Thursday, December 16, 2010

A Dangerous Man... with a Sitar.

So I'm going through my ZuneHD... note I could've just said 'MP3 Player' but where's the cache in that? But anyway, I'm going through my ZuneHD and the arduous task of tagging my tunes because a lot of the tunes are listed as 'Unknown'. Of course when one hears 'You Dropped a Bomb on Me' we know it's The Gap Band but now my MP3 Player... I mean my ZuneHD... knows as well. Then I run across this song titled 'Girl It's Alright'. I've never heard this song, I have no idea who is singing this song and I do not know how it got on my player but this song wasn't so bad. I actually had to Google the lyrics to find out who performed this song, but the funny thing is that every time I clicked ENTER, Google came back with Steven Seagal as the artist, no matter how many times I re-typed it in.

I knew that Steven Seagal had a musical album making the rounds, considering the man's a musician in addition to being a kung fu master and a master thespian, but I avoided his musical stylings because... well, it's Steven Seagal playing a sitar and crooning so who wouldn't avoid that? But seriously, the song isn't so bad, though I wish I knew how in the hell it made it on to my player. Seagal now follows a long list of actors of suspect acting ability making songs that aren't so bad. Don Johnson and 'Heartbeat', David Soul and 'Don't Give Up on us Baby', Eddie Murphy and 'Party all the Time'... and that's all I can think of right now. Clint Eastwood, Scott Baio, William Shatner, Keanu Reeves and Regis Philbin have all cut records too but I cannot attest to the quality of those musical compositions.

Anyway, here is Steven doing that OTHER thing that he does when he's not making an action movie a week.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Seriously? The boxing Hall of Fame?

Man... don't nobody love a 'Rocky' movie more than me. Rocky was a great sports movie, a great love story, a great drama... there was a reason that this movie won the Academy Award for Best Picture back in 1976 though I assign no value to arbitrarily assigned awards. And it is because of Mr. T's senseless snub in Rocky 3, an event that taught me that arbitrarily assigned awards by corrupt committee's have no value.

But the other day Sylvester Stallone was inducted into the boxing hall of fame. Seriously. A hall of fame that includes the likes of Ali, Frazier, Sugar Ray's Leonard and Robinson, Chavez, Hagler, Marciano, Dempsey, Duran, Graziano and now Rocky Balboa. Despite the fact that Rocky Balboa doesn't really exist. Now I'm not here to denigrate Sly in any kind of way because the man probably does belong in some kind of Hall of Fame. I have no doubt he has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, which he no doubt deserves, and he probably even has his hands in that cement stuff in front of that Hollywood theater out there. And if there is a Hall of Fame for actors and directors and fictional characters and the like, he should be in that too.

But I don't know... it just seems the boxing Hall of Fame should be reserved for Boxers. Or Trainers. Or boxing reporters or even announcers. If Michael Buffer goes into the Boxing Hall of Fame, I don't anybody would be upset about that. And the truth of the matter is I'm not really upset about Sly being in the Hall of Fame, it just seems he doesn't belong there. If he's in then why not put Apollo Creed in the Hall of Fame since he was a great champion before those two titanic bouts with Rocky Balboa. And why stop there. Somebody could probably make a case that Roy Hobbs and the remains of Lightning Boy should be in the Baseball Hall of Fame, Shane Falco (Keanu Reeves) lit up the fake NFL in that movie The Replacements so lets put him in the Pro Football Hall of Fame. I believe Edwina Franklin won a championship for the Knicks in that movie Eddie so into the Hall of Fame goes Whoopi Goldberg and can anybody tell me why Paul Newman isn't in the Hockey hall of fame? I'm not joking, why isn't Paul Newman in the Hockey Hall of Fame?

In defense of Stallone's induction NESN writer Don Podheiser wrote; '...he, or his persona, at least, has arguably had a bigger impact on the sport than any other person over the last 40 years,' Of course that statement would include Muhammad Ali among others so I don't know about all of that but hey... it's their Hall of Fame and the can put anybody they want in there. Upon hearing the news about Sly I'm sure Robert DeNiro is waiting with baited breath for his induction letter. Even though he played a guy that was a real person who is already in the Boxing Hall of Fame so I'm not so sure how that would work out.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

My Sabbatical has ended.

Me and Film Critics United have been trudging along for going on five years now, almost non-stop, watching movies and piling up typographical errors but two months ago we finally hit the wall. We simply could not gather up the power to watch another movie as we had to decompress, regroup, refocus and do something else. Note in addition to caring for Film Critics United we also have tend to the Totally Twisted Flix television show, there's a full time job that occasionally needs my attention... since being an Internet film critic and the host of a television show that nobody watches doesn't pay all that well... not to mention a beautiful wife to neglect and a child to ignore, so we had to let it go for a while.

We weren't stagnant in those two months off however. For instance I broke out my power tools which I barely no how to operate and built a stand-up arcade cabinet which is sweet. If you are any kind man you have to have power tools even if you have no idea how to use them. But now I can play me some Galaga, Donkey Kong Jr. and especially Super Contra any time I want. I can even pretend to put quarters in.

Then we watched some TV. We don't get to watch much TV but caught up on some 'True Blood', some 'Hung' some 'Cheaters'... best show on TV... and of course we had to dedicate some time to my beloved Detroit Lions who are simply destroying their opponents. And if by 'destroy' I mean 'lose almost all the time' then that's what I mean. Love my lions. We read a couple of books, categorized my porn collection, wrote a poem discussing the allegory of 'Green Eggs and Ham' and why it's a parallel to drug usage and shot some free throws.

But then I started to hear the rumblings with everyone wondering where I was. And if by 'everyone' I mean 'nobody' then that's what I mean. But now I have returned to my duties and the FCU has recently been updated so please stop emailing me and texting me. And if by 'stop' I mean 'start' then that's what I mean.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Best. Show. Ever.

A few months back a friend of my mine gives me the 411 on this Starz production of 'Spartacus Blood and Sand'. He tells me it's a good show. He tells me it has a little bit too much 'man on man love' for his tastes... but outside of that, it's a good show. Even though I don't watch much television when the football season ends but I do have that fancy u-verse with all the packages and what-not so I DVR this show. Never got around to watching it. A couple of weeks back combing through the DVR stuff I see this show and decided I should delete it to save some space, but before I do this maybe I should at least watch the first episode. That first episode was pretty good. Not great, but decent. Decent enough for to pick up the next episode the following day. That second show was even better and now I'm hooked in. Amazingly this pattern would continue as each show would be better than the show concluded with the 'KILL THEM ALL' episode. Baby, can't beat that with a stick. It got to the point I couldn't wait to get home from the job to watch the next show. Sure, I have the entire first season on the DVR and could just sit straight through but I wanted to savor this show.

