Friday, June 25, 2010

Be a Fan of Totally Twisted Flix! Pleeeze....

Friends, Colleagues, Countrymen... this is your lucky day. People often ask me (not really) where they can catch my television show 'Totally Twisted Flix', the only TV Show in existence (to our knowledge) that only focuses on movies that are released Straight to DVD that is now in its THIRD season of production. The thing is not everyone subscribes to Dish Network which means they don't have Colours TV. And even those that do subscribe often don't make the journey all the way down to channel 9407 to watch this amazingly glorious television show. Well all of that is about to change. Kind of. In a way.

Introducing the Totally Twisted Flix Facebook Fanpage! Now this just isn't some randomly generated fanpage my friends, even though it may look that way, but as a Fan of Totally Twisted Flix not only will you be blessed with valuable clips lifted from the show featuring hard hitting reviews of important Straight to DVD movies... we're talking about life affirming films such as 'Ninja Cheerleaders' and 'The Watermelon Heist'... but fans of 'Totally Twisted Flix' will also get exclusive content that even those fifteen to twenty people who actually watch the show don't have access to. You know how you go to the club and see those jerkoffs behind the velvet ropes with the babes and the bodyguards? That's you now baby!

But wait... There's More! Also as a fan you will be automatically entered into drawings to receive valuable, valuable gifts and prizes! For instance our first giveaway will feature a DVD Player... crazy new tech I know... but it will also be bundled with the invaluable 5 twist flick... wait for it...

VAMPIRE ASSASSIN!!!

Maybe the worst movie ever made! You can't beat that with a stupid stick. In addition to the crazy new tech and terrible movie giveaways you might also score some Twisted schwag such as T-shirts, coffee mugs and all kins of cools stuff. Plus we listen to you. We have special shows that often air, like the Steven Seagal special or the Tony Todd / Lance Henricksen special. We've done shows featuring Straight to DVD sequels of theatrically released movies, action shows, zombie shows, hot babe shows, shows featuring good actors who have fallen to darkside of Straight to DVD... So if you have an idea for a special show or even have a movie that you feel we need to watch to put on a future show... let us know because we listen and we care. Heck, if you have a video camera and can halfway put a sentence together we might even put your video review on a show... but don't hold me to that... gotta talk to Encode Media Group to get the okay on that one, but if it was just up to me...

I know what you're thinking... How much is this huge amount of goodness going to cost me? Well, that's best part because it's FREAKING FREE!!! Unbelievable! So don't wait, become a fan NOW! If the phones are busy just keep trying! Your future awaits you.

Be a Fan Now!!!

Monday, June 21, 2010

Grid Locked!


Haven't updated the FCU in the last couple of weeks, mainly because we haven't watched a movie in the last couple of weeks because we have been in Super Sunny Los Angeles California covering the Electronic Entertainment Expo. After spending a week in Los Angeles I have to seriously question why anyone would actively pursue living there unless you have an affinity towards concrete, overcrowding and traffic. And exorbitantly high liquor prices. And ten percent sales tax. And having four roomates. And no pro football team. Now if you like those things then L.A. is a virtual dreamland but I don't really care for high sales tax and constant traffic gridlock so me and L.A. didn't get along that well, but of course to each his own.

It took our crew almost two hours every day to make it from Studio City to downtown, despite the fact that Studio City is, what... fifteen miles away from downtown? And it really doesn't seem to matter what time of day either. You would think that at 11:00 A.M most folks would be at work, but not in Los Angeles because these poor people are sitting on a freeway going only heaven knows where. Imagine, if you are sitting in traffic for two hours to where you have to go and two hours to return, in six days that would equate to one whole day of your life wasted sitting in traffic and the citizenry of this city deal with this every single day. It has to be driving them crazy. Has to be.

Of course the weather is very nice though there is this smoggy, cancer causing haze covering everything, the ladies are plentiful and pretty as they try to avoid the Porno Pitfalls on their way to stardom and driving the rented Town Car down Laurel Canyon Boulevard was a blast ... but the gridlock... man, talk about a deal breaker. What in the hell was Randy Newman talking about?

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

A Badassery Amendment

A few posts back we listed what we thought were the baddest badasses in movie history, or at least out of the movies we've seen. Because of our somewhat narrow badass criteria there were no women on the actual list though a few did make it as honorable mention, but women were missing mainly because most of the female badasses in movies are driven by something outside of simply being badass. Usually it's some form of maternity.

Ah, but then we saw Donnie Yen's latest beatemup '14 Blades' which features this woman here, former Miss Hong Kong Kate Tsui as the character of Tuo Tuo. If ever there was a character born into badassness, here she is.

Like a true badass she doesn't say much and what little she does say is either an overt or a thinly veiled threat to kill you. She seems to be angry all of the time for no particular reason, her fighting skills are such that at one point during this movie Donnie Yen's character actually had to run from her and while she is clearly beautiful she never used her beauty to lull her prey into a false sense of security before slaughtering them. It would've been nice if she had done this but apparently she did not feel the need.

So throw Tuo Tuo and her sweet braids on the list my friends, a woman I would marry tomorrow even though I'd be dead five minutes later.