Dear Santa

Dear Santa (2011) - Lifetime

Crystal (Amy Acker) is a thirty something  NYC party girl who hasn’t learned how to use a can opener yet (?) and who has received an ultimatum from her mom that she has ten days from now, which is Christmas Day, to do something with her life or she’s getting cut off.  Damn.  Crystal decides the best way to deal with this shattering news is to go shopping, and this is where a random letter falls out of the postman’s bag and into her possession.  What Crystal SHOULD do is just turn around and stick that letter right back in the mailbox or just throw it in the garbage like the Post office does with all their letters to Santa.  But no, the movie is called Dear Santa so Crystal opens and reads the letter, which I’m sure is against the law, and the writers words in this letter touch her very soul.  

This letter was written by little Olivia (Emma Duke) who wants a woman for her sad dad Derek (David Hadyn-Jones) who has been alone ever since her mom was murdered.  Okay, so they didn’t say what actually happened to her, per se, but I always lean towards murder.  And why are there so many dead moms in these Hallmark type movies?  We need Jessica Fletcher or Kojak to investigate the case of the dead Hallmark Mom’s.  I’d say about 80 percent of these movies have dead moms, 10 percent have dead dads, 8 percent have both parents dead and maybe 2 percent have two living parents.  Very rare.

Anyway, after reading little Olivia’s letter Crystal knows what she must do, which is relentlessly stalk this family by parking in front of their house, casing Derek’s  place of business and eventually inserting herself into their lives by volunteering at Derek’s homeless soup kitchen.  It was the murdered mom’s soup kitchen but Derek has picked up the mantle.  While there she’s become fast friends with the soup kitchen chef Gay Pete.  Note that I’m assuming that Pete is gay because he wears a pink toque blanche.  That’s the official term for the puffy white hat that chef’s wear.  No, I didn’t know that automatically.  When Pete isn’t wearing the Pink puffy chef’s hat and matching  gown, he’s wearing a tight pink short sleeved shirt with a deep neck drop and bow tied silk scarf.  I’m pretty sure that’s something only gay dudes wear, and we are okay with that.  I like Pete so much that that I'm using his picture in this article, where he is wearing a frilly pink shirt, because Pete apparently only wears pink, instead the actual male lead.   Back on point, I think Crystal’s plan is to become Derek’s new woman?  I guess?  Problem being that Derek already has a woman in the persnickety, homeless averse Jillian (Gina Holden), and she does NOT like Crystal.  Not that this matters because Jillian ain’t gonna have no man after this movie is over.  Bet on it.

Turns out Crystal is just great!  Her and little Olivia become best buds, mainly because they both are emotionally eight years old, she teaches her important stuff like shopping beyond one’s budget and ice skating and it looks like Derek is having second thoughts about his choice for a new mom for his daughter.   But then Jillian finds ‘the letter’ and shows it to Derek, and man is he PISSED!  We could ask why Crystal is walking around with this letter in her purse, or why Jillian is violating personal privacy rights by rifling through someone’s personal belongings or ask about Derek’s EXTREME overreaction to this rather innocuous thing but now Crystal’s love is jeopardy.  And her parents have cut her off.  And some evil dude is closing the homeless shelter which Crystal is really going to need in the upcoming weeks.   Until Gay Pete steps in and reminds everybody what's important in life.  At Christmas. 

Dear Santa, as it so happens, was directed by Jason Priestly.  What does that mean?  Nothing really except that I would imagine if one is dipping their toes into film direction, the Hallmarky Christmas movie is probably a safe place to start since most of the movie is pretty much done long before anybody shows up on set.  To that end I guess Jason didn't screw it up.  

While Dear Santa is as Hallmarky and paint by numbers as these movies get, it does have one thing in it's favor and that would be that bright and sunny disposition of actress Amy Acker who lifts up this film with a smile and a touch of psychosis every time she's on screen.  Watchers of the TV show 'Person of Interest' know Ms. Acker quite well as the completely psychotic and terrifying character of Root, and I'm betting the show's creators saw this movie, noticed that she was somewhat crazy in this movie, proposed that they amp that crazy up ten fold for their show while allowing her to keep that bright and sunny smile and viola!  We have one of the most unsettling characters in television history.

The rest of the movie gives us everything else we expect in these things as we have cookie baking, hot cocoa sipping,  tree trimming, a cute kid, lots of snow and a wise old homeless dude kicking mad knowledge.  But there were some critical elements missing as well like mistletoe, snowball fights... though ice skating is an adequate substitute... but mostly the music.  Director Priestly's song choices were odd.  Sounded like bad Sheryl Crow or something along those lines.  Even the canned background Christmas music sounded off.  I should also make note that Derek's profession is that of a a snow plough driver which at best is a seasonal gig, and running the soup kitchen doesn't pay so I'm not sure how he's making them ends.  And to that effect I'm not even sure what his appeal is as a potential mate for the dizzy New York deb or the uptight New York whatever it is Jillian does.  But then we don't ask those silly questions.  

Still, a middling vomit worthy entry into the Romantic Christmas movie pantheon, mostly made tolerable by a slightly psychotic turn from Amy Acker.