30 Horrible Days of Christmas Movies... Day Twenty-Five

The  Nine Lives of Christmas (2014) - The Hallmark Channel

Okay, if this is a Christmas movie, then so are Die Hard, Good Fellas and Gremlins.  You know what?  I might very well watch those in the next three days and just arbitrarily stick the word 'Christmas' at the end of the title, since apparently that's all that's needed to qualify.

Zachary (Brandon Routh) is a mad hunky fireman who poses for fireman calendars, dates super models and doesn't believe in long term love because his parents are divorced.

Marilee (Kimberly Sustad) is an abnormally tall veterinarian student who totally believes in true love but being as busy as she is, trying to get out of school, time just doesn't allow for such tomfoolery.

Then one day Zachary rescues the cat Ambrose, and this cat has attached itself to the commit-a-phobe, but as it turns out Ambrose isn't so bad.  Would you believe that Marilee is paying her way through school by working at a pet store?  Now circumstance kind of thrusts these two together, and while it looks to us and everybody around them that they should be in some kind of relationship, because they are both tall and stuff, Zach is still not down with commitment and Marilee is far too busy.

Circumstance intervenes even further as Marilee finds herself evicted and jobless, the job part Zach feels a little responsible for, and needs a place to stay.  So happens Zach restores houses and is working on one at the moment, so he allows Marilee and her cat to move in with him and his cat.  At this point these two do everything together.  They shop together, eat together, exercise together, work on the house together... but they aren't together.  Even though everybody thinks they should be together.  But Zach isn't down with commitment and Marilee is too busy.  I get it already.

Until... of course... they aren't together.   Now they see what everybody sees, and that is that tall beautiful people completely belong together forever and always.

What can we say... not a lot of Christmas in this one.  There were decorations in the background in a few scenes, our non-couple did shop for a Christmas Tree,  I saw a Salvation Army Santa and some carolers, but except for the Christmas Tree scene, that other stuff was off in the periphery.  No cute kids to focus on, no wise old people dispensing knowledge unless you want to call Gregory Harrison a wise old person which I'm pretty sure he would balk at, and the musical score was decidedly non-christmassy.  Which reminds me that Marilee did have a discussion with Zach on why 'Christmassy' is a word.

Nope, what we have here is a pretty straight forward romance.  Not even a RomCom.  And I guess as a Romance this works.  For people who like that kind of thing.  Despite the fact that Brandon Routh is severely limited as an actor.  Look, I watch DC's Legends of Tomorrow every week and I love the guy in that, but then it plays to his strength as actor, which is one of detached bewilderment.  But here as the strapping, pick-up driving, home repairing, fireman?  Not really in my man's wheelhouse.  Early on his character had this model girlfriend he had to breakup with, and in the end he's standing on top of a firetruck declaring unending love Marilee... and both scenes were played with same exact tone of detached disinterest.  But hey, he's tall and good-looking, which I'm thinking is the main thing this role required from it's male lead.

Again, not very Christmassy... totally a word... but oddly enough, still made me throw up in my mouth quite a few times during its running time.  Tomorrow we very well may do that Holiday Classic... A Die-Hard Christmas.  Why not?




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