Film Critics United

So I'm being driven home by some friends after seeing the 'Transformer' sequel (which was... not good) and invariably the conversation turns to Michael who's been dead a couple of days now. Arvell says 'You're boy is gone'. And I resopond with 'He really wasn't my boy' and the radio retrospective then plays 'Smooth Criminal' which is like my jam. Not my favorite Michael Jackson song which would be 'She's Out of my Life' but 'Smooth Criminal' is my jam. Then I started thinking about it a bit, remembering scrounging up the cash to by 'Thriller' in high school, hijacking my brothers 'Off the Wall' LP and being financially solvent in 1987 via parking cars to buy 'Bad' without nary a thought. Damn $4/hr went a long way when you lived at home and didn't have to pay bills. I also purchased 'Victory' and that damn Rockwell album back in the day based on Michael's star power alone ...

Don't ask me why but for some reason or another I have decided to watch every Sci-Fi Channel inspired snake movie made in the last couple of years. Again, I don't know why. I was contemplating doing a special Snake show on Totally Twisted Flix but all these movies pretty much suck and I realistically can't have a show in which every movie is terrible. Mega Snake wasn't so bad or maybe it was bad but it just wasn't as bad as the others. I don't know anymore. But it was fun while it lasted spending time with David Hasselhoff, Luke Perry, Tara Reid, Krista Allen and Michael Shanks. There's one more I have to watch, Snakeman with Stephen Baldwin, but I think I'm done here. I'll never ever freaking do that again.

A friend of mine out there in Los Angeles is up close and personal with an effects house out that way, one in particular which did the effects for this little Direct to DVD gem 'Starship Troopers III: Marauder'. I informed him that it just so happened that we did a segment on this movie on a recent episode of Totally Twisted Flix, a movie I unabashedly called possibly the best straight to DVD movie ever. Now if you don't watch a lot of straight to DVD movies then you probably won't be impressed. You'll know you're this person if you watch a straight to DVD movie and say something such as 'The Godfather was much better' or 'The special effects in this movie can't touch Revenge of the Sith' or 'Hmmmph, it certainly wasn't Truffaut'. Yeah, y'all can't hang out with us. Anyway, I promissed Darnell I'd post the video review and the print review so here you go bro. Starship Troopers III: Marauder

I doubt that Mr. Clint Eastwood would actually do this since he’s probably not interested in taking career advice from me, particularly since he has no idea that I even exist, but after recently watching his film ‘Changeling’ he should ponder directing a horror movie. He’s kind of done it already with ‘Play Misty for Me’ but he made that movie way before he mastered this whole film directing thing. Though ‘Changeling’ is a pure dramatic piece it does have a few sprinkles of horror elements strewn across its rather lengthy running time which got me to thinking, which is never good for anybody. Considering that most of Mr. Eastwood’s recent films have already been bitterly dark and depressing and taking into account his unparalleled ability to manipulate an audience I’m thinking if he just went full out horror for a movie it would be the best horror flick that anybody’s seen in years. I betcha. I know a few people who know a few people Mr. Eastwood and I think I can make it happen....

Since they remake pretty much everything in the movie business why haven't they gotten around to drudging up Johnny Sokko and his Giant Robot? With the success and the cheese that is The Power Rangers one would think that Robo and them would be prime material. Maybe they're intimidated by the fact the Unicorn, the secret agency battling the forces of Emperor Guillotine and his Gargoyle Gang, actually used children as secret agents placing them in harms way. But they did give those kids fully loaded guns so they could protect themselves if necessary. I mean U7 might've been all of eight years old but that little bastard would bust a cap for real if you didn't keep an eye on him. And who didn't enjoy the fact that Robo had to do his dance before he could freaking do ANYTHING. "Robot! Power Punch!" In due time U7 because my man has to bust his move first. Simply Outstanding. Of course there is the issue that outside of the nostalgia factor The Gian...

So I'm scouring the internets trying to find the Johnny Sokko theme to use as a ringtone but alas a decent copy was nowhere to be found. Desperate I decide to go ahead and make my own damn ringtone. I mean the theme from Johnny Sokko has gotta be one of the simplest musical movements ever created so what the hell. So until Bandai or Toei or whoever the hell owns the Johnny Sokko copyrite tells me to take it down, here it is. Note I didn't say it was any good, but the the first twenty seconds should make for a halfway decent low fidelity ringtone. Right click to snag or click that bar at the bottom to audition. The Theme