Friday, October 16, 2009

The Ependables!

It takes a lot for something to have an effect on an old bitter man such as myself, one beat down by life's cruelties and gross inequities. But the trailer for the Sylvester Stallone helmed upcoming action flick 'The Expendables' brought me to tears. You see this took me back to a simpler time when I, as a kid, watched tiny men such as Stallone, Mel Gibson and Eddie Murphy, just to name a few, got on the big screen to blow shit up and kick much ass all in the name of BadAss.

Sadly, for the most part, these movies are gone now. The demographic, as it were, no longer has any use for tough men blowing shit up and making sweet love to the ladies. Instead this demographic prefers movies with gay pirates and gay teen vampires or watching young fit boys with lots of makeup dancing in high school halls. What the hell? As such our action stars of the past have faded away. Murphy has dedicated himself to making horrific family films, Gibson, a fine film director, is now better known as an adultering anti-semite and Stallone is freaking sixty five years old. Swarzenegger has abandoned his craft, his true calling, in favor of being a inept politician while the other heroes of the day, such as Lundgren, Seagal, Van Damme and Snipes are relegated to my beloved Straight to DVD Genre.

But now we have 'The Expendables'. That incredibly rare big Hollywood action film blowout that's not a sequel or a remake or based on a comic book. At least that I'm aware of. The small Sylvester Stallone has grabbed the even smaller Jason Stratham and Jet Li and assembled a virtual all-star cast of potential badassness that features Dolph, E-Rob, Bruce Willis, Gary Daniels, Terry Crews, Mickey Rourke, a bunch of old wrestlers and MFC dudes who, after watching the trailer, looked primed to kill a LOT of foreigners and blow up plenty of shit. Outstanding! Arnold even makes a cameo we are told.

Thanks to the woman over there at Action Chick Flick for turning me on to this trailer and taking me back to a time where a movie didn't have to make any kind of logical sense to be good. Hopefully 'The Expendables' will follow suit but, due to my heightened expectations and considering that 'being disappointed' is actually my middle name, it could all still go straight to hell. We sure hope not.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Limbaugh and the NFL? you've been hoodwinked.

So I'm watching Sports Center or the NFL Network, had to be one of the two since they're the only two channels I watch and I see that Rush over there is part of group interested in purchasing the St. Louis Rams. Now what's funny about this, and this is just my theory supported only by my own opinions, is that I'm almost dead positive that Rush Limbaugh has no real desire to own an NFL franchise. What little I know about the business of the NFL is that it loves stability, being middle of the road, and will do almost nothing to upset this train driven applecart which has given its 32 owners a license to print money. NFL Commissoner Roger Goodell's main function is to keep this gravy train rolling, just like his predecessor Paul Tagliabue and his predecessor the late Pete Rozelle. This is why when approached with the subject of Limbaugh Mr. Goodell doesn't say anything along the lines of yay or nay because that would mean getting out of the middle of the road. Rush Limbaugh knows this as well as anybody and he knows the NFL owners aren't going to vote in favor of him buying a franchise.

My theory is that Rush must've checked his ratings and observed that they slipped a quarter point or something so he called his boy Al Sharpton and asked Al what's the best way to drum up some controversey. Al probably thought for a bit then came up with; "I know, since it's football season tell 'em you're going to buy a team, that'll drive them totally nuts. And to further let everybody know how 'NOT' serious you are about this, suddenly show up on the TODAY show and give a bunch of combustable interviews where you attack everybody and their momma! I'm talking even old ass Habitat for Humanity Jimmy Carter... Yeah, that'll let everyone know how divisive you can be!"

Of course Al is on board with this because he hasn't been in the spotlight too much after Michael Jackson bought it so its a win-win with Al Sharpton banging the drum the loudest against this thing which will never happen. And it's worked like a charm. Folks are are all upset, the air waves are burning up with both sides yelling at other at the top of their lungs about this thing that will not happen with Rush, a virtual master of self-promotion, laying back, smoking a stogie and taking it all in. I'm even willing to bet the majority of NFL owners are all right-wing Republicans who probably agree with most everyting Rush has to say, but outside of Dan Snyder and Jerry Jones and maybe Arthur Blank these cats really don't like attention, they just want the loot to flow trouble free. If they were to approve Rush owning a team the spotlight switches from Tom Brady and Plaxico to them, and they would not like this. Rush knows this, Al knows this, I just wish everybody else knew this.