Admittedly, I haven't updated my cherished blog space in six months. There are reasons for this, like I have real job that sucks ass and destroys my soul thus rendering me with incredible liberal guilt whenever I do something even slightly enjoyable, like this blog, or... I'm just a lazy ass. But that's going to stop today! Because speaking of jobs I am gunning for a new one... a Professional Voice Actor!
So I'm watching 'Despicable Me 2' and 'Monsters University' and observe that these cute little characters on the screen have to be voiced by somebody, so why can't that somebody be me? I mean these gigs pay really well, and you can do them in your underwear! If ever there was a job that was tailor made for my desires in life, getting paid a lot of money and being in my underwear, this is the one.
Of course you may ask yourself 'Christopher, are you qualified to be a voice actor?' Uh... yeah. I can read... and talk... at the same time. How many people can actually do that? Right? But my potential talents as a professional voice actor just don't stop with that rare gift. I can also do dialects. 'Blimey! That bloke burnt the fish and chips. Bollocks!' That was me doing British, and just the way you read is the way it sounds. Authentic. Or 'Tere are tree tings you need to know about me...' And that was me doing Jamaican. I know, just reading me say that put you on an island with a coconut. One of the better ones I execute is when I do White Guy doing Black guy. 'Yo Dawg... we gotta bounce!' What's so amazing about that one is that I'm a Black guy, doing White guy, doing Black guy! If that's not raw talent, I don't know what is. Plus I've been told that my voice is like unique and stuff.
We understand that a lot of these major voice gigs are taken by big name actors... we don't know why since these guys and gals are largely paid for their images, not their voices... but we're willing to take smaller parts just to get started. As long as the pay stays high. So for all inquiries on acquiring these prodigious skills that I possess for future productions, just contact my representatives at Iconoblast talent management and they will take it from there. Yes... I have representation. And you thought I was funnin' around!