'Spartacus Blood and Sand' has more violence, more nudity and more sex than probably any show ever made in the history of the universe. In fact before I started watching it I read a comment where some dude mentioned 'If you can get past the sex and violence it's a really good show.' I'm thinking to myself 'what's wrong with that dude? He must be some kind of girlie-man or something.' No, there is so much nudity and violence in the show you actually have to account for it and get past it. It's insane. But nudity and violence do not make for a good show. It's the characters that make this show great. It's the way, in only thirteen episodes, that the creators of this show brought these characters along, found a way to develop these characters into real people and forced the audience to care about their well being, or hope for their unceremonious demise as the case may be.

If someone were stupid enough to give me some money and let me make me a movie, that cat in the corner, Peter Mensa, would be in every movie I'd make. For no other reason than the man is big, mean and ugly and he can act. THIS IS MADNESS!!!

Apparently STARZ is readying a sequel, which I will not watch because it cannot get any better than KILL THEM ALL!!! Where in the hell do you go after that? Downhill, that's where you go. On a sadder note let's hope that Spartacus star Andy Whitfield beats the cancer that has stricken him and gets back to making the follow up to this show that I will not be watching. Best show ever. Sorry Sopranos and The Boondocks. Still love you though.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Sympathy for the pedophile.

I finished watching the movie 'The Ghost Writer' mainly because it came so highly recommended by so many film critics and film watchers alike. It was a pretty good movie with some interesting plot twists but it was a thriller without a heckuva lot of thrills and it did run unnecessarily long. But I have to be honest with you... if I had known that convicted raping pedophile Roman Polanski had directed it, I probably wouldn't have watched it. I know this makes me look bad. I'm close minded and narrow minded. Seriously, this was over thirty years ago... get over it already. It was the 70's, the age of free love... sexually abusing kids was cool back then. Besides she consented. 13 year old girls make all kinds of wise critical decisions. Plus this cat made 'Chinatown' which should give him some leeway when it comes rape and pedophilia. No... no sir it does not. Roman Polanski is a convicted rapist and a pedophile, these simple facts are not up for debate, and after brokering a favorable plea deal he fled like bitch and has been on the run ever since. Still making movies, living the dream... as long as he doesn't venture over to the United States.

The main reason I had to write this was because after I read back my required review of 'The Ghost Writer' each time I referenced Polanski I prefaced his name with 'pedophile' or 'rapist' or 'child molester' which while completely true probably wasn't appropriate for that article. Since it was clear I had some things to deal with, I'll deal with it here.

It case you don't know the story a mother, who is not without blame, brings her 13 year old daughter to Jack Nicholson's crib for a photo shoot, Polanski plies the girl with booze and drugs and rapes her. Not statutory rape... rape. He's convicted, he flees. That's not cool. Over the years a lot of sympathy has been shunted Polanski's way by some of his Hollywood colleagues, particularly after his arrest in Switzerland where a petition was passed around and signed by some of his famous contemporaries to set the man free. Whoopi Goldberg made the comment that he should probably be exonerated since it wasn't 'rape-rape'. Whatever the hell 'rape-rape' is as opposed to not so bad 'rape' or maybe the even more abhorrent 'rape-rape-rape'. Washington post writer Anne Applebaum, who is clearly insane, comments that Polanski 'Did not know her real age', she mentions that Polanski had a rough upbringing being a child of the holocaust and pointed out that he's already paid his debt to society 'through lawyers fees' among other things. Hmmm, ignorance... not an excuse. Rough childhood... not an excuse. And having a lot of money to pay for lawyers doesn't equate to time served. But then that's just silly old me talking crazy.

Did Polanski deserve an Academy Award for 'The Pianist' back in 2003? Probably, it was a good movie. Did he deserve a freaking standing ovation? Hell no. What's wrong with these people? Jack Nicholson didn't stand. He's apparently opposed to forty year old dudes drugging and raping thirteen year old girls in his house. Asshole. A standing ovation for a bitch-ass rapist pedophile. Maybe if he had choked the little girl to death they would've awarded him the keys to the city.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Jack Booted Thugs - Reborn!

One of the hot videos floating around is the one of those Georgia cops responding to a call from a fearful 57-year-old school teacher afraid that there was a prowler on her premises. Her reward for calling the police for 'help' was getting tazed repeatedly while begging them to stop electrocuting her.

This particular incident is just another in a long line of incidents of Local Law enforcement 'assisting' the public via electrocution. One of my favorites is the story of the man who called EMS for his grandmother... oh... read the sad tale for yourself... with some of these reckless tazings leading to death. You would think typing the words 'taser' 'old' and 'woman' into your favorite search engine would just lead you to some really strange porno sites as opposed to a list of articles and videos of cops actually tasing old women.

This is happening to the level where its clearly become a problem so the question is why do we have this upswing of manual police electrocutions taking place? Well, there the 'Hangover Factor' where it was really, really funny watching Bradley Cooper and his crew get repeatedly electrocuted by those Las Vegas cops in that movie. Of course our heroes were fine in the next scene a few minutes later and thus maybe these officers are unaware of the consequences of manual electrocution and maybe should stop watching wacky comedies.

Then there's the 'bitch-ass-punk' factor. A friend of mine... not me because I don't think this... but a friend mine pointed out that almost every bitch-ass-punk he knew in high school grew up to become a cop. Thus years of self worth and self-confidence issues are instantly resolved the minute they strap that gun to their hip. And since these bitch-ass-punks were bullied relentlessly in high school, they in turn bully old sick ladies with their portable electrocution devices, as a sort of revenge since they were such bitch ass punks back in the day. That's what he said, not me.

