The Wrong Stepfather
The Wrong Stepfather
Our film opens with some lady driving into her garage, complaining about some dude who I assume is our Wrong Stepfather. Then the garage door opens up and we see him... A dude in a black hoodie. If at any time the filmmakers behind these movies wanted to make the hoodie mauve or psychedelic, I wouldn't be mad at them.
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| In Brightest Day, and Blackest Night, Evil will Always be in my sight! - Black Hoodie Oath |
She yells at this guy, tells him 'You will never be my son's Stepfather!', which is kind of a strange thing to yell at somebody, then he stabs her I think. TITLE CARD!
Before we begin, we want you to get a look at the true star of this movie, that being Sydney Malakeh, playing the role of nightmare of a daughter Sarah, and her extra high gloss lips.
There was not a single scene in this movie where her lips weren't glossy and bright. Those lips could literally guide Santa's sleigh.
Now our film can start, with two partially-grown ass women pretending to be teenagers in the gawdawful Sarah and her less terrible bestie Darby (Alaya Lee Walton) getting the business from Principle Higgins (Vivica A. Fox). I'm beginning think that if this acting thing didn't work out for Ms. Fox as well as it has, she would be a principle somewhere.
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| Vivica is thinking 'Why watch the Captive Nanny, when The Wrong Nanny will be coming very soon.' |
Whatever these two terrible teens did it had something to do with cyber bullying I think, made more unique in that this cyber bullying is happening on the school sanctioned cyber bully social media site called 'The Circle'. By the time Sarah's hot mom Karen (the legendary Krista Allen) shows up to give Sarah the Double Business, Principle Higgins and Karen, a teacher at this school, bemoan The Circle and how terrible it is. I think the theory behind this school sponsored social media site is similar to allowing your kids to do drugs in your house because at least that way you can keep an eye on them.
Later that night at dinner, Karen tries to deal with Sarah and warn her that she's on the wrong track. It looks like Sarah's dad walked out on the family a year or two ago and Sarah has been acting out ever since. Fortunately for Sarah, mom has a plan to save her, and that would be a college advisor she's met, and by chance is dating, who will be coming to the house to guide her. Sarah gets mad, says mean things and stomps out of the room because Sarah sucks.
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| Karen gave Sarah a dinner of leaves and water, to simulate the prison she will eventually end up at. |
The next day at school Sarah confronts her lit teacher Mr. Crain about a C she got on a paper, and she is super pissed off about this C.
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| And stop looking at my ass! |
However Mr. Crain makes a bunch of valid points, such as 'you have to back up your thesis', 'your work is inferior to your previous work', 'your writing is lazy' and 'no, you can't have a re-write because life doesn't work that way'. All valid points. She should be grateful she got a C if you ask me. All that does is make Sarah even madder. She stomps home and doesn't even get to meet Craig (Corin Nemec) who is there to help map out her future. When mom leaves the room to see what's wrong with her terrible daughter, Craig has a moment to get to work.
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| Mr. Crain just wanted advice on why a man in a Prius, wearing NB's, can't get a girlfriend. |
Craig let's Mr. Crain know that unless he changes that grade, he's gonna inform Vivica that he lost his college job for diddling his student assistants, and his teaching career will be donezo. You would think that the administration of this school would have that info already, but whatever. Besides, it works!
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| Just between me an you, this 'A' stands for 'Ass', which is what this paper is. But I'm being blackmailed, waddayagonnado? |
Is Sarah happy about getting an A on her crap paper? NO! SHE'S NOT! Now she wants to know the why and the who and the what behind this A. Jeez. Her mom tells her to just take the win and move on, but not Sarah. Meanwhile, Mr. Crain has done his own investigation into Craig and now he knows the truth! I'm not sure what this truth is, I think it has something with Mr. Crain finding out Craig is a murderer or something, but Mr. Crain decides to go to Craig's home and confront him on this. I'm not the brightest bulb in the box, but if I think somebody's a killer, I'm definitely not going to go into their house, after they let me in, and then accuse them of being a killer. Because, you know, they're a killer.
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| Or a blunt force trauma object. Your choice. |
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| Buddha... a harbinger of peace... |
In a sense, Mr. Crain's 'Death by Sitting Buddha' was pretty much a suicide.
Mr. Crain of course has a class to teach that next day, but apparently he left a note or something claiming the pressure was too much. More importantly Sarah and her bestie see some more terrible stuff posted about her on 'The Circle' and Sarah assumes her ex-boyfriend is responsible for these posts on this school sanctioned Cyber Bullying site.
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| Darby tries to reassure Sarah that it's just Lip Gloss jealously. That's all it is. |
If we haven't told you by now, Sarah is the absolute worst, and Sarah just can't have people posting stuff about her so she tracks down this ex-boyfriend of hers, he didn't post anything by the way, and slaps the shit out of him.
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| Look, I simply can't look directly into your lips. I'm sorry! |
This senseless act of violence on a defenseless teen by a psychopath forces Principle Vivica to suspend Sarah for three days, which will go on her permanent record and probably ruin her chances of getting into a decent college. No worries though! Craig's got her back.
