The Wrong Teacher

The Wrong Teacher

All right then!  Got the most of the original Wrong crew back together again with Jessica Morris, Jason-Shane Scott, Eric Roberts, Dominique Swain and of course Ms. Vivica A. Fox in The Wrong Teacher.  Which is more The Wrong Student, but since we've used that one already, The Wrong Teacher it is.  Not that the title is completely off base because Charlotte (Morris), as an educator, isn't great.

Our film opens with a woman (Swain) walking around her dark house in her lingerie, probably should put on a night gown or something, because she hears sounds.  Then she starts getting demanding texts from someone who she was obviously kicking it with, whom she wishes to kick with no more.  This person doesn't agree to this.  The woman walks around with her phone, hearing more sounds in her home because somebody's obviously in there, and I'm thinking this would be a good time to use the phones Dial Out feature to call the police, but it's not like she needs to report somebody aggressively bird watching so she doesn't use that convenient feature.

Quick!  Smell my fingers!

And this woman is never seen alive again.  Moving along, we soon meet Charlotte who is a high school teacher who has also signed some kind of romance novel book deal, problem is she's completely blocked and the words just aren't flowing.  

This blockage is exacerbated by her and her boyfriend Scott (Jason-Shane Scott)  being on the outs with each other.  So when a writer is blocked, what should that writer do?   Said writer should go to a book store for inspiration.  Or to steal somebody else's ideas.  This is where she meets the book loving Chris (Phillip McElroy) while a little on the young side, has a great body, model looks and nice teeth.  Charlotte said all of those things about this kid, not me.  Chris also knows how to say all the right things and invites Charlotte out for drinks that night.  Charlotte is a little reticent about this, but while soaking up some rays, her smoking hot roommate Maddie (Akari Endo) convinces her to Carpe Diem!  Maddie actually said 'Seize the Day' but I wanted to show how classy I am.  

Charlotte takes Maddie's advice, the two enjoy an adult beverage or two, then go for a walk and somehow end up in Charlotte's class room.  She wanted to give him a tour of the high school or something?  I don't know why they're there to be honest.  I do know what happens when they get there.

On her back, Charlotte notices the ceiling tiles need replacing.

Inappropriate sex in a public place on a very hard wooden desk!  That's what happens.  Afterwards, Charlotte assures Chris, that while fun, this can't happen again and it was just a one night thing.  Chris agrees but does mention that perhaps they will see each other again somewhere.  Charlotte lets him know that this is highly unlikely.  This event did loosen up that writers blockage because now words are flowing from those fingers like water.  I think that's a very clear message out there for a solution for anybody suffering from writers block.

The next day is the first day of school where Charlotte is teaching a classroom of ungrateful punks Romeo and Juliet, when she gets a brand new student.

1977 Phone Repair Guy here!

Oh snap!  Turns out Charlotte done screwed one of her high school students, at her high school, on her desk that she eats at.  Charlotte obviously starts to freak out seeing her career disappear before her eyes, but Chris assures her he is eighteen, which at least makes him legal, and he will respect her space.  He will not be doing any such thing.  

So while Charlotte fully recognizes that she done messed up with this kid, this doesn't stop her from continuously thinking about their desk fun time because it looks like Chris put it on this woman something fierce.

                           


So while Chris is across town doing curls and thinking about Charlotte, Charlotte is practically playing with herself with one hand, while downing sangria with the other, all the while constantly reminiscing about love on the desk, to the point that something has to be done about this.  Obviously she can't call the high school kid, but she's got to call somebody dammit.  Thus the beneficiary of all these dirty thoughts would be Charlotte's on the outs boyfriend, Scott, who is now on the in.

Charlotte's back should have callouses at this point.

That Charlotte, I tell you.  Afterwards, Scott wanted to know what came over her.  Why you be asking these questions Scott?  Take the gift and move on brother.  So while biologically things are going fabulous for Charlotte, Professionally not so much.  Back at school Vice Principal Clark (Roberts) overheard a conversation between his lit teacher and her student, puts two and two together and warns Charlotte if he ever sees those two within twenty yards of each other, she's finished.  She tries to assure the vice principal that nothing was going on, which is a bald face lie, but it doesn't matter because Chris isn't going to let that angry old man keep him away from his true love.

Okay!  Brady is the GOAT!  Damn!

The next morning we learn that Vice Principal Clark killed himself.  His wife died a year ago and apparently he never recovered from it. Tragic.  Moving on, because believe me, everybody else in this movie did, Hallway sex has convinced Scott that he wants to spend the rest of life with Charlotte, and he proposes at dinner.

Charlotte gleefully accepts.  Chris... not having it.

Not hiding in the trees, just Amongst the trees

Now Chris has to get to work to undo this nonsense.  He's already befriended Scott, pretending to be a potential buyer for his artwork, and completely sets him up at the bar, where they were supposed to be closing a deal.

Chris hired her to literally crush Scott's face.

Scott has no idea who this woman is and quickly pushed her away, but that doesn't stop his 'fiancé' from kicking his ass out of the house when the pictures arrive on her phone.  Scott did try to explain, saying he didn't know her, asking who sent those pictures, but Charlotte isn't hearing it.