I tend to lead towards the 'Ease of Use /Lack of Consequence' factor. Here in Detroit our cops don't carry tasers, they only carry .45's. So if I have a .45 I'm going to seriously give it some thought before pulling it out and blowing you clean away. I'll do it, but I'm gonna give a little thought first. Not so much if I have a taser. At the slightest hint of a ruckus, instead of using the training that I was given to calm a situation down, I'm going whip out my device and electrocute you. Note that every time I shock you with my electrocution device you will bounce around on the floor like a dying fish which I will take as an 'aggressive movement' which is threatening my 'safety' which will force me to you shock again and again until you stop moving aggressively. Besides, it's just a few thousand volts as opposed to a bullet so you will recover. Eventually. Unless you die.

I used to think these things were a good alternative to assisting our beleaguered officers in keeping the peace, that is opposed to getting clean blown away but it appears I was wrong. I didn't figure on the 'I'm too lazy to do my job' factor which ultimately leads to the quick decision to electrocute on sight. Personally, I'll take my chances with a semi-literate cop trying to talk me out of situation with his holstered .45 than electrocuting me on sight.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Be a Fan of Totally Twisted Flix! Pleeeze....

Friends, Colleagues, Countrymen... this is your lucky day. People often ask me (not really) where they can catch my television show 'Totally Twisted Flix', the only TV Show in existence (to our knowledge) that only focuses on movies that are released Straight to DVD that is now in its THIRD season of production. The thing is not everyone subscribes to Dish Network which means they don't have Colours TV. And even those that do subscribe often don't make the journey all the way down to channel 9407 to watch this amazingly glorious television show. Well all of that is about to change. Kind of. In a way.

Introducing the Totally Twisted Flix Facebook Fanpage! Now this just isn't some randomly generated fanpage my friends, even though it may look that way, but as a Fan of Totally Twisted Flix not only will you be blessed with valuable clips lifted from the show featuring hard hitting reviews of important Straight to DVD movies... we're talking about life affirming films such as 'Ninja Cheerleaders' and 'The Watermelon Heist'... but fans of 'Totally Twisted Flix' will also get exclusive content that even those fifteen to twenty people who actually watch the show don't have access to. You know how you go to the club and see those jerkoffs behind the velvet ropes with the babes and the bodyguards? That's you now baby!

But wait... There's More! Also as a fan you will be automatically entered into drawings to receive valuable, valuable gifts and prizes! For instance our first giveaway will feature a DVD Player... crazy new tech I know... but it will also be bundled with the invaluable 5 twist flick... wait for it...


Maybe the worst movie ever made! You can't beat that with a stupid stick. In addition to the crazy new tech and terrible movie giveaways you might also score some Twisted schwag such as T-shirts, coffee mugs and all kins of cools stuff. Plus we listen to you. We have special shows that often air, like the Steven Seagal special or the Tony Todd / Lance Henricksen special. We've done shows featuring Straight to DVD sequels of theatrically released movies, action shows, zombie shows, hot babe shows, shows featuring good actors who have fallen to darkside of Straight to DVD... So if you have an idea for a special show or even have a movie that you feel we need to watch to put on a future show... let us know because we listen and we care. Heck, if you have a video camera and can halfway put a sentence together we might even put your video review on a show... but don't hold me to that... gotta talk to Encode Media Group to get the okay on that one, but if it was just up to me...

I know what you're thinking... How much is this huge amount of goodness going to cost me? Well, that's best part because it's FREAKING FREE!!! Unbelievable! So don't wait, become a fan NOW! If the phones are busy just keep trying! Your future awaits you.

Be a Fan Now!!!

Monday, June 21, 2010

Grid Locked!

Haven't updated the FCU in the last couple of weeks, mainly because we haven't watched a movie in the last couple of weeks because we have been in Super Sunny Los Angeles California covering the Electronic Entertainment Expo. After spending a week in Los Angeles I have to seriously question why anyone would actively pursue living there unless you have an affinity towards concrete, overcrowding and traffic. And exorbitantly high liquor prices. And ten percent sales tax. And having four roomates. And no pro football team. Now if you like those things then L.A. is a virtual dreamland but I don't really care for high sales tax and constant traffic gridlock so me and L.A. didn't get along that well, but of course to each his own.

It took our crew almost two hours every day to make it from Studio City to downtown, despite the fact that Studio City is, what... fifteen miles away from downtown? And it really doesn't seem to matter what time of day either. You would think that at 11:00 A.M most folks would be at work, but not in Los Angeles because these poor people are sitting on a freeway going only heaven knows where. Imagine, if you are sitting in traffic for two hours to where you have to go and two hours to return, in six days that would equate to one whole day of your life wasted sitting in traffic and the citizenry of this city deal with this every single day. It has to be driving them crazy. Has to be.

Of course the weather is very nice though there is this smoggy, cancer causing haze covering everything, the ladies are plentiful and pretty as they try to avoid the Porno Pitfalls on their way to stardom and driving the rented Town Car down Laurel Canyon Boulevard was a blast ... but the gridlock... man, talk about a deal breaker. What in the hell was Randy Newman talking about?

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

A Badassery Amendment

A few posts back we listed what we thought were the baddest badasses in movie history, or at least out of the movies we've seen. Because of our somewhat narrow badass criteria there were no women on the actual list though a few did make it as honorable mention, but women were missing mainly because most of the female badasses in movies are driven by something outside of simply being badass. Usually it's some form of maternity.

Ah, but then we saw Donnie Yen's latest beatemup '14 Blades' which features this woman here, former Miss Hong Kong Kate Tsui as the character of Tuo Tuo. If ever there was a character born into badassness, here she is.

Like a true badass she doesn't say much and what little she does say is either an overt or a thinly veiled threat to kill you. She seems to be angry all of the time for no particular reason, her fighting skills are such that at one point during this movie Donnie Yen's character actually had to run from her and while she is clearly beautiful she never used her beauty to lull her prey into a false sense of security before slaughtering them. It would've been nice if she had done this but apparently she did not feel the need.

So throw Tuo Tuo and her sweet braids on the list my friends, a woman I would marry tomorrow even though I'd be dead five minutes later.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Je'Rean is dead too...

I'm a Detroiter. Not a native since I came here to go to college twenty years ago by way of St. Louis, met and married a pretty girl and have been here ever since, but I still consider it my home. Just can't get with American League baseball. Detroit has been in the news recently. If the words 'Detroit' and 'News' are used in the same sentence then you know something beyond terrible must have occurred.

This time its about as bad as it gets as seven year old Aiyana Jones was shot to death, by a police officer's stray bullet, in an ill-conceived raid to corral a murder suspect. I imagine there will be a full investigation, the officer who fired the bullet will be reprimanded and probably suspended though I doubt he will serve any time but that will all take care of itself and that's not what we are here to talk about. It's everything else surrounding the death of Aiyana Jones that we are touching upon here today.

