30 Days of Horrible Christmas Movies... Day Fourteen

I'll Be Home for Christmas (2016) - Hallmark Channel

Imagine you're James Brolin and for some strange reason you want to direct a crap Hallmark Christmas movie, but Hallmark won't let you do it.  Even though you'll cast yourself in it and even promised to rope in Mena Suvari to help out, but they still won't let you do it.  Then you bring out your trump card... "How about I let my wife sing a few Christmas songs in it?"  SCORE!!!  True enough I'll be Home for Christmas, with Barbara Streisand fronting the vocals, probably has the best selection of Christmas songs of any Hallmark movie ever... but at the end of the day it is still vomit worthy Hallmark Christmas movie, just maybe a little worse than usual.

Jack (Brolin) is in town during the holidays to attend a friends funeral and being an absolutely terrible person, Jack doesn't even think to pay a visit to his daughter Jackie (Suvari) and granddaughter Gracie (Giselle Eisenerg).  I mean this dude goes to visit his dead friends dog, but his not his baby girls.  What's up with that?

Clearly this guy needs some holiday redemption and that's what this movie is about.  Or is it?  You see there are a lot of things going in this movie.  Jack is an ex-cop who apparently didn't leave the force on the best terms, and he hasn't come terms with the death of wife either, then there's Jackie's blue blood boyfriend who is all stuck-up and stuff, unlike Jack's former cop protege Mike who's keeps it real and is sweet on Jackie, and of course little Gracie who keeps it all together.  Seriously, this kid is the focal point of the movie and I think she has the most dialog. Most of these movies have a cute kid and a wise old person?  Seven Year Old Gracie is both.

Thus with all of these things going on, I'll be Home for Christmas doesn't have a central plot.  It just has bits and pieces of every Hallmark style Christmas movie ever made.  There's an evil developer planning to shut down a homeless shelter, there's the Scroogy old dude who needs some little kid softening, we have a cold heroine who could stand some warming up, and all of this will come together, then fall completely apart, only to come together quite nicely at the end.  Personally, we like a more focused crap Hallmark movie to spend my time with.

That being said, it's still very vomit worthy.  Strong Christmas theme, lots of tired Christmassy plots, cute kid doubling as a wise old person, and most importantly... lots of Christmas songs, sung by Barbara Streisand.  That you cannot beat.


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