Christmas Next Door
Christmas Next Door (2017) - Hallmark
We're not going to say were 'excited' to see Hallmark's Christmas Next Door, per se, but it was that rare holiday Christmas TV movie that had a male lead. The handful of these movies I've seen that have had male leads tend to be a little more nuanced than the traditional path of these films which normally consists of a Holiday Averse successful heroine, for whatever randomly generated reason, is forced to deal with her Holiday Averse problem, and learn the magic of Christmas, or more accurately get a man. Or get a better man because her current man is ass, At Christmas. The male led movies, be it Andy Garcia attempting to provide a final wish for his dying wife in Christmas in Conway or Jason Gedrick helping the homeless with The Christmas Choir or Donte Whitfield trying to fix his relationship with estranged brother in The Christmas Swap... the male leads, for whatever reason, get do a little bit more. But if that's what we were expecting with Christmas Next Door, that's not we got as Jesse Metcalfe's character of Eric Redford is pretty much running an identical narrative as his female Christmas movie counterparts, just with an extra chromosome.
When we first meet Eric Redford he's driving a shiny red corvette, sporting sunglasses and has slicked back hair. He's basically screaming 'I'm an asshole!' to everyone in earshot, and it's also the dead of winter with snow all over the place and as such most people mothball their 500HP rear wheel drive sports cars in the winter, but not this guy. Also, I've seen enough Jesse Metcalfe joints to know that hair wants to curl real bad so it had to be a constant on set struggle to keep that mane straight.
So Eric is minding his own business driving up his driveway when his neighbor from two doors down, April (Fiona Gubleman), accosts him for not having any Christmas decorations. Note that April is pro Christmas the way that the rest of us are pro oxygen. These two do NOT like each other right now. Eric is some kind of famous author who writes male-centric books about not getting married and drinks beer with his friends while watching sports. A Man's Man! Now I do have to kind of question Eric's value as a 'friend' because he had his friends drinking Miller Lite. I'm sorry Eric but was Kroger all out of canned urine? Killians, Blue Moon, Guiness... Genuine Draft if we have to go domestic... Only if somebody actively requests it should that swill be purchased for an event. Also Eric has a girlfriend at the moment, but we're not going to be too terribly concerned about her because she ain't gonna have no man when this movie is over.
April is a violinist. One who teaches students part time and plays with her sister at her sister's boyfriend's restaurant. The thing is, looking at April's home and recognizing that she lives in the same neighborhood as a world famous author, we are a little curious where April got the money to afford this amazing home of hers. Certainly not through her current employment, but the movie let it slide, so we have no choice but to let it slide as well. Now April could play in the local symphony along with her piano playing sister but alas her performance anxiety keeps this from happening. Eric has his own creative issues as he is suffering from writers block with the deadline for his latest book looming large.
As we mentioned Eric is Christmas Averse due to some emotional event but when his mother forces him to look after his young niece and nephew, as their parents are trapped in Norway right now, he's forced to do the Christmas thing. Fortunately he has the bubbliest pro Christmas next door neighbor ever to help and Christmas Tree shopping, decorating, gift purchasing, cookie baking... the works... takes place en masse.
As Eric and April spend more time together they become closer and closer. I mean they both love vinyl and... well... that's about it... but they do become closer and closer. Eric does help April with her performance anxiety, and hanging with April and his sisters kids unblocked Eric's brain so he could finish his book. Not the book the publisher wants, but whatever, it'll work out. Plus Eric's current girlfriend doesn't like that Eric likes his niece and nephew and bows out of the picture, and as Eric and April spend more time together, his hair gets more un-slick! Because a man in love just doesn't have much use for hair gel I guess, and it looks like love for these two. Until there's a misunderstanding which derails the love, until the love is put right back on track. At Christmas.
We are going to go ahead and call Christmas Next Door an exercise in equality! Men can stand in front of the same vapid, rote, predictable, generic Hallmark styled Christmas slop just as easy as the ladies can! Thanks Jesse for striking that blow for the dudes! To be truly equal Jesse probably needed to paid about 60 cents on the dollar to what Lacey Chabert would get for the same role, but we're not going to get into all of that.
Is Christmas Next Door a good movie? Well, let's just say if you enjoy these kinds of movies you should enjoy this one too. I know I say that all the time but it's true! Jesse Metcalfe and Fiona Gubleman are both attractive and have decent chemistry, the dialog is unremarkable but earnestly delivered, the narrative is typical but inoffensive... what can we say?