Before Aiyana's body hit the ground lawyer Jeffrey Feiger had already filed two law suits against the City of Detroit to 'help the family find closure'. Exactly. Aiyana might be dead but at least somebody's going to paid from it. That's turning a frown upside down where I come from. Aiyana's body might've been on the ground for about a minute before we got visits from both Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton. Reverend Sharpton was here to deliver Aiyana's eulogy. Why? I think we have enough preachers here in Detroit more than capable enough to deliver an impassioned eulogy, negating the need for us to import preachers from New York City. The cynics amongst us would say that Reverends Jackson and Sharpton were only here to further exploit an already volatile situation to raise public awareness about themselves. But that's what a cynic would say, not me. We're not even going to mention the reality show that was taping all of this. Would the police officers have been so gung-ho if they didn't have to put on a show for the cameras?

My question is who flew in to eulogize Je'Rean Blake? That's the seventeen year old boy who got shot to death for looking at 34 year old Chauncey Owens the wrong way. Chauncey is the reason the reason the police were putting on a show for the cameras and Chauncey is the primary reason that Aiyana is dead. But as far as I know there's no fancy lawyers representing the Blake family, mainly because there's really nobody to sue since Chauncey Blake is probably broke, and there's no New York preachers flying in to eulogize a boy for looking at somebody the wrong way because that happens far too often and offers few exploiting opportunities.

Incompetent police officers tap dancing for a reality TV show shooting a seven year old child is an isolated incident. If a police officer shoots another kid in my remaining days in this city I will be surprised. If I make it out this month without hearing about some knucklehead shooting somebody for something stupid I will be surprised. Out of those two which one do you think is the real problem? The Lawyer is going to paid and paid well, the reverends have left town and found other incidents in other parts of the country to exploit and offer no solutions and Je'Rean Blake is just as dead as Aiyana Jones. But that would be a cynic talking and that's not me.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Oh the Gayness of it all...

Everybody is all in a tizzy over Newsweek writer Ramin Setoodeh crapping all over poor Sean Hayes and his broadway performance as a straight man in the play Promises, Promises. To sum it up in a sentence the man, a gay dude himself, basically said folks just can't get around a gay man playing a straight man. Personally, I don't think that's entirely true. Sean Hayes could be cast as the next 'Rambo' for all I care, I don't give a damn, but he'd be Jack from 'Will and Grace' playing Rambo not Sean Hayes playing Rambo. I don't think the fact that Sean Hayes was gay in that show, and is gay in real life is the issue there. It's the fact that the character he played was so over-the-top iconically gay (iconically is not a real word by the way) and for sooooo long that's the issue. Eric McCormack was gay on that show too but he doesn't seem to have any issue going back to playing straight characters. I know the man isn't gay in real life but still... He was the straight man on that show, comically speaking, and you just suffered through he and Debra's Messing's tired problems just to get to Jack doing some funny gay stuff.

Take the sad case of Michael Richards. The man will die as Cosmo Kramer and there 's not damn thing he can do about it. He didn't go on that stupid tirade because he's a racist, he did it because he was frustrated at the fact that he is stuck with Cosmo Kramer until he hits the dirt. There are worst things of course than being filthy rich and assoicated with an iconic character on a popular TV show, but one Kramer heckler too many and its raining N-words. When Dave Chappelle spoke about doing his stand up act or walking through the airport with his kids and folks yelling out at him 'I'M RICK JAMES BITCH!', so afraid of being locked into that one little character the man walked away from 50 million dollars on the table. And then smoked a blount.

If I saw Jimmy 'J.J' Walker, right now, walk past my window... what do you think I'd say? you guessed it. DYNOMITE!!!!! I'd run out the house and yell DYNOMITE at Jimmy walker and hope he wasn't packing heat. And Good Times has been of the air for like thirty years. Lucille Ball went to her grave being a ditzy red head but she built an empire, and you would've been fool to underestimate Lucille Ball. And the examples pile up and up.

Can a gay dude sell an audience as a straight dude? I guess he can if he can act. Rupert Everett seems to do okay, that cat on Torchwood seems to do okay. Everybody else just keeps it safe and avoids the issue by staying nice a warm in the closet so they don'th have to worry about it.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

The Holy Grail of the Craptastic - Mega Piranha!

Combined, the movie studio known as The Asylum and the Sci-Fi Channel have unleashed upon our eyes some of the worst movies known to mankind. Ed Wood probably wouldn't work for these cats but these two great forces have gotten together and have reached the Zenith of their creative prowess... They have crafted their 'Godfather', their 'Citizen Kane'... They have merged crap, ineptitude, incompetence and entertainment in a way that I don't think it has ever been merged before in the instant classic... 'Mega Piranha'!

While we did a full 'review' of this movie over at the FCU, this movie has so much crap goodliness in it that it deserves further editorializing. First examine the stars of this movie. Paul Logan is a man that can only be termed as an Asylum Day-Player since he shows up in so many of their flicks but his perseverance has paid off as he is given the lead in this movie, and deservingly so. Paul Logan may have attended an acting class, but I'm pretty sure he left that one class early because he had to get to the gym because my man's muscles have muscles. Honestly speaking when battling piranha the size of a tour bus do you want a guy who looks like he can act or a guy who looks like he can kick ass? Case Closed baby.

Then there's Mr. Logan's co-star, the former pop-star Tiffany. The Asylum first dusted off Debbie Gibson for 'Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus' and now Tiffany for this movie even though I don't think anyone was crying out to see Tiffany back at work, acting no less. If I'm Stacy Q or that chick from Nu Shooz I'm staying by my phone because an acting job can't be too far away. Of course Tiffany had that hit 'I think We're Alone Now'. Well, the reason that Tiffany might be alone today is because it looks like she ate everybody in the room. Truthfully the weight looks pretty good on her. Almost Rubenesque I'd say.

Then when you factor in that Greg Freaking Brady is in this movie... what more can you say? I guess you could say plenty more but we're going to just let it end right there.

