30 Days of Horrible Christmas Movies... Day Nineteen

Snow (2004) - ABC Family

It's a week before Christmas and Nick (Tom Cavanagh) is a little nervous because it's his first year as Santa, but gosh darn, Buddy his reindeer has run off and been captured by the big game hunter Buck (Patrick Fabian).  Now Christmas is in trouble because the sleigh won't fly with only seven reindeer, and the scurrilous Buck has sold this reindeer to a local zoo run by the cute as button zoo keeper Sandy (Ashley Williams).

Now the extremely awkward Nick has to travel to this town to bring his wayward reindeer back to the North Pole, and also teach it to fly because this is Buddy's first Christmas as well.  While all kinds of shenanigans and mayhem and chaos are taking place, including Buck's plan to sell off Buddy to be slaughtered by another big game hunter, what Nick didn't plan on was falling in love and finding his Mrs. Claus.  Awww....  look at Nick show Sandy around his North Pole workshop... while Buddy is back wherever this movie takes place literally running for his very life while getting pelted with tranq darts.  Christmas is screwed.

So... If you watch The Flash, you are familiar with the work of Tom Cavanagh where he has played three versions of the same character.  One version is cold and evil, the other version is dickish, and the current version, as of this writing because there will probably be a new version of Harrison Wells every year, is awkward and fast talking.  I think that may be Mr. Cavanagh's natural acting style because you will get a lot of that from my man here in this movie, and it becomes mighty annoying mighty fast.  Don't get me wrong because we like Tom Cavanagh as an actor, but if at any time he wants to complete a full sentence without stuttering or self-repeating, we wouldn't have been mad at him.

There are some other things in Snow that might upset the Santa Purist in you, such as Tom Cavanagh weighing in at around 160 pounds, which isn't very jolly, Santa's ability to travel inter-dimensionally using mirrors, he has no elves to make his toys and the fact that being Santa is the result of long standing family curse.  But as we established earlier in another one of these terrible movies, Santa's not real so you can do whatever you want with him.  You hear me Mall of America Black Santa protesters?  He's not real!

Other things that may bother you about Snow might be Buck and his rapey tendencies, as he is constantly harassing poor Sandy in an attempt to stalk himself into her heart.  Experience tells me that never works.  And nobody knocks when they enter a room in this movie.  Seriously, no sense of privacy or personal space.  I don't think ABC Family ever did get the hang of the whole 'Family Christmas Movie' thing.

We did like the fact that Snow was a pure Christmas movie, and one that thought outside the box a little bit.  It had a cute kid... kind of... a couple of old people though they didn't give out much sage advice, a few Christmas songs here and there and Cavanagh and Ashley Williams have eyes that are super blue.  It was like a contest to see whose eyes could be the bluest at any given time.  Not the most traditionally predictable Christmas movie around, which means it's kind of low on the vomit scale.



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