The Ependables!


It takes a lot for something to have an effect on an old bitter man such as myself, one beat down by life's cruelties and gross inequities. But the trailer for the Sylvester Stallone helmed upcoming action flick 'The Expendables' brought me to tears. You see this took me back to a simpler time when I, as a kid, watched tiny men such as Stallone, Mel Gibson and Eddie Murphy, just to name a few, got on the big screen to blow shit up and kick much ass all in the name of BadAss.

Sadly, for the most part, these movies are gone now. The demographic, as it were, no longer has any use for tough men blowing shit up and making sweet love to the ladies. Instead this demographic prefers movies with gay pirates and gay teen vampires or watching young fit boys with lots of makeup dancing in high school halls. What the hell? As such our action stars of the past have faded away. Murphy has dedicated himself to making horrific family films, Gibson, a fine film director, is now better known as an adultering anti-semite and Stallone is freaking sixty five years old. Swarzenegger has abandoned his craft, his true calling, in favor of being a inept politician while the other heroes of the day, such as Lundgren, Seagal, Van Damme and Snipes are relegated to my beloved Straight to DVD Genre.

But now we have 'The Expendables'. That incredibly rare big Hollywood action film blowout that's not a sequel or a remake or based on a comic book. At least that I'm aware of. The small Sylvester Stallone has grabbed the even smaller Jason Stratham and Jet Li and assembled a virtual all-star cast of potential badassness that features Dolph, E-Rob, Bruce Willis, Gary Daniels, Terry Crews, Mickey Rourke, a bunch of old wrestlers and MFC dudes who, after watching the trailer, looked primed to kill a LOT of foreigners and blow up plenty of shit. Outstanding! Arnold even makes a cameo we are told.

Thanks to the woman over there at Action Chick Flick for turning me on to this trailer and taking me back to a time where a movie didn't have to make any kind of logical sense to be good. Hopefully 'The Expendables' will follow suit but, due to my heightened expectations and considering that 'being disappointed' is actually my middle name, it could all still go straight to hell. We sure hope not.

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