Day Nine - A Princess for Christmas

A Princess for Christmas (2011) - Hallmark

This was tad bit disappointing.  Not the movie itself which was what it was, but the only reason I’m watching these Royal Christmas movies is to spend some time in an invented, imaginary country that for some foolish reason still recognizes a monarchy.  This movie here, A Princess for Christmas, couldn’t even take the time to do that for us.  I guess the late Sir Roger Moore, having been knighted and all, felt it was beneath him to be the King of Fakeasscountryistan and instead was just some random Duke who I assume is part of the House of Windsor.   What a disappointment.  Anyway, on to the movie. 

Jules (Katy McGrath) is a hardworking… you know what, it doesn’t matter what Jules does or even where she’s from.  Just know that Jules is the guardian of her six year old niece Maddie (Leilah de Meza) and fifteen year old nephew Milo (Travis Turner), because their parents were murdered around Christmastime last year.  Or died in a car accident.  I can’t remember.  The important thing is that they are dead. And Maddie and Miles are absolutely terrible children.

Apparently Jules Brother in law was some kind of prince who was drummed out the family because he married a commoner, Jules sister, but now his dad Duke Edward of Castlebury (Moore) with one foot in the grave, wants to meet his grandchildren.  Who, as we said, are terrible. 

Once Jules and the kids get to Castlebury, the Duke… who invited them in the first place… treats them like ass.  But no worries as the kids, and especially Jules is about to warm that old prune of a heart right up.  Just like she’s warming up the heart of his son Prince Ashton (Sam Heughan), even though the prince already has a smoking hot girlfriend with the awesome name of Lady Arabella Marchand du Belmont (Charlotte Salt).  But she doesn’t keep it real like Jules.  Don't know much, but I do know she will NOT have a man anymore by the end of this movie.  But the question that everybody is asking remains… Will the commoner’s sister find love with Royal’s brother, and will this relationship end in sudden death as well?  This is what we want to know.

Know what’s great about this movie?  The name Paisley Winterbottom is what’s great.  That’s the butler.  Also the absolute Aryaness of actor Sam Heughan.  If he hasn’t played a Nazi yet in his career, some casting director is missing the boat on this dude.  Another thing that’s also cool about this movie is that residents and staff of Castlebury is basically the family of Burgermeister Meisterburger brought to life.  He’s the villain of Santa Clause is coming to Town for those who don’t know.  Head maid Ms. Birch and the Duke have these horrible stories about how terrible Christmas was for them as children and as such they want to basically ruin Christmas for everybody else.  Fortunately these two are redeemable, as opposed the Burgermeister who died sad and lonely and broke. 

As far as the vomit worthiness of the Christmas movie goes, it’s pretty high.  Though the narrative of dead parents and snagging a prince isn’t particularly Christmassy, but it was ultimately woven nicely into some kind of Christmas theme.  We also had lots of snow and cold surroundings, a classic Christmas tree shopping scene, plenty of festive Christmas decorations once Duke Burgermeister came around, and a nice generic Christmas score complete with orphan kids singing Christmas Carols.  Man, you just can’t beat orphan kids singing Christmas Carols. 

What holds this movie back is the cute kids, because they aren’t cute at all and are terrible, and the wise old people, which consisted of only of Sir Roger Moore, and he was the Burgermeister.  Outside of that this is still a very predictable, paint by numbers Hallmark Christmas movie that never drifts outside lines, and as such should bring some modicum of joy for those who like to watch these kinds of movies.