A Timeless Christmas
Dateline: December 18th, 1903. Charles Whitley (Ryan Peavey) has just won an auction on a magic clock, he doesn’t know it’s magic yet, and upon payment for his prize he encounters his arch enemy, the rapscallion Harold Moran. That’s what Charles called him and now it’s my new favorite word replacing scalawag. You see, Moran has been eying Charles’ woman Eliza, and Charles don’t like that. Charles makes it home with his magic clock where Eliza is waiting for him, mainly to give him the business. She doesn’t like that Charles is stoic and emotionless, Charles tells her to kick rocks because they are getting married, because that’s what people do. Charles’ housekeeper Rosie throws in her two cents pointing out that these two don’t seem to like each all that much and shouldn’t get married. He tells Rosie to kick rocks too. With those people out of his business, Charles reads some true love inscription on the clock, winds it up, gets dizzy and blacksout.
Dateline: December 19th, 2020. Charles wakes up right in the spot where he blacked out, and sees things in his room have changed, considerably. He will soon stumble upon a tour of his house, led by Megan the Tour Guide (Erin Cahill). As Megan tells her guests, one of the great mysteries of this town is whatever happened to Charles, who vanished on December 18th, 1903. This comes as a surprise to Charles, who first is wondering why all these strangers are in his house, then he’s wondering why all these freaks are cosplaying people in his life. The Cosplayers are a little freaked too in that the new guy playing Charles looks just like the portrait of Charles Whitley hanging on the wall. Crazy.
Charles is a smart guy and it doesn’t take him long to figure out he’s traveled 100+ years into the future, and it helps that he’s convinced Megan he’s the real deal Charles Whitley, because she's a PhD who specializes in him. Literally, the woman is a Doctor of Philosophy with a specialty in Charles Whitley. What follows will be a series of charmingly funny events for anyone who is transported 100 years into the future, Charles agreeing to sign on to Cosplay himself, Charles experiencing a modern Christmas, wearing some wranglers, and spending lots of time together with Megan, though she is keeping a secret from Charles which seems kind of dumb. This secret being that the Rapscallion Moran ended up marrying his woman back in the day after he disappeared.
Well Charles can’t have that and despite his growing feelings for Megan, he has to find that magic clock, go back to 1903 and stop this from happening. But Charles will soon learn that sometimes the past is just the past. Where we end up is oft times out of our hands, but WHO we end up with… that is what’s important. That’s what Charles said. And he said it at Christmas.
So we have questions we have to ask this movie, but please note that these questions have very little to do with the actual movie itself, just the mindless ramblings of a madman, because A Timeless Christmas is the best Hallmark Romantic Holiday Movie I’ve seen to this date, and I’ve seen my fair share. And if you disagree with me on that we’re gonna fight. I’m gonna have to release these hands. We’re going to go! For real. Hallmark’s Christmas in Conway was probably a better movie, but that wasn’t a romantic movie, but a raw emotional drama that just took place around Christmas.
Why is this one so much better than the others I’ve seen? Still trying to work that out. Director Ron Oliver is clearly on the Hallmark / Lifetime speed dial shortlist as he’s made a ton of these movies, so I guess he knows what he’s doing? Erin Cahill is also a very experienced actress and was very good in the movie which also helped, and Ryan Peavey is… well… super handsome. I’m not here saying that Mr. Peavey has limited range as an actor but his character was emotionally stunted for the most part. Either that’s the way Ryan chose to play Charles, or his director who he has worked with him before, in movies I’ve seen, adjusted the role to fit his star. Either way it worked. How handsome is this cat? Even though I question how he can maintain that beard in 1903 without a Norelco beard trimmer? You know how we watch these movies and the hero, usually at a big party, is worrying about his heroine when she suddenly appears at the top of stairs, in a brand new dress, and takes everybody’s breath away? This movie had that scene. WITH THE DUDE AT THE TOP OF THE STAIRS! I’ve never seen that before. I don’t know if I’ll ever see it again.
Maybe I enjoyed this movie because it reminded me of some of my favorite old school Time Displacement romance movies from back in the day, such as ‘Somewhere in Time’ or ‘Time after Time’, minus the serial killing. Sure, some might say that Ryan Peavey has half of Malcolm McDowell’s acting talent but he has twice the handsome, and nobody’s putting Malcolm at the top of the stairs any time soon.
Of course my vomit rating system is based on how rigid the movie stays to the Hallmark formula and how many critical elements it manages to wedge in, not on the actual value the movie possesses, and ‘A Timeless Christmas’ was middle of the road in that regard. We had cookie baking, cocoa drinking, a mistletoe sighting, Christmas tree lighting and group caroling, though Charles didn’t know the words to ‘We Wish You a Merry Christmas’, because apparently it hadn’t been written yet. Who knew? Figgy pudding, whatever the hell that is, doesn’t predate 1903? However we were missing snowball fights, snowman creating, tree decorating, no near miss kisses, and no orphan kids. Or kids of any kind I can recall.
Now for my questions… what becomes of Charles now
that he chooses to stay in 2020? I mean
he has no papers, no social security number… is he going to keep cosplaying himself to
make those ends? I mean just last week,
in his time frame, he was a millionaire, and now he’s a reenactment actor? All the more reason he should probably go
back to his time period, get his money, and get his woman back…true love be
damned. Or wait until the next blue moon
and use the magic clock to shoot back to whenever and be with Megan, while
having made provisions so that he will still be rich when he gets there. Speaking of the magic time clock, what guarantee
does Charles have that it would take him back to 1903 anyway? Maybe it shoots him another 117 years in the
future to 2137? Nobody knows how magic
clocks work. Then there’s the curious case
of Megan and her alleged PhD. Megan has
an interview at the local university to become a full-fledged, tenure track
professor, but she turns that sweet gig down to continue to be the ‘director’
of the ‘Whitley Museum’. She can call
herself a director all she wants, but she’s a cosplaying tour guide, and this
museum is just a house. That’s all it is. Considering these cosplayers also work for
tips, I’m thinking the benefits aren’t so hot for this gig, meaning she’ll
probably need that TIAA Cref retirement and Blue Cross health insurance that the university
gig was going to provide to help her support this dude. Not that she can put Charles on it anyway,
since he has no papers. So many questions.
Anyway… best Hallmark Romantic Holiday movie I’ve ever seen.
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