The Wrong Wedding Planner

The Wrong Wedding Planner

Do you know what Caveat Emptor means?  I didn't until super unhelpful police officer Detective Jones (Vivica A. Fox) recited this Latin phrase to a concerned couple who realized that their Wedding planner was the Wrong Wedding Planner and was completely terrorizing them.  It means: the principle that the buyer alone is responsible for checking the quality and suitability of goods before a purchase is made. Or as Detective Jones told them after confusing them with Caveat Emptor, Buyer Beware.  The fake wedding planner would go on to murder two people after that Latin lesson, so thanks Detective Jones!

Our film starts with that reliable representation of evil in a Wrong movie, someone in a black hoodie lurking around a house, but this scene looks familiar to me....

The Wrong Wedding Planner

The Wrong Mommy

You watch enough of these movies in a compressed amount of time, you're going to occasionally notice stuff like this.  Gotta save money where you can I guess.

This person was just wandering through the house of newly engaged couple Ashley (Yan-Kay Crystal Lowe) and Brad (Steve Richard Harris), not stealing anything but moving pictures and stuff.  Our couple called the cops, the call answered by Detective Jones but she was more annoyed by these people more than anything else.

The next morning Ashley is off to a friends wedding, which Brad refuses to accompany his fiancé because Brad is the worst, but while there, Ashley had the good fortune of meeting Mandy (Kristin Booth), the lady who planned this wedding.

Mandy, the crazy one, at least knew how to 
dress for a wedding reception.

Mandy did an amazing job on this wedding, and since Ashley will be getting married soon she offers her services.  She did request that Ashley not tell her friend because it would it would give the appearance that she was drumming up business at her wedding which admittedly is not a great look.

So it's time to get work on this wedding!  First thing we see though is Mandy hiding in the trees waiting for Brad to leave for the morning.  Peculiar me thinks.

Mandy, while crazy, still enjoyed the smell of
fresh pine in the morning.

With Brad out of the way, Mandy and Ashley meet up in the house and have some solid conversations about how the wedding should go, which went pretty well until Mandy saw the picture of Brad and Ashley on the mantle.  It took all of Mandy's power to contain her crazy after glaring at that picture.

As Mandy was taught, when the crazy gets in your
eye, just rub it out.

Finally getting herself together after going to the bathroom and popping some Xanax mixed with Klonopin, with Ashley kind of noticing something slightly off about Mandy, time to get some more planning done.  Mandy, done with another successful day bamboozling Ashley, heads home to have some Photoshop fun.

It's no Call of Duty, but Decapitate the Bride is 
still a pretty fun game.

Another favorite of the Wrong series is the psycho finding a picture of their obsession with their S.O., removing the S.O's head and replacing it with a pic of their head.  I think a mastery of photoshop techniques is something that just innate in psychos.  Who knew?  Regardless, Ashley now trusts Mandy implicitly, and even gives her a key to the house so she can do something.  I can't remember exactly what it was, but I know she didn't need a key to the house to get it done.  What does a Wrong Psycho do when they have access to an empty house?  You what they do, they drop some hidden cameras!

Mandy drops this camera right in front of TV pointing at the bed of our couple.  Not sure what she was expecting to see by pointing it at their love chamber, but she saw what we all knew she would see, with her reaction being one of pure, unbridled anger.  Mandy is completely self-agitating herself.

I agree Mandy... Worst porno ever.

Finally it's time for Brad to meet the wedding planner, and as we all already knew, yes he knows Mandy.

Brad knew he had to play it cool, by looking on in
complete shock then running away.

Brad kind of freaks out when he sees Mandy and immediately excuses himself from the room which isn't lost on his fiancé.  Based on Brad's reaction, I'm wondering what their relationship was.  I mean did they used to run guns and drugs for the mob?  Did they become lovers while part of some undercover domestic terrorist cell?  Was Brad married to Mandy and then abandoned her and their eight kids then changed his identity?  I mean it can't be as simple as 'She's my crazy ex-girlfriend' because if that's it, he can just tell Ashley this when he first meets her and be done with this nonsense.  Movie over.    But guess what?  It's as simple as Mandy, or whatever her real name is, just being Brad's crazy ex-girlfriend.  That's it.

