The Absolute Nerve...

I love the little mockbusting studio called The Asylum.  Sure they make largely terrible films, but to be honest with you, their pictures are the ones that keep the FCU turning.  Nobody actually cares to read what we think of... I don't know... 'The Hunger Games' because there are thousands of legitimate film critics reviewing that type of nonsense, but for something like Princess of Mars, as presented by The Asylum... not Disney... your choices are very few, we at the FCU are usually one of those very few choices.

So when somebody attacks The Asylum, and that somebody isn't me, I get upset.  More so when this person is biting the hand that fed it.  Say like Traci Lords.  We don't care that Traci was an underage porn star, and neither does she or she probably would've changed her name back to Nora Jean Kuzma on her path to becoming a 'legitimate' actress... I put 'legitimate' in quotes because in my heart of hearts I do believe porno actresses are legitimate.  Regardless, The Asylum was kind of enough to cast her in their film, which admittedly was awful, but the next thing you know Traci is telling the Huffington Post how ashamed she was to be in that movie.  Really Traci?  THIS you're ashamed of?  Not that she should be ashamed of 'Kinky Business' or 'The Night of Loving Dangerously'... not that I've seen any of those since that would be against the law... But Traci should proud of being cast in 'Princess of Mars'.  Or any Asylum movie for that matter.

Was Jaleel White ashamed of being in 'Megashark vs. Crocosaurus'?  Was Debbie Gibson ashamed of being in the original Megashark vs. Giant Octopus or Tiffany in the classic 'Mega Piranha'?  Did you read about Meredith Baxter being embarrassed about her role in 'Airline Disaster'?  I saw the movie... and yeah, maybe she should've been ashamed, but a true pro like Meredith would never bite the hand that fed her that day.  And as far as I know Jaleel, Debbie, Tiffany nor Meredith aren't on videotape blowing people.  As far as I know.  Not they should be ashamed of that if they are. 

Look, Nora Jean has had to overcome a lot on her path to legitimacy, and she's probably still hasn't arrived with a lot of middle aged men still stuck on remembering her as the chick in 'New Wave Hookers', all I'm saying is that perhaps a little gratitude is in order, as opposed to acid spitting.   Somebody go ahead and cast me in a movie and watch how grateful I'll be.  Within reason of course.  

Comments

  1. Jeffrey LongMay 2, 2012 at 10:25 AM

    Finally, somebody else who 'gets' The Asylum, SyFy, ect and what they do. Of course not all their movies are 'good' (loose terminology, lol), but as long as they manage to be FUN, that's all that matters to me.

    Sadly, Traci isn't the first to bite the Asylum hand after its fed her. Even the bigwigs of Asylum themselves have no false ideology about what they do. Hell, they're the first to openly admit that they make shit movies and have fun doing it, and most of the time the actors are totally in on the joke as well.

    But once in awhile you get someone like Traci here who seems to not realize what she's doing until after the fact, and then continues to be disillusioned by assuming that the people behind the movie seem to think its good and thus she thinks that she should be embarrassed to have been in it. Nobody does an Asylum movie because they think it'll be good - they do them because it's an easy paycheck and they can spend a couple weeks getting paid to just cut loose and have fun.

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