IT'S A WRONGATHON!

The Wrong Roommate

Since me and Vivica Fox go way back, I'm talking that episode when she splashed down on The Fresh Prince which had me asking 'damn... who the hell is that?' 30 years ago, I feel I owe it to her to start getting Wrong.  Not content to just show up in movies, Ms. Fox is making moves and stacking dollars, I guess, with her 'Wrong' series of movies which as of this point in time is 21 deep.  That's a lot of Wrong, and we are going to do our best to watch them all.  Hey Vivica!  If you happen to be reading this I have a couple Wrongs in the works for you, including The Wrong Stewardess and The Wrong Nurse, and my girl Lisa has already workshopped the hell out of The Wrong Barista!  Hit me back!

Say hello to Laurie (Jessica Morris), who is trying to get her life together by teaching at the local U, and moving into her sister's house after breaking up with her fiancée Mark (William McNamara).  This Guy.

Resting Mean Mug

This cat looked mad all the damn time.  It appears he got caught inflagrante in their bed with a woman who wasn't Laurie.  That made her unhappy.  The odd thing is that he's always hanging around because he needs Laurie to transfer the cable and water out of her name into his.  This guy is a big time defense lawyer and drives a souped up Porsche, but can't put the cable in his own name?  Also, a condition of Laurie living in her sister's dope crib, a sister who's in China or something, is that she keep an eye on her thirty five year old teenage daughter Ricki (Brianna Joy Chomer).  I'm sure she's not quite thirty five yet, but that is a grown ass woman.

Ricki is training for the track team... note that Ricki doesn't look like she's really built for speed, but that's neither nor there.  What is important is she's being trained by this guy.

Sexy Time!

The guy that lives upstairs in her sister's beach house for the summer.  This is Alan (Jason Shane Scott), and Laurie was slightly concerned that her sister didn't tell her there would be some strange guy that nobody knows living upstairs in her beach house, along with her daughter, because that sounds like some Need to Know info to me, but how bad can a dude with abs like that be?  Spoiler Alert, the name of the movie is the Wrong Roommate.  

Laurie's girlfriend asks some critical questions about Alan, like what does he do for a living.  Laurie tells her that he's an artist and a surfer, which where I come from means he's unemployed.  But whatever, he seems like a real good guy.  That is until he breaks into the house while Laurie is gone, installs a Spy Cam in her bedroom so he can watch her walk around in her underwear, and then opens her garment drawer and starts sniffing her panties.  It's been my experience that real good guys don't do that.  

Laurie's not aware of any of this yet, though she should be because this dude jumps out of nowhere and scares Laurie at least a half dozen times in this movie... regardless, this means it's time for some more Sexy Time!

Tanning doesn't seem to be Laurie's thing

Which follows another visit by Mr. Mean Mug.

He's actually happy here.

Now we learn the real deal.  Mean Mug has a plan.  Hire Mr. Sexy Time to seduce his girl, make her fall in love with him, then break her heart.  THAT way, he can swoop in and get his girl back.  That is an absolutely terrible plan.  This plan is complicated by the fact that Mr. Sexy Time is KARAZAY!  The panty sniffing kind of gave that away.  Despite the fact he's been lying to Laurie about his identity, is a convicted felon and a murder suspect in real life, he thinks he can make it work with her.  All he has to do is sit her down and tell her the truth.  That's what he said.

The Beginning of the End of Sexy Time

Mr. Mean Mug thinks that's laughable and turns his back on the crazed, suspected murdering panty sniffer.  He get's bludgeoned with a baseball bat for his foolishness.  I mean it's not like he didn't know this dude was crazy since he's the lawyer who got him off.  On a technicality no less as the intrepid Detective Valdez (Vivica) would tell us.

Now things are starting to unravel for Mr. Sexy Time.  That art he makes?  Laurie's Academic boss (Eric Roberts) knew the moment he saw it that this dude didn't create this art.  How he knew this is absurd so we won't get into it, just know that bossman gets run over by Mean Mug's souped up Porsche as driven by Mr. Sexy Time.

I think she's being Stalked by her Doctor.

Now the movie gets good because Detective Valdez is totally on the case as well as my absolute favorite character in this movie... this guy.

I See You!

That's Detective Valdez's partner?  Maybe?  Vivica chose not to give this gentleman a single line, or even a name for that matter as far as I can tell.  But he does hang around a lot and look at people really good.  Detective Valdez thinks Mean Mug ran down Eric Roberts, not knowing that Mean Mug got Louisville slugged to death, so they decide to look for Mean Mug at his house.  Note that they think he's a suicidal attempted murder suspect.

