A Recipe for Seduction
I believe it was sometime in 2014, that being the last
time I had KFC. Wanna hear an urban
myth? They call it KFC now, instead of
Kentucky Fried Chicken, because they use genetically modified headless,
featherless chickens that they can’t legally call chickens. That’s what I heard. From many fine people. Modified chickens isn’t the reason I don’t
eat KFC, despite my love of the fried bird, but KFC makes me physically ill if
I eat more than two pieces, and I will eat more than two pieces. KFC as far as fried chicken goes, in my
opinion, is just a notch above Banquet frozen.
I mention all of this because late in the year of our Lord of 2020,
Lifetime Television in conjunction with KFC launched a mini Lifetime styled movie
named A Recipe for Seduction, and I’m here to tell you it was everything you ever
dreamed a fifteen minute Lifetime movie could be, and more. I might have to go out get sick off some KFC in honor of A Recipe for Seduction.
Our film opens at a fancy evening soiree with a dinner guest
saying ‘The Chicken is Amazing!’ This is a perfect opening scene for it prepares us for the fantasy world we are about to
enter. One, rich people will not be
eating fried chicken with their fingers (despite the fact it's finger lickin' good) at a formal dinner and two, that chicken ain’t
amazing. This is followed by Billy (Chad
Doreck) proposing to Jessica (Justene Alpert) who does NOT say yes, which
enrages Billy. Billy spends the majority
of this movie in various states of rage.
The next morning, while Jessica’s mom is lambasting
her daughter for not agreeing to the proposal, the family being broke and all, the
cat who made that ‘amazing’ chicken sweeps into the kitchen, this being the new
chef Harlan Sanders (Mario Lopez) and Jessica is finished. Done.
Kaput. After 30 seconds of spirited conversation these two are in love. We
got fifteen minutes yo. A lot to squeeze
in here.
Billy, upon hearing from Jessica’s mom (Tessa Munro)
that his proposed bride is in love with the chicken man, an enraged Billy takes
action! He hears that Harlan has a
secret recipe that’s going to change the world, but he’s not gonna let that
happen! Complicating things is that
Jessica’s bestie Lee (Martin Mandela) saw Mom and Billy at the club being a
little too friendly, and mom can’t have Lee ruining her plans.
Now things are looking dire for the chicken man. Billy has him tied up, about to end the dream
of mediocre chicken before the dream even begins, but fortunately with the help
of his one true love and her best friend, mediocre chicken for the world to enjoy is saved! Wedding bells are ringing! And Billy is somewhere swearing revenge. To be continued? We sure as hell hope so.
Here’s the problem with A Recipe for Seduction. You see it accomplishes in fifteen minutes
what every other Lifetime-ish TV thriller takes 90 minutes to do, meaning that
it has exposed that those extra 75 minutes in these movies are completely unnecessary.
Introduction, proposal conflict, hunky hero
introduced, love bond formed, sinister plan hatched, perceived betrayal, critical
dire situation, daring rescue, true love saved, sequel possibilities raised. Eric Roberts and his four ‘Stalked by my
Doctor’ movies should be so efficient in executing their plan.
Also recognize this movie isn’t being played as some
kind of joke. It is being played
straight AF, which also makes it so glorious.
Did Mario Lopez capture the ‘essence’ of Colonel Sanders? Probably not, but he did catch the essence of
a Lifetime pool boy hero. All of the
characters executed their roles with the same earnestness as if they were cast
in one of the Vivica Fox ‘The Wrong’ series of Lifetime movies, that they could’ve easily gotten away with calling this ‘The Wrong Chicken Man’, because that’s who Billy
was messing with.
This aired at Sunday at 12:00 noon. I’m a football fan. I chose to watch this with no regrets. ‘Nuff said.
Lisa's Take
Recipe for Seduction is exactly what we needed in 2020. It
was 15 mins of everything you would expect a Lifetime movie to be. Almost any
other year, this might have gone under the radar, been derided as some cheap
ploy to move subpar chicken. However, in a year that is unprecedented,
horrific, and soul crushing, Recipe for Seduction is exactly the cure we didn’t
know we needed. In the scant 15 minutes we have kidnappings- Did Billy really
get the drop on Harlan, or was Mom involved? How did Lee escape? We firmly
believe Harlan, if given more time, would have managed a daring escape. We have
intrigue- Jessica knows Billy isn’t the one, yet Mom pushes the marriage because
it is the only way to pay the bills. Jessica doesn’t know what Mom and Billy
were up to at the vineyard. We also presume the vineyard wasn’t an isolated
incident. If money was tight, how did Bunny manage to get Chef Harlan? We gather
Harlan’s paychecks would bounce, which really is unfair as he should be paid for
services rendered. Harlan has a chicken recipe that is going to revolutionize
the world, a secret Billy manages to see. Note to readers, I did pause. Rest
assured the 11 herbs and spices to the secret KFC recipe remain classified. But
what does Billy do with this secret chicken recipe? We have lots of questions. Where
Recipe for Seduction really excels is leaving the audience wanting more. And I
for one can’t wait till we see what happens when Billy and Mom find Jessica and
Harlan. Until then, we only have the Saved by the Bell Reboot, Feliz NaviDAD;
and Access Hollywood to fill the missing Mario Lopez, I mean Harlan void in our
lives.
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