Film Critics United

  Inventing the Christmas Prince (2022) - Hallmark Evan (Ronnie Rowe Jr.) is the cold, detached boss at this rocket science company which leads to his employees calling him 'Dr. Spock'.  I assume that's supposed to be a Star Trek reference, but of course we all know that it's MISTER Spock, not DOCTOR Spock because Dr. Spock is the baby guy.  Now it is possible that Mr. Spock acquired a PhD or two while on Vulcan, but he doesn't go by Doctor.  Not that I'm criticizing the criminal lack of Star Trek knowledge of whomever wrote this particular Hallmarky Romantic Holiday movie, just maybe ask somebody who might know next time.  Otherwise, maybe keep Mr. Spock's name out your mouth.  Now on to the show! Anyway, our group or rocket scientists just launched their latest rocket ship, which they observed from their cubicle farm, while watching the launch on 40 inch LCD on the wall.  Don't think I've seen that from a rocket control center before, but you know,...

  Big Fat Family Christmas (Hallmark) Reviewed by Lisa Sue Whelp, I came for the dragon at Christmas but stayed to make sure the girl got her guy in the end and learned something about herself in the process. The Chang family puts on a big outlandish Christmas party every year, and photographer daughter Liv, while not boycotting it, does keep herself at arm’s length from the Changtastic-ness. They trademarked the phrase, not I. The movie goes into why Liv is like this, at first we see the family’s over the top fusion of Chinese and Christmas décor mixed with the fact that like most Asians they are hoarders and don’t throw anything away, which clashes with Liv’s minimalistic neutral tone personality. The twist is that a new reporter, Henry, has just arrived from Bangkok at the paper and needs to pitch to their boss a great story. He hears tell of a crazy loud Asian Christmas party and pitches it to the big wig Charles who assigns Liv as the photographer. Of course, in the keeping w...

  Scentsational Christmas (2022) - Lifetime Let's begin our discussion of this movie by talking about one it's supporting characters.  Sugith Varughese is a Canadian actor of Indian descent who has been featured in some of my favorite shows, such as Transplant and The Expanse, but he seems to have found a new groove for his career, Hallmarky Romantic Holiday Movie Dad.  I'm sure his agent met with Mr. Sugith and let him know he had a couple of scripts for him to consider, and then set about describing the roles.  Sir, you are going to play the dad of a serious minded, ambitious woman, who left the family business for the big city to start her own life, leaving you and your wife to run this business, but then your wife dies leaving you to run the business alone, which you do very poorly, forcing your daughter to come home and save your ass.  I'm sure Mr. Sugith was like 'Cool... what about the second script?'.  To which his agent had to let him know that was...

  Window Wonderland (2013) - Hallmark Today the Randomizer picked Window Wonderland, and I have to be honest with you my friends, this one took me a few days to get through.  Fifteen minutes one day, twenty minutes the next, until I finally finished it off.  Let me be clear in letting you that there's absolutely nothing wrong with this movie, in fact it may be one of the better types of these movies that you may get the chance to see.  Possibly because it's almost a regular movie and less a Hallmark Holiday Romantic movie.  No, the problem is all internal.  You see when I start out watching these movies early in the season, I'm gung ho, ret ta go!  But after a while, day in and day out of watching these Hallmarky Holiday movies, they start to eat into your soul.  Make you question your very existence.  But enough about existential crises', On with the Show!   Sloan (Chyler Leigh) is a hard working, uptight NYC Window Designer in thi...

  A Show-Stopping Christmas (2021) - Lifetime Today our randomizer chose a movie, we heard on the grapevine, that was finished last year, but apparently wasn't good enough until Lifetime desperately picked it up this year to fill out their schedule.  Color me a little bit concerned.  A holiday romance movie about a Christmas hating curmudgeon trying to shut down (insert here) while two impossibly attractive people try to stop this person, while at the same time infusing this person with the Christmas Spirit, while at the same time falling in love with each other?  And somebody saw this and said that this wasn't good enough?  Hmm.... Riley (Jamie Perez) is the hard working director of her small town theater working on putting on their annual production of a Christmas Carol, and she is in desperate need of a Bob Cratchit.  Fortunately for Riley, Handsome Sam (Thomas McDowell) has breezed into town, a very famous Emmy award winning actor and after he and Riley...

  A Christmas Spark (2022) - Lifetime Today our movie Randomizer introduces us to Molly (Jane Seymour), a widowed control freak who's husband is probably overjoyed to be dead.  Kidding, Molly is a wonderful person, but she is a passive aggressive control freak.  Molly likes her life and the lives of those around her to be mapped out just so, so when her bestie Cass (Shawna Clark) suggests they make a girls trip to Aruba for the holidays, Molly has to refuse because she has everything planned out for her daughter and her daughter's family for the holidays just right, in that they will be doing the same thing they've been doing since forever.  However when her daughter Kristin (Sarah Smyth) calls to let her know they will not be coming down for the Holidays, Molly has to alter her much revered plans and make the trip up to New Hampshire to spend Christmas with them. Upon landing Molly complains that there's no snow.  Oh Molly, that's because it doesn't snow in Jul...