Don't worry... I'll block the bullets.

That's why I found it curious that the one without the gun or the I assume the bullet proof vests is actually leading the way.  Something about not having a warrant I think Detective Valdez said.  But eventually Detective Valdez does take the point.

I got your back girls.  Until I don't.

But my main man is still hiding behind the seventy pound unarmed skinny lady.  Here is where everything for Mr. Sexy Time falls completely apart as Detective Valdez finds a bunch of completely inadmissible evidence on who Mr. Sexy Time really is, and his relationship to Mr. Mean Mug.  Still though, the crack detectives don't think he's too much of a danger, just a con man, so they send Laurie on her way.  

Mr. Sexy Time has all kinds of problems right now.  Eric Roberts is still alive, which is bad for him since Eric saw him clear as day run him down, so he hides in the bushes at the hospital with a syringe full of something to finish him.  Unfortunately Laurie saw him so he ran away like a sissy.  One of his fellow inmates told him that he needs to get out of town and close loose ends, then hands him a loaded gun to do just that and seemed genuinely surprised when Mr. Sexy Time took that loaded gun and shot him to death with it.  That was really funny by the way.  He's also come to the sad realization that he and Laurie's love can never be so he has to kill her.  After kidnapping her teenage niece.  His plan is to get Laurie to empty her bank account (She's broke by the way) and Mean Mug's bank account and give him the money so he can skate out of town after killing her.  Again... a terrible plan.  So he has Laurie meet him at a secure location in the desert somewhere to make this happen.  But the skinny chick had plan too.

Bought a gun to Tire Iron fight.

With Laurie's bestie pretending to be her, Laurie sneaks up behind him and clubs him with a tire iron, knocking Mr. Sexy Time to the ground where he dropped his gun.  Laurie picks up the gun and caps him in the shoulder until she tells him where her niece is.  Yay!  Movie over!  Not so fast!  While Laurie runs to get her niece, Mr. Sexy Time tricks Laurie's bestie, overpowers her, grabs back the gun to chase down Laurie.

The Sexy Times are officially over.

Looks like it's all over for Laurie and her grown ass niece as Mr. Sexy Time has the drop on her.  Note that he's actually wearing a shirt now, and one that actually fits, so he not really Mr. Sexy Time anymore, just Mr. Crazed Murderer.  The only thing that could possibly stop him from killing them is if, I don't know, somebody snuck up behind him with a tire iron and clubbed on the head.  But what are the chances of that happening?  Again?

Bought a gun to a Tire Iron Fight.  Again.

Mr. Sexy Time is dumb.  He drops the gun, again, but this time him and Laurie are fighting over the gun.

A little help over here sister?

In this scenario we have Laurie, about 5'5", maybe weighs 80 pounds, and teaches at a community college part time.  In the other corner we a convicted felon, mass murderer, about six feet 185 who does a lot of push ups, because against our will we saw him do this, and we also saw him push a 3000 pound Porsche, on flat ground, off a cliff, all by himself.  I like his chances in this battle, but no, she gets the better of him, he gets shot in the gut while they tussle, and dies.  And so ends Mr. Sexy Time.  All that remains is for Laurie to learn to trust and find love once again.  Not in this movie because she's a hot mess, but maybe in a future one.  The Wrong Rebound Guy?

Is this a good movie?  Of course not, but it was directed by my main man David DeCoteau whose terrible movies I've been watching since I was a teenager, and I'm in my fifties now so that's a lot of movie making from that guy.  Note that I'm talking about his early movies like Creepazoids and Lady Avenger, not his early all-male revue works such as Never Big Enough and Making it Huge.  Missed those.   But what 'The Wrong Roommate' may have been missing in overall good movie-ness, it more than made up for it in wild, nonsensical hilarity and fun.  Everybody should watch this movie, and now I'm not dreading my self-inflicted Wrong-a-Thon so much now.  Come on Vivica... The Wrong Barista?  You can't go wrong with that one.  Hit me back!

So the rating system for The Wrongs is in it's infancy, since this is the first one we've seen, but I can't imagine getting more Wrong than this one, but we will leave some room just in case we see a movie that is more Wrong, and of course we can envision a scenario where a movie might get less Wrong.  Thus we give The Wrong Roommate Four Wrongs!