The Wrong Crush

The Wrong Crush

So here's what we know so far with the DeCoteau / Vivica Fox productions of the their Wrong series, now that we are four movies in.  They are down with some Title IX.  Title IX being a federal clause that more or less levels the playing field for women's sports at public institutions.  Yep, these guys are big on girls sports, particularly track.  No matter what the movie may be about, we have been guaranteed seeing well formed young women doing some kind of sports activity. Did Vivica run track in high school?  Sure, looking at Vivica in 2021 one might think she's not particularly designed for speed, but back in the day?  I can see Vivica ripping off 200 meters in about 25 seconds.  But all of that rigmarole to the side, we have The Wrong Crush to deal with, which saddens me to say it just wasn't Wrong enough.  

Today's well formed grown-ass woman playing a teenage girl is Amelia as played by Victoria Konefal.  In Ms. Konefal's grown-ass defense, she was only a few years removed from high school when this was shot and unlike the other well formed grown ass women in the previous films, who really didn't look like they liked running all that much, this kid passes pretty well as a legitimate athlete.

Our film opens with Amelia being wheeled into surgery after a terrible car accident that took the life of her best friend.  

Full service spleen removal, followed by a shoulder massage.

But she is in very good hands at what has to be General Hospital.

Dr. Beautiful is shocked...

                                               
                                                                                                        Dr. Handsome is concerned

This version of Amelia, it seems, was a very bad girl.  Drinking, drugs, used to beat up on her poor mother and all kinds of not good stuff, ultimately culminating in death of her bestie.  Mind you, they got into this accident while drunk driving in the dead of night, with the challenge being how far they can drive down a winding, non-lit country road, with the headlights off.  Yes, that will get someone killed.

But two years have passed and Amelia has completely turned her life around.  Good grades, track star, and like any young woman in the Wrong Series, she enjoys jogging with very little support.

I have no idea how boobs in conjunction with brassiere's work, but I think they're supposed to work better than this.  You'd have to see this in motion to get the full effect on how ineffective her support system is.  Amelia runs the 400 Meters clocking in at 58 seconds, but her coach demands she gets down to 54 before finals to win state.  Just so you know coach, shaving four seconds off someone's 400 time in a couple weeks will be impossible without anabolic steroids.  But while everything is hunky dory at school and on the track, at home Amelia's mom Tracy (Lesli Kay) literally HATES her.

Choo Choo train a coming... eat your mush!

Mom hasn't been able to forgive Amelia for being terrible back in the day, and for the death of her best friend.  To the point one has to think that she liked the dead kid way better than her actual daughter.  That picture above is Mom at her job as a caregiver in an old folks home, which unbeknownst to me is one the better paying gigs in these United States.  For instance, this is Tracy's Southern California home.

30ft ceiling, circular staircase, dual French doors from solid oak, and I believe that's a Monet on the wall.  We will ignore the crystal gold trimmed chandelier.  And this is her car.

So if your dream is to live in a 3 million dollar house and drive a Benz... work in a nursing home.

Eventually, Amelia meets this guy at High School.

Once I saw the back of her head... I fell hard.

This would be Jake (Ricardo Hoyos) and he would be the Wrong Crush.  Which would be a bit of a misnomer for she doesn't have a crush on him, but he has a crush on her, which he shouldn't have because he was hired by these loons to gather information on Amelia.

These folks are the dead girls parents and they, like Amelia's mom, blame her for the girl's death and just can't let it go.  Thus they recruited Jake, fresh off getting kicked out of Military school for putting people in the hospital... permanently... (that's what the lady said)... to get some incriminating evidence on Amelia, like her drinking and drugging again so that her probation can be revoked and she can be sent to jail.  Thus we have another issue with this particular wrong movie, in that this plan, while not great, is still halfway logical and just ain't cockamamie enough for a Wrong movie.  But Jake can't get any bad info, despite the fact he has wired the entire house for video, in true Wrong fashion, and thus the father is ready to call off the operation.  I don't think so my man.

He gets gutted for that suggestion because he's in love with Amelia.  She 'gets' him.  Not sure how he came to that conclusion, but he's crazy so there it is.  Now with that cockblocker out of the way, it's time to remove the next one, that being Amelia's boyfriend.

The flashlight that tazes!  

He planted drugs on him but that didn't get rid of the dude so he just tazes him and throws him in the trunk of the car.  Mind you, Jake wouldn't have had to do all of this if Amelia had just fallen in love with him like he had planned.  

I'll say this... his vision board does have focus.

Now to defend Jake I can see where he might've had the notion that Amelia was a little sweet on him.  She seem to be receptive to his game, they were clicking emotionally at Amelia's grief counseling group that he joined to help get over the death of his twin brother (not true), and then they even went jogging together, where Amelia fell and hurt her ankle.

On bended knee, holding your ankle, I pledge my love.  That's how this works, right?

So you can see where Jake might have some misconceptions.  Sadly, when he is rejected, the crazy comes in completely.  With the boyfriend in the trunk, we have the rare gentleman in distress where Jake threatens to kill him unless Amelia meets him in her special place and goes away with him so they can share the love forever.  That's his play.   But by this time, the crazy lady that hired Jake has alerted Amelia's hateful mom that the girl may be in trouble.  He did murder her husband, and she would've told the police this but she was afraid Jake would murder her too.  That's some flawed ass logic right there.  Tracy might hate her daughter, but nobody's murdering her daughter except her!  So Tracy tracks Jake and Amelia down to some remote area somewhere.

With this knife I pledge my love.  That's how this works, right?

Jake, so focused on making his future plans with his new girlfriend at knife point, doesn't hear Ninja Mom sneak up behind him with a giant rock.

Sending Jake flying off a cliff to his demise.

Tuck and roll brother, tuck and roll

                      

          For he so loved her, he gave his only begotten life                       

And thus ends the life of the Wrong Crush.  And as it turns out, nothing brings an estranged mother and daughter back together like a little manslaughter.  

Training for the 2022 Cleavage Games!

At it's core, The Wrong Crush was a very functional Lifetime movie thriller, it just wasn't right for the Wrong!  The body count was too low, I mean Jake only killed one person for goodness sakes, and he also wasn't nearly crazy enough.  Four movies in, the girl in the Wrong Student and the boy in The Wrong Child are the gold standards for crazy so far.  That's the level I expect.  Demand!  And the cockamamie plan actually made some sense.  The whole movie kind of made sense.  This is unacceptable.

We can only muster up Two Wrongs for The Wrong Crush.

                                                           

We would be remiss not putting up a picture of the woman who produced this move AND gave herself top billing even though she was barely in it.

It is good be the boss.

This picture below is relevant because the old lady in the wheel chair is probably the best character in the movie, and Vivica ends up pushing her to reluctantly take a bath.  To encourage her, Vivica's character says, if she behaves, she'll let her watch the latest episode of 'Vivica's Black Magic'.  This would be a reality show featuring Vivica's male stripper revue.  For full disclosure, I've never seen it.  Shameless plug Vivica.... shameless.

And finally, this guy was Amelia's track coach.

And while he's probably a very nice person, and a fine actor, but he's not this guy...

I

My favorite character from the first three movies gets no play in this one.  Left out in the cold. We had big dreams for you brother.  Big dreams.