It's Time for some Football!!!

Detroit Lions all-time Great Dan Orlovsky. 
I think.  Maybe Mike McMahon. 
I can't remember.

It’s been a while since I’ve done this but it’s time to talk some LIONS FOOTBALL!!!  That’s Detroit Lions in case you were confused.  We got ourselves a new quarterback this year in first overall draft pick and SuperBowl participant Jared Goff, in which we traded our long time QB and first overall draft pick and playoff participant Matt Stafford.  I predict three wins.  The Lions also hauled in a bunch of draft picks in this deal and quite honestly it looks like the Lions kind of fleeced the Rams in this transaction, because for this deal to actually work for the Rams they have to win a SuperBowl with Matt Stafford… which they are definitely gonna do.  Look for the Rams to go 42-0 in this new 17 game season and win the SuperBowl by 700 points with Matt Stafford throwing sixty touchdown passes.  Stafford will then join Calvin Johnson in continuously dragging the Lions, and maybe even coax Calvin out of retirement, even though he’s in his mid 70’s and smokes reefer everyday, and throw him 99 touchdown passes next season.  I’m a Lions fan, this is how this works. 

While there is not a lot of joy in being a lifetime Lions fan, we do have one singular advantage over all other NFL fans… heck maybe even all sports fans period… in that you cannot insult us.  You cannot put us down.  You cannot belittle us in any way, shape or form.  We’ve already done that work.  It’s not uncommon for me on sports team Friday to wear my Lions cap along with my generic Lions jersey (not a fan of having another man’s name on my back) and watch the other various fans try to put me and my team down.  As a Detroit transplant living in Georgia, Falcon Fan… yes, that’s a thing… often tries to chime in with some insulting nonsense, only to get slapped down with '28-3 sucka’.  ‘At least we’ve been to a SuperBowl’ they try to snap back with.  EXACTLY!  Never Been!  One playoff win in my lifetime and I’m an old man!  Probably never will go!  My son is twenty five years old and he has seen ZERO playoff wins!  We Lions fans will never know the pain of that embarrassing, debilitating, spiritually unrecoverable defeat sir!  I also work with transplant Viking fans and their multiple SuperBowl defeats and crushing playoff losses who also try to put me down.  They can’t do it!  What’s worse?  Being bought up to the mountain top only to be repeatedly thrown off said mountain with it ending in obscene deformity, or never being allowed near the mountain in the first place?  I’ve never been near this mountain so I guess I can’t answer that query objectively.

Even fans of super successful teams can’t mock us!  My colleague Boston Tony, who in addition to being an insufferable All Things Boston Fan and also a low key racist, loves to parade around in his numerous Patriots Championship T-shirts, but I assure him that very soon, he will be down with me, and while I’m very comfortable down here, I’m not sure he’s going be able to handle it.   My friends, you can’t evict a homeless man, you can’t starve a man who has never eaten, and you can’t legitimately insult a Lions fan.  Lions Fans… We are Teflon.

Memorable Lions Moment no. 141 – QB Dan Orlovsky, who somehow managed to finagle a sub mediocre football career into a lucrative (I assume) TV football analyst gig, taking a goal line snap, running out the back of the endzone for a safety, yet still scrambling to complete a pass long after the whistle had blown and the ref put his hands up.  There’s no QUIT in a Lion brothers and sisters.  So many wonderful memories.


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