Saturday, December 17, 2016

30 Days of Horrible Christmas Movies... Day Twenty

The Christmas Consultant (2012) - Lifetime

 The Hoff.  Really... do we need to continue on?  Do we need to say anything more than those two simple words?  Simply by saying... The Hoff... you know already that we are in for a high quality TV Movie watching experience.  Unless, of course, you do not care for David Hasselhoff... which is almost like not liking baby Jesus... but I know there are some of you out there, despite the fact The Hoff unleashes all of his tools in this one.

Maya (Caroline Rhea) and Jack (Barclay Hope) are a couple of super hard working suburbanites struggling mightily to hold down their demanding jobs, raise their three kids, handle their troublesome in-laws, and do all of this with Christmas barely a week away.  Idea!  Let's hire Christmas Consultant Owen (Hasselhoff) who will do all the Christmas planning, decorating, cooking, arranging, shopping and anything else Christmas related you can think of.

Maya was a little hesitant at first, but once she sees Owen jump into action she will not regret this decision, until she does regret it, until she regrets regretting it.  Thing is Owen is really good at his job.  So good that Maya is starting to feel a bit unwanted, even though she's way too busy trying to do her advertising job to pay any kind of attention to her kids.  Maya's resentment towards Owen's awesomeness grows, and grows until it explodes on Christmas eve in a way, quite honestly that had me 1) fearing for Owen's very life, 2) charges should've been file against Maya immediately 3) Maya should not be allowed to be part of this family ever again.    But of course none of that 'reality' stuff happens.  As we close out everybody's happy, we learn Owen's deep dark secret which anybody watching this will figure out almost immediately, and there's joy to the world.  And a dance number.  Kind of.

Is 'The Christmas Consultant' terrible?  Of course it is silly!  But The Hoff just makes it a little less terrible.  As we said earlier, Actor / Singer / Dancer David Hasselhoff pulled out all  his skills for this one.  His manic energy kept the story forcefully moving forward, his comedic timing made tired jokes slightly less tired, we were never too far away from The Hoff singing a Christmas Carol and he even danced a little at the end.   There are other actors doing stuff in this movie too.

It's is also very vomit worthy.  Cute kids falling off the wall, the story of the overworked mom was very well worn, though the angle of the Christmas Planner taking over was semi-original, lot's of Christmas music... though most of it was sung by The Hoff, and it has a wise old person delivering sage advice.  uh.. that was ALSO David Hasselhoff.  And while this movie isn't Five Vomit Worthy, there were two music numbers that included an acoustic guitar which were kind of terrible.

But The Hoff doing Christmas?  We call that winning where I come from.

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