Despite this shocking revelation, Brad allows the wedding planning to continue!   Brad is the worst. This time it's to meet with the baker to choose a cake.  Brad should really be there, but he doesn't show up because he's actually working on a big merger for his boss Jackee Harry, and I would show you a screenshot of the two together but despite their conversations in allegedly the same room, the camera never caught the both of them together which has me thinking Jackee just emailed her scenes in.  Mostly he doesn't show up because he knows Mandy is going to be there and doesn't want anything to do with her.  But just so you don't think Brad is a total asshole, leaving his girlfriend alone with this psycho, he tails them and keeps an eye on the cake tasting by peeking around a corner.  Anyway, the cake tasting happens with the hot cake baker, and it seemed to go well.  That is until Ashley left and the Crazy just took over poor Mandy.  We should note that the baker is played by Wrong regular Gina Hiraizumi, who at some point Vivica should think about elevating to Psycho or lead victim status because of her hard work in the Wrong series.  I think she's paid her Wrong dues Miss Vivica.

A Toque Blanche.  That's what the fluffy hat on
her head is called.

I said Red Velvet!  Not Carrot!

Eventually Brad just confronts Mandy to find out what the hell is going on and what's her plan.

That goes about as well as you would expect with Mandy calling Ashley all kinds of dirty names and accusing Brad of abandoning their true love, while at the time trying to unbuckle his pants.  Mandy is crazy.  Probably time for Brad to let his fiancé know that their Wedding Planner is actually just his crazy ex-girlfriend.  He still does not do this.  Instead they go out to dinner with lady who got married earlier in the movie.

Richie's story on how he gets his hair to stand up
like that never gets old.

Ashley comes clean to her buddy, letting her know that she poached her wedding planner.  Brad's asshole immediately starts to tighten at the mention of this.   The bestie says it's all good because her wedding planner is the best!  I mean she even planned her mother's wedding to her father!  Oh snap!  Unless Mandy's ninety, she's been lying to Ashley all along and Ashley is PISSED!  She's gonna call Mandy right now and give her a piece of her mind but Brad finally comes clean and tells Ashley the truth.  Ashley isn't nearly as upset at this as I think she should be, and I mean find a new man upset, and she forgives Brad and simply asks him not to lie to her anymore.  Whatever.  Brad is the worst.

Mandy however is still on the Wedding plan job and is a little upset that Ashley isn't returning her calls.  She calls her so much that Ashley goes to talk to Detective Jones about Mandy's deception, where she gets hit in the face with Caveat Emptor.  While pretending to be a wedding planner is strange it isn't against the law.  So wait... I can't pretend to be a cop or a doctor, but I CAN pretend to be a wedding planner?  Our system of law is so broken.  Regardless, to no one's surprise, Detective Jones does nothing.  

Mandy is pretty worked up about now and leaves threatening voice mails, but again not enough to charge her with anything, and she's also hacked Ashley's laptop and is circulating some rather scandalous photos of her she found on the hard drive.  First sending them to the minister performing the ceremony, then to Boss Jackee and Brad's client list.

As far as desktop wallpaper goes, this is probably
not the most appropriate.

While Yan-Kay Crystal Lowe could easily pull off that lingerie look if she so chose, that's completely not her body in that lingerie.  Those aren't even deep fakes but kiddie pool shallow fakes, but for the sake of the story we're going to believe that's her.  These pictures get Brad fired from his job, and while you might ask why pictures of Brad's girlfriend wearing underwear cost him his job, apparently that was a moral clause written in his contract by Boss Jackee.  No emailing pictures of your girlfriend in her underwear.   Strange clause to have in one's contract.

Time to see Detective Jones Again!  Nothing she can do.  She does try to pay Mandy a visit, but alas she's gone.  See what I mean about Detective Jones?  

Since this is Wrong movie and the body count at the moment is Zero, it's time for Mandy to start killing people for no good reason.

Just not the face!

That's the Cake lady and Ashley was upset with the cake lady because she vouched for Mandy.  The cake lady explained she thought she was giving Mandy and her new business starter a break.  But for reasons I can't explain, Mandy breaks into her house and I guess stabbed her to death?  Or showed her the snakes of Medusa and turned her to stone?  It's unsure.  Nobody mentions her being dead or alive ever again.

