The Wrong Mr. Right

The Wrong Mr. Right

So this movie here, The Wrong Mr. Right, was dropped in the middle of an early 2021 Lifetime Wrong Movie dump, including the Wrongs Real Estate Agent, Fiancé, Prince Charming and Valentine.  While my goal in this space isn't to actually criticize these movies, mainly because they're gonna be what they're gonna be, but making five movies over a period of I guess a couple months... it's possible that some of these movies just might not be very good, even as we sometimes accept this as a foregone conclusion going in and adjust our expectations accordingly.  Unfortunately my friends, I present to you the Wrong Mr. Right, which in my worthless opinion is the first legitimately, unequivocally, unqualified bad Wrong Movie I have seen.

Our film starts with Tracy (Krista Allen) walking around her lovely home, a home that was used, off the top of my head, in the Wrongs Friend, Tutor and Stepmother, wearing what looks to be some primo athleisure wear in an Overall Sweatsuit.  It looks very comfortable, but just a few seconds into this scene, as the camera follows Krista, it doesn't look like she's wearing any underwear as you can clearly see the crack of her ass as she walks by.  No, we're not going to put up a shot of the crack of Krista Allen's ass poking through a pair of sweat overalls, because if someone really wants to see Krista Allen's ass crack, that is one the easier finds in Internet search history.  Don't need no help from me.  My point is that this could have and should have been edited out.  Switching back to a cut of her walking away, somebody obviously told her to pull her pants up, so either somebody thought this would be funny or this movie is just super lazy.  As it plays out, we can confirm it to be the latter.  Anyway, Tracy looks through some things she clearly shouldn't be looking at, which causes her some distress, and soon she's chloroformed.  

Ah, but that was two weeks ago, because the story telling in this movie is lazy AF.  Tracy has a daughter in Jessica (Anna Marie Dobbins) who is back home from college, prepping for grad school, only to find out that her mother has moved some dude named Paul (Rib Hillis) into their home.  Jessica doesn't like Paul.  Jessica likes Paul even less when she sees him arguing with some woman at the restaurant she works at owned by Sandra (Vivica A. Fox).

Much to the dismay of her boss, Jessica suffers from a 
condition called 'sleep working'.

Jessica abandons her post to follow Paul arguing with this woman, but boss lady doesn't like people abandoning their posts at her restaurant and gives her the business.  Jessica tells Sandra, who happens to be Tracy's best friend, and her wannabe boyfriend Rick (Olivier Paris) about what she saw, but they know Jessica's just a straight up hater and they brush her off.

Back home Jessica is mean to Paul some more, but she's really mean her mom Tracy.  It would seem Jessica's dad left his family with Jessica mentioning this might no have happened if her mom had loved him more.  Paid him more attention.  Gave him want he was looking for.  It would seem, at this moment, that Jessica is telling her mom she wasn't freaky enough to hold on to her dad.  Then she's mean to Paul some more and runs off to her room, but Paul has his eye on her.

The architect who designed these 4-inch door openings
angered Paul to no end.

Some other stuff happens, but this is movie filled to the brim with scenes that don't actually pertain to anything and don't move the very simple plot forward, so we will skip over most of those.  Eventually Jessica and this non-boyfriend of hers walk down the street talking about stuff, with the important thing being that he advises her to go through Paul's things if she wants to know stuff about him.

The concept of his jeans are like ass-less chaps, but only
for the knees.  Brilliant.

Simple advice and easy advice because Paul has an office in this house, an office which he keeps unlocked, he has box of super secret papers which also has no lock, and he has an MacBook which has no password, which I think you have to actively remove to achieve this.  For a guy we already know is as dirty as the day is long, he is pretty sloppy at keeping his secrets secure.  But before she can do this, Jessica has to suffer through some more of her mom being happy.  She hates her mom being happy.

Oh my God... he's asking ME to play basketball!  I'm so happy!

At first I was a little upset at this scene as I really wanted to see Krista and Rib ball it out, but no worries, later.  Finally, Jessica has some room to do some snooping in Paul's ridiculously insecure hiding places.

On his laptop she sees pictures upon pictures of Paul posing with a LOT of women.  Then she finds another ID for Paul.  Or Michael.  Or whatever his real name is.

This movie might not be well made, but they did a damn good
job of making fake ID's.

What I love about this ID, fake though it may be, is that he's a veteran AND a donor.  That's a righteous fake ID right there.  The good thing though is that Jessica has Paul dead to rights!  She tells her not boyfriend about her find, but he warns her not to 'blow this out of proportion'.  Jessica might be the worst, but homeboy has fake ID's and lots of pictures of himself snuggled up to older ladies.  If ever there was time to start blowing things out of proportion, now would be that time.  

She confronts Paul at dinner about what she found in his secret box and the fake ID.