Back at school it's time for the class to watch the first act of what I assume is the Zeffirelli film version of Romeo and Juliet.  At least I hope it's the Zeffirelli version and not the inferior Luhrmann version, but of course it would be the Luhrmann version because DiCaprio is in it and Charlotte would've been a teenage DiCaprio fangirl when that movie came out.  The reason they are watching a filmed version of the play in the first place is because her students were whining about why couldn't they just watch the movie, so Charlotte made the compromise that they will read an act, then watch the first act, then compare the two, which is actually pretty cool as a teaching device I think.  But where I was expecting somebody to move in a TV or setup a projector or something in class, because that's how it worked when I was went to school in the previous century, Charlotte just tells the kids to pull out their phones, connect to the school server and watch it that way.  Is that a thing?  Anyway, the kids don't get to see Leo and Claire, but instead see their teacher engaged in desk sex with the dude sitting in aisle two, row three.

Romeo and Juliet, NC-17 version.

I am curious how he managed to self-film that, from that distance, but asking those kinds of questions is just plum silly.  Now Charlotte's in some real trouble because all her students, and the school I assume, just watched her sex tape.  This incident gets her called in to the office of Vivica Fox who is the principle maybe?  They never really made it quite clear what she does other than something administrative, and she lets Charlotte have it pretty good.  Charlotte is like 'Am I fired?'  I'm like 'Uh... Yeah'.  Vivica Fox is like 'We'll see'.  We'll see?  Seriously?  Sex, with a student, on school property, that's been taped and viewed by all the students in the school.  We'll see.  Is this how privilege works?  Because if it does I need some of that.

Now Charlotte knows that Chris is some kind of bad news and since she's on temporary leave from her job, she's going to get to the bottom of this dude.  She breaks into his home, learns some stuff and steals some incriminating items (completely inadmissible by the way), which leads her to his old school where she gets some info about Dead Dominique Swain, who was also a teacher sleeping with Chris, with everybody she spoke too at this school automatically and correctly assuming she slept with him too.  Say what you want about Chris being crazy but clearly this kid has mad game.  She also learns something about his dead parents and Chris being cared for by a teacher he adored, who looks just like the teachers he's been seducing, only with a tied back hair style and a southern accent.  She also died tragically.  

Armed with this info it's time for Charlotte to bring this kid down because she figures he killed Eric Roberts as well as Dominique Swain and she thinks she can prove it.  Her and Scott have kind of worked things out, Charlotte figuring out that Scott was setup, and then there was Scott being super upset that Charlotte cheated on him with a high school kid, but also forgiving her for that indiscretion by blaming himself?  Charlotte warns Scott to be careful because this kid is dangerous, but Scott's like 'I can handle a high school punk'.  He can't.

I'm Batman!

Chris ain't done yet though.  Now it's time kidnap Charlotte's barfly bestie and hold her hostage.

Obviously, by the look on my face, everything is fine.

Poor Maddie has been roofied.  Some old dude walked by and asked if everything was okay and somehow accepted Chris's answer, despite him looking like a crazed lunatic and the hottie being completely knocked out.  If we work together together people, we can stop this this kind of thing!

Chris has a plan and if Charlotte wants to see Maddie alive, she better meet him at the spot of their beautiful love making.  Charlotte obliges and hears Chris's plan, which is for them to die, on that desk, like Romeo and Juliet.  That's an awful plan Chris.  Charlotte, obviously, isn't down with that plan, somehow grabs Chris's gun and cracks on the head with it, grabs her semi-comatose bestie and they run through the school, with Charlotte telling Maddie to go in a different direction because now Charlotte has a plan.  

Don't try it, I have the high ground!

This plan is tying her up her hair and speaking in an awful southern accent like that dead teacher that Chris adored.  Chris shouldn't be duped by this but he is KARAZAY and totally falls for it, and then gets disabled by getting shot in the leg.

Chris picked the wrong time to tear his ACL

Thus ends the terror of Chris, the deranged high school student who just wanted someone to love and die with.  To which Chris get's the catch phrase, 'You messed with the Wrong Teacher!', which I guess is ultimately true but Eric Roberts is still dead, her boyfriend has a closed head injury and Charlotte did get videotaped while being bent over a desk which is probably making its rounds on PornHub right now.  So, you know, she was the Right Teacher for a while there, at least as far as Chris was concerned.

We're not quite done yet though.  Charlotte's book is published and it's a success I guess, I assume she doesn't have that teaching job anymore, not because of the incident but because she's a successful author now.  Privilege.  Her boyfriend is now her husband, I guess, even though I'm sure he has to relearn how walk and talk, and Chris is locked away in the looney bin getting the help he needs.  Or not.  He is last seen spitting out his meds, drawing love pictures of him and Charlotte with his crayons, while plotting his escape.  

So yeah, The Wrong Teacher was plenty Wrong.  No more uncomfortable rape and sexual assault like The Wrong Friend, just lots of consent and an overflow of a crazy person simply looking for love via murder, all mated to borderline incoherent storytelling and dots that refuse to connect.  That's how we like our Wrongs.  I have noticed when Vivica isn't the main character in these movies, she really doesn't have time to donate too much effort into them, at least as far as acting goes, other than to give herself top billing.  Four Wrongs!