Now it's time to change the locks, because, you know, Ashley gave Mandy a key like a dummy.

I'm a downtown lock guy looking for an uptown girl.

He does his simple gig and goes home.  Why are we following this random guy around?  Well for starters, this is a Wrong movie and we haven't had a shirtless dude doing curls yet.

I don't want to do this anymore than you want to watch me do it.

I guess Stephen Richard Harris was not interested in taking his shirt off and doing curls so they made this guy, actor Nathan Kehn do it.  Mad love for Nate, but he doesn't strike me as Curl guy.  I don't think that's his thing but I guess somebody had to do it.  Unfortunately after he does his curls, Mandy murders him in the shower.

Excuse me!  Wait your turn to use the shower
like everybody else!

She kills him so she could get his collection of keys and get back into the house, but this poor guy, just trying to do a simple job, doesn't even know Mandy, and now he's dead.  It also sets a disturbing precedent.  If a locksmith changes the locks at someone's house, does this mean they have a master key to every house of the locks they change?  I sure hope not.

Now that Mandy has the key she can finish what she started.  Whatever that was.

Now I lay you down... to DIE!!!  Too much?  Over the top?

You might be wondering where Brad is while his future bride is being assaulted, because it's not like has a job to go to.  He claims he will be out the house interviewing for a new job, but from what we've seen of Brad to this point, we have our doubts about anything that comes out of his mouth.  

So Mandy drags an unconscious Ashley upstairs and ties up while telling her all the terrible things she's going to do to her and Brad.  But she's unconscious and can't hear her.  Mandy is crazy.  Then Mandy jumps into the couples bed with the covers pulled over her head so when Brad finally makes it home and climbs into the bed, she jumps out, knife brandished, like a jack in the box.  It was hilarious.  There's a big face off between Brad and Mandy, with Brad telling Mandy that she needs help and Mandy actually agreeing with him on this.  Not that her acknowledgment of her own crazy is going to stop her from gutting this dude, but by this time Ashley has freed herself.  

I know it's a tiny knife, but it'll do you! Unless of course
there's a freak with a hammer behind me, but what are the chances?

.

I am curious why Mandy didn't just kill Ashley and be done with her, considering she murdered a completely innocent baker and locksmith, but she didn't, and as such takes a hammer to the back of the head.  And so ends the terror of the Wrong Wedding Planner.   Brad and Ashley call Detective Jones who rushes over with a deputy but when they get there, they find nothing but an open window.  Oh Detective Jones.  No worries though, Detective Jones assures Brad and Ashley to just get married and enjoy their lives because they are going to find Mandy and bring her to justice.  To Brad and Ashley, in regards to Detective Jones actually making this claim happen, all I have to say to that is Caveat Emptor.  

My Guess is that Ashley will be in a
Future film called The Wrong Husband

People were curious why a witch came
to the wedding, but not enough to ask.

                              

So if you watch the Hallmark Signed, Sealed and Delivered series of movies, you will quickly recognize Yan-Kay Crystal Lowe and Kristin Booth as best friends in that long running series, so it must have been a lot of fun to get the call from Vivica to make a movie where they were actively trying to kill each other.  

As we have often said, what makes or breaks a wrong movie is the crazy, and we're pleased to say that Kristin Booth, who has been doing this acting thing for decades now, was absolutely bonkers as Mandy.  Her laughs would turn to cackles, her smiles would turn to scowls then back to smiles, she murdered a cake then ate the cake she just murdered, she hid in trees, she hid in beds, she hid in bathrooms and her grip on her sanity was so tenuous that it was almost non-existent.  Why Ashley never saw this obvious loon in front of her is beyond me.

The rest of the movie was fairly typical for a Wrong, with it's nonsensical story lines, hidden cameras, crazies skulking around in black hoodies and some light TV-14 exploitation.  Plus Vivica had a much bigger role in this one as the completely un-helpful Detective Jones.  More Vivica is better Vivica in my book.  Admittedly we didn't care if Brad and Ashley actually got married because Brad was the actual worst, in fact we were probably Team Mandy for most of the movie, until she started killing innocent gig workers.  That was uncalled for.  Four Wrongs!