Monday, December 12, 2016

30 Days of Horrible Christmas Movies... Day Fifteen

Christmas Cookies (2016) - Hallmark

Hannah (Jill Wagner) is a NYC executive of some sort who doesn't love Christmas.  Her super serious boss is giving her a career making opportunity, that being going to the city of Cookie Jar and closing the deal of her company's acquisition of the flailing Sally's Cookies.

Problem is when she gets there, and meets the charmingly handsome Jake (Wes Brown) who is currently running the company into the dirt, he doesn't want to sign the deal, which Hannah thought was already a lock.  Even though the deal has generous severance for the employees and a sweet separation package for Jake, the deal requires the company move from Cookie Jar to Buffalo, and Jake just can't have that as the City of Cookie Jar just isn't the same without the rock that is Sally's Cookies.  I mean the city is named Cookie Jar for goodness sake.

All Hannah wants to do is sign this deal and head back to NYC to be with her Wall Street boyfriend, who really seems like a nice guy... even though we all know full well he won't have no woman by the end of this movie... but Jake makes her stay a few extra days while he mulls over the deal, which forces Hannah to interact with the ridiculously wonderful people of Cookie Jar who just melt her heart.  Truth be told, Hannah's heart was already pretty darned buttery soft when this thing started, since our filmmakers clearly didn't want make her too much of a shrew.

Love blooms... love is lost.  Mainly because Hannah's boyfriend makes an appearance in Cookie Jar wondering why the hell his woman won't return his calls.  I was wondering that too, quite honestly.  The company is also lost, which means Cookie Jar is lost.  Until it's not.  Yay.

So this movie opens with 'That's What Christmas Means to Me' by Stevie Wonder.  That's insanely awesome.  One of the five best Christmas songs ever.  After that joy the vomiting begins in earnest.  'Christmas Cookies' is almost identical to 'Christmas in Vermont' which we saw early in this foolish assignment, just with arguably better looking people, and it follows our Hallmark Christmas movie checklist to a fault.

Hardened heroine in need of softening?  Check... kind of.  Hannah told us she was strictly business, but Jill Wagner was really sweet throughout this whole movie.  Wise old person?  That would be Inn owner Betty who was full of sage advice.  Impossibly cute kid?  Try to listen to little Bonnie sing 'Ol' Christmas Tree' and not well up... or barf.  Failing company in need of a last minute rescue?  Check.  Even though I'm thinking Sally's will be insolvent in six months based on their inadequate rescue plan.  And tons and tons of canned Christmas music.  None of it as awesome as 'That's What Christmas Means to Me'.

But unlike 'Christmas in Vermont' this particular exercise in sameness was far more watchable.  It helps to have Jill Wagner as your lead who we've enjoyed watching ever since was trying to sell me Mercury's in the early aughts, but overall it was less terrible than a 'Christmas in Vermont', but still very vomit worthy.

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