Saturday, December 3, 2016

30 Days of Horrible Christmas Movies... Day Six

A Christmas in Vermont (2016) - ION tv

Riley (Abagail Hawk) is moving up the corporate ladder crushing dreams and ruining lives while working for some evil acquisition firm run by Preston, as played by a semi-catatonic version of Chevy Chase.  Preston has a big assignment for Riley, go to Sadville Vermont right before Christmas and shut down this realities version of North Face, if North Face was under performing and made really lame clothes.  Seriously, you should've seen the stick figure designs they laid out for Riley.  Awful... just awful.

No problem for Riley who has big life plans for her career, but then she meets the people of Sadville, especially the guy badly running this company, Wyatt (David O'Donnell), and while they don't hit it off immediately... love is unavoidable.  And everything is wonderful as Riley works super hard to turn this sad company around, until the Wyatt and the employees of this pathetic company discover the real reason Riley is in town, that being to liquidate, layoff and shut it down.

Now everybody is sad in Sadville, especially Riley who failed to save the company, lost her future boyfriend... even though she already had one back home who really didn't do anything to deserve getting dumped... and she disobeyed her catatonic boss so she probably doesn't have a job.  It's a really bad situation.  Until out of the blue somebody comes along and fixes everything and makes everything okay!

The bottom line with Christmas in Vermont is that it's kind of terrible.  In fact, I fell asleep on it and had to pick it up the next day, which means I have to watch one and a half horrible Christmas movies today, and that doesn't bring me joy.  The movie moves way too slow, the plot is pulled out of the remedial class of the Hallmark Christmas Movie school, and Abagail Hawk and David O'Donnell couldn't generate enough heat to warm up a piece of toast.  And it had lots of original Christmas music backed by acoustic guitars.  Listen, unless its Lenny Kravitz unplugged or James Taylor... I hate acoustic guitars.  

But this movie did have a few things going for it, such as a lot of old people.  In fact the combined age of Chevy Chase, Howard Hessman and Morgan Fairchild is like 500, and believe me when I tell you, these vets of stage and screen brought their C+ games to these roles.  Most importantly, this movie was directed by one Fred Olen Ray.  Who is that you ask?  A giant among giants of B movie film directors.  It does seem Fred has attempted to reinvent himself in the last few years as he has quite a few of these horrible Christmas movies under his belt, but I'm more familiar with his other work, such as 'The Girl with the Sex-Ray Eyes', and 'Super Ninja Bikini Babes'.  One of the most amazing things about Fred Olen Ray is that he has career that spans 40 years and includes almost 150 directed films, and yet it still looks like he has no idea what he is doing.  That's awesome and that's worthy of subtracting a vomit.

 


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