But it's not just the stellar cast that makes this film so craptastically fantastic. The special effects are truly suspect, but yet there were plenty of them on hand to behold. I am of the firm belief that even if your special effects should happen to suck, keep going to the well as often as possible because eventually the audience will adjust to them. Case in point, they used this one technique of swooshing and zooming in on almost every scene which was completely worthless, but they kept doing it to the point where it soon became necessary. They also made us watch these useless title cards for every single character in the movie for no other reason than they could. That's called embracing anarchy and that is simply outstanding!

Finally there was the overall 'we don't give a damn' incompetence that was present throughout this great film. The chase scene where the pursuer was observed driving three different makes of automobiles, the scene were the soldier was eaten by piranha which was combined with this scene of shock from the scared scientist looped like five times in a row, Paul Logan kick boxing piranha, piranha eating a destroyer and a nuclear submarine, the captain of this U.S. Destroyer being about fifteen years old with shoulder length slicked back hair, our heroes celebrating the end of the piranha menace even though it looked to me like the majority of them were still alive... and on it goes.

As I told my brother 'Mega Piranha' was perfect crap. He pointed out a bunch of other movies that were worse than this movie but as I informed him, those movies were 'pure crap'. This is 'perfect crap' and perfect crap is completely accidental. You can't set out to do it, you can't plan for it and you can't design it. However every once in a while it just happens, and it when it does... it is magic.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Badassery examined...

My friends, it is nigh time that we weigh in on who we believe are the baddest badasses in badass history. At least of those movies I've seen. But when examining badassery there are some rather stringent qualifications for one to pass through, a gauntlet of sorts, to achieve total badassery. You see I believe that for the most part a character has to be born a badass and almost relish in badassery. While John McClane is definitely a badass, John McClane would rather not be a badass and just spend quality time with his wife, daughter, on vactation, at the airport... It's just that wherever he is extenuating circumstance cause for him to use his specialized skill set.

Then there's the case of Martin Riggs who we would never deny his place on the mountain of badassery, but if his wife was never murdered then he'd be tending a garden somewhere instead of killing South African's and Gary Busey. Then take Chow Yun-fat's character from 'The Killer' who is a baddass amongst all baddasses, but he is a rather meloncholy for a badass and murder is simply a means to an end, not something he actually enjoys. We also need to examine the relationship of a badass to women. Showing the ability to love is usually the downfall of the badass so generally speaking a true badass should only have a woman around for one thing and one thing only. Though there are exceptions.

Because of this criteria women are difficult to classify as true badasses. Ripley and The Bride are badasses, but both have been saddled with maternal instincts driving their badassery as opposed to baddassery just for sake of badassness. Nonetheless here's is what the staff at the FCU has come up with for their greatest movie badasses in no particular order.

Harry Callahan

It seems to us that Dirty Harry carries a badge, not for his great sense of right or wrong, but because it gives the him freedom to indiscriminately kill, which he'd be doing anyway if he were not a cop. I don't think anyone would argue that Harry had to have been born a badass, his desire for women is so negligable that he's almost asexual, and his taste level for destruction is ridiculous. The only problem with choosing Dirty Harry is that we had to leave a crapload of Clint Eastwood potential badass characters off the list who would easily fit the bill.
Honorable mention: Bill Muny from 'Unforgiven'

Clubber Lang

Before beating Rocky near to death Clubber relentlessly insulted the man, showed Apollo Creed absolutely no respect and then killed Mickey. Worst still he inappropriately propositioned Adrian, and we quote; "Hey, Woman! Listen here. Since your old man ain't got no heart, maybe you like to see a real man. I bet you stay up late every night dreamin' you had a real man, don't ya? I'll tell you what. Bring your pretty little self over to my apartment tonight, and I'll show you a real man!" That ain't cool Clubber. Even though I think Adrian was giving it some thought. Also in this movie Clubber wasn't the one splashing around in the water, hugging dudes in super tightshort shorts like Rocky and Apollo were doing. It is because of the Oscar snub of Mr. T by the fraudelent Acadmey that as of 1982 I no longer recognize this Academy as a viable entity.
Honorable mention: Maggie Fitzgerald from 'Million Dollar Baby'

Sonny Corleone

Before Clubber beat Talia Shire's husband damn near to death in 'Rocky III', her brother Sonny in the Godfather almost beat her husband in 'The Godfather' to death. One of the qualifications, we believe, for being a badass is being borderline pscyhopathic however there was nothing 'borderline' about Sonny Corleone. Sonny did not have the good sense God gave him as he will shoot you, beat you, stab you, kill you and then ask the guy next to him 'Why are we doing this again?' So opressive is the badassery of Sonny Corleone, those thirty or so guys who riddled him with roughly 8,000 bullet holes did so, not because of any particular vitriol, but because they didn't want risk him surviving. What is rarely known is that Don Corleone himself sanctioned this murder of his child. He was trying to force tears but they weren't flowing.
Honorable mention: Tommy DeVito from 'Goodfellas'

Alonzo Harris

Now when they give you the Sonny Corleone treatment to get you off the planet Earth, you are a badass that deserves recognition. It is a fine line between officers Alonzo Harris and Harry Callahan as Both officers of the law believe 'Miranda' is simply the name of an old woman, you really wouldn't want to be partners with either one of these cats with the speparation coming from one doing his thing simply because he is pathological while the other does his thing because he's a greedy murdering bastard. Officer Harris fits our badass criteria of the badass very well despite the fact he is in a relationship with a woman, but he does keep Eva Mendes pregnant, naked and constantly tucked away in a bedroom in a crappy part of town. My Man... to quote Alonzo Harris.
Honorable mention: The Lieutenant from 'The Bad Lieutenant'

Eddie Cusack

"If I want your opinion I will beat it out of you". This is what Officer Eddie Cusack told a room full of really mean Columbian murderers as he walked in thier joint to beat the hell out of one of thier captains, and they didn't do a damn thing to stop him. They knew better. Easily the best flick Chuck Norris ever made, Eddie Cusack would have to deal with Columbian drug lords on one side, Italian mobsters on the other side and Cops that refused to help him on both sides, not that he needed their freaking help anyway, in 'Code of Silence', and he would totally kick every single last one of those bastards collective asses. Him and his robot. It's complicated.
Honorable mention: Nico Toscani from 'Above the Law'

