Film Critics United

I was eighteen years old when I took over Thanksgiving turkey duties from my mother.  Now my mom was phenomenal cook, but her turkey, like so many others turkeys, tended to be a little bit on the dry side.  At the time I was bussing tables at this little restaurant off of Euclid in St. Louis where the chef, Surly Sue, a woman who taught me as much about the art cooking, if not more, than even my mother, showed me how to roast a never-dry turkey.  Basically this consists of splitting the turkey down the middle at the breast, lots of butter and 30 minute basting intervals, and true enough, the turkey hasn't had a dry slice ever since.  30+ years on  I've gone from roasting to smoking to my current technique of sticking the bird in the Rotisserie oven, and still... never a dry slice. But now I'm getting up there a bit, tire more easily than I used to, still got dressing, mac n' cheese, this unique potato dish, among other things to prepare, so while making a t...

The Knight Before Christmas (2019) - Netflix Reviewed by L.F. Sue I wish to start by saying that usually these movies blend together, however this movie was a pleasant surprise and therefore stands out. For one it was more of a rom-com that happened to take place during Christmas, and as such had more focus on the relationship for once. To be specific, it focused on our valiant Knight, Sir Cole (Josh Whitehouse). He is transported from 14 th Century England to present day Ohio, sent on a quest by an “old crone” (Ella Kenion). Really they need to come up with a better name as crone has way too many negative connotations and certainly Mrs. Clause didn’t appreciate the name. We actually learn more about Sir Cole throughout this movie, making the charming Brooke (Vanessa Hudgins) more the “bland companion” than the IMDB summary and title picture leads one to believe. It is Sir Cole who is sent forth on journey of self discovery to conquer his weakness, of which at the start, he know...

Everyday is Christmas (2018) - Lifetime Allrightythen!  Today we get hang out with legendary super star songstress Toni Braxton in this Holiday movie Every Day is Christmas, or as I prefer to call it 'Toni Tries on a Dress' which is kind of Chistmas Carol-ish, in a way.  Kind of.  Not really, but the folks in this movie seem to be pretty cool with their rather loose interpretation of the Dickens classic. Alexis Taylor (Toni) is a hard driven financial something or another who hates Christmas.  Bla bla bla, you know the routine.  It's Christmas Eve and Alexis is not happy because her company had a year end 12% profit as opposed to the projected 20%.  Jeff (Andrew Arlie), her main financial dude was like, 'but we still made a hefty profit!'  Uh...Jeff?  Everyone knows that the next years capital expenditures are based on that years financial forecast, so if we say we are going to achieve 20% and we only make 12%, we are now 40% below projectio...

Homegrown Christmas (2018) - Hallmark Before she puts on the orange jumpsuit and gets to the business of breaking rocks at Alcatraz, Lori Loughlin made herself a Hallmark Christmas movie.  I think her scandal hit around the same time this movie dropped, so Hallmark must've been in a bit of a quandary deciding on whether to air a family movie headed by convicted felon, but it made it past their censors thank goodness.  We could have a whole separate conversation about this situation, like wouldn't it be easier to make a generous donation as opposed to bribery?  Or is USC the type of school that someone really needs to bribe someone to get into?  Or at the end of the day isn't Aunt Becky just a mom trying to do what's best for her kids?  Have you seen those kids?  They need all the help they can get.  But we're not here for any of that, for we are to discuss Homegrown Christmas with you, which is basically like any other Hallmark Holiday movie you've...

Christmas on Holly Lane (2018) - UPTV Little Cat and Riley are trimming the tree and hanging up stockings at the house of their best friend Sarah.  And thank heaven for Sarah.  Cat's parents are dead and and she's basically getting the Cinderella treatment from the cousins who took her in, minus the charming prince, and Riley's parents are abusive drunks.  Thus Sarah has taken it upon herself, along with her stable family, to give these girls the Christmas they deserve now and forever. Fast forward a few decades where our little girls are all grown up and life hasn't been... well... great, but they are reuniting this Christmas at Sarah's old house on Holly Lane.  Sarah (Sarah Lancaster), a children's book writer, is the mother of a kind of nice twelve year old girl, but her husband Ethan (Giles Panton) has recently walked out on her, and considering he's knocked up the woman he was having an affair with, it doesn't look like he's coming back.  ...

Dear Santa (2011) - Lifetime Crystal (Amy Acker) is a thirty something   NYC party girl who hasn’t learned how to use a can opener yet (?) and who has received an ultimatum from her mom that she has ten days from now, which is Christmas Day, to do something with her life or she’s getting cut off.   Damn.   Crystal decides the best way to deal with this shattering news is to go shopping, and this is where a random letter falls out of the postman’s bag and into her possession.   What Crystal SHOULD do is just turn around and stick that letter right back in the mailbox or just throw it in the garbage like the Post office does with all their letters to Santa.   But no, the movie is called Dear Santa so Crystal opens and reads the letter, which I’m sure is against the law, and the writers words in this letter touch her very soul.   This letter was written by little Olivia (Emma Duke) who wants a woman for her sad dad Derek (David Hadyn-Jones) who ...