The Mistletoe Promise

The Mistletoe Promise (2016) - Hallmark

Elise (Jamie King) is a sad, heartbroken Travel Agency owner who just doesn't like Christmas that much anymore.  We see that quite clearly as the extremely oppressive ragtag caroling band at the food court, a group of people who like to get up all in your space while you are trying to eat, annoys her to no end.  And me.  And everybody.  Super annoying.  Sitting a little further down the way at this food court is Nick (Luke Macfarlane), a hard working lawyer who also doesn't like Christmas all that much.  Nick rescues Elise from those caroling terrorists, the two get to talking and soon realize they could help each other out a bit.  

Nick is up for partner at his law firm, but bossman is big on family and Nick doesn't even have a girlfriend.  Elise has been divorced from her EXTREMELY douchey husband for four years, but he is still her partner in this business and constantly brings the woman he dumped her for to the office AND uses her for their advertising.  See what I mean?  Oh, and he drives knock off Mustang Cobra which is something only an over compensating douche would drive.  Thus being on the arm of a handsome lawyer will probably make him jealous and keep the busybodies at the office off her back.  Nick, being a lawyer and all, draws up a contract that states she will be his pretend girlfriend and attend functions, he in turn will be her pretend boyfriend, they sign it and they call it the Mistletoe Promise.  No shenanigans, no hanky panky, just strictly business.  Don't know why they had to have a formal contract to make this happen, I think the movie could still happen without it, but there you go.

So Elise and Nick pretty much do EVERYTHING that two people in a very serious, committed relationship do.  Nick constantly sends her gifts, they eat lunch together like every day, they have romantic dinners, they go to each others homes and decorate Christmas trees while having deep intimate conversations about their hopes, dreams and life tragedies that put them where they are now.  In fact, these two, right now, have a better relationship than just about anybody ever.  Elise does inform us that this is because there is no risk.  They can do all these things because nothing is at stake.  Because good looking people sharing emotional intimacy always leads to nothing as long as that's understood.  That's exactly how feelings work.

Spoiler Alert!  That's not how feelings work.  They are getting closer, and both are feeling bad about deceiving people, and then the douchey ex does something that make Elise even sadder, but she signed a contract and is determined to help Nick get his partnership... but that's not important anymore.  Elise's heart is what's important.  But it's been broken so badly, and she can't have it being broken again... but Nick promises to put it back together, piece by piece, while the virgin snow falls and mistletoe hangs above.  At Christmas.  I think they kissed, but I had just clawed my eyes out so I can't confirm this.

Say you're driving down the freeway of the Hallmark Romantic Movie Road and you are looking for a smooth ride.  You just want to put your brain on cruise control, want no surprises and quite honestly, you don't even want to bother touching the steering wheel.  Then The Mistletoe Promise is definitely the movie you would be looking for.  This doesn't make it a bad movie, just makes it a prototypical Hallmark Christmas movie.

And by taking no chances, I mean seriously.  Start at the top with the director David Winner who has directed like twenty of these.  TWENTY!  And the movie Swamp Devil.  I reviewed that back in a previous life.  Think he knows how to make one of these?  I think he does.  Then take our hero Luke MacFarlane who has also been in a ton of these movies, a professional Romantic Movie boyfriend that guy.  Even Elise's best friend as played by the lovely Christie Laing, a woman who is literally trapped in these movies playing the Best Friend of Color.  One day Christie, you are going get your own Hallmarky Romantic Christmas movie, I promise you!  My main man Lochlyn Munro is even in this movie, stuck playing Elise's douchebag ex-husband, and if one was to peruse Lochlyn's curriculum vitae, 90% of the time he's usually playing douche bags.  He's really good at it.  The only risk was casting Jamie King.  Not that Jamie's isn't a fine and experienced actress, not to mention she has the bone structure and blondness that would make any self-respecting Aryan weep, but she's never done one of these before.  Or since.  No worries though as she slides right in with the confidence of a taller thinner Lacey Chabert.  

And all of the other stuff we expect to see in these movies is mostly there.  Snow man making, mistletoe (obviously), cocoa drinking, Christmas tree shopping and decorating, a near miss kiss, a soft breakup, Elise never mentioned her parents so I'm assuming she was an orphan, and you know we love orphans, and while there was no actual cooking baking scene, we did witness the results of off-screen baking with some gingerbread men distribution.  There were no wise old people dispensing sage knowledge, or cute kids, or magic, and we did miss a golden opportunity for a snowball fight, plus the carolers were more antagonistic than joyful, but the movie still puts out most everything lovers of these movies are looking for.  Just so you know I have a physical check list by my side that I mark off while I watch these things.

All we're saying is that 'The Mistletoe Promise' keeps its promise, and gives fans of these movies exactly what they want.