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| Sarah refuses to sit down until he moves his hand. |
Craig tells her that School records aren't something that's engraved in stone. All he has to do is go into the system, delete a few things and viola, her record will be crystal clean. Does having a clean record after Sarah assaulted a poor kid at school for no reason make her happy? NO! IT DOES NOT! Now she has to get all up in Craig's biz, finding out stuff because Sarah obviously HATES people who do nice things for her. She tracks down some young lady who Craig had helped and starts grilling her.
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| Thanks for the offer Sarah, but I don't need any lip gloss, I like mine just fine the way they are. |
She tells her how Craig married her mom, helped her grades and whatnot, but eventually went crazy forcing mom and daughter to flee in the dead of night. Craig got the last laugh though and dropped a dime on this girls grade manipulation and got her kicked out of college, even though Craig was the one who manipulated the grades, which I think would eventually circle back to him, but whatever.
But despite Sarah sneaking around behind Craig's back trying to destroy him, my man is still out doing solids for her ungrateful ass.
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| Yeah right? I mean... her lips! |
This chick is Sarah's worst enemy, the main one posting horrible things about her lips on that school sanctioned Cyber Bullying site, and even now she's plotting something terrible to do to Sarah, but that's not gonna happen. Why? Because Craig had her murked! It was an off-screen murder because I guess killing high school kids on screen isn't very TV-14. Did having this constant thorn in her side permanently removed make Sarah happy? NO! IT DID NOT!
Now Sarah tries to tell anybody who will listen that Craig's a murderer. She tells her bestie, but her bestie thinks murder's a bit of a leap. She tries to tell her mom, but her mom knows her daughter is the worst, and besides, she loves this crazed killer. She tries to tell Vivica and Vivica all but head butts her out of her office. This leaves Sarah to do more research into Craig and she finds out some disturbing things. But unfortunately for her, Craig finds out that she finds out some disturbing things.
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| Because a Popular Italian Restaurant opened it's doors and nobody told him. |
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| Why is Craig Mean Mugging? |
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| If the eyes are the windows to the soul, that roofie container is burning a hole through mine right now. |
Now with mom out cold, time to murder her hateful daughter. It was never discussed why dad abandoned the family, but after hanging with Sarah for a while, I think we know why. I bet he even asked Karen to go with him and just leave Sarah behind.... but moms.
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| Just want to do a little head removal... I mean hair. Did I say head? I meant hair. |
Craig explains to Sarah how he killed everybody, and how her particular accident is gonna be a suicide due to her instability and depression. He also explains that it's always the kids who mess up his attempts to create the perfect family! The mothers love him but the kids.... To which I would suggest that Craig maybe start dating ladies without children? Or maybe find a woman, and instead of inheriting children, maybe just father his own? Just trying to help bruh. Anyway, Sarah tries to run and hide.
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| I know my lip gloss is under here somewhere... |
She hides under the bed which never works in any movie ever... except this one. Craig doesn't check under the bed and by the time he would've gotten around to it, Sarah's ex-boyfriend who she assaulted earlier came by to check on her, for reasons unknown, and helps Sarah by hitting Craig on the head with a crown, it's complicated, sending Craig sailing over the railing, twenty feet to his death!
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| Fortunately for Craig, his fall was broken by the concrete. |
Or not, because these psychos don't die in these movies anymore.
To wrap things up, Principle Vivica lets Karen and Sarah know that they found Mr. Crain in the trunk of his car, and they know Craig killed Sarah's enemy.
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| Dammit! She got into my lip gloss cabinet again! |
Vivica also tells us that the police will catch him very soon and she GUARANTEES them that Craig will never hurt another person ever again. How in the hell can she make that claim? There is not a lick of factual basis for that statement. What Vivica does tell them, which is a fact, more or less, is that Craig was....
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| I guess Parker Lewis really can't lose. |
The Wrong Stepfather falls in the category of being more of a regular Lifetime thriller than a Wrong Movie, in that it's just missing far too many Wrong elements. If I wanted to watch regular Lifetime movies I'd watch Psycho Granny or Stalked by my Doctor, but I'm not watching those, I'm watching a Wrong movie. Do I want to see some super fit dude do shirtless curls and push ups? Not particularly, but I expect to see it, and the people that watch these movies and want to see that, expect it as well. My grown ass women pretending to be teenagers? Truth of the matter is these kids are really almost teenagers. I guess director DeCoteau could legally exploit a nineteen year old girl lounging by the pool or running track in yoga pants, but then it gets icky and uncomfortable. That's why it's always preferable to have a 28 year old play a high school senior. And yes, a hidden microphone makes so much more sense, but I still prefer extra large Ring Stick Up Cams that people seem incapable of seeing. This is what I expect from my Wrong movies.
And Parker Lewis simply wasn't near crazy enough. He never really went off the handle in this movie, mostly staying calm and reserved in his crazy. In fact, I'm pretty much on team Craig. All he wanted was to be a good dad, but Sarah kept blocking that, because she's the worst. Yes, he killed some people, and murder is bad, I guess, but I don't think those people he killed are going to be missed really. So instead of completely hating on Craig, I hope he finally finds that perfect family he's looking for. Two Wrongs!
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