  The Santa Squad (2020) - Lifetime Today we spun the algorithm wheel and it chose another basic one for us.  You've already seen this one, even if you haven't seen this one. Allie (Rebecca Dalton), your run of the mill 5'10", 115lb, doe eyed supermodel unemployed elementary school art teacher needs a job for the holidays.  Her bestie Tony (Chris Sandiford) who runs the local old folks community center, turns on the Santa Squad, an organization that goes to folks homes at Christmas to decorate, shop and wrap Christmas presents.  Allie is tailor made for this gig as she knows how to do all of these things!  Just like almost all of us!   Her fist gig is the Church account.  Not an actual Church as we, including Allie, were led to believe, but the uber-wealthy Church family which includes the patriarch Gordon (Aaron Ashmore) and his motherless daughters Rose (Hattie Kratgen) and Iris (Molly Lewis).  Also hanging out is Gordon's Majordomo Daniel ...

  Undercover Holiday (2022) - Hallmark Reviewed by Lisa Sue Dedicated readers of this blog will know that I’m a sucker for cops and Christmas uniting, I did review A Christmas Witness last year thinking surely that was a one off? Well, here we are again, another undercover at Christmas meet cute, and I’m so here for it. Also, as this year’s blogs illustrate, I’m a sucker for a mystery, no matter how inane the crime. This movie’s premise is Jaylen is a newly minted pop star, about to have her first tour after winning some American Idol-like contest. Her manager Benny and BFF Margot guide and help Jay, and as they enter the rented mansion the label is putting her up in a couple of red flags appear. The gate is open (they totally closed it when they left earlier) and after passing some annoying paparazzi (which I’m just going to add is a bit unusual as Jay is just starting out on this pop star journey and aside from winning the contest hasn’t really done anything to warrant pap hound...

  Ghosting: The Spirit of Christmas (2019) - Freeform Well Excel Randomizer, mysterious entity that is picking my holiday movies this year, I don't know what to do this one.  It's not a Christmas movie, but a movie that takes place in late December, it takes place in Los Angeles which further removes it from the Holidays, our main character is dead, it has profanity, it has sex, and being on Freeform, as opposed to the other Holiday movie outlets, it does not respect the Hallmarky formula.  I honestly don't how this movie is going to end, and that's damned unsettling.  For that reason, I must insert SPOILER ALERT, and yes, we spoil every other Holiday movie we tell you about on this little unread blog, but not really because you already know, way beforehand, how they are all going to end.  Not this one though.  Anything goes. Say hello to Jess (Aisha Dee) who so cute and has cheeks so chubby you just want to pinch them until she dies!  Which she's goin...

  Christmas Incorporated (2015) - Hallmark I'm guessing my Excel algorithm decided the last few movies she chose for me were too complicated?  I guess?  So to fix that she picked out the most basic-ass Hallmark Holiday movie I've ever seen.  I mean this is some basic stuff right here.  This shouldn't take long. Riley (Shenae Grimes-Beech) is a small town girl in the big city trying to find her next gig, but unfortunately she either went to the wrong school, has too much experience, not enough experience, or the company refuses to hire the unemployed.  That's what that B told her.   Last time is a charm though as she lands at the Young Toy Company and impresses Amanda (Jane Moffat), the Administrative Assistant to the company's new Christmas Hating CEO William (Steve Lund), who is taking over the company from his freshly dead father.  She hires her on the spot to be Williams personal assistant.  Slight issue, she was reading off the resum...

  A Christmas Cookie Catastrophe (2022) - Hallmark Reviewed by Lisa Sue So the opening 10 minutes of this movie are promising. I came because of the word catastrophe in the title, but I stayed to learn who stole Grandma’s cookie recipe. I mean what Grinch of a person would do such a thing? Let me give you the set up.   Anne is a career focused MBA grad from the big city who’s just been handed the CEO role of her grandma’s cookie company, Cooper’s. Things aren’t great at Cooper’s, and Anne has been making the hard decisions like canceling the annual Cooper Christmas Light Up because they just don’t have the money, and Anne isn’t going to let Cooper’s go bankrupt, not on her watch. The day after the company holiday shin dig (which apparently wasn’t cut for budgetary reasons), Anne notices that Grandma’s cookie recipe, which had been prominently displayed without security, had been taken! The quick thinking assistant Jillian suggests they call the cops to investigate, but Anne pu...