Boyfriends of Christmas Past
Lauren is a driven marketing executive tasked with coming up with a
proposal for some baking company, and they want this proposal done by Christmas
Eve, which is like a week away, because that makes sense. Nate is social worker who works with orphan
kids, because Nate was an orphan kid, and you know I love me some orphan kids in
my Romantic holiday movies! Orphan Kids are all over the place in this movie! Since Lauren
and Nate finish each other’s sentences, laugh at each other’s unfunny jokes and
spend most every waking moment together, most people such as Lauren’s work
bestie Suzi (Jenna Katz), or her dad Leo (Paul Sun-Hyung Lee) or her stepmother
Yung (Susan Hanson) think they would make a great couple, but Lauren just doesn’t
see it that way.
Lauren, it would appear, has a history of dumping her
boyfriends, usually around Christmas, and then running to Nate to cry on his
shoulder. There’s a reason for this as
it seems Lauren’s birth mother abandoned her and her father on Christmas Eve to
live a better life without them, which has left it’s scars on poor Lauren. Lauren has dumped so many men so often and so brutally that
these ex-boyfriends have had enough of this! Thus, in the form Christmas Ghosts,
even though I don’t think they are dead, the ex's start showing up at Lauren’s house in the
middle of the night to take her on memory trips to show how she messed them all up
and how she’s about to ruin her own life if she doesn’t get it together. Her high school boyfriend starts things off
as the Marley type character in this Christmas Carol knock-off, but we’re going
skip right past him and move on to College boyfriend Jake (Karn Kalra). I knew
he was college boyfriend because he was playing an acoustic guitar when we
first meet him, and that’s something only college boys do. Jake messed up when he used the ‘L’ word on
Lauren and asked her to come home to meet his parents, at Christmas. Jake’s has no girlfriend anymore and his
heart is in shreds. But College Nate is
there pick up the pieces. For
Lauren. Don’t know what Jake’s gonna do.
Next there’s Henry (Ish Morris), a handsome, successful
gentleman who after a couple years of serious dating thought it would be a good
idea to ask this woman he loves to move in with him. At Christmas.
Bad move brother. Now HE has no
woman anymore. I should mention that at
the Christmas party where Henry made that awful suggestion, Nate was also at
this party and bought a date who was a legit ten cent piece if ever there was
one. I was curious what went wrong with
THAT relationship. I inferred Lauren
ruined it somehow because she's the worst. Henry’s heart is in shreds, but Nate is there help Lauren get through this difficult time that she caused.
Finally there’s Logan (Jon McLaren) and we thinks Lauren might
actually love this guy, but alas he asked her to marry him on the snowy slopes of Aspen,
around Christmas, and now Logan is destroyed and womanless.
And possibly dead because I think he fell off a cliff. I am unsure of this. If Logan is still alive, his heart is in
shreds. Nate is there to pick up Lauren’s
pieces.
The ex-boyfriends gather and ask Lauren if she’s learned the
lesson, but Lauren has no idea what they are talking about. Besides, she has a big presentation to give,
one which caused her to forget a very important thing she was supposed to do for Nate
and the Orphan Kids. Okay Lauren, you can shatter the hearts of those busters, but when you start toying with the emotions of Orphan Kids, you’ve crossed the line lady!
Nate, after fifteen or so years of Lauren treating him like a convenient afterthought,
has finally had it. He’s done with her. Besides there’s a cutie hanging around Nate
and the Orphan Kids who is actually very nice.
But the Ex-boyfriends aren’t done yet! One more quick trip to the future where Lauren
gets to see Nate propose to the aforementioned cutie, and for reasons I don’t
understand, considering Lauren completely encouraged Nate to ask this woman
out, THIS is what convinces her that Nate is the one. Now it’s time blow off this big presentation,
which I assume cost Lauren her job, and fall on the sword of true love to let Nate know how she really feels. True, Nate is
being mercilessly manipulated yet again to service Lauren's emotional needs, but this is clearly what the man wants so
sure, true love finds a way… At Christmas.
So Boyfriends of Christmas Past is a completely serviceable Romantic
Christmas Movie that does have a few things that are different about it, while
still being completely the same. For
starters, this is probably the first one these types of movies that celebrates Korean /
American culture and that’s a good thing.
In fact the overall diversity of the very solid cast of this movie is something
that should be celebrated. And Paul Sun
Hyung Lee’s beard is a literal work of art.
I have beard envy for a lot dudes, because I can’t grow one, but this
cats beard, with its varying hues of greys and its perfect form and fullness is something to
truly behold.
That stuff aside, it’s still the same movie that we’ve seen
over and over again, just with people who look a little different. All of the elements we expect / demand to see
are still here such as Christmas Tree shopping, holiday decorating, cookie
baking, lots of canned Christmas music playing in the background, gift buying,
cocoa drinking… in fact I’d say this movie might’ve broken a record for cocoa
drinking… a near miss kiss, sort of, a breakup of two people who aren’t
together, magic elements in the form of undead ghosts, a woman who sacrifices
everything, including her financial wellbeing to be with a man, and of course my
personal favorite, orphan kids. The only
thing missing was a snowball fight, and again I’m of the thought that filming
these things in spring and summer makes snowball fights and building snowmen
difficult and expensive. I still want to
see them though. And it just dawned on
me if these ex-boyfriends had asked Lauren these life changing
relationship questions at any time other than Christmas, maybe the results
would’ve been different? Maybe?
‘Boyfriends of Christmas Past’ brings the goods we expect
from our Romantic Holiday movies in a competent and entertaining way while
putting a little bit of extra flavor in the mix. Four Vomits!
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