The Wrong Cheerleader
Thirteen movies in I think we've kind of figured out what the Wrong Series wants to do, though I do miss the early Wrongs which featured some kind of cockamamie plan behind the psychosis. Now the Wrong movies usually feature some unstable person, at varying levels of instability, trying to force somebody to love them via The Crazy, occasionally with a social issue buried within the almost always fractured narrative. Today the social issue is domestic abuse, which I will say the creators did a much better job of handling than when they attempted to tackle sexual assault in 'The Wrong Friend'.
Our film starts with a girl lounging by the pool at her home, minding her own business, while being observed by the ultimate representation of evil in a Wrong movie, a guy in a black hoodie. The girl eventually retreats into her home when she hears some sounds, and like every movie ever made, she yells out 'Hello? Is anybody there?' and like every movie ever made, nobody responds. Just one time I want somebody to say 'It's just me, the stalker killer. Just pretend I'm not here, won't be long'. Eventually she sees the hooded stalker killer and runs into her bedroom to hide under the bed. This also never works.
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| Amanda's Under the Bed Push Ups have done wonders for her Upper Body strength. |
Now our movie starts for real as we meet Becky the bookish dame (Cristine Prosperi), and her cheerleading bestie Jen (Kalen Bull). Becky has spent most of her high school years hitting those books but Jen thinks it's time for Becky to come out of her shell and try out for the cheer team, under the watchful, no-nonsense eye of coach Flynn (Vivica A. Fox). Coach Flynn takes her job and her girls VERY seriously so pity for the fool who steps out of line with Coach Flynn. At tryouts, which features more grown-ass women playing high school chicks than I think I've seen since a Bring it On movie, the majority of the girls trying out seem pretty terrible, except this one.
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| The pole Brittney ordered did not show up in time, so she just made do. |
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| She whips her hair back and forth. |
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| Okay, you just can't put a backpack on somebody and make them High School student. |
This would be Rob, (David Meza) who's like the grownest ass man to play a high school student I've seen since Luke Perry back on 90210. Rob congratulates Becky on making the team and Becky is liking what she's seeing. Then her bestie Jen and her boyfriend Chris force a pizza date for the two, Rob being on the football team with Chris and all, and it looks like love is in the air.
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| Not bad for a guy your age, Becky told the forty year old High School student. |
After a nice afternoon jog followed by some tennis lessons with Becky playing the age old 'Let me show you how to hold the racket' bit, these two totally start making out right there on the court. The two are now officially a couple and Becky has her very first boyfriend.
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| Seriously, yesterday she dressed like Ruth Bader Ginsburg. |
Things couldn't be going better for Becky. She has a boyfriend, and she's on the cheer squad just killing Coach Flynn's routines.
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| Bringing it on but hard! |
Sure she dresses a little trampy now and yes her grades have started slipping a bit, but she has a boyfriend people! But it's not long before the cracks start to show. First there's this dude.
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| It looks like he's looking up her skirt, but actually, a design student, he admiring triple the folded pleat. |
Becky dropped something at the Pizza joint and bent down to pick it up, and homeboy couldn't help but appreciate. Unfortunately this dude got a fistful of Rob for his wandering eye. Not to victim blame, but if Becky had bent at the knees instead of the waist, then Mr. Peeps over here wouldn't have had anything to look at, now would he? After Rob goes apeshit on this dude and has to be restrained, he apologizes to Becky for his behavior but he simply can't have anybody disrespecting his lady. While most everybody else saw this behavior as a bit unstable, Becky saw it as her man sticking up for her. Then it gets worse at 'football practice'.
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| Those aren't abs! THESE are abs! |
I had to put football practice in quotes because for a second I was getting excited that we we were going to witness some sport other than soccer or track. Like I said before, staging a football scene can be expensive as you need at least twenty people, equipment, uniforms, coaches...but no, they never made it out the locker room. Just a few shirtless dudes yelling at each other after Rob gets pissed at some perceived wrong some dude said about Becky and then immediately quits the team. No fake football for us.
Chris, Jen's boyfriend, tells Jen that Rob is crazy and she might want to let her bestie know. Jen tells Becky that 'Yo, Rob is crazy', but Becky ain't hearing it. In fact she accuses Jen of being jealous because Jen used to be Queen Bee, but now with Becky on the cheer team AND the fact she has a way hotter boyfriend, she just can't it stand it. Whoa Becky... slow your roll girl. I didn't think a teenage girl relationship could survive such harsh words, but they gonna be all right. In fact Becky, still looking out for her girl, does some sleuthing about Rob and his old school from a friend of hers and learns that he got kicked out for being abusive to his girlfriend. That girl hiding under the bed I assume. Meanwhile, Becky goes to visit Rob at his home and meets his dad. The World's Angriest man.
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| Either grab a rake, or get the hell out of here! |
He does not like Becky, even though he does not know Becky. He even advises Becky to leave his son alone because baby boy got issues. Rob eventually shows up and more cracks in his armor show as he goes off on Becky for showing up at his house unannounced, which isn't true, she just showed up early. Then Rob tries to rip into his father, but the World's Angriest Man doesn't play like that and gets within an inch of Rob's face and basically tells him 'I wish a MF would'. He does not. Instead he retreats to his room and does curls.
While doing these curls there are glamour pictures of Becky on the floor beneath him. It's uncomfortable. While these are obviously pictures from Cristine Prosperi's portfolio, but staying within the story, where did the bookish girl find time to take all these glamour photos? We will never know. Rob apologizes to Becky, explains to her that his dad has been a mean asshole ever since his alcoholic mom left, and the he himself is an alcoholic in recovery, though he hasn't had a drink in years. I mean he's supposed to a HS Senior so he was an alkie when he was twelve? Rob rights the ship long enough to even have dinner with Becky and her mom,
But even that kind of goes off the rails when mom asks Rob the ridiculously probing question 'What are your plans after high school'. Afterwards Mom says Rob seems like a nice guy, even after Becky tells her about the recovering alcoholism, but then Mom has to tell Becky the truth about her dead dad. Yes, he died in a car accident, like every parent in a wrong movie, but he was drunk when it happened because he too, was an alcoholic. Mind you, mom was telling Becky this story while downing a gallon of wine. And that scar on mom's face? Didn't get it in a skiing accident, nope, she got when her dad hit her mom on the head with some of the 'good china'. She made sure to mention it was the good china, because I guess the abuse would've been far less egregious had he caned her with the everyday Target flatware. Becky assures mom that Rob's not like that... until he is.
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| She whips her hair back and forth... with assistance this time. |
Amanda gives Becky the complete 411 about what Rob is all about, how he sought her out, her being young, shy and inexperienced, promised her the world, went nuts, didn't accept the breakup, stalked her then attacked her. We were relieved she wasn't dead, because she got away from him after being dragged out from under that bed. He then transferred to another school. He's bad news Becky, need to leave him be! Now Becky understands. Unfortunately, Rob was listening, as he has been throughout the entire movie, and he doesn't like people who spill the 411 on his ass.
Looks like Rob is finishing the job he started on poor Amanda, not that anybody cares because they informed us that Amanda was missing, pretty much everybody knows Rob is the reason why, but nobody brings up poor Amanda again. Besides, why is he messing with Amanda anyway? She's already spilled the beans, just let her work her crap job in peace. Now Rob is faced with sad truth that he cannot have Becky, and it's a truth that he's not ready to deal with, thus nobody can have Becky. First things first. Time to kidnap Becky's mom.
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| Mom' so wishes Rob had washed his hands before doing this. |
Now it's time to let Becky know that he has her mom and that he's gonna kill her if they can't be together. Or more accurately, he's gonna kill them anyway because he does realize that kidnapping your true love's mom is kind of a deal breaker. But here is where Becky flips the table, tells Rob that she does love him, never stopped, in fact she still carries that special flower he gave her, in her purse, and wants to show it to him. Don't fall for this okey-doke Rob! He fell for it.
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| Don't rub it in man! It just makes it worse... Uh... So I've heard. |
Rob gets his ass maced. The reason Becky even has mace in her purse is because her coach tells all her young ladies to carry around mace. Rob stumbles out of the car all f'd up, but his bad day isn't over yet. Because the coach who takes her job very seriously was keeping an eye on things.
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| That is the look of someone super dedicated to Pepper Spraying a MF |
Yep, Rob gets double maced. I don't know what the legal limit is on Pepper Spray leading to permanent blindness, but Rob has to have crossed that line. And even if that's not bad enough, he gets slapped with the catch phrase... 'I guess you messed with the Wrong Cheerleader!'. The cops come and take Rob away. For kidnapping I guess but not for murder because nobody knows or seems to care where poor Amanda's body is. Or even if she's dead for that matter.
Not quite done yet though!
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| Becky' Car |
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| Mom's Car |
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