Film Critics United

So I'm watching my show Mr. Inbetween, which everybody should watch because the show is crazy awesome, and Ray and his boy were having a discussion about the best Bonds.  Of course they settled on Connery with a lot of banter about those who fell below.  Then Ray asked who was the best Batman to which they both said, in unison, 'Keaton'.  Well not so fast my Australian friends!  I do believe that is a topic worthy of some discussion. Iain Glen (Titans) - Mr. Glen, my man who played the arch villain in those Resident Evil movies, though others seem to know him by some TV show on HBO he was on, has the misfortune of being on the bottom of this list, though it's really not his fault.  I mean it's kind of his fault because he accepted the role, but it's really not his fault.  Plus he never gets to be Batman, only Bruce Wayne, at least so far.  Glen's Bruce Wayne credentials are admirable.  He seems smart, he reeks of someone who comes from money and he does

Holiday Rush (2019) - Netflix See that picture to up there of all those happy people?  That picture is a lie!  Man, those people are miserable AF!  I mean you are gonna have to watch a lot of holiday movies this season to find some people as f'n miserable as those brothers and sisters right there.  But then that picture represents the end of the movie which dictates everyone has to be happy.  The path to this contrived joy... well... that might be the problem here. Say hello to Rush Williams (Romany Malco) the hottest morning show DJ in NYC on whatever radio station this is, with this success largely attributed to the hard work of his producer Roxy (Sonequa Martin-Green).  Now I don't know what a local radio host makes, but Rush is straight paid.  He has this giant, beautiful gated home off of a lake somewhere in NYC, which the land itself has to cost millions, and this fantastic life he lives has allowed him to spoil his children into being some of worst, most entitled h

I was eighteen years old when I took over Thanksgiving turkey duties from my mother.  Now my mom was phenomenal cook, but her turkey, like so many others turkeys, tended to be a little bit on the dry side.  At the time I was bussing tables at this little restaurant off of Euclid in St. Louis where the chef, Surly Sue, a woman who taught me as much about the art cooking, if not more, than even my mother, showed me how to roast a never-dry turkey.  Basically this consists of splitting the turkey down the middle at the breast, lots of butter and 30 minute basting intervals, and true enough, the turkey hasn't had a dry slice ever since.  30+ years on  I've gone from roasting to smoking to my current technique of sticking the bird in the Rotisserie oven, and still... never a dry slice. But now I'm getting up there a bit, tire more easily than I used to, still got dressing, mac n' cheese, this unique potato dish, among other things to prepare, so while making a trip to P

The Knight Before Christmas (2019) - Netflix Reviewed by L.F. Sue I wish to start by saying that usually these movies blend together, however this movie was a pleasant surprise and therefore stands out. For one it was more of a rom-com that happened to take place during Christmas, and as such had more focus on the relationship for once. To be specific, it focused on our valiant Knight, Sir Cole (Josh Whitehouse). He is transported from 14 th Century England to present day Ohio, sent on a quest by an “old crone” (Ella Kenion). Really they need to come up with a better name as crone has way too many negative connotations and certainly Mrs. Clause didn’t appreciate the name. We actually learn more about Sir Cole throughout this movie, making the charming Brooke (Vanessa Hudgins) more the “bland companion” than the IMDB summary and title picture leads one to believe. It is Sir Cole who is sent forth on journey of self discovery to conquer his weakness, of which at the start, he know

Everyday is Christmas (2018) - Lifetime Allrightythen!  Today we get hang out with legendary super star songstress Toni Braxton in this Holiday movie Every Day is Christmas, or as I prefer to call it 'Toni Tries on a Dress' which is kind of Chistmas Carol-ish, in a way.  Kind of.  Not really, but the folks in this movie seem to be pretty cool with their rather loose interpretation of the Dickens classic. Alexis Taylor (Toni) is a hard driven financial something or another who hates Christmas.  Bla bla bla, you know the routine.  It's Christmas Eve and Alexis is not happy because her company had a year end 12% profit as opposed to the projected 20%.  Jeff (Andrew Arlie), her main financial dude was like, 'but we still made a hefty profit!'  Uh...Jeff?  Everyone knows that the next years capital expenditures are based on that years financial forecast, so if we say we are going to achieve 20% and we only make 12%, we are now 40% below projections and thus 8% in t