Andrew Scott

Ivan Drago doesn't really qualify, despite completely murdering Apollo Creed, because he was bred for destruction against his will where Andrew Scott on the otherhand was born crazy, died crazy, was reanimated crazy only to die crazy one last time again. Somehow they reconnected Andrew's chunky bits from the original Universal Soldier so he could show up in the recent sequel but Andrew Scott was Mary Poppins in that movie compared to the original Andrew Scott we knew and loved. Anytime you confuse a supermarket for the Tet Offensive and the baggage boy looks like Charlie to you, then my friends, you are one crazy badass. Take this bullet to the back with ya.
Honorable mention: T-800 from 'The Terminator' (he wasn't born)

Detective Ma Jun

If you happen to be a fan of Chinese action cinema then no doubt you've seen Flashpoint. If you oblivious to Chinese action cinema then Flashpoint is as good a place as any to start your education. This is a cop who beat a criminal to DEATH... and then proceeded to cuff him. Detective Ma violated the rights of so many criminals in this movie rumor has it that the LAPD uses this movie as a training tape. And the final fight scene in this flick between Donnie Yen and Collin Chou is one for the ages. Pretty much takes up like half the movie. Plus this flick had an exploding turkey.
Honorable mention: Inspector Tequila from 'Hard Boiled'


There are some truly no name taking badasses in blaxploitation... Shaft, Black Belt Jones, Bolt, Sweetback, Dolemite but when deciding to put one on this list it was between Truck Turner and my man Slaughter. Truck Turner is the better movie... by far... but the consumate crown of badassery is worn by Slaughter and Jim Brown. Naked Woman in Slaughter's apartment to get some... she gets shot at. Dude in Slaughter's apartment to help him take down THE MAN... he gets his ass kicked... then they get to work. Think jumping in an airplane will get you away from Slaughter? Think again. Your racist boyfriend hates Slaughter? Well he's going to have to deal with that because somebody's giving up those panties tonight. Shoot him, stab him, slice him or run him down with your car... eventually he and his 4.43 forty time will catch you and kill your ass... check his watch... and its time to squeeze Stella's boobs again. Later.
Honorable mention: Truck Turner of course

King Leonidus

Some may question good King Leonidus' inclusion on this list, especially considering he is virtually whipped by his Queen... but when one takes into consideration that she too could concievably be on this list, Leonidus gets a pass on love. Who is harder than King Leonidus? Nobody, that's who. All the man wants for Christmas is to die. How many hundreds of thousands of super gentically mutated soldiers is it this cat going to have to murderizebefore they can find the right combination to give this man the one glorious thing he desires most? Today seemed like a good day to die. Oh well. Maybe tomorrow. Or the next day.
Honorable mention: William Wallace from 'Braveheart'


With jeans that tight and hair that coiffed... I mean Jimmy, a total badass in his own right, used to f@#k guys like Dalton in prison every day so you would have to be some kind of serious badass to get on this list with those limitations weighing you down but Dalton pulled it off. Pain don't hurt baby... be nice until its time not be nice which in 'Road House' was all the damn time. We hope you are not too attached to your trachea because Dalton is ripping it out, as Jimmy would soon find out. It's Jimmy's missing trachea that keeps him off of this list. You would think that Dalton's love of the terminally tanned Doc would keep him off this list, especially since she was so repulsed after seeing Dalton rip out Jimmy's Trachea, but when she found Dalton later, standing over a half dozen more dead bodies, we learned that she was apparently disgusted that he simply hadn't killed enough people yet since the next scene showed them splashing in the water all naked and happy and stuff. A girl that passes the badass test of true love.
Honorable mention: Pvt. Joe Armstrong from 'American Ninja'

Oh Dae Su

Admittedly Oh Dae Su is probably a badass more because of his external influences but if you have seen Chan-wook Park's all time great classic 'Old Boy' I think we all can admit that at the very least Oh Dae Su was an asshole well before he was kidnapped and held captive for fifteen years. Why did someobdy kidnap my man and hold him captive for fifteen years? Well, that's rather complex but he did practice things like punching brick walls during this time. Does fifteen years of practicing how to fight make one a great fighter? Yes it does, as you will see in easily one the best 'one versus a bunch' fight scenes ever filmed. Oh Dae Su does a lot of other completely badass stuff in this movie, such as eating live octopi and self-mutilation with the reasons behind this self mutilation being reasons that only a badass could begin to understand.
Honorable mention: Geum-ja Lee from 'Lady Vengeance (maternity rears it's ugly head)


One of those unconscious criminals back there is Kimbo Slice. That alone cements Bone, in the first scene from the movie 'Blood and Bone' as a badass as some note but the ass kickings were only about to begin. Bone would mow down, eviscerate, round house kick, pointy elbow, deliver devastating knee smashes to the face to some of the biggest, toughtest and meanest MoFo's around, and perform this devastati0n in shirts that were either two sizes too small or in no shirt at all in a movie that could very well be the best Straight to DVD movie ever made. And while Bone had a good reason for kicking all that ass, we still had the feeling he would still be kicking that ass even if it was just to pass the time.
Honorable mention: Creasy from 'Man on Fire'

Charlie Storm

Come on man... this cat shot Ronald Reagan dead. Some dude thought he was safe from Charlie and his fellow hitman Lee by hiding out in a school for the blind. Well guess what, Blind People have nerve endings too. Angie Dickinson thought that being super fine might help help her get by, but all her beauty got her was dangled out of a thirty five story window. He woould've dropped her too if she didn't give up the info because Charlie didn't give a damn. Charlie Storm in the movie 'The Killers' was so mean, so brutal, so unfeeling and so impersonal about the whole process that this is the reason that this picture right here is my cellphone wallpaper. I love this guy. But he doesn't love me. Or you. Or anybody.
Honorable mention: Jack Browning (the prez) from 'The Killers'

Jules Winfield

As you can plainly see the man is a connoisseur of fine foods, he knows a gourmet cup of coffee when he tastes one, he knows his Bible (not really), but most importantly when the job needs to be done Jules Winfield gets the job done, and he gets it done with extreme prejudice. Or at least he used to. While we are completely comfortable with the knowledge that Vincent Vega is dead somewhere on a crapper, we are very uncomfortable with the knowledge that somewhere Jules Winfield is wandering the earth butchering Bible quotes as he does what he truly believes is Gods' work.
Honorable mention: Ordell Robbie from 'Jackie Brown'