She has no watch, yet she keeps checking the time. 
I think we know what somebody wants for Christmas.

At first Tracy is pissed that Jessica went through Paul's things, but the fake ID does cause some concern, which Paul scrambles to make up a story about which Tracy quickly believes, because they made Tracy dumb as dirt in this movie.  Jessica also mentions only one of the many, many pictures of him he found with other women, to which Paul also explains that away as well, since that was his ex-wife, who's insanity forced him to change his name and get a new identification.  Who in their right mind would believe this story?  Tracy, that's who.  If Jessica had mentioned the other forty or so pictures she found, maybe she could've convinced mom?  But she didn't so we move on.

That guys who's not her boyfriend, that she constantly hangs out with, gives Jessica some more advice, this time being 'ask him if he has some siblings'.  That'll give her some info to track.  Unfortunately, Jessica has all her conversations about her plans to usurp Paul in her room with her door open, or in plain sight of Paul so he knows everything she's planning, thus when she asks him if he has siblings, he just happened to be getting off a phone call with his brother!  How convenient thinks Jessica!  The easy play here was 'I'm an only child', but nope, Paul went and made up a brother.  

So little brother John (Jason Faunt) shows up, and Jessica's mind is blown.  He actually has a brother!  They even decide to play some basketball.

Uh... a little help here?

The game is Paul and his 'brother' John against Jessica and that guy who's not her boyfriend.  Shirts vs. Skins.  Now, in a two on two game, shirts vs skins is pretty unnecessary.  Particularly when one team are 'brothers' and the other team is boyfriend and girlfriend.  They know who their other teammate is, but I guess we've got to get these shirts off some kind of way.

Kobe!  On an 8ft. Rim!

Also, while Rib Hillis is a super fit dude, he did not get that physique playing basketball.  That is not his game.

After that spirited game of hoops, Jessica and non-boyfriend are off to see family friend and private eye Eric Roberts who tells these kids he's going to look into the case, by telling them what THEY need to do to investigate the case.  He doesn't seem to be a very good private eye.  

If you look close enough, you can see the reflection of your
soul in the lead tip of a no.2 pencil.  Most people don't know this.

Then Paul meets up with his 'brother' John at the bar, where John let's Paul know that pretending to be his brother is going up his fee for the scam, then heads off to the bathroom.  When he exits the stall, Paul is waiting for him and proceeds to murder him.

It was supposed to be a simple scalp massage.  It turned into
something else altogether.

We are going to casually ignore the fact he killed this guy in a crowded bar with no possible way to discretely dispose of the body, but John walked out of the stall apologizing to Paul for stepping out of his lane.  Absolutely no reason right there to kill his poor partner in crime.   John was supposed to spend a couple of nights at the home to further sell the brother ruse, but when Paul tells Jessica that he had work to do back in New York, Jessica finds this incredibly unbelievable.  I mean, we know John is dead, but people going back home is something that people do so... Jessica.  

More disconnected nonsense happens but eventually Paul starts to move in to finalize his grift and proposes to Tracy.

Paul found Tracy's self-karate chop to chest very, very hot.

Jessica reacts as one would expect Jessica to react, but this time her mother lays into that ass, asking why she always gives her cheating dad a pass while blaming poor Tracy for all her problems and hating it when she's happy.  They couldn't write Jessica an answer to this complicated question she was asked.

Meanwhile Private Eye Eric Roberts has gotten some info on this alleged Ex-wife of Paul's, and like most private detectives, sends his client Jessica to talk to her.  Paul, of course finds out about this and calls Private Eye Eric Roberts, tells him exactly who he is, and instead of Eric Roberts immediately hanging up the phone, he tells Paul all the information he has on him that he's already given to Jessica.  Because that what responsible private detectives do.  Paul even makes arrangements to meet with him so he can get more information that he's given Jessica, which Eric Robert inexplicably agrees to.

He found Paul to be a bit 'handsy'.  

Thus ends the life of the Wrong Private Eye.  While Paul was murdering Eric Roberts, Tracy and Sandra are having drinks, with Sandra being a little concerned that Tracy might be moving a little too fast with this guy with the fake ID's.  Tracy makes the critical mistake going off on Sandra, telling her she's just jealous she doesn't have a man!  Make no mistake, this is probably the worst Wrong movie I've seen, but Vivica A. Fox getting deep into Krista Allen's ass might be the single best scene in any Wrong I've seen to this point.

I seriously wants no parts of this.

I mean she unloaded on that B, and it felt so real, like somebody somewhere at some time actually made the mistake of saying this to Vivica before.  After DeCoteau yelled 'cut', I bet Krista put an arm around Vivica and asked 'You okay girl?'

