Day Eleven - Crown for Christmas

A Crown for Christmas (2015) - Hallmark

Soldiering forward with our senseless foray into TV Romantic Christmas movies, with this moment in time consisting of the subset of Royal Romantic Christmas movies, we are heading to the fictional land of Winshire, while spending time with another fabulously named butler in Fergus McDuffin (Pavel Douglas) though he still comes in second to the more fabulously named Paisley Winterbottom.

Say hello to Allie (Danica McKellar),  who wakes up in the morning, fresh out of bed, before brushing her teeth, looking like this...

Only to be sadly transformed, mere minutes later as she gets ready for a crap job in some crap hotel into looking like this =➤

If we need anymore proof that a job is the absolute worst thing in the world,  Allie the beautiful artist turning into Allie the haggard house maid should close the book on all of that.

And the worst part is that she's about to lose this crap job, at Christmas, because her boss is an asshole.  Fortunately Fergis the Butler has seen her in action, knows she's a person of good moral structure and offers her a gig in the Kingdom on Winshire to look after King Maximilian's terrible daughter.  Note that Allie has already met King Max (Rupert Penry-Jones) when she almost took his knee out with her cleaning cart at that crap job she had.  

She was a little confused because she thought this guy...

Was THIS guy...
But they are not the same person.  Not even close.

Sure enough, Allie accepts the gig, sets up temporary residence in Winshire, leaving her adult brother and sister to fend for themselves, and meets Princess Theodora (Ellie Botterill) who as advertised, is awful.  That is until she gets infected with Allie's magic personality, which has also infected the entire staff at the castle, and even the King himself.  

One person NOT enamored with Allie would be the King's top Assistant Chancellor Riggs (Colin McFarlane) who points out time and time again what a crap King Max is, compared to his father, and that he had better get to marrying the Baroness Celia (Alexandra Evans), so the two houses can be combined and the Kingdom can avoid bankruptcy.  

While that might be the logical thing to do, his heart is telling him different.  That spunky American sure is something, and she even gets along with his gawdawful daughter.  I'm afraid Winshire is just going to have to descend into insolvency, because love will not be denied.

I don't think we are going out on a ledge, or insulting lovers of these movies by mentioning that they are almost all indistinguishable from each other.  The male leads tend to be interchangeable with the main change being our female lead and the gown she ends wearing in the end.  That's just about it.  Today's female lead is Danica McKellar and you really can't go too terribly wrong putting Danica in your rote Holiday Romance movie.  And the gown was nice too.  In fact, when the royal section of this silly endeavor is done, we will do a tale the tape to see who has the best of everything.  

'Crown for Christmas' plays like broken record on a loop.  It hits all the right predictable points at all the right predictable moments, it takes no chance and delivers exactly what we expect from our Hallmark Christmas movie, while still maintaining a high level vomit worthy sappy Christmas cues.  We had canned Christmas music playing incessantly throughout, lots of snow everywhere we went, Christmas ornaments decorating pretty much every background, TWO snowball fights, there was cookie baking, tree decorating, but no tree purchasing scene, mainly because the tree in the Castle was a good 25ft high.  Can't shop for those.  The cute kid factor was kind of low because Theodora was kind of terrible, but the wise old person quotient was fairly high with Fergus and the chef Miss Claiborne kicking mad wisdom from start to finish.

'Crown Christmas', with Winnie Cooper and Sting having a little chemistry, to go along with its vomit worthy cues, probably won't insult your intelligence too terribly much.  


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