Tony Montana

I don't know man... can somebody conceivably do one of these lists without putting this loon on it? The question is has anybody really had a better film career than Al Pacino? Great Actor, but alas, when he won that Oscar for the putrid Scent of a woman, I was like 'look Tony Montana just won an Academy Award! Good for him.' Sure he was in three Godfather movies, Serpico, Heat, Cruising... Any Given Sunday... Whatever. If I am ever lucky enough to meet Tony Montana, I would be polite, tell the man what a fan I am of his work and then break it down with my rendition of 'Say Hello to my little friend... You wanna play rough!' Somewhere deep inside Al Pacino weeps and regrets the day that he ever met Brian DePalma.
Honorable mention: Al Capone from 'The Untouchables'

Colonel Quaritch

There's hard... and then there's Colonel Miles Quaritch Hard. While the movie Avatar was filled with charicatures, there was no bigger characiture, maybe ever, than Colonel Quaritch. Oxygen? Maybe you need oxygen but Colonel Quaritch needs to kill your ass first. If time allows, then he will breathe. Plastic Surgery? Yeah... after the surgeon is done making you all pretty, why not just have him etch 'bitch' on the back of your neck. Plus I could kind of see his point of view no matter how evil they tried to make my man. I mean it's just a tree. There are trees all over place, just move into a new one. No? How about a Napalm sandwich then? Oh, they're moving pretty good now aren't they. Oh Colonel Quaritch... If there is a sequel to Avatar we won't be seeing it because you won't be in it. Wait, that's a spoiler for that one person somewhere in Utah who hasn't seen this damn movie yet.
Honorable mention: Col. Nathan Jessup from 'A Few Good Men'

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

The FCU is down...

But only temporarily it would seem. This is what happens when you register a domain with one company and host it at another. Apparently the FCU domain name expired on Feb 28th, thanks for the 411 Hoskey... no thanks to Yahoo Domains who failed to alert a brother of this, and are impossible to reach and navigating their website is even more difficult. Remember the good old days when you could call somebody? Anyway, then we had to go through the incredibly painful process of transferring the domain from Yahoo to GoDaddy who hosts the site, who also offers no one a simple stroll in the park, but the domain is locked and needs to be unlocked for this to take place, but we can't get in to the domain because its expired... it's complexities are mind boggling.

Once the hoops of unlocking the site were jumped through came the multi step process of actually transferring the name, and reassigning DNS and all other kinds of nonsense. Heaven only knows when this is going to be complete. I mean there are at least a good two or three people out there who read us regularly who need their daily dose of typo ridden madness and we can't give it to them. It's an outrage.

Friday, February 26, 2010

Still Dead...

As promised, here is the follow-up to 'Why Must the Black Guy Die...' pulled from this seasons episode of Totally Twisted Flix which further examines the pheomenah of African American Death in horror movies. We present to you... 'Still Dead'. Note that this is completely tongue in cheek because if they stop killing Black people in horror movies then Black people probably wouldn't get work in horror movies and I've heard a rumor that Black actors like to eat and pay their rent so keep that murderization coming and keep a brother employed. Think you can name all the movies that we pulled these clips and stills from?


Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Why must the Black Guy Die...

I got a little Totally Twisted Flix treat for you. For this third season of the show, yes three seasons of a television show and we still exist in complete anonymity, we have made a music video follow-up to a show from the first season examining African American Death in Straight to DVD horror movies. But before I bless you with this video of EXTREMELY suspect quality, which will follow in a couple of days, I'm going to give you this video clip from the first season a few years back, which will serve as a primer of sorts and ease you in. This here is in the vein of a slam style poetry recital, minus all of the social relevance.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Which fan suffers more?

As another football season nears its conclusion I ask this question which I have posed before. It has been established that I am a fan of the Detroit Lions, and note that with the Saints going to the Super Bowl there is but one lone team in the NFC that has yet to make an appearance in that glorious game. I'll let you guess who that one team is. Anyway, it is no scoop that the Lions suck. But lets examine the Vikings for a moment. For almost my entire life as a football fan, and I've been around for a bit now, the Minnesota Vikings have almost always put out a competitive product, with a lot of their teams being just flat out amazing. The Purple People Eaters of the 70's, Joey Browner's Viking teams of the 80's, the unstoppable Randall Cunningham team of the 90's and now this team here. I thought the collapse by the '98 team was bad but this one might've been even worse. I was pulling for the Saints to win because I thought it would be good for New Orleans and two weeks of being bombared by Brett Favre hyperbola might've pushed me over the edge but as the game was coming to its end it seemed to me that the best team in that game will be at home watching the BIG game yet again.

Did the Detroit Lions disappoint me by winning two games this year and zero games the year before? No, not really. I wanted them to do well but it is no shock that they did not. But the Vikings... The Vikings bring their fans to such heights, to such lofty expectations only to drop those poor fans off the proverbial cliff year after year after year. This has to be some kind of torture. How in the world does a Viking fan deal with this? When the Vikings had the ball on the Saints thirty-whatever there was no doubt in my mind, as a non-Viking fan, that Ryan Longwell was going to come in, nail that 50+ yard kick and the Vikings would be going to the Super Bowl. A Viking fan probably knew better than to think that. A Viking fan probably knew that somehow, someway something would happen to screw it all up. This fan knew that despite the fact their team had outplayed the Saints in almost every concievable facet of the game, tried like hell throughout the game to give it away and yet were still poised to win it at the end... this fan feared that this team that he or she loves would find a way let them down. Epic fail, yet again. With maybe a touch of help from the refs.

I suppose in the long run it is better to have repeated events of crushed high hopes than no hope at all. I suppose. Given a choice would you rather be pathetic (Lions fan) or tragic (Vikings fan). It's no fun being pathetic but I don't dig being tortured either.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Top eleven of 2009...

Personally I'm not into doing top ten lists but somebody somewhere told me I should compile something. But to show how I Stick It To The Man I'm doing a top eleven. Obviously this is a list of only the movies I've seen in 2009 and also note that I do not differentiate from theatrical releases and Straight to DVD releases as they are just movies to me.

11. Outlander

Here you have a movie that cost 50 million dollars to make and according to Box Office Mojo raked in a little more than 100k which just might make Outlander the biggest flop in movie history. Sure Waterworld was a flop but it still made almost 90 million bucks. But recognize that I love me monster movie and Outlander was a damn good monster movie. The premise of Vikings vs. Spacemen might've been a little wacky but a monster movie has to be all about the monster and the monster in this flick was angry, bitter, vengeful, violent and damn near invincible. If you like common sense then look elsewhere but if enjoy angry monsters eating vikings... look no further.