After that tour deforce of a performance, the movie reverts back to it's humdrum existence with Jessica talking to this ex-wife of Paul's (Dominique Swain), via the info given to her by dead Eric Roberts, which also points out this is the person that Paul should've been murdering as opposed to pointlessly killing Eric Roberts, but thanks to this new explosive info, now Jessica thinks she has the info to warn Tracy about the REAL Paul.  This woman didn't tell us anything that Tracy truthfully just ignored up to this point, but now she finally goes to his office, which is in HER house, looks through that stupid unlocked box he carries around filled with every bit of incriminating evidence that any single person could possibly keep in one central location, and sadly learns she's being bamboozled.

Can someone tell me where one can buy Chloroform
Over the Counter?  Asking for a friend.

But of course Paul is one step ahead, more or less, and disables poor Tracy.  Jessica rushes home only to be chloroformed as well.  But before she rushed home, she called her not-boyfriend and told him to meet her there at murder central.  This was one of the movies funnier scenes because Rick was watching TV with his dad, who explicitly told his son if something happens, let him know so he can back him up.  Rick gets the call that Tracy might be in trouble, lets his old man know that he's got to run because Tracy might be in trouble, Dad asks if he's needed to come along, Rick says 'I got this', dad shrugs and continues watching Tog Gear.  Thanks Dad.  Anyway Rick rushes over and sees Jessica and Tracy in a precarious situation.

Worst game of musical chairs ever.

Rick pulls out his celly and calls the police, while Paul is steadily doing that 'talking killer' thing, and he's about deep six both Tracy and Jessica until, completely out of nowhere...

Again, I wants no parts of this.

I don't know where she came from, don't who called her because Rick called the police, maybe I missed something because that's a real possibility, but there goes Sandra, appearing out of thin air like the genie from Aladdin, putting a slug in Paul's leg and delivering the line.  

She was actually aiming a little higher

So much for Paul, the Wrong Mr. Right.  Or not really, because he gets up after getting shot in the leg and disappears into thin air, much like Sandra appeared out of thin air.  Jessica, reasonably so, is afraid he might return but Tracy assures her he won't, because, and I quote, 'He's a shark'.  I'm gonna need some exposition on that one because I don't what the f@#k that means.  And if you take a close look at Paul's ass in that picture above, in his back pocket he has a document he had Tracy sign, legally passing all of her assets over to him.  I'm thinking, wherever he is, he still has that document and is executing it.  Oh wait, there's Paul right there.

Mah Horse in the back next to mah pickup.  Ahm from Texas.
Fools 'em every time.

He's in Texas now, which is fairly obvious because he has a cowboy hat and says Howdy ma'am.  Only people from Texas do that.

My friends, we don't step into these shallow Wrong Movie waters expecting the 2nd coming of Apocalypse now or anything, but that doesn't mean we don't have expectations.  I expect my villains in these movies to be KARAZAY, and not just simple bad guys.  I expect large hidden cameras in plain sight, I expect multi layered stupid plans, I expect really bad police work, I expect to see Gina Hiraizumi and  / or Ciarra Carter somewhere in my wrong movie.  I got none of this.  We did get a lot of shirtless dude action, and we do know there is a large section of the populace that also require this in their Wrong Movie, but that would be the one thing that I, personally, could take or leave.  

And the tale we got was so poorly told and put together.  Admittedly, our wrong movies have never been a bedrock of lucidity, but we always got some thin threads of connectivity holding this nonsense together.  There is a pattern that's been established here, and we need them to freaking to stick to it!  Let's pull one out of thin air as an example... let's call it the it The Wrong Cable Guy.  Hot single mom with a teenage daughter who plays field hockey, played by a 30-year old actress, breaks up with her boyfriend and moves into one of the established Wrong houses.  Hot Cable guy comes and installs Cable and internet, while placing hidden cameras everywhere.  He can even do it shirtless while doing pushups.  Vivica A. Fox is the hot moms boss.  Or the Hot Mom.  It's her show.  Hot Cable guy always shows up because stuff is always breaking, and he's now fixated on the hot mom.  Weird things happen, Hot Mom calls the cops who say that can't do anything until somebody actually gets killed.  Hot mom goes on a date, date gets murdered.  Turns out the ex-boyfriend hired the crazy cable guy to keep an eye on hot mom.  Cable guy has to kill ex-boyfriend.  He tells mom he loves her, mom says no, he kidnaps daughter, Vivica A. Fox shows up out of nowhere and shoots him DEAD, meaning he doesn't get away because I prefer my villains toe tagged, and says 'You hired the Wrong Cable Guy'.  Done.  We got ourselves a Wrong Movie.  That wasn't so hard now was it.  

I know shooting five movies in two months is going to cause some lapses in quality here and there, but come on guys, we can do better.  One Wrong.