Showing posts from February, 2012

The Secrets to becoming a Film Critic.

A young man emailed me not too long ago, wishing to know what are the requirements and training necessary to becoming a film critic. Obviously being a film critic is not an easy thing to do, right up there with Night Security Guarding or Dog Whispering in degree of difficulty as far as part time gigs go, but I did my best to point this young man on the right path, and figuring this advice is far to sage and valuable to limit to this one dude, I'm going to share the secrets of film criticism with the world!

Let's begin with the valuable requirements.

1. A partially functioning eyeball. Obviously we need to see these movies so an eyeball that works somewhat is fairly key. However Tommy Edison is blind and he's a much better known film critic than me and whole lot of others with functioning eyeballs, so take this requirement with a grain of salt.

2. A functional ear. You're watching a Steven Seagal movie, you hear him speak but you can't understand a word he'…