The Wrong Awards!

 The First Annual and Last Annual Wrong Awards!

Day One

Folks, you don't watch 22 Wrong movies without fanfare, and this is what the Wrong Awards are all about!  Fare for the Fans!  So welcome to the Muncie Indiana Amphitheater for Day One of a two day spectacular event, where a select crowd of extremely socially distanced nominees are here to pay homage to our Queen, Vivica A. Fox, who made all of this happen, and to see who takes home the Wrong Statuette! But let's not Dilly Dally and get right down to it.

The Best Jason Shane Scott Ill Fitting Shirt Award.

Jason Shane Scott has been a stalwart participant in these movies ranging from hero to villain to victim, but due to what I can only assume are budget restraints, they simply can't find a shirt that can adequately fit this relatively average sized man.  But which shirt is the most Ill Fitting?  The nominees please...

The Wrong
Roommate

The Wrong
House Sitter

The Wrong
Teacher

The Wrong
Student

The Wrong
Fiancée

 

                                

  

Envelope please... And winner is...

THE TINY SHIRT IN THE WRONG HOUSE SITTER!!!  Never has so little fabric fit so poorly on so much man!  Jason could not be here today to accept this award, but if he was here we are pretty sure he would tell us this is best thing that has ever happened to him in his entire life.

The Best Gina Hiraizumi

The beautiful  and talented Gina Hiraizumi, another consistent Wrong Player, is truly a renaissance woman.  Actor, activist, singer, wife, mother... But I'm sure if one were to ask her, this moment right here, right now, would be the pinnacle of her life's achievement.  And the nominees are... 

Thirsty Co-Worker
'The Wrong Stepmother'

Nosy Girlfriend
'The Wrong Fiancé'

Concerned Doctor
'The Wrong Crush'

    

Sketchy Homecare Worker
'The Wrong Man'

                

Doomed Baker
'The Wrong Wedding Planner'

Envelope please...    And the winner is....

GINA WINS!  Gina can't lose people!  C'mon!  Gina isn't here to accept her award, but I believe if she was here she would tell us that this is her greatest life's achievement.  Ever.

The Best Assault of Eric Roberts

My Friends, Eric Roberts is a true living legend.  An Academy Award nominee, not that we give value to arbitrarily dispensed awards by corrupt committees, except this one of course, but as of this writing he is listed in 596 credits.  Refresh.... 604.  Refresh... 618.  He is prolific is what we are saying.  But while he might've lost that Oscar in 1980-whatever, his greatest achievement is happening right now.  

Chloroformed by 'The
Wrong Mr. Right'.

         

Strangled, While Masturbating, by
'The Wrong Mommy'

Gunned Down, By
'The Wrong Teacher'

Run Down by a Porsche, by
'The Wrong Roommate'

Envelope please... And winner is...

Strangled while jerking it in 'The Wrong Mommy'!  Mr. Roberts has died a lot of different ways in a lot of different movies, but I'm pretty sure he's the only person in the history of movies, or in reality, to be choked to death while jerking it to pictures of his own junk.  I would not make this up.  And that's why this a winner.  Eric couldn't be here to accept this award, because he's on 12 different sets right now, but if he was here, he would tell us this is the highest honor he has ever received.

Best Hidden Camera Hiding Place

If you've watched a Wrong movie, more times than not, somebody's going to break into the house and place large hidden camera's in plain sight so they can spy on people while they do mundane stuff, like homework or wash dishes.  It's not even lecherous most of the time.  And even after that Wrong person has escaped or been killed, the cameras are rarely found so spying on them doing dishes can go in perpetuity.   The nominees for the Best Hidden Camera Hiding Place are...

Right below the TV, in The
Wrong Wedding Planner

Inside a classic novel, in The
Wrong Roommate

In a Plastic Plant, in
The Wrong Mommy

In a Trophy, in The
Wrong Crush

At the Top of the Stairs
in The Wrong Boy Next Door

The Envelope please, and the winner is....

