The Santa Squad
Today we spun the algorithm wheel and it chose another basic one for us. You've already seen this one, even if you haven't seen this one.
Allie (Rebecca Dalton), your run of the mill 5'10", 115lb, doe eyed supermodel unemployed elementary school art teacher needs a job for the holidays. Her bestie Tony (Chris Sandiford) who runs the local old folks community center, turns on the Santa Squad, an organization that goes to folks homes at Christmas to decorate, shop and wrap Christmas presents. Allie is tailor made for this gig as she knows how to do all of these things! Just like almost all of us!
Her fist gig is the Church account. Not an actual Church as we, including Allie, were led to believe, but the uber-wealthy Church family which includes the patriarch Gordon (Aaron Ashmore) and his motherless daughters Rose (Hattie Kratgen) and Iris (Molly Lewis). Also hanging out is Gordon's Majordomo Daniel (Michael Therriault) and Gordon's girlfriend Kimmy (Paniz Zade). Oh Kimmy, you ain't gonna have no man when this movie is over girlfriend.
So while eight year old Iris and 12 year old Rose aren't want for anything, their lives are total ass. I mean they don't get to do anything except study and play the flute because their CEO father is always working and Kimmy seriously hates them. And everybody around her for that matter. But then Allie breezes in, and while Daniel laid down all the house rules, Allie don't got no time no rules and immediately begins to enrich the lives of those little girls through the power of arts and crafts. They even make homemade Christmas ornaments. Mind you, they already have a tacky ass, fake ass white Christmas tree adorned with diamond and gold crusted ornaments from Tiffany's that Kimmy already picked out, that girls aren't allowed to touch, but this is way better. And once Gordon saw his girls having fun, he wanted to join in the fun too. Poor Kimmy is already halfway out the door. Now in her defense, when Gordon first laid eyes on the unemployed supermodel art teacher he was really liking what he was seeing so sadly Kimmy was pretty much toast from jump.
After a fun day with Allie and the girls ended with them looking at Christmas lit houses, little Iris got sad while peeping through the window at a family, which is against the law, and seeing them have the kind of fun her family never has. When Gordon hears this he vows to make a change, first by getting rid of Kimmy, which made the girls happier than Burgermeister Mesiterburger dying, then by simply spending more time with them. Or actually spending more time with Allie because those girls are totally pimping her out to their father.
So everything is going great. Allie loves the girls, Gordon and Allie are falling for each other, even near miss kissing at a cozy dinner at Allie's incredible house, I could've sworn she was unemployed, but we know love can't last. I'm now wondering what is it going to be? Sometimes the working girl will semi-misrepresent herself, but Allie didn't do that. Or maybe Gordon will be closing down the community center? But that was never a plot point so they didn't do that. Whatever it's going to be I know Kimmy has to be involved because surely we haven't seen the last of her. Well, while baking cookies and with Allie and the girls outside waiting for the cookies to finish, an oven mitt was left inside the oven causing the smoke alarm to go off. Gordon goes completely apeshit over this. Accuses Allie of negligence and trying to kill his kids. Bring it down homeboy, it's just a smoky oven mitt. Regardless he orders Allie off the premises never to come back! I know that damn Kimmy had to break in and stick that mitt in the oven! Damn Kimmy! But she didn't. One of the girls accidently did it. I was pulling for you Kimmy to make comeback.
Eventually Gordon sees the error of his ways, partly because his daughters hate his guts now, and at the hospital... not going get into that side story... begs for forgiveness. He gets forgiveness, and they make out. Then the next day, Christmas Day, everybody gets awesome gifts and Gordon mentions to Allie instead of only working for the Santa Squad and helping out at Christmas, why not move in and help year round. He's known this woman like four days. And they kiss some more. At Christmas.
So there's nothing wrong with this movie as it was pretty basic Hallmarky stuff, doesn't color outside the lines even a little bit and the only kind of person that wouldn't like this movie are people who don't like Hallmarky Romantic Holiday movies. Admittedly, that's an incredibly large segment of society, but there it is. It gives us what we want when we want it and nothing more, nothing less.
The vomit worthiness was sky high as we had a dead mom, and I think Allie was an orphan since I can't remember her mentioning her parents one single time, and she's young enough that at least one of them should still be alive. We have a psycho Christmas loving heroine, a Christmas ambivalent hero, we made snowmen, we made snow angels, we drank hot cocoa, we went Christmas tree shopping, we decorated that tree with homemade Christmas ornaments, we saw some mistletoe action while peeping through those folks window, we had a near miss kiss, we had wise old people who we didn't bother mentioning, two cute kids, and cookie baking... even though it ended in tragedy. It has it all. Except maybe Caroling? I don't recall seeing that.
Is it a good movie? You know that is not what's important here. Why even ask? Maximum vomits!
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