The Ladies of Adam Sandler - Pt. I
Allow me to qualify the proceeding post by saying this was not initially my idea as it is well known that we are completely opposed to the objectification and exploitation of the female species in these quarters. It's Rolando's idea. He's completely down for the objectification and exploitation of women. Not me. That being said, since I'm the one with the blog and all, I will be the conduit of this objectification as we... err... I mean he rates the Women of Adam Sandler. This came up because Adam, love his movies or hate them, has a true murderers row of lovelies that he signs up to play his various love interests, and from 18 to 12, here goes our opinion of their hotness. Rolando's opinion. I'm just providing moderation and supervision.
18. Drew Barrymore - The Wedding Singer / 50 First Dates / Blended.
Look, I think Drew is beautiful, Rolando on the other hand doesn't get it. I know, right? But think of it this way, if one were to rank Porsche automobiles, one of them would have to be on the bottom of the list right? So just consider Drew the Porsche 914 of this list, which was a pretty awesome car. And Adam obviously likes her best since she's been in the most movies with him. If you don't count Rob Schneider. He won't be making this list.
17. Julie Bowen - Happy Gilmore.
Watching Julie every day on Modern Family, via syndication, especially with Sofia Vergara always bouncing around nearby, one might forget what a sexy minx she was back in the mid 90's. That's Rolando talking, not me. Even though I think he was about eight years old when Happy Gilmore came out. And while 16 might seem a low ranking for this beautiful woman, she is in arguably Sandlers best movie. Arguably.
16. Keri Russel - Bedtime Stories
Now you know the competition is tough when someone as pretty as Keri Russel is relegated to the sixteen spot on this list. I can't even remember if she was really a love interest in 'Bedtime Stories', though I do think I saw it. I think. Keri, however can take solace, even though just being on this list should be reward enough, in that she is arguably the most talented actress on this list. Arguably.
15. Joey Lauren Adams - Big Daddy
Joey has a level of beauty and talent to stand up to anybody on this list, except for maybe the top five which would be a tough challenge for anybody, but Joey Lauren adds an extra layer of funny / sexy / cool which just makes her all the more appealing. You would probably want to watch Kevin Smith's 'Chasing Amy' to absorb the full Joey Lauren Adams effect, or maybe 'A Cool Dry Place', but since we're talking the movies of Adam Sandler, Big Daddy will have to do.
14. Leslie Mann - Funny People
Yes, she's married to Judd Apatow and one could argue that she wouldn't be in any movies were this not the case, but she is hot, has a killer figure... Rolando again, because I didn't notice... and unlike every other woman who we will meet on this list Leslie is a real live comedic actress. I mean she's really funny. That's an unbeatable combination right there. Okay, it is a beatable combination, but it is still rock solid.
13. Bridgette Wilson-Sampras - Billy Madison
We miss Bridgette, not that Miss Teen USA 1990 is dead or anything, but as you can see by the name hyphen, she married tennis star Pete Sampras about fifteen years ago, started having babies and just doesn't work all that much anymore. Who could ever forget her terribly miscast turn as the badass Sonya Blade in that Mortal Kombat movie from 1995. Beautiful? Yes. Badass? Perhaps not. We won't forget her in Billy Madison either, arguably Adam Sandler's funniest movie. Arguably.
12. Patricia Arquette - Little Nicky
Patricia Arquette. Mmmm.... that's one tasty morsel of rock solid femininity right there. Again, Rolando... not me as I would never say anything so objecitfyingly offensive. Man, this blaming stuff on the people works great. Why didn't I think of this earlier? The problem here is that as lovely as Patrica is, this is probably the worst movie on this list. I mean 'Little Nicky' is just awful. That is until Adam released 'Jack in Jill'. His lead in that monstrosity is still to come. The good thing is that Patricia has made some really amazing movies... 'True Romance', 'Stigmata', 'Lost Highway' so you don't actually have to watch this to see Patricia if you don't want. Even though in all likely hood, like me, you've seen it already.
Sometime in the near future we will get around #11 thru #6. And Rolando will continue to judge my beautiful sisters based only on their superficial features. Something I would never do.
18. Drew Barrymore - The Wedding Singer / 50 First Dates / Blended.Look, I think Drew is beautiful, Rolando on the other hand doesn't get it. I know, right? But think of it this way, if one were to rank Porsche automobiles, one of them would have to be on the bottom of the list right? So just consider Drew the Porsche 914 of this list, which was a pretty awesome car. And Adam obviously likes her best since she's been in the most movies with him. If you don't count Rob Schneider. He won't be making this list.
Watching Julie every day on Modern Family, via syndication, especially with Sofia Vergara always bouncing around nearby, one might forget what a sexy minx she was back in the mid 90's. That's Rolando talking, not me. Even though I think he was about eight years old when Happy Gilmore came out. And while 16 might seem a low ranking for this beautiful woman, she is in arguably Sandlers best movie. Arguably.
16. Keri Russel - Bedtime Stories
Now you know the competition is tough when someone as pretty as Keri Russel is relegated to the sixteen spot on this list. I can't even remember if she was really a love interest in 'Bedtime Stories', though I do think I saw it. I think. Keri, however can take solace, even though just being on this list should be reward enough, in that she is arguably the most talented actress on this list. Arguably.
15. Joey Lauren Adams - Big Daddy
Joey has a level of beauty and talent to stand up to anybody on this list, except for maybe the top five which would be a tough challenge for anybody, but Joey Lauren adds an extra layer of funny / sexy / cool which just makes her all the more appealing. You would probably want to watch Kevin Smith's 'Chasing Amy' to absorb the full Joey Lauren Adams effect, or maybe 'A Cool Dry Place', but since we're talking the movies of Adam Sandler, Big Daddy will have to do.
Yes, she's married to Judd Apatow and one could argue that she wouldn't be in any movies were this not the case, but she is hot, has a killer figure... Rolando again, because I didn't notice... and unlike every other woman who we will meet on this list Leslie is a real live comedic actress. I mean she's really funny. That's an unbeatable combination right there. Okay, it is a beatable combination, but it is still rock solid.
13. Bridgette Wilson-Sampras - Billy Madison
We miss Bridgette, not that Miss Teen USA 1990 is dead or anything, but as you can see by the name hyphen, she married tennis star Pete Sampras about fifteen years ago, started having babies and just doesn't work all that much anymore. Who could ever forget her terribly miscast turn as the badass Sonya Blade in that Mortal Kombat movie from 1995. Beautiful? Yes. Badass? Perhaps not. We won't forget her in Billy Madison either, arguably Adam Sandler's funniest movie. Arguably.
12. Patricia Arquette - Little Nicky
Patricia Arquette. Mmmm.... that's one tasty morsel of rock solid femininity right there. Again, Rolando... not me as I would never say anything so objecitfyingly offensive. Man, this blaming stuff on the people works great. Why didn't I think of this earlier? The problem here is that as lovely as Patrica is, this is probably the worst movie on this list. I mean 'Little Nicky' is just awful. That is until Adam released 'Jack in Jill'. His lead in that monstrosity is still to come. The good thing is that Patricia has made some really amazing movies... 'True Romance', 'Stigmata', 'Lost Highway' so you don't actually have to watch this to see Patricia if you don't want. Even though in all likely hood, like me, you've seen it already.
Sometime in the near future we will get around #11 thru #6. And Rolando will continue to judge my beautiful sisters based only on their superficial features. Something I would never do.
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