What we really like to focus on is how tightly this movie sticks to the formula in an effort to get that always elusive fifth vomit, and this one was oh so close. It had it all man... Cold weather, Christmas tree shopping, Christmas decorating, canned generic Christmas music playing incessantly in the background, cookie baking, spirited caroling, fresh falling snow, Eric's mom was bringing the Old Person wisdom, and we had two cute kids who weren't quite orphans, but their parents were nowhere to be seen for 99% of the movie so they were orphans to me. That's good stuff. There were just a few minor things holding it back, like the complete absence of a snowball fight. And no Mistletoe, which means we also didn't get a near miss first kiss. If we gave 1/2 vomits this would be a 4.5 vomit movie because it was checking the required boxes left and right but alas we don't give 1/2 vomits, but still... four vomits is quite the achievement for a male led TV Christmas movie. Boy Power!
When we first meet Eric Redford he's driving a shiny red corvette, sporting sunglasses and has slicked back hair. He's basically screaming 'I'm an asshole!' to everyone in earshot, and it's also the dead of winter with snow all over the place and as such most people mothball their 500HP rear wheel drive sports cars in the winter, but not this guy. Also, I've seen enough Jesse Metcalfe joints to know that hair wants to curl real bad so it had to be a constant on set struggle to keep that mane straight.
So Eric is minding his own business driving up his driveway when his neighbor from two doors down, April (Fiona Gubleman), accosts him for not having any Christmas decorations. Note that April is pro Christmas the way that the rest of us are pro oxygen. These two do NOT like each other right now. Eric is some kind of famous author who writes male-centric books about not getting married and drinks beer with his friends while watching sports. A Man's Man! Now I do have to kind of question Eric's value as a 'friend' because he had his friends drinking Miller Lite. I'm sorry Eric but was Kroger all out of canned urine? Killians, Blue Moon, Guiness... Genuine Draft if we have to go domestic... Only if somebody actively requests it should that swill be purchased for an event. Also Eric has a girlfriend at the moment, but we're not going to be too terribly concerned about her because she ain't gonna have no man when this movie is over.
April is a violinist. One who teaches students part time and plays with her sister at her sister's boyfriend's restaurant. The thing is, looking at April's home and recognizing that she lives in the same neighborhood as a world famous author, we are a little curious where April got the money to afford this amazing home of hers. Certainly not through her current employment, but the movie let it slide, so we have no choice but to let it slide as well. Now April could play in the local symphony along with her piano playing sister but alas her performance anxiety keeps this from happening. Eric has his own creative issues as he is suffering from writers block with the deadline for his latest book looming large.
As we mentioned Eric is Christmas Averse due to some emotional event but when his mother forces him to look after his young niece and nephew, as their parents are trapped in Norway right now, he's forced to do the Christmas thing. Fortunately he has the bubbliest pro Christmas next door neighbor ever to help and Christmas Tree shopping, decorating, gift purchasing, cookie baking... the works... takes place en masse.
As Eric and April spend more time together they become closer and closer. I mean they both love vinyl and... well... that's about it... but they do become closer and closer. Eric does help April with her performance anxiety, and hanging with April and his sisters kids unblocked Eric's brain so he could finish his book. Not the book the publisher wants, but whatever, it'll work out. Plus Eric's current girlfriend doesn't like that Eric likes his niece and nephew and bows out of the picture, and as Eric and April spend more time together, his hair gets more un-slick! Because a man in love just doesn't have much use for hair gel I guess, and it looks like love for these two. Until there's a misunderstanding which derails the love, until the love is put right back on track. At Christmas.
We are going to go ahead and call Christmas Next Door an exercise in equality! Men can stand in front of the same vapid, rote, predictable, generic Hallmark styled Christmas slop just as easy as the ladies can! Thanks Jesse for striking that blow for the dudes! To be truly equal Jesse probably needed to paid about 60 cents on the dollar to what Lacey Chabert would get for the same role, but we're not going to get into all of that.
Is Christmas Next Door a good movie? Well, let's just say if you enjoy these kinds of movies you should enjoy this one too. I know I say that all the time but it's true! Jesse Metcalfe and Fiona Gubleman are both attractive and have decent chemistry, the dialog is unremarkable but earnestly delivered, the narrative is typical but inoffensive... what can we say?
What we really like to focus on is how tightly this movie sticks to the formula in an effort to get that always elusive fifth vomit, and this one was oh so close. It had it all man... Cold weather, Christmas tree shopping, Christmas decorating, canned generic Christmas music playing incessantly in the background, cookie baking, spirited caroling, fresh falling snow, Eric's mom was bringing the Old Person wisdom, and we had two cute kids who weren't quite orphans, but their parents were nowhere to be seen for 99% of the movie so they were orphans to me. That's good stuff. There were just a few minor things holding it back, like the complete absence of a snowball fight. And no Mistletoe, which means we also didn't get a near miss first kiss. If we gave 1/2 vomits this would be a 4.5 vomit movie because it was checking the required boxes left and right but alas we don't give 1/2 vomits, but still... four vomits is quite the achievement for a male led TV Christmas movie. Boy Power!
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