Homegrown Christmas (2018) - Hallmark Before she puts on the orange jumpsuit and gets to the business of breaking rocks at Alcatraz, Lori Loughlin made herself a Hallmark Christmas movie.  I think her scandal hit around the same time this movie dropped, so Hallmark must've been in a bit of a quandary deciding on whether to air a family movie headed by convicted felon, but it made it past their censors thank goodness.  We could have a whole separate conversation about this situation, like wouldn't it be easier to make a generous donation as opposed to bribery?  Or is USC the type of school that someone really needs to bribe someone to get into?  Or at the end of the day isn't Aunt Becky just a mom trying to do what's best for her kids?  Have you seen those kids?  They need all the help they can get.  But we're not here for any of that, for we are to discuss Homegrown Christmas with you, which is basically like any other Hallmark Holiday movie you've ever seen

Christmas on Holly Lane (2018) - UPTV Little Cat and Riley are trimming the tree and hanging up stockings at the house of their best friend Sarah.  And thank heaven for Sarah.  Cat's parents are dead and and she's basically getting the Cinderella treatment from the cousins who took her in, minus the charming prince, and Riley's parents are abusive drunks.  Thus Sarah has taken it upon herself, along with her stable family, to give these girls the Christmas they deserve now and forever. Fast forward a few decades where our little girls are all grown up and life hasn't been... well... great, but they are reuniting this Christmas at Sarah's old house on Holly Lane.  Sarah (Sarah Lancaster), a children's book writer, is the mother of a kind of nice twelve year old girl, but her husband Ethan (Giles Panton) has recently walked out on her, and considering he's knocked up the woman he was having an affair with, it doesn't look like he's coming back. 

Dear Santa (2011) - Lifetime Crystal (Amy Acker) is a thirty something   NYC party girl who hasn’t learned how to use a can opener yet (?) and who has received an ultimatum from her mom that she has ten days from now, which is Christmas Day, to do something with her life or she’s getting cut off.   Damn.   Crystal decides the best way to deal with this shattering news is to go shopping, and this is where a random letter falls out of the postman’s bag and into her possession.   What Crystal SHOULD do is just turn around and stick that letter right back in the mailbox or just throw it in the garbage like the Post office does with all their letters to Santa.   But no, the movie is called Dear Santa so Crystal opens and reads the letter, which I’m sure is against the law, and the writers words in this letter touch her very soul.   This letter was written by little Olivia (Emma Duke) who wants a woman for her sad dad Derek (David Hadyn-Jones) who has been alone ever since her mom

The Truth About Christmas (2018) - Freeform Here we are with another Christmas movie from Freeform.  Recognize that Freeform, formerly ABC Family, does not adhere, and has no desire to adhere to the classic Hallmark formula of Christmas movies and as such they tend do their own thing.  But of course once one is accustomed to seeing the same thing over and over again done a certain way, sudden change can be a bit jarring to said individual. We start off with one of these jarring, unsettling things in the movies opening scene.  Jillian (Kali Hawk) is awoken this morning due to a phone call from her bestie Zoe (Michela Cannon).  That's fairly normal but what isn't normal, at least in this section of the TV world we live in, is that there is some dude lying next to her, this dude being her politician boyfriend George (Damon Dayoub).  Oh my... are these two having (whispering) sex ?  Outside of marriage?  Somewhere Mike Pence weeps. All that aside, Jillian and George are ve

Memories of Christmas (2018) - The Hallmark Channel We were meekly complaining that last weeks movie, Kristen's Christmas Past, didn't have hardly any of the Hallmarky Christmas stuff in it, which we passed off to the movie simply not being aware, at the time it was made, that Hallmarky Christmas stuff was even a thing.  Not a problem with this one baby!  Man, in Memories of Christmas, they knocked out most of that stuff before the ten minute mark even passed.  The movie opens at a Christmas Party with a character named Noelle (Christina Millian) for goodness sakes, who of course is a super successful business woman who is Christmas Averse for some reason.  Circumstance forces her to travel home to Snowy Michigan to close her dead mom's estate where we meet Blandsome Canadian Actor 1 (Mark Taylor) hanging up Christmas lights, followed by her old wise neighbors coming in for hot cocoa, where they setup all the other stuff... such as caroling, baking, ice skating and sno