THE WRONG BOY NEXT DOOR!  At the top of the stairs!  True, the only decent hiding place, which was also some top notch tech by the Wrong Roommate, was placing a classic, matching book in the bookshelf which was secretly a hidden camera, but dammit, she found that somehow.  But the eight inch bullet camera at the top of the stairs?  Which people pass probably twenty times a day?  Nobody ever found that one, and that's why it's the winner!

Best Worthless Cop

Our final category of Day One isn't necessarily unique to the Wrong movies, but all cops in Lifetime / Ion / UPTv / Hallmark movies are pretty worthless.  They are usually late to the scene, when  they do get to the scene they say they can't do anything, and they never crack case.  If it wasn't for Cake Bakers, Crossword Puzzle designers, Match Makers or TV Morning show hosts, no murders would ever get solved.  But we do feel the Wrong Cops are some of the worst ever.  The nominees please.

Detective Rick
The Wrong Valentine

Detective Rick arrived on the scene of an office trashed by the Wrong Valentine and almost immediately proclaimed there was nothing he could do.  But when the Wrong Valentine came back to the house and threatened to kill everybody, at least Detective Rick tried.  He even hung around outside the house in case the Wrong Valentine showed back.  He showed back up and killed Detective Rick.  But at least he did try.

Detective Simms
The Wrong 
Real Estate Agent

Detective Simms showed up at every scene late for all the crimes committed by the Wrong Real Estate Agent, she offered very little assistance for the victims of the crimes, repeatedly told them there was nothing she could do and at the end assured these victims that the killer they hadn't caught wouldn't be bothering them anymore.  Even though they haven't caught him yet.  Even though he is hiding in the same house he had been squatting in since the beginning of the movie.  

Police Chief Sawyer
The Wrong Fiancé

Police Chief Sawyer is a beacon of incompetence when it comes to community policing.  Somebody breaks into your house and opens all your windows?  He blames it on rats.  That's when you can get him off his ass to actually do his job, which he truly does not want to do, and it doesn't help that our super annoying heroine calls him like EVERYDAY to complain that somebody is trying to kill her, probably because somebody is trying to kill her.  And when he finally does get off his ass to investigate, he too gets murdered.  And all of the sudden I now see things from his point of view.

Detective Jones
The Wrong
Wedding Planner

Detective Jones was really busy in the Wrong Wedding Planner... not doing a damn thing.  Someone breaks into the house in the beginning of the movie, she shows up and tells our couple there's nothing she can do.  Our couple finds out their wedding planner is fake con artist, she tells them 'Caveat Emptor' or Buyer Beware.  You want to hear that from your investigating detective?  I know I don't.  Our Wrong Villain tries to kill them both at the end, but here goes detective Jones, hiding behind another cop with a gun, allowing her to get away, but assuring them she will not come back.  Again, this information is based on nothing, and is not a true statement.

Detectives Andrade
and Mauro
The Wrong Student

These two weren't so bad, in that they actually investigated people and interrogated people, just the obviously wrong people.  Alibi?  You have one?  Just a weird word in a dictionary.  Motive?  Just the word that goes after Loco.  You tell them who the actual killer is, they go in the opposite direction.  If Lifetime wanted to do a show Called Andrade and Mauro, I'd watch it every week just to see two glorious cops blow case after case.

Envelope please... and winner is...

DETECTIVE SIMMS FROM THE WRONG REAL ESTATE AGENT!!!  As played by Ciara Carter.  Look, if this were a fair, reverse-meritocracy, Michael Pare's Chief Sawyer should've won because he was the worst cop, but this is not that.  Don't get us wrong, Detective Simms was truly a terrible law enforcement officer, but she won because partly her badge is the size of a Flavor Flav clock to the point if it were being suspended by a gold rope chain, we wouldn't have minded, and she also won partly because she's hot.  

This is gonna wrap up Day One of the of  the Two Day Wrong awards extravaganza with more exciting awards on their way.  At some point.  Including the biggest award... The Craziest Wrong Villain.  

See you next time!  In theory.