concerned when his employee would not return his calls. To prove his love he pulled out his wood whittler and made her a wood snowflake. I thought diamonds were a girls best friends but I have learned that wood snowflakes are better. I guess. In that 'Santa Baby' song at no point does she ask for a wood snowflake. But what do I know? They kiss. Merry Christmas.
'Snowbound for Christmas' is a completely serviceable Romantic Holiday Movie, but we do have issues. For starters there's the senseless objectification of actor Henderson Wade. Henderson Wade putting on a shirt, Henderson Wade in the sauna, Henderson Wade taking a swim, Henderson Wade on a treadmill... this senseless objectification of men in American Cinema has got to stop! When will men ever get break! Then there's the fact that this movie is an HR Nightmare! Dating on the job is already dicey, but a company owner having multiple relationships with employees whose checks he signs is problematic at best, criminal at worst. 'You have flecks of green in your eyes' Rachel would tell Adrian, 'I never noticed that'. Nah you never noticed that because you have to get up on somebody to notice that, which 'getting up on somebody' would be a clear violation of a company policy, if this company had a policy, which it clearly does not. Look, I want Adrian and Rachel to continue their budding love as much as the next guy but one of them has to quit. Also, while Diane and Fred were trapped in the cabin with very little eat, Fred passes Diane a can of Spam, which Diane did not like. We're okay with that. What we're not okay with is Diane going in the cupboard to get some salt to put on her Spam because the LAST thing a can of Spam needs is more sodium.
Then there's the end of the movie. So Adrian and Rachel kiss, this time for real with love, at her apartment with her parents looking on. Admittedly that's weird and me and Rachel's dad both cleared our throats at about the same time to get them to break that off, and in 99.9% of these movies, that's the end, but not this one, as this movie went the Return of King route. After that kiss that should've ended this movie, we head back to Hotel Posh where we have Christmas dinner with both sets of parents, with Adrian giving more love speeches and these two making out in front of two sets of parents this time. Not done yet. Then we move forward a few days, into the new year with Adrian and Rachel displaying completely inappropriate PSA's at work while announcing their love to the office, but not to be outdone Diane has somehow convinced Fred to show up, proclaim she needs a 'real man' indicating her BOSS is not one, and then making out with Fred at the office. This should probably get her fired, or at the very least a stern write up, if this company had an HR department, which it obviously does not. Not done yet. THEN we have to look at an endless display of photoshopped pictures of Adrian and Rachel in front of various summer backgrounds showing more love for each other. Endless. At this point I wondering what could I have possibly done to the creators of Snowbound for Christmas that would make them want to put me through this?
Other than all of that... it was fine. This one's going to be somewhat low on the vomit scale because it was missing a few things. Yes we had snow, hence the title, and Christmas songs and decorations, Jean Luc was serving up some Christmas cookies and cocoa, but we didn't have any Christmas tree shopping or tree decorating, no snowball fights or snowmen, no caroling or any cute orphan kids. Our main couple had decent chemistry together but I think that's largely because of actor Henderson Wade who is so damn charming that even the most virulent racist Karen would try to date him as opposed to calling the cops on him for watching birds in the park.
So Snowbound for Christmas isn't a great Romantic Holiday movie, it's not a terrible one either, sort of middle road but a fantastic HR training film on how NOT to behave at the office.
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