10. Strictly Sexual

As much as I love me a monster movie I don't love romantic comedies or romance movies in general, basically because the genre rigidly sticks to a basic formula... but not this one baby. There was something about this tale of a couple of unemployed construction workers moving into a villa owned by a couple of smoking hotties and charging them for sex that just felt authentic. Admittedly what I just described right there doesn't sound all that plausible but credit to the filmmakers for turning that crazy concept into a moving, emotional and highly entertaining tale of fractured people trying to put it all together.

9. District 9

I don't like watching any movie more than once but this nutty SciFi epic out of South Africa almost requires a second viewing to fully absorb all that is going on in this movie. District 9 is littered with allegorical parallels, historical references, political references with all of this exposition taking place in a world filled with some of the most imaginative looking aliens ever designed, mech suits, space weapons and might we also add that District 9 could be the most viscerally violent movie of 2009 to boot. This is a movie that takes us out of our comfort zone of how we expect movies to transpire and takes us to places that is often times very uncomfortable. Love District 9 or hate District 9, it was a different kind of movie.

8. Blood and Bone

What more could anybody want from a movie? Kimbo Slice, that fancy talking brother from 'Oz', a Nona Gaye sighting and The Spawn round house kicking suckers to the head. Repeatedly. Michael Jai White is a man with no name, or at least not much of a name, rolling into a world very similar to those worlds that Clint Eastwood used to roll into in his spaghetti western days, with a big dirty city taking the place of a dusty old western town. The action is fierce, the fighting fantastic, the bad guys are terrible and Michael Jai White STILL can't find a shirt that fits properly.

7. The Merry Gentleman

Michael Keaton's directorial debut, at least from where I'm standing, was a rousing, unparalleled success. This methodically paced story about a suicidal tailor / hitman and the battered woman on the run who he is drawn to, a woman who might very well be a witness to one his murder gigs is all about character and mood. The mood is stark, dark and depressing, the characterizations provided by Keaton and Kelly McDonald are flawless and the performances are amongst the best of the year.

6. Precious

What was most remarkable about this heartbreaking film from director Lee Daniels, a movie that had the potential, due it's horrific subject matter, to be the most depressing movie in the history of everything, is that the director found a way make his movie almost hopeful and joyful. Almost. A make-up free Mariah Carey, a guitar free Lenny Kravitz, a joke free Monique and a star making turn from Gabby Sibide made for one of the most engrossing and heart tugging dramas of the decade. But I didn't cry... at least until Paula Patton's character revealed herself to be a lesbian.

5. Star Trek

After seeing J.J. Abrams re-invention of Star Trek my boy Andre barely made it out of the theater before calling me up on the phone gushing about 'the best movie ever made!' I had already seen it at a critics preview of course and I had told him beforehand that the movie was great and shouldn't be missed, but he just wanted me to know that I should've included that this was the 'best movie ever made!'. While I probably wouldn't go that far this version of Star Trek sure was a kick in the ass. In a summer that had Transformers (booo), John Conner's, Wolverines, G.I. Joes and 2012 ending the earth J.J. Abrams showed those clowns exactly what a big time popcorn munching summer blockbuster is supposed to be like.

4. The Hurt Locker

The harshness of reality doesn't get any more stark than Kathryn Bigelow's version of Modern Warfare as we follow a bomb squad who have heeded the Call of Duty and observe how possibly the most stressful job on the planet earth is affecting these soldiers fighting this battle. As a movie The Hurt Locker is barren and open, allowing the audience to almost peer into the souls of these characters, characters who are played pitch perfect in their presentations by actors Brian Geraghty, Anthony Mackie and Jeremy Renner. Plus my main man David Morse was in this movie for minute, best cameo ever, and David Morse at this point in his lenghty career can do no wrong. Be warned, this is not an action movie, it as methodically paced and forces you to pay attention otherwise it will lose you. Say unlike...

3. Avatar

What can be said that hasn't been said already. I mean have there been other movies that people have seen that made them so depressed their lives suck in comparison to the beauty of Pandora that they've contemplated commit suicide? My fear is that these same people, after choosing life, will hunt me down for not making Avatar #1 on my list. Good thing nobody knows I exist. This is a movie that is an experience all unto itself, especially if you choose go with the 3D IMAX option, and should be seen by everybody on the planet, even if you are a right wing ECO hating, native exploiting, unobtanium hoarding warhawk with a rocket launcher. Michelle Roduiguez bouncing around in 3D IMAX in a way too tight T-shirt didn't hurt either. No, there is no subtelty in this tale and it is not the most original story ever told and we wouldn't reccomend that you attempt to 'deconstruct' this narrative either... but it's not about any of that. Cameron does it yet again.

2. Taken

I guess this came out in 2009. At least I didn't see it until 2009. What I do know is that Taken is quite possibly the best action movie of the decade. Movies don't get much simpler than this. They take his daughter, he's angry, he has skills and he kills pretty much everybody in the movie. These dudes who get wasted are equally angry but unfortunately they lack the skills. Sucks to be them. Director Pierre Morel is an action directing savant and he uses an ancient Liam Neeson to maximum of his abilities. There are no twists in this movie, there are no attempts at clever dialog, it is straight forward, linear, and we are not saddled with watching some filmmaker trying to show us 'what he can do'. It is simply laid out and asks you to either 'love it or leave it'. We loved it. Absolutely.

1. Black Dynamite

Was there ever really and doubt? I don't know how many of you out there have had the misfortune of reading my nonsense but if you have then you know that this one here is a no-brainer. 'Black Dynamite' just might be my favorite movie ever, threatening to take the spot long held by John Woo's 'The Killer'. Are there better movies out there than this send up of the Blaxploitation genre? I resist calling it a 'spoof' because it is a legitimate Blaxploitation movie, but sure there are better movies out there. Truth be told it is probably the worst movie on this list. Have I ever had more fun sitting in a theater seat. Never ever. Ever. The problem with 'Black Dynamite' is that is that its target audience is probably too narrow. If you don't have a unique love and understanding of the genre it is paying homage to, then this movie won't mean all that much to you. I think one can still enjoy it because of the love and artistry involved in making it and the thalent of the actors in this film... but for 'Black Dynamite' to take you away... you probably have to know Petey Wheatstraw on a first name basis.