Day Ten - A Royal Chirstmas

A Royal Christmas (2014) - Hallmark

We continue our streak of Royal Christmas movies, this time going to the land of Cordonia, but this time with a difference because apparently some people out there have turned watching these Christmas movies into some kind of drinking game!  Why didn't someone tell me this sooner?

The lady's name is Brittany Graves and here it the link, But we will list her rules here...

Reference to a dead relative
Main Character’s name related to Christmas Nick, Holly,
Fake Christmas Tree diss
Newcomer partakes in an old family tradition
Hot chocolate Apple Cider Egg Nogg
Near Miss Kiss x2
Obvious Product placement x2
Ugly Sweater or tie x2
Big City person transplanted to small town
Christmas Caroling / Tree Farm / Baking Cookies
Magic Deal with Santa or angel
Hearing Jingle Bells
Snowed In x2
Snowing on Christmas
Candace Cameron Bure or Lacey Chabert

To addendum her rules I would also add actresses Alicia Witt and Danica McKellar.
Also, any time an orphan shows up.  x2 if an Orphan Choir starts singing Carols
And since these movies are overwhelmingly white (Calm down, not trying to make a social statement, just pointing out the obvious), more times than not they offset this by making the lead characters best friend or top assistant a Person Of Color, thus take a drink whenever the Bestie or Assistant POC shows up in a scene.

So we're about to do this with 'A Royal Christmas' because it's Friday, don't have to worry about work tomorrow, It's a royal movie of which we are trying to watch them all, and it stars Lacey Chabert which not only guarantees a drink, but also puts on display a lady that God has stuffed as much woman that is legally allowed in a 5ft frame.  

Another change is that we don't take a drink, we a take shot.  And our bottle of choice for this adventure would be this...

Because my homegirl Lisa just bought for me as a Christmas gift, because Lisa is beyond awesome.  And also a bit of an enabler.  Let's get this experiment started!

The movie starts off innocuously enough, taking a shot because Ms. Chabert's name shows up in the credits, as we are treated to some Christmassy song I've never heard of and a snowy city street.  Surprise, surprise, it's shot time as we meet the boyfriend of Emily (Chabert), Leo (Stephen Hagan) who shows up at the door carrying this...

A bag full of Wallmart goodies and some obvious product placement.  Well done!  So we enjoy some niceties between Emily and Leo as they enjoy breakfast, as this one is a little bit different from all of the other Royal movies I've seen in that these two are already boyfriend and girlfriend, but Emily is unawares that Leo is a prince.  When will she get this info...  Near the end with one of those 'Wait... I have something I have to tell you' moments?

Dang,... is that some Folgers product placement?

Yeah it is.  Time to take another hit.  A little concerned.  This movie hasn't been on for two minutes yet and I'm already three shots down.  So Breakfast continues,. Emily and Leo do some super cute stuff... Oh great.. now SHE comes in the apartment...
This is Toni (Katrina Nare) Emily's Person of Color Best friend.  Right now, looking down the road, I'm thinking this was terrible idea, but at the moment, I'm feeling kinda good.  

Now things have calmed down a bit. We had to take another shot because Toni showed up again, but we're good.  We learn Emily is a seamstress with the dream of being a clothes designer, we meet Emily's wise Philly dad (Mitchell Mullen) and then Leo gets The Call.  Wait... Emily references her dead mother, which is on the shot list. Anyway the end result of The Call requires a fancy dinner in which Leo is forced to come clean that isn't just Leo James, but Leo, Prince of Cordonia and his mother Queen Isadora (Jane Seymour) has requested his presence for Christmas.  Obviously Emily is a little concerned about the deception, but Leo informs her it was necessary for him to study in the states and the he and the prince are the same person.  And so Em is off to Cordonia for Christmas in an imaginary land!

The movie has now settled it, my buzz is dying off, the Queen is none too happy to see Emily, despite the fact Emily is beyond wonderful and her son, and all of the staff, adores her.  So the Queen must devise a plan to separate her son from this common woman.  But first there's a dinner in which Emily must partake of a old Cordonian tradition of eating terrible food. 

I'm thinking that's an octopus tentacle, over some rotten yams, with the elbow of a small rotted child on the side.  It's just a guess.  But regardless, time take a shot.  That doesn't break Emily so the Queen is going to have to find some other way to crack this nut.  Now Emly has to phone home, but does she talk to her beloved father?  No, she has to talk to dang Toni.  Another shot.

Then Leo decides to show Emily around his country... which looks to consist of a castle and one city street, and this is where meet this little girl...

Poppy (Alice O'Mahoney), the Orphan girl, who is SELLING CHRISTMAS TREES!  And Emily mentions her dead mom again.Okay, let's put this thing on pause and pop three.  If you're keeping a running tally, I'm at ten shots right now.  But who's counting?

Anyway, everything seems to be going well for Emily, but the gravity of Leo's responsibility is starting to weigh on her, especially when she meets Leo's ex, Natasha, the Dutchess of Warren (Katherine Flynn), which prompts another call home to her bestie, and another shot, where Emily whines about how hot she is.  

Things just get worst for Emily from there as we sit through is a disastrous state dinner, the Queen is just getting meaner and meaner and Natasha and Leo just seem to have so much in common... where Emily only feels at home in the kitchen with the staff.  Even at the ball, where Emily set everyone on fire with a dress she designed and some masterful High Class training by Victor the Butler (Simon Dutton)... it's not good enough.  Leo, could care less, he's ready to make Emily his princess... but Emily knows that this world is not for her and it's back to Philly.

Leo is beyond sad and his mother is not his favorite person right now... but now the Queen knows she's made a mistake.  The same mistake she made so many years ago by not following her one true love and she's not going to allow that to happen to her son!  Uh... that dude for Queen Isadora was Victor the Butler, which seems a little odd that the late King would have the guy that used to do his wife.. the Queen... be her man in waiting.  But I'm not of royal blood, so what do I know?

Anyway, he has to get his woman.  It looks like this, him standing outside in the snow, looking at her through her place of employ.

Wait... that's a Christmas Princess on the left, on the RIGHT is a Royal Christmas.  These things do tend to run together.  Even the queen comes by to give her blessing. 

Finally, to close out this festival of drunkenness that A Royal Christmas has thrust upon me, it snows on Christmas, on the wedding day of Emily and Princess Leopold.

And with that, we close out this experiment., one I don't recommend that anyone else take part in. At least not in the way I did it.  Use wine.  Or Smirnoff Ice.  It's weak.

As far as a review goes, this wasn't so bad.  Predictable and corny, but Lacey and and Stephen Hagan had genuine chemistry together.  Lot's of vomit worthy Christmas touches, snow, background ornamentation, a cute orphan kid, a wise old man in the Victor the Butler, even a Christmas tree shopping scene.  The only thing that keeps it from getting that most cherished fifth vomit is that theme isn't really Christmas centric.  It could literally take place any time of year.  Still, as far these movies goes, this was one of the better ones.  And that's not the shine talking.  I don't think.  Probably is the shine.


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