The Wrong Tutor

The Wrong Tutor

In today's Wrong we are introduced to Eric (Nate Wyatt) who is the star of his high schools soccer ball team.   I know this because they tell me this repeatedly in this movie, though I never once saw Eric perform in a soccer ball game, though I did see him attempt to dribble a soccer ball at soccer ball practice.  Which was taking place on a small patch of grass in front of the high school walkway.  My assumption being the football players will not allow the soccer ball players on the field to practice.  I also know that Eric is a soccer ball star because he's coached by legendary Wrong Movie Soccer Ball Coach Jason-Shane Scott.  This is like third movie where he plays a soccer ball coach.  I have doubts about his soccer ball skills as well,  but I do understand the economics behind why the Wrong Movies uses soccer ball and track as their sports of choice.  Football and baseball are too expensive to stage, basketball is affordable to stage but really hard to fake if one doesn't know how to play, but running and soccer?  That you can fake.   I also know Eric is a star athlete because he wears a letter jacket that says VARSITY on it.  Busters don't get to wear a jacket like that.

Sadly, the budget ran out before they could fill
in the 'V' and 'Y' on the Varsity Jacket.

This is Eric, along with his girlfriend Jess (Li Eubanks) at one of these super lit high school parties they throw in the Wrong movies which feature rampant drinking, sex, and swimming... all sponsored by Solo Cups.  Last time we saw actress Li Eubanks in a Wrong Movie she got drunk, like she did in this one, also got carried to a bedroom, but instead of getting sexually assaulted like she was in that other movie, in this one she was  kissed on the forehead by her sweet boyfriend.  I am slightly concerned for actress Li Eubanks getting drunk at parties in real life, and it's all because of how she acts in 'Wrong' movies.

Problem is Eric had too much to drink that night as well and got busted by the Authorita on his way home and now poor Eric has lost his license and is on probation.  A little time has passed, Eric still can't drive but he has learned the errors of his ways and has turned his life completely around, not that his mom (Vivica A. Fox) gives a damn.

She constantly gives Eric the blues about his bad decision and HATES his hottie girlfriend because it's all her fault he drunk drives.  His dad is dead by the way, because of course he is.  He basically tells his mom to leave him the f@#k alone and get off his back, before running off to his room.  While that may work in the movies, I'm pretty sure actually speaking that way to Vivica A. Fox would get one yanked up by the short hairs.  Eric has a couple of other problems in his life beyond his angry mother, and one would be this chick spying on him during soccer ball practice.

She may be crazy, but Emily's matching phone to
Book Bag game is tight.

I wouldn't actually call it 'spying' because she's in plain sight and Eric can see her right there, but whatever, he's a soccer ball star so he's going to attract attention.  The other problem Eric has is math.  In that he's terrible at it.  

In this school 'F' actually stands for Fabulous Job!

Eric is so bad at math that Principle Jackee had to call him  into his office to let him know how phenomenally stupid he is and that his soccer ball scholarship is in grave danger if he doesn't turn it around.  

In case you were curious, her office door number is 227.

But here comes Emily (Ivy Matheson) to the rescue!  She's really good at math and because a mind is a terrible thing to waste, offers him some free tutoring.  While tutoring Eric learns about Emily's dad and how her mom abandoned her, but whatever... life goes on.  Plus the tutoring works raising Eric's math grade one full letter!  That would be from an 'F' to a 'D', but hey, it's progress!  Eric is so happy about this 'D' that he goes to a party where Emily pressures him to have a drink, which pisses off his current girlfriend observing that he's throwing his life away and she stomps off.  No worries, Emily is there to pick up the pieces.

Emily hasn't figured out that biting your partner's
lips is not a good kissing technique.

But Eric can't go through with it because he loves Jess and stuff.  

Emily hasn't figured out that picking your partner up
by his throat is a serious mood killer

This schlub made the mistake of propositioning Emily soon after Eric rejects her at this party, and  he was told if he comes close to her again, he will be a 'Dead Bitch'.  That was harsh.  Not just dead, not just a bitch, but a Dead Bitch.  Damn.  

Regardless, I'm pretty sure Emily doesn't accept Eric's rejection.

The murder of this tree was truly senseless

Emily's knife carving skills are amazing.

                      
In fact I know Emily doesn't accept this.

Despite her mad knife carving skills, she still needs work
cutting outside lines with the Xacto knife

Clearly Jess is standing in the way of Eric and Emily being one love, and she must be removed.  Earlier we saw Jess pull out an Epi-Pen in front of Emily, explaining to Em her allergy to bee stings and such. I figured that was too much information, but that's just me. To Emily this was an Easy Peasy Murder Plan!

                     

There's a lot to unpack in this sequence.  From Jess leaving her car door unlocked, to where in the hell did Emily find a small wasps nest and manage to put said wasps nest into a jar, to what Jess is wearing to school that day, which could very well be one of the reasons Eric's mom doesn't like her, to Jess opening the back door of her car to put in her book bag and NOT noticing her car was full of wasps.  Then there's the open jar just sitting there plain as day and the authorities coming to the conclusion that wasps just somehow got into her car.  Fortunately for Jess she didn't die from the wasp stings, just disabled bit.  Note I said wasps, not bees.  People automatically assumed it was bee stings, even Eric, but Emily knew it was wasps and now Eric has jumped to the conclusion, due to this knowledge, that Emily tried to kill Jess.  

That's crazy!  Says Eric's mom who has met Emily and she loves Emily, as opposed to his current tramp of a girlfriend.

Vivica showing Emily the proper way to make the O-Face.

Mom loves Emily so much that she was actively encouraging them to engage in carnal activities right there in her house.  For real.  Eric was like 'We gotta go!'  But Mom was like 'nah, I'm leaving for a couple days... house is all yours, do want you want!'.  That's not great mom behavior, even under ideal circumstances, but Emily is a homicidal maniac.  Oh, did I say homicidal?  Yeah, she stabbed this guy.

Emily is very unhappy that Chad's spleen fell onto her knife.

He was Emily's previous obsession, and Emily saw junior sleuth Jess talking to him, trying to get info about her, and she didn't like that.  By now Emily figures all Eric needs is a sample of that good thing to bring him around, so she sneaks into his house and crawls into his bed.

It didn't help that Eric JUST saw 'Get Out' last night.

Crazed killers crawling into one's bed, even hot ones, scared Eric and he threw her out.  Now Emily is completely unhappy with Eric.  She reports that he's been sexually harassing her which Principle Jackee and the Soccer Ball coach have to confront him on, then she plants some Oxy in his room and calls his mom to rat him and Jess out as pill addicts, which his mom totally believes because she hates Jess.  Eric's mom is the worst.  And once Eric and Jess heard about the dead dude, they know it's time to get to the bottom of whatever Emily is up to, and end this.

Despite their superior stealth skills, somehow everybody
can still see them.

They break into the house Emily claims she was staying at with her granny, find some pictures of Eric on her computer and decide it's time to turn her into the police.  For what, I don't know.  Unless Emily is squatting, the only people breaking the law at the moment are the two kids who just broke into her house, and having pictures of people on your computer isn't against the law, I don't think.  Emily finds them at her house and threatens them, while they promise to get her the help she needs, which she's not interested in getting.  Instead Emily just runs off and tells Eric and Jess to keep their heads on swivel, because when they least expect it, she's gonna gut them!

The End.  There is a throwaway scene at the end,  one year later,  of Emily sitting in another classroom I guess preparing to stalk another guy?  Personally, I don't think Emily should have this much trouble getting a boyfriend.  

I gotta admit that this wasn't the Wrong's best shot.  Fractured story elements aside, which is certainly a staple of the Wrong series, the main draw of the Wrong movies is the crazy person, and Emily just wasn't crazy enough.  She was strange and weird acting, it also helps that actress Ivy Matheson is like six inches taller than everybody else in the movie which did make her kind of scary, but there was no real path as to why she was so strange outside of a sentence she spoke referring to her mom abandoning her, as a child, for a young hot athlete.  While that's certainly not cool, I'm not sure it's enough to make somebody crazy.  I guess the logic being 'my mom left me to be with a hot athlete, so now I'm going to leave my sanity to be with hot athletes'  Take that mom!  Yes, she stabbed a guy to death but even that was completely out of left field for the character we were hanging around with, and the Wasp in a jar thing was some James Bond villain type nonsense.  Just cut her brake line or stab her too if you really need her gone.   

Other things missing were large hidden cameras placed in plain sight to spy on people, and quality male exploitation.  At no point did Eric do curls or sit ups or pull ups... nothing!  I think he took his shirt off only once and that was just to go to bed.  No, I don't want to see some dude do curls, but there is large part of the Wrong audience that does want to see this, and they were denied.  Even the well-formed grown-ass woman playing a high school chick exploitation was low.   We had our well formed grown ass women playing high school chicks on hand, but for some reason, director DeCouteau didn't feel the need to exploit them as usually does.  So not like David Decoteau.

And most egregiously, because we've come to expect it at this point, we didn't even get the catch phrase.  Nobody said, 'You're the Wrong Tutor!'  Admittedly, just typing that felt stupid, but that doesn't mean we should be denied it!    One Wrong!