Film Critics United

Combined, the movie studio known as The Asylum and the Sci-Fi Channel have unleashed upon our eyes some of the worst movies known to mankind. Ed Wood probably wouldn't work for these cats but these two great forces have gotten together and have reached the Zenith of their creative prowess... They have crafted their 'Godfather', their 'Citizen Kane'... They have merged crap, ineptitude, incompetence and entertainment in a way that I don't think it has ever been merged before in the instant classic... 'Mega Piranha'! While we did a full ' review ' of this movie over at the FCU, this movie has so much crap goodliness in it that it deserves further editorializing. First examine the stars of this movie. Paul Logan is a man that can only be termed as an Asylum Day-Player since he shows up in so many of their flicks but his perseverance has paid off as he is given the lead in this movie, and deservingly so. Paul Logan may have attended an acting cl...

My friends, it is nigh time that we weigh in on who we believe are the baddest badasses in badass history. At least of those movies I've seen. But when examining badassery there are some rather stringent qualifications for one to pass through, a gauntlet of sorts, to achieve total badassery. You see I believe that for the most part a character has to be born a badass and almost relish in badassery. While John McClane is definitely a badass, John McClane would rather not be a badass and just spend quality time with his wife, daughter, on vactation, at the airport... It's just that wherever he is extenuating circumstance cause for him to use his specialized skill set. Then there's the case of Martin Riggs who we would never deny his place on the mountain of badassery, but if his wife was never murdered then he'd be tending a garden somewhere instead of killing South African's and Gary Busey. Then take Chow Yun-fat's character from 'The Killer' who is a bad...

But only temporarily it would seem. This is what happens when you register a domain with one company and host it at another. Apparently the FCU domain name expired on Feb 28th, thanks for the 411 Hoskey... no thanks to Yahoo Domains who failed to alert a brother of this, and are impossible to reach and navigating their website is even more difficult. Remember the good old days when you could call somebody? Anyway, then we had to go through the incredibly painful process of transferring the domain from Yahoo to GoDaddy who hosts the site, who also offers no one a simple stroll in the park, but the domain is locked and needs to be unlocked for this to take place, but we can't get in to the domain because its expired... it's complexities are mind boggling. Once the hoops of unlocking the site were jumped through came the multi step process of actually transferring the name, and reassigning DNS and all other kinds of nonsense. Heaven only knows when this is going to be complet...

As promised, here is the follow-up to 'Why Must the Black Guy Die...' pulled from this seasons episode of Totally Twisted Flix which further examines the pheomenah of African American Death in horror movies. We present to you... 'Still Dead'. Note that this is completely tongue in cheek because if they stop killing Black people in horror movies then Black people probably wouldn't get work in horror movies and I've heard a rumor that Black actors like to eat and pay their rent so keep that murderization coming and keep a brother employed. Think you can name all the movies that we pulled these clips and stills from?

I got a little Totally Twisted Flix treat for you. For this third season of the show, yes three seasons of a television show and we still exist in complete anonymity, we have made a music video follow-up to a show from the first season examining African American Death in Straight to DVD horror movies. But before I bless you with this video of EXTREMELY suspect quality, which will follow in a couple of days, I'm going to give you this video clip from the first season a few years back, which will serve as a primer of sorts and ease you in. This here is in the vein of a slam style poetry recital, minus all of the social relevance.

As another football season nears its conclusion I ask this question which I have posed before. It has been established that I am a fan of the Detroit Lions, and note that with the Saints going to the Super Bowl there is but one lone team in the NFC that has yet to make an appearance in that glorious game. I'll let you guess who that one team is. Anyway, it is no scoop that the Lions suck. But lets examine the Vikings for a moment. For almost my entire life as a football fan, and I've been around for a bit now, the Minnesota Vikings have almost always put out a competitive product, with a lot of their teams being just flat out amazing. The Purple People Eaters of the 70's, Joey Browner's Viking teams of the 80's, the unstoppable Randall Cunningham team of the 90's and now this team here. I thought the collapse by the '98 team was bad but this one might've been even worse. I was pulling for the Saints to win because I thought it would be good for N...

Personally I'm not into doing top ten lists but somebody somewhere told me I should compile something. But to show how I Stick It To The Man I'm doing a top eleven. Obviously this is a list of only the movies I've seen in 2009 and also note that I do not differentiate from theatrical releases and Straight to DVD releases as they are just movies to me. 11. Outlander Here you have a movie that cost 50 million dollars to make and according to Box Office Mojo raked in a little more than 100k which just might make Outlander the biggest flop in movie history. Sure Waterworld was a flop but it still made almost 90 million bucks. But recognize that I love me monster movie and Outlander was a damn good monster movie. The premise of Vikings vs. Spacemen might've been a little wacky but a monster movie has to be all about the monster and the monster in this flick was angry, bitter, vengeful, violent and damn near invincible. If you like common